He Wasn’t In The Upper Sixtieth Percentile Of His Math Class

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a national arts and crafts retailer with an expansive framing department. Because of this, frame sales are run by individual collection, not style. A man and his wife approach the register with a pair of frames.)

Customer: “Now, the sign back there said, ‘Buy one, get one free.’”

(I ring them both, and they come up as on sale, but not BOGO.)

Me: “Actually, sir, these aren’t the collection we’re running buy-one-get-one on. They are on sale, though.”

Customer: “What? Can you double-check?”

(I do a quick price check, and they actually come up at 60% off each.)

Me: “Well, you’re in luck, sir; you’re actually going to get more off this way than if they were BOGO.”

Customer: “But they’re not buy-one-get-one?”

Me: “Well, no, sir, but they’re 60% off.”

Customer: “But that’s not what the sign says.”

Me: “I know, sir, but buy-one-get-one comes out to 50% off each, and these are on sale for 60% off each.”

Customer: “The sign says buy one get one free.”

(The customer’s wife starts to snicker.)

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir.”

Customer: “I just want to pay what the sign says.”

Me: “Sir, you’ll pay more that way. Two 60%-off totals is more off than one full price and one free. There’s a 20% difference—”

Customer: “But the signs says—”

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “[Customer], just pay for them.”

(The man grudgingly paid. His wife, now tearing up from laughing, winked and waved at me on the way out the door. He proceeded to rant loudly about “what the sign said” the whole way to the parking lot. I’m sorry you saved $4?)

When Science Socks It To You!

, , , , | Learning | October 10, 2017

(The class is entering their science period.)

Teacher: *bursting through the doors* “EVERYBODY OUT! I’VE BURNT A SOCK IN THE MICROWAVE!”

Entire Class: “What?”

Teacher: *waving us out* “Go, go!”

(A noticeable stench is wafting out of the classroom. The entire class follows the teacher.)

Me: *whispering to my friends* “How did she burn a sock in the microwave?”

(We ended up staying in the garden for the next hour or so. Ever since, that room has always smelled a little bit like burnt burritos.)

Yes Over-Age, No Under-Standing

, , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

(It’s legal to purchase alcohol from the age of 18 in the UK. I am at my local liquor store purchasing a few drinks for a party later on that evening. I’m at the counter, which is being manned by a woman I’ve never seen before.)

Cashier: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Me: *hands over ID*

Cashier: “I can’t sell you these.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “This ID says you were born in 1989. That means you’re too young.”

Me: “It’s 2011.”

Cashier: “…”

Me: “I’m 21.”

Cashier: “No. Because you add twenty and take one. That means you’re too young.”

Me: “I… what?”

Cashier: *shrugging* “Kids today don’t know anything.”

Me: “But, you add twenty? Add twenty to what?”

Cashier: “Right, so 1989 add 10 is 1999, then adding another 10 makes it 2009.”

Me: “And then take one?”

Cashier: “From how old you’d be.”

(I take a second to double check what I’ve just calculated, as I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.)

Me: “That would make me 18.”

Cashier: “Exactly!”

Me: “And still legally allowed to buy alcohol.”

(The woman stared at me for a second before putting on a strange expression, almost like she had shut down. Eventually the owner appeared after several other customers, upon seeing my ID, tried convincing her that I was in fact 21. He put through my purchase and I left swiftly after. The woman doesn’t work there anymore, but now every till has a small whiteboard next to it with whatever date it was 18 years ago and “CAN BUY ALCOHOL IF BIRTHDAY IS BEFORE:” above it.)

Slowly Getting It, One Quarter At A Time

, , , , , , | Working | October 4, 2017

(I have just ordered a meal at a fast food restaurant, and my bill comes to $4.15. I have a $5 bill and I do not want a fist full of change, so I offer the cashier a quarter and the five. She looks at me blankly.)

Cashier: “That’s too much. I just need the five.”

Me: “Can you just give me the change?”

Cashier: “I can give you change for the five. I don’t need the quarter.”

Me: “I really don’t want all that change, if you don’t mind.”

Cashier: “Uh, I don’t know if I can do that.”

Me: “Just give me a dollar and a dime.”

Cashier: “I’ll have to check with the manager about this. It doesn’t look right.”

(Summons the manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “The bill is $4.15. I gave the cashier $5.25, but she doesn’t know how to make change for it.”

Manager: “We just need the five. You get 85 cents change.”

Me: “I’d prefer to not have all that change. Just give me a dollar and a dime.”

Manager: “Listen, bud. We get scammers in here all the time. If you don’t want to pay, I’ll call the cops.”

Me: *surrenders* “That won’t be necessary. I’ll just take the change.”

Manager: “Ring him up.”

(I give the cashier $5, she gives me three quarters and a dime change. I pocket the dime and pull out my quarter.)

Me: “Can I get a dollar bill for these four quarters?”

Manager: “Sure! We can always use the quarters!”

The Science Of Poetry

, , , | Related | September 30, 2017

(I am talking to my 16-year-old cousin, about physics.)

Cousin: “Really? Scientists found the most common and mysterious substance in the universe, and just called it ‘Dark Matter’?”

Me: “Yep. That’s what happens when scientists name things instead of poets.”

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