Princess Of The Caribbean

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I’m the second customer in line at a convenience store, and it’s the day after Halloween. A dad and his daughter — about eight and very pretty — are checking out in front of me. The clerk asks the daughter the exact same thing I was thinking:)

Clerk: “What did you dress up as for Halloween? I bet you were a princess!’”

Daughter: *emphatically and sternly* “NO! I was a PIRATE!”

(We are all going to be working for that girl one day.)

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A Sharp Pain Whenever They Call

, , , , , | Learning | October 30, 2019

(I work with veterans attending school to utilize their education benefits. I call this student about paperwork needed to start his benefits. Throughout this call, I can hear a lot of background noise with the student occasionally being muffled.)

Student: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, [Student]. This is [My Name] at [University]. is now a good time to talk?”

Student: “Uh, no, I’m at work. Can I give you a call back?”

Me: “No problem. I’ll send you an email about what I was going to discuss and my contact info will be included if you have any questions.”

Student: “Well, wait. Can you just tell me why you’re calling?”

Me: “I would have to verify your information first, starting with your student ID.”

(This is to adhere to FERPA regulations.)

Student: “Oh, I’m not sure if I remember that. Um… is it…”

(There are more loud noises in the background.)

Me: “Not quite. If you’re busy, I can still send an email to the account we have on file and I’ll include your student ID so you have it when you call back.”

(The student makes a few more attempts at the ID while it is clear he is trying to do his job and communicate with other people there before finally conceding he needs to call back later. Later, when the student follows up…)

Student: “Sorry about that call earlier. I’m a police officer and I was on a scene where a guy had just been stabbed. I was trying to help load him into an ambulance, but I didn’t want to miss your call if it was important.”

Me: *pause* “Oh, that’s not a problem; we’re able to take care of everything now.”

(Assisting a stabbing victim is a pretty good reason to ignore your school; in the future, please just hang up!)

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Unfiltered Story #173060

, , | Unfiltered | October 24, 2019

(A couple come to the register with about $50 worth of items. I ring them up and tell them the total, and the man takes out his wallet. There is a long pause as the woman just stands there spacing out while her boyfriend stares at her expectantly, since the items seem to be hers. He has a plastic smile on his face.)

Boyfriend: “Really? That’s how it’s going to be?”

Girlfriend: “Well, you have the money.”

Boyfriend: *shakes head in disbelief* “I guess that’s what boyfriends are for.”

Girlfriend. “You work.”

(As I take the money and work on printing out the receipt, the man keeps talking while I have to just stand there and pretend I’m not listening.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, I work. That’s my job. I work and you shop.”

(The way he said everything without really looking at his girlfriend while she just sort of looked off into space was really uncomfortable. I awkwardly handed him the receipt, mentioning the survey on it, and had to take a few minutes after they left to digest the fact that some couples will really subject bystanders to their spending problems.)

Choked By Your Own Doctor

, , , , , | Healthy | October 16, 2019

(I’ve had serious sinus/throat/ear problems for most of my life, along with pretty severe anxiety disorder; it’s so bad I was put on anti-anxiety meds at eight years old. Unfortunately, since I have an anxiety disorder, most of my problems have been brushed off as panic until they’re either too late to fix properly or until I fight with the doctors. I miss a pretty good bit of school because my ears hurt or I feel like I am choking, and I will go to the doctor each time. Each time, the pediatrician tells me, “It’s just a viral infection,” or, “It’s just your anxiety acting up.”)

Me: “I really don’t think this is viral; I’ve been coming in every month or so for two years or so.”

Doctor: “It’s just viral. I think you just like getting out of school, too.” *nudge nudge wink wink*

Me: “Uh, no. My grades are taking a hit. I can barely breathe and I feel like I’m choking constantly. This is not a panic thing, and it’s obviously not viral; otherwise, it wouldn’t always come back. Maybe you should do your job and actually figure out what’s wrong?”

Mom: *staring in shock because I’m not one to smart off*

Doctor: “If you can smart off like that, then you don’t need to see a pediatrician any more!”

(My mom schedules an appointment at a different doctor’s office, with a different doctor. I’m freaking out because I’ve never seen another doctor before in my fifteen years and many, MANY doctors appointments.)

New Doctor: *looks in my mouth* “Oh, my God! Your tonsils are huge. Like, can you breathe at all?”

Me: “No, not really. I always feel like I’m choking.”

New Doctor: “These have to come out.”

(So, I got my tonsils out, along with my adenoids. The surgeon told me they were the biggest he’d ever seen. I no longer feel like I’m being choked to death constantly. But having your tonsils pulled out at sixteen sucks.)

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Unfiltered Story #169605

, , | Unfiltered | October 15, 2019

(This occurs just after Halloween, I’m currently working a register up front when a man and his son who appears to be about 5 come up to my register. I begin scanning their items as the boy reads one of the big signs we have hanging on the ceiling)

Son: A-P-P-L-E…Apple…You can’t have that sign up anymore.

Me: I’m sorry?

Son: It’s not apple year anymore. It’s toy year.

Me: Apple year? (I look at the boy’s father hoping to make sense of this) Do you know what he’s talking about?

Customer: I have no idea…

Son: Oh wait, it’s not toy year…it’s turkey year…next is toy year.

Me: (Finally catching on) Oh he means MONTHS. (To the son) Wouldn’t last year be candy year though?

Son: Oh…I thought it was apple year because of the sign…

Me: Don’t worry, we sell apples every year.