(I am sitting in a social committee meeting with some coworkers, discussing company tickets to a baseball game. We recently sent out the company-wide invitation to sign up for free tickets. Note that I am the only person in the meeting who is not a supervisor. While we are discussing this, I have my laptop open, and see that I have an email about the tickets, so I read it to the group.)

Me: *reading the email from an employee I barely see* “Are the tickets general admission?”

Supervisor #1: “Is that [Employee]?”

(Everyone stops to look at her in surprise.)

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Supervisor #2: “How did you know?”

Supervisor #1: “She’s in my department. She sells everything she gets from our company. Tickets, prizes, shirts. One time I got a call from HR because she had posted free tickets from the company on our own classifieds page!”

Supervisor #3: “What? Not even on Craigslist?”

Supervisor #1: “I also sometimes see her wearing clothes from the company store that still have the price tag hanging off them. I tell her about the tag and then she tapes it to her arm so it doesn’t flap around. Then she brags about how she just returns the clothes later! She does it with Kohl’s and Amazon, too. An $8 t-shirt from Kohl’s!”

Supervisor #2: “That’s crazy! It doesn’t seem worth it.”

Supervisor #3: “I see her in t-shirts and jeans a lot around the office, and flip-flops, too. Is she allowed to do that?”

Supervisor #1: “Nope. I have to talk to her about that all the time, but she just doesn’t care. You know, I’ve even heard her coaching her sister on how to keep price tags on purses so they can return them later. They’ll buy Coach bags, fly to Germany for Oktoberfest, then come back and return them! She also brags about taking expired coupons and waving them in cashiers’ faces and screaming at them so they’ll give her the discount just to get rid of her.”

(We were all greatly entertained by this gossip, but we were also horrified by how willing the employee was to share information about this dishonest behavior with her boss!)

(I work in a store that carries all sorts of things, but not always what people are hoping for. Generally people check with us, and thank us for helping even if we don’t have what they are looking for.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have umbrellas?”

Me: “Umbrellas? No, I haven’t seen any since I started working here.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, we’re all going to look, anyway!”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Do you say hello to every customer like that?”

Me: “Yes! Of course.”

Customer: “That’s really nice! I never say hello back, but it is so nice that you say it!”

Coworker #1: “Do you still have the single-hole puncher? The handheld one?”

Me: “No, sorry. It was defective, remember? Why?”

Coworker #1: *holds up her plastic badge sleeve and a miniature quilted wallet* “Well, see, I want to put a hole through this—” *the plastic sleeve* “—and this—” *the cloth wallet* “—so I can have them together on my lanyard. Wouldn’t that be so convenient?”

Coworker #2: “We already tried it with the three-hole puncher.”

Me: *dumbfounded but trying to be polite* “I don’t think you can put a hole in the cloth with a paper hole puncher.”

Coworker #1: *disappointed* “Oh…”

Coworker #2: *seeing my big three-hole puncher* “Oh, here’s a strong one, over here!”

Me: “I don’t think it will work. The hole puncher isn’t sharp. It just pounds out holes in paper.”

(They went away, but I can’t help but wonder how much of their work day they had already put into trying to use hole punchers on a thick cloth wallet.)

(We offer half-price appetizers if they’re ordered after eight, but they are not half-price if they just pay after eight. A server brings the check to a table at 9:15.)

Guest: “This isn’t showing up half-price.”

Server: “If I rang it in before eight, it’s not part of the half-price apps deal.”

Guest: “Well, I was here after eight, so there’s no way it could have been rung in before then.”

(The server comes to me and asks what to do.)

Me: “If it’s rung in after eight, the discount automatically comes off.”

(The server goes back to the table to tell her that, and I go to the kitchen to grab the ticket with the printed time, take it to the manager, and let him handle it from here. The server comes back and says the woman insists she was there after eight.)

Manager: “Hi, we would be happy to discount this to half-price tonight, but I just wanted to let you know, it only counts if you order it after eight.”

Guest: “Well, I know for a fact I wasn’t here until after eight.”

Manager: “Ma’am, the ticket went back to the kitchen at 7:53.” *shows her the ticket*

Customer: “Well… I was at a funeral! You’re all so insensitive! And I received that stupid appetizer after eight, so that should count for something!”

(We will definitely remember her.)