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Yay, Bonus Bread!

, , , , , , | Working | September 18, 2021

I stopped at my favorite sandwich shop today and ordered my usual six-inch submarine-type sandwich. When I was handed the wrapped sandwich, it looked a LOT longer than six inches.

Me: “Is this really a six-inch sub? It looks more like a footlong.”

Server: “Yes, it is definitely a six-inch sub.”

When I got home, I measured the thing, and it was a bit over ten inches in length. It was a “whole loaf” rather than the usual loaf cut in half. However, upon opening the sandwich itself, I found that there were two inches of plain bread at each end. No filling. So, it was really a six-inch sandwich stuck in a ten-inch loaf, with an extra four inches of plain bread.

The “smaller” contents were quite good, anyway!

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Attack Of The Math!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I went through the drive-thru and ordered chicken nuggets. The order total was $4.06. When I got to the payment window, there was a trainee there along with a trainer. I handed the cashier $5.06. Simple math, right? $5.06 – $4.06 = $1? Apparently not.

She opens the calculator app on her phone and calculates… something. I don’t know what. The trainer then stops her and says “let me check” and then TAKES OUT HER PHONE AND CALCULATES THE TOTAL. The trainee then proceeds to open the change drawer and give me $.94 change.

Me: “No, you owe me a dollar. I gave you five dollars and six cents and the order costs four dollars and six cents, so the difference is one dollar.

Trainer: “No, sir, we calculated it correctly. You’re due 96 cents.”

Not the 94 cents they gave me.

Me: “What about the six pennies I gave you?” 

She sighed a big sigh and then gave me a nickel. I never did get through to them that it was wrong and just left because I was in a hurry.

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Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2021

I work as a manager at a fusion bar/restaurant in a very affluent area and, understandably, this means we get some incredibly entitled people with very strange complaints or requests — especially from the “old money” types who swing by.

I’m managing a dinner shift one night. Our first question when diners are seated is whether they’d like chilled tap water or a bottle of sparkling water from the bar chiller. It’s a warm summer night and we’ve just sat an older couple on the porch area of our venue and poured out two glasses of the sparkling water they requested.

Server: “Umm, the lady from the couple we seated just dropped her glass of sparkling water and wants us to replace it and speak with you.”

I fill a water glass of soda water and head over. I spot the lady with an obviously confused frown on her face. The offending spilled water has already been wiped from herself and the table, and the broken glass has been cleared away.

Me: “Hi there. I’ve just got a replacement for the sparkling water you dropped. Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Your glasses are just far too slippery! I just went to take a sip and it just slipped from my hand. Completely unacceptable.”

Me: “Oh? Slippery? As in greasy? I’m so sorry, that is completely unaccepta—”

Customer: “No, no, no! It wasn’t greasy! It was just covered in water! Look at the one you’ve just put down! It’s already covered in water!”

She points to the chilled soda water I’ve placed on her table that has slowly begun to form condensation.

Me: “You mean the condensation on the outside of the glass?”

Customer: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a warm evening and our glasses are room temperature. Our tap and sparkling water are kept chilled and of course, condensation will occur on the outside of the glass. Would you prefer a room temperature bottle of water, instead?”

Customer: *Makes a disgusted face* “Warm water?! No, of course not! It’s been such a hot day! I just don’t understand why the glasses are wet!”

This was the exact moment that I died inside.

I then spent five minutes briefly explaining the laws of thermodynamics to a lady in her late sixties while her poor husband watched in silence. In the end, she still didn’t seem to understand and didn’t touch her water for the remainder of her dining experience but seemed happy to take multiple, uneventful sips of her chilled glass of Pinot Gris which was, of course, covered in condensation.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here

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Maybe They Need It For A TARDIS?

, , , | Right | September 6, 2021

Caller: “I’m looking for a retaining ring. It needs to have a 1.25-inch outside diameter.”

Me: “Sure, and what inside diameter did you need?”

Caller: “Um…” *Rummages around for a bit.* “Three inches, I think.”

Me: “That’s… bigger than the outside diameter?”

Caller: “Does it need to be smaller?”

Me: “Mathematically speaking, yes.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 103

, , , , , | Right | September 1, 2021

I work in a bank, and I’ve just finished counting back a customer’s cash back.

Customer: “Why is my balance only $50?”

Me: “Well, you did have $70, but you took out $20.”

Customer: “I should still have $70.”

Me: “But you took out $20.”

Customer: “Did [Bank] take my money? WHERE IS MY MONEY?!”

Me: “You had $70 in your account.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You took out $20 in cash.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “$70 minus $20 equals $50.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “All right, let’s try this again. Instead of having $70 in the bank, you now have $50 in the bank and $20 in cash.”

Customer: “But why don’t I have $70 in the bank?”

Me: “$50 in the bank plus $20 in cash equals $70 total.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “You don’t have $70 in the bank anymore because you took out $20. $70 minus $20 equals $50.”

The customer stares at me with a confused look on his face.

Me: “$50 in the bank plus the $20 bill in your hand equals $70.”

Customer: “I still don’t get it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how to explain it to you any other way.”

Customer: “Eh, it’s fine. I must’ve spent the money on something and just forgotten about it.”

I give up.

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s probably what happened.”

Customer: “Makes sense. Thank you!”

He walks out.

Coworker: “Wow.” 

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 102
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 101
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 100
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 99
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 98

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