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You Can Tell Them Two Times Or Five Times, But It Makes No Difference

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Read_lots | November 22, 2022

I work in a small store that specializes in pet supplies. There are three locations that all sell more or less the same items. One of the things we sell is birdseed. It comes in jugs or bags. The bag is more than double the volume of the jug but less than $5 more in price.

We receive eight jugs and two bags of birdseed today, and my colleague calls a customer who requested that we put some aside for her. He has to leave a voicemail, as the customer doesn’t answer her phone.

About an hour after my colleague leaves for the day, I receive a call from the customer’s husband.

Me: “We received our shipment today, and we wanted to confirm that you wanted four jugs. Is that still the case? You’d save money by purchasing the bag, instead.”

Husband: “Can we get five jugs? I didn’t save my jug the last time; I recycled it. Can it be delivered tomorrow along with our food?”

Me: “I can certainly do that, but are you sure that’s what you want? If you buy two bags, you’re saving money and have roughly the same amount of birdseed. I can send you whatever you’d like. The food is ready to go—”

Husband: “I don’t have the jug anymore. What’s the price difference?”

I explain all the math — price savings as well as product volume. I state that I can send two bags tomorrow as that’s what I have to sell him.

Husband: “Oh! I’ll take five bags, then.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have two bags physically here in the store that I can sell you if you want them all tomorrow.”

Husband: “Okay! I’ll take three bags, then! That and the dog food.”

I mentally hit my head on the counter.

Me: “Sure. I’ll send you three bags. Your total for the three bags and food comes to [amount]. If you’re all set, I’ll charge the card on file, and my driver will see you tomorrow sometime.”

Husband: “Oh, yes. The credit card. Do you have my wife’s card?”

Me: “Yes. It’s on file. I’ll charge it later today, and she will receive an email receipt.”

Husband: “Wonderful! We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Me: “Have a great day!”

I called the location closest to the customer’s address. Luckily, they had a couple of bags come in, so they were able to supply the missing bag.

Why is it so hard for people to actually listen to what you tell them?!

Two-For-One Plus Four Years Of School Equals Zero Clue

, , , , , , , | Related | November 5, 2022

My son just graduated college and is living and working at home. I’m working from home when my son comes into my office.

Son: “Hi, Dad! I have a question for you.”

Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

Son: “[Girlfriend] and I are going mini-golfing tonight. We have two options: there’s an online deal for two players for the price of one, which is $12. Or we can just go and pay the regular price, which is $7 each. What’s the better deal?”

Me: “Okay, let’s do some math here. What’s seven times two?”

Son: “Fourteen.”

Me: “Right. And what’s twelve times one?”

Son: “Twelve.”

Me: “Good. And what’s larger, twelve or fourteen?”

Son: “Fourteen.”

Me: “Okay. So, what’s your goal here, to save some money or to give them more money?”

Son: “Save my money.”

Me: “Okay. So, since we know twelve is smaller than fourteen, what’s the best option to save money?”

Son: “The two-for-one deal.”

Me: “Yes.”

Son: “Well, thanks, Dad. I appreciate your help.”

Me: “Serious question, was this a troll attempt?”

Son: “No.”

He shows me a text thread where he and his girlfriend are struggling to figure out which is cheaper.

Me: “You’re never living this one down.”

Son: “Living what down?”

Me: “That after four years of college, you still have to ask your dad for help with elementary-school-level math.”

Son: “Oh.”

Should Be Paying Half As Much For Schooling

, , , , , , , | Right | October 24, 2022

I am checking out a young man who seems to be with his parents.

Young Man: “That item rang up wrong. It’s 50% off.”

Me: “Yes, sir. The normal price is $4, and they’re ringing up for $2.”

Young Man: “No, 50% off would be $1.50. Someone screwed up.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but half of four is two.”

Young Man: “Who said anything about half?! It’s 50%! You half it and then take off fifty!”

Me: “That’s… not how it works at all. 50% is half. You halve the price and that’s it.”

Young Man: “You can’t do math.”

I hold up four fingers.

Me: “Here is four. Half of this is…”

I drop two fingers.

Me: “Therefore, the price is correct.”

Young Man: “Well, then you should just say half off! None of this percentage crap.”

Finally, the young man’s father speaks up.

Father: “Why did we spend all that money on private school when this girl just schooled you for free?!”

They accepted the correct price for their items.

A Business Owner Should Really Be Better With Math

, , , , , , , | Working | CREDIT: TioBaldicia | October 20, 2022

I sell baked goods to a local coffee shop. I have been doing it for over a year. They recently got a new owner and they are trying to make some changes.

The new owner has made some questionable choices already, but it’s really none of my business. I just show up a few times a week and drop off various items for them to sell. At the end of the week, I drop off an invoice, and they pay me. All is well.

For a while, I was bringing a cake each week. Each cake is pre-sliced so the staff has no work to do. A couple of relevant details: one, the cakes always sell out, and two, the cakes have the highest margin for [Owner]. I sell her a cake that is twelve servings for $40, and she sells it for $5.25 a slice, so she makes about $1.90 per serving. For most of the other items, she is only making $0.85 to $1.00 per serving.

One day:

Owner: “Stop bringing the cakes. They’re too expensive.”

Me: “Okay.”

Instead, I’ve been bringing cupcakes. I bring twelve of them and I charge her $3.15 each. They sell for $4.00 a piece, so now she only makes $0.85 a serving.

No cakes, though, so she is happy!

Bad At Writing, Worse With Numbers

, , , | Right | October 20, 2022

Our client has been hiring us for several years to type her books for her. (They are awful stories and never get published, so she has to pay a vanity publisher.) When we send her draft manuscripts, she usually makes handwritten alterations before sending them back. However, today’s call was the best.

Client: “Thank you for the copy of the book, but I’m in a terrible mess. I’ve made lots of alterations, but the pages are now out of order and I don’t know which pages should go where.”

Me: “Have you made the alterations to the manuscript we provided to you?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, it has page numbers.”

Client: “Yes, but I don’t know which page numbers should go where.”

Me: “Okay, which is the first page you’re not sure of?”

Client: “Page twenty-nine.”

Me: “Okay, can you find pages twenty-eight and thirty?”

I hear a few seconds of shuffling paper.

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Page twenty-nine goes between twenty-eight and thirty.”

Client: “Are you sure?”