Finding Fraudulent Uses For Their 3-Iron

, , , , , | Legal | October 9, 2018

(Our town is hit by a tornado, along with two other towns. This incident takes place the day after. My husband and I are walking through the streets with a chainsaw helping to cut and move fallen trees where needed, to clear roads for emergency crews and traffic, and to clear driveways so people who still have undamaged cars can get them out. It’s been a long, slow process and we’ve been at it for several hours, starting about eight am. We stop so we can grab some water from our backpacks, and we witness two people up the block hitting the side of their car with a golf club. There does not appear to be any other damage on the car apart from what they are doing.)

Husband: *sounding confused* “What is she doing?”

Me: “Probably going to try to scam her insurance for a new car.”

Husband: “Think she has actually looked at some of the other storm damaged cars?”

Me: “Probably not, or she wouldn’t be hitting the side of the car that is currently facing her perfectly undamaged house. Sadly, even though the damage is going to obviously look like it’s intentional, by the time her claims adjuster gets to her, they are probably just going to give in and not argue with her so they can get things done and move on to others.”

(The people looked around at this time and saw us standing there watching them. They immediately put the golf club in the garage and went back in the house. While there were thankfully no fatalities and only minor injuries from the storm, these frauds made me sick. I thought about the people displaced until they could get their houses tested for soundness so they could start repairs, and the handful of people who lost their houses entirely, along with the people with totaled cars. We do have relief efforts out here, along with every conceivable insurance company, but it’s going to be a long road, and we have just barely begun. I hope those people got what they deserve.)

Wish You Could Take The Blue Pill And Forget

, , , , , | Healthy | October 8, 2018

(I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician at a midwest grocery and pharmacy chain. I’m not exaggerating when I say I get far too many of these calls EVERY DAY.)

Me: *answers phone with usual friendly attitude* “This is [My Name] at [Pharmacy]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refill on my prescriptions.”

Me: *pulls up profile after asking for name and birthdate* “Okay, which ones did you need refilled today?”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t know the names.” *describing various pills*

Me: *sighs and facepalms* “Right, let me get you on with the pharmacist.”

(Long story short, folks: you, as the customer, are personally responsible for knowing exactly what goes into your body and what prescriptions need to be refilled. WE DON’T HAVE ALL DRUGS MEMORIZED JUST BY HOW THEY APPEAR IN OUR HEADS!)

Not Putting Yourself Into Pole Position

, , , , | Right | October 6, 2018

(I work at a women’s plus-size clothing store, and I am very energetic because I like my job and enjoy helping people. People have described me as cheerleader-like, and also very sweet, which is incredibly kind of them! One day I’m checking out a woman and her husband, and I’m dancing slightly to the music we have playing in the store, so I say a little joke I’ve said hundreds of times before.)

Me: *while ringing them up* “And you get a free dance with every purchase!”

Husband: “Oh? So where’s the pole?”

(The wife gasps, and I stop dancing and stare at him, flabbergasted that he would make such a sexual joke about me. He suddenly looks very sheepish.)

Husband: “Uh… Sorry. That sounded a lot better in my head.”

(At least he apologized!)

Not Even Solidarity Among Retail

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2018

(I work in the floral department at a grocery store. We have a lady who comes in often enough that we recognize her. She always dresses entirely in white and silver, and wears extremely heavy makeup: a thick layer of foundation that doesn’t match her skin tone, usually white or silver eyeshadow, and very pale, pink lipstick that is rarely, if ever, applied in the lines of her actual lips. She’s always snobby and picky about her flowers. The chain where I work has a fuel-saver program. You get a card that the cashier scans at the checkout, and for some items, you get a certain number of cents off your gas per gallon at the pump if you go to the gas station chain we partner with. It’s very popular and a lot of people participate.)

Customer: “Are these flowers the best? Because I want to make sure I get the best.”

Me: “Those are really nice flowers, for sure.”

Customer: “But are they the best? I have to have the best.”

Me: “Um… Yes, they’re the best.”

Customer: “Oh, wonderful. Just wonderful.”

(I ring her up.)

Me: “Do you have a fuel-saver card you’d like to use?”

Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud! No!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we have to ask—”

Customer: “No! I don’t use those! Who uses those?”

Me: “Um, a lot of people, ma’am. I have one.”

Customer: “Well! I don’t even put my own gas in my car! What would I want with that?”

Me: “Your total is [total]. Enjoy your day!”

(After she leaves, my coworker shakes his head.)

Me: “Could you believe her? ‘I don’t put my gas in my car, la-de-daaaa.’”

Coworker: “She works retail just like the rest of us.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yup. At the makeup counter in the mall next door. I’ve seen her.”

Don’t Waste Your Breath(alyzer)

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work for a company that leases ignition interlocks — car breathalyzers. For reporting and quality, the units are changed every 30 to 60 days, depending on the state. Customers get a countdown, but after it goes to zero, you have to tow your car, as it won’t start. We also have remote changes, where the mechanic just puts it on a machine and tests it. This customer called from a state where remote changes were just installed. His car is past zero by two days.)

Customer: “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me they were remote now! I always go by the tracking number on the package to know when my unit times out!”

Rep: “Well, that’s one way to do it, but your unit also gives you a five-day countdown, and a seven-day grace period, as well. You can also check your time update on our website, or you can call the automated line and it will give you your time-out date, as well.”

Customer: “You still should have sent me an email specifically saying that the unit wasn’t shipped so that I didn’t go by the tracking number. Can’t you turn it back on?”

Rep: “Sorry, your state regulations don’t allow us to do that. You will have to tow it in.”

Customer: “But you didn’t send me anything and tell me unit wouldn’t be shipped! I need something — a time extension, or a credit! I tried calling but didn’t want to wait on hold! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

(I put him on hold for one minute, and he hung up almost instantly. I guess his car is SUPER important to him.)

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