Unfiltered Story #107380

, | Unfiltered | March 17, 2018

I’m in line at a local sandwich place behind a family with two young kids – a little boy who looks about 5 and a girl who looks about 3.

Little girl: Daddy, can we get a cookie to share?

Little boy: I don’t want a cookie!

Little girl: me neither!

Et Tu Brute Spoilers

, , , , , | Learning | March 16, 2018

(We’re reading the William Shakespeare play “Julius Caesar” in English class. My teacher is making us take parts and read it aloud while she stops us occasionally to ask a question or clarify what the characters are saying. After watching a week-long background movie on Julius Caesar’s life, we finally start reading the actual play. We’re about halfway through the first act.)

Teacher: “Caesar has been warned to ‘Beware the Ides of March,’ and with the middle of March in just a few days, you’d think he’d pay attention, but he doesn’t.”

Me: “Man, that really came back to stab him in the back.”

(General laughter.)

Teacher: “Yup, that’s what happens when your ego gets too big.”

Student #1: “Wait, why was that funny?”

Me: *a little uncertain* “Um, well, because of the whole stabbing Caesar in the Senate thing?”

Student #1: “Whoa! Spoilers! Not cool, dude.”

Teacher: “Caesar did die over 2000 years ago, so it’s kind of old news.”

Student #1: “Wait, what? Caesar was a real guy?”

(The teacher and I stare in disbelief. The rest of the class starts snickering.)

Student #1: *getting red in the face, totally serious now* “No, I mean, I thought he was like a really cool movie character Shakespeare made up.”

(The rest of the class loses it.)

Teacher: *doing her best not to laugh in the kid’s face* “No, [Student #1]. Julius Caesar was definitely a real person who lived and died in Ancient Rome. He’s why we have the month called July and not the month called Quintilius.”

Student #2: *totally serious, but quiet and somewhat ditzy girl* “Julius Caesar was a man?!”

Unfiltered Story #107065

, , | Unfiltered | March 12, 2018

(The store is having a huge clearance sale, an additional 30% off the lowest marked price, marked by a bright orange sticker. Because the store does not usually have an additional percentage off, 30% sales are a big deal and naturally the clearance corners can get quite messy. A coworker and myself are in the women’s area cleaning up a bit in the middle of a busy Sunday afternoon. I’m deep in the corner, behind a rack, and my coworker is near the main isle. A customer walks in past my coworker, closer to me but doesn’t see me.)

Customer: “Aw h*** no! This place is a mess; I don’t want to touch a thing!” *walks over to my coworker* “Excuse me miss… umm I have a question… well… umm… never mind.”

Coworker: “Are you sure I can’t help you? I can try and answer any question you might have or find someone who has the answer.”

Customer: “Well… umm… I was just wondering if I had to browse through the racks here.”

Coworker: “Well if you were looking for something in particular I might be able to track it down for you? What were you looking for?”

Customer: “Nothing in particular.”

Coworker: “…so you want me to shop for you?”

Me: *appears from behind rack after hearing the entire thing* “This rack here is everything we have under $5, under $10 is here, and everything else over there, with the additional 30% nothing is over $25. And if you will excuse us we are needed at the registers.”

(My coworker and I hurry out of there before she could come up with a counter argument.)

Coworker to Me: “Thank you so much! We really don’t have the time nor the people for one of us to do all of her shopping, especially when she doesn’t even know what she wants!”

A Clearance On Bad Customers

, , , , , | Right | March 7, 2018

(In the store where I work, we often have some items of a kind of material on clearance while others are not. We leave the clearance items on the shelf, but the clearance items are clearly marked with red and yellow labels, while the regular items have the usual white labels. This has never been a problem, until one day one of the checkers calls me up to the register to do a price check.)

Customer: “This ribbon is $2.00! You’re trying to charge me $4.99!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the mix-up, ma’am. I’ll go check on that for you.”

(I go and I immediately see the problem. There are no old sale signs left up, and all the merchandise is clearly marked, but okay, people make mistakes. I radio the checker and explain, but when I head back up to the front, the customer is ranting.)

Customer: “That’s not true! It’s clearance! The whole shelf was clearance!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the ribbon you have is regular price. The ribbon right next to it was on clearance. You may have just looked at the wrong label.”

Customer: “NO! It was the WHOLE SECTION!”

Me: “I can show you what I mean, if you would like.”

Customer: “Fine. Show me.”

(She smiles all smug, like she’s got me, and follows me back to the aisle.)

Me: “See, this yellow ribbon was on clearance, but the orange ribbon you want is right next to it. See how this label is for yellow and this one for orange is regular price?”

Customer: “You expect me to be able to read that?!”

(The labels are two completely different colors, but again, okay, the customer is elderly. Also, I am much taller than she is and closer to eye-level with the labels concerned. However, there are two shelves right below that one with the same kind of ribbon and the same mix of red-and-yellow clearance labels and white labels. I point that out.)

Me: “Fair enough. I’m sorry. See here, how some of this ribbon is clearance and some of it isn’t?”

Customer: “Well… well… There’s nothing there!” *points to a section of the shelf where we’ve sold out of some of the clearance ribbon*

Me: *trying really hard not to snap at her* “Yes, because those were on clearance and now all of them have been bought.”

Customer: “Well, THAT label says clearance! That means the whole shelf is clearance!”

Me: “Um, ma’am, as you can see, all the ribbon colors have their own price listings right underneath each one.”

Customer: “NO! It isn’t clear! That one said clearance and I thought all of this was clearance! It’s misleading!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion. There are different labels here.”

Customer: *clearly just feeling stupid at this point and trying to save face* “IT’S NOT CLEAR!”

Me: *seething inwardly* “I’m very sorry. The orange ribbon is regular price.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to return it!” *draws herself up and smirks at me like she’s just struck a killing blow and I will grovel and beg her forgiveness*

Me: “All right. You can do that at any open register.” *walks away*

(Sure, lady, our large chain store will never recover from losing the sale of one five-dollar roll of ugly ribbon. The sad thing is, if she had been polite and hadn’t gone to such lengths to blame us for her own mistake, I would’ve been happy to give her her stupid ribbon for the clearance price, just the once. It just goes to show that being an a**hole won’t get you any favors.)

Not Getting With The Program

, , , , , | Working | February 13, 2018

(I’m working in tech support for an insurance broker. We frequently get sales calls from vendors wanting to know what kind of software we use, so they can offer us their software to use, instead.)

Me: *answers phone* “Tech Support, this is [My Name].”

Vendor: “Hi, this is [Vendor] calling from [Company]. We have it written down here that you are still using [Program]; is that correct?”

(We’ve used several of the same programs for so long, some of the names have changed, including the companies that make the software, in some cases.)

Me: “That sounds familiar, but let me check; it’s not a program I normally get into unless there’s a problem with it.”

Vendor: “That’s fine.”

(I mute the phone so I can ask a coworker, and I search our system to see if we have any documentation for the program in question.)

Vendor: *thinking I can’t hear him, because he can’t hear me* “Come on, Mr. IT Guy. You need to reboot the whole system just to know what you’re using?”

(Stunned, and not sure how to proceed, I decided to keep him muted a little while longer just to waste his time, and then I hung up on him without another word. Not sure if he ever called back again.)

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