It is the day of the April 8, 2024, solar eclipse in the USA. I’m watching it with a friend.

Friend: “So, what’s blocking the sun?”

Me: “…the moon, [Friend]. It’s the moon that’s blocking the sun.”

Friend: “Why are you saying it like that?”

Me: “Well what else would it be? The frickin’ Death Star?”

Friend: “Maybe like an asteroid or something. I dunno, I didn’t study astro-taut-eronomy or whatever.”

Me: “It’s the moon. It’s always the moon, [Friend]. Every time there’s an eclipse, it’s the moon.”

Friend: “How do they always know when it’s gonna happen?”

Me: “Because they always know where the Moon, Sun, and Earth are gonna be way out into the future, so they know when they line up for eclipses.”

Friend: “What if they just… decide not to?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Friend: “Well, what if one day the Sun and Moon decide to swap positions? What if the sun gets in front of the moon one day?”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Don’t look at me like that! I said that I didn’t study astro-whatever!”

Me: “Yes that is becoming increasingly obvious.”

To my friend’s credit, he is an amazing electrician and very intelligent; he just skipped that particular science semester at school. It was also fun explaining to him that Saturn’s rings didn’t spin around the planet like a hula hoop.

Related:
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 8
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 7
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 6
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 5
Total Eclipse Of The Brain, Part 4

Friend: “When’s your birthday?”

Me: “February 28th.”

Friend: “Oh, the last day of the month?”

Me: “Well, 75% of the time.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: “Not on leap years.”

Friend: “What’s a leap year?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Friend: “Seriously! What’s a leap year?”

Me: “Every four years, February has twenty-nine days instead of twenty-eight.”

Friend: “Why? That’s so stupid.”

Me: “It’s to regulate the timing of the year, as the Earth doesn’t rotate around the sun in exactly one year, so every four years they have to reset it with an extra day.”

Friend: “Wait, the Earth goes around the Sun?”

Me: “Okay, you’re trolling me now.”

Friend: “I am not! I thought the Earth went around the moon!”

Me: “Okay, what do we have planned today, because I feel like we’re going to be here a while…”

This was prompted by this story:

When I was working at a bank, some colleagues said to my girlfriend and me that they would like to talk to us about a money-making opportunity at home. We reluctantly agreed, but only on the proviso that it wasn’t multi-level marketing. 

Well, it soon became clear on the day that it was indeed multi-level marketing. We weren’t pleased.

After having pointed out to them that the same shirts they were selling were available in [well-known department store] for half their price, the vitamins were really no different from other vitamin brands, and so on, they came to demonstrate the superiority of their bleach.

They tried to compare it to another bleach, but I pointed out:

Me: “That thing is a ‘bleach brightener’, not a bleach.”

Colleague: “It’s the same thing.”

Me: “No, brightener is a noun adjunct. It’s no more the same thing as a car wash is the same as a car, or a door lock is the same as a door. Look at the ingredients, there’s not a thing in there that’s an oxidiser, it’s a digester. You can’t compare them.”

This is where the other story comes in. I don’t normally talk about my degrees, but this guy, annoyed, said:

Colleague: “Oh, and I suppose you have a degree in chemistry from Sydney University?”

I went into the office, took it down off the wall, came back, and said:

Me: “Yes, here it is!”

I took a geology/environmental sciences class for a required part of my degree, and one of our first tests was identifying specific rocks by structure, color, and how it reacts to a drop of acid we were provided. One of the rocks is Halite – aka rock salt (this one I identified because it did have a distinctive salty smell).

The next time we meet, our professor looks at us and announces:

Professor: “I am very disappointed none of you tried to identify the rocks by licking, as one would have been immediately identifiable that way.”

We all stared dumbfounded as the college had only started letting us have in-building classes a few months ago (it was 2021).

Classmate #1: “Uh. Professor… you’re asking us to lick rocks.”

Professor: “Yes, it’s a tried-and-true method in geology.

Me: “I think most of us know that, but you remember last year, right?”

Classmate #2: “Yeah! I don’t think it’d keep any germs on for long, but excuse us for not wanting to lick anything after everything.”

Professor: “Oh… uh.”

Classmate #3: “I only thought about it after using acid on every sample, and I’m not licking acid.”

Classmate #4: “EEEW! You mean I touched stuff other people licked?!”

Professor: “Okay… I guess that’s understandable, but really, this is the one science where licking the subject is acceptable; you should take advantage of it.”

A customer comes up to me and asks me a technical question in the electrical department.

Customer: “What’s the maximum load allowed on a twenty-amp breaker?”

Me: “Sixteen amps if it’s a continuous load.”

Customer: “You knew that pretty fast.”

Me: “It’s part of the 80% rule. Under the US National Electrical Code, a continuous load is one that runs for three hours or more at a time, and if so, those same codes require circuits to be loaded to no more than 80% of their rating. 80% of twenty amps is sixteen amps.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

He then walks literally five feet down the counter and walks up to my coworker (who is male, unlike me) and literally asks him the exact same question. He does this shamelessly, at a volume he knew I could hear:

Coworker: *Confused, looking at me.* “[My Name]… did you just lie to this customer?”

Me: “I did not.”

Coworker: “Huh, that’s what I thought.” *Turns back to the customer.* “The answer she gave you is the correct one. This is her department, so she would know.”

Customer: *Somehow surprised that his behaviour is being looked down upon.* “I just wanted a second opinion!”

Coworker: “Opinions are for things like paint colors and how soft furnishings look next to each other. You asked her a technical question that could only have one answer. That’s not opinions, that’s facts. Now, either you think she’s incompetent or lying.”

Customer: “I… uh… thanks.” *Slinks away.*

Coworker: *To me.* “How do you deal with that every d*** day?”

Me: “I’m a girl who made up a song about Ohm’s Law as part of a middle-school talent contest. I’ve been dealing with it since I was eleven.”