Unable To Produce An Answer

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2020

(Our phone system is not working, so all of the phone calls are being redirected to our desk instead of the usual switchboard location. I have a customer calling about an inquiry.)

Customer: “Do you have watermelons?”

Me: “Yes, we do. We have lots. I think they’re on sale this week.”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “They’re [total].”

Customer: “And how much do they weigh?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, but the price isn’t by weight but by quantity.”

Customer: “Yes, but how much do they weigh? Approximately how much do they weigh?”

Me: “I… I’m not sure. They’re all different weights because it isn’t by weight, but by quantity.”

Customer: “But how much do they weigh?!”

Me: *pause* “One moment while I transfer you to produce.”

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Short By One Dollar, And A Lot More Brain Cells

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2020

(A girl has ordered a shake which costs $3.13. She gives me a five-dollar bill.)

Me: *to myself* “Okay, that’s $1.87.”

(I smile and hand the girl her change. She takes the money and counts it, and then she looks at me and says, rudely, I might add:)

Customer: “You need to give me another dollar.”

Me: “Umm… No, I gave you the correct amount.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. I gave you a $5 bill. So you need to give me another dollar.” 

(One of my coworkers comes by and asks what’s happening.)

Me: “She paid with a—”

Customer: “I gave her a $5 bill. And she forgot to give me another dollar.”

(My coworker looks on our screen to see how much she paid.)

Coworker: “That looks right… but just in case.”

(He then pulls out his phone and calculates it. It is correct. He flashes his phone to her.)

Customer: “Oh.”

(Then, she walked away. No apology. No thank-you. Nothing. I don’t know if she was trying to short me or was stupid, but either way, wow.)

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Science Flu Right Over Their Head

, , , , , | Healthy | March 6, 2020

Nurse: *to a patient* “Do you want a flu shot while you’re here?”

Patient: “No, I don’t get flu shots.”

Nurse: “Oh. Have you had an adverse reaction to them?”

Patient: “No. Vaccines cause cancer. I know that because I’ve been to Japan. People there aren’t vaccinated, and no one gets cancer in Japan.”

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Mathemoronics

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2020

A customer comes to my line with a buggy full of groceries. Before starting the transaction, she asks me to check the price of one of our seasonal toys.

Customer:
“Can you check the price on this for me?”

Me:
“Sure.” *Scans item* “Looks like it’s two for $10. So… $5.”

Customer:
“Okay. That’s fine.”

As I continue her transaction, her husband walks up to her holding the same toy. 

Husband:
“It said it was two for $10 over there, so that makes it what?”

The husband pauses to do the math in his head for a surprisingly long time.

Husband:
“$7.50 apiece.”

I have to turn away because I can’t help but laugh and I don’t want the customer to think I am being rude.

Customer:
“Uh, no, honey. They’re $5.”

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At Least They’re Not An Anti-Vaxxer

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2020

(I work at an animal shelter that has a low-cost spay/neuter clinic to the public. We also offer cheaper surgeries for people who are getting feral cat colonies fixed. It’s $20 for males and $25 for females. They include two vaccines as well as the surgery. This lady brings in four ferals for surgery, and we remind her of the costs and we have them pay at pickup so we know the sexes of the cats. She ends up with three males and one female, so a total of $85. We have to itemize the charges when we make the receipt, so it’s broken down to $5 for each of the neuters, $10 for her spay, $8 for each rabies shot, and $7 for the feline combo shot. She comes to pick up and I tell her $85, so she hands me her card and notices my itemized list on her paperwork. She asks if she can take a look and I hand it over. She then freaks out.)

Client: “You didn’t tell me the vaccines were extra!”

Me: “They’re not. It’s a package, all for 20/25.”

Client: “No! You wrote right here! Charging me an extra $32 for their rabies and $28 for the combo shots! Why am I being charged so much?! You said it was only 20/25 for their surgeries!”

Me: “But that’s what you are being charged for—”

Client: “No, I’m not! You have it right here extra for the vaccines!”

Me: “Ma’am… It’s not extra. The two vaccines are included in the cost.”

Client: “NO, THEY’RE NOT!”

(I then had to bring out my calculator and show her that 20+20+20+25=85, as well as that $15 for her three neuters, plus $10 for her spay, plus $32 for her four rabies, plus $28 for the combo shot still equaled $85. She then reluctantly paid the $85, took her cats, and left. I hate math.)

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