Unfiltered Story #190974

, , , | Unfiltered | March 30, 2020

(It’s 1 am. I’m at work. The phone rings.)

Me: *Hospital name*, this is *my name*.

Caller: I’d like to speak to the ER.

Me: Is this a medical question?

Caller: No

Me: May I ask what the call is concerning?

Caller: *Man’s name*

Me: Um, who?

Caller: I want to give the nurses a compliment.

(I now know what this call is about. He calls at random wanting us to put him through to the ER so he can tell the nurses that they are pretty. He doesn’t even doctor here.)

Me: I can’t put you through to the ER.

Caller: Will you give them the compliment for me?

Me: I will not.

(Seriously, what in the mother loving effing frick?)

Unfiltered Story #190938

, , | Unfiltered | March 28, 2020

“I work at a big box store as a cashier and this happened to me a few weeks ago when I was working in lumber area.”
Customer: Were are your welding supplies?
Me: They are two aisles over sir.
[A few minutes pass and the customer comes back with a sodering torch]
Customer: Excuse me where do you keep your glass sodering rods.
Me: Glass sodering rods?
Customer: Yeah you know the rods that you use to soder items together.
Me: I know what you are talking about, but they don’t make glass sodering rods. What did you need it for?
Customer: The stem on my bong broken I was trying to fix it.
Me: What did you say could you repeat that?
Customer: “repeats”
Me: Sir there is nothing I can recommend to you to fix your bong some super glue from aisle five might be able to do it.
Customer: OK I’ll go check it out.
[Never heard from again]

“Time” To End This Call

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I take insurance claims in a call center. At the end of each call, we tell callers to wait four hours before calling back with questions to allow the claim to work its way through the system. I have just helped a woman in California with a claim and informed her of the four-hour wait time.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yeah… that four-hour time. Does it matter that I’m on Pacific time?”

Me: “Not at all! It’s just four hours from this time now that we are speaking.”

Caller: “Okay… So, it’s 8:30 in the morning here. What time is it where you are?”

Me: “It’s 10:30 in the morning, but—”

Caller: “Right! So, four hours from your time is 2:30, so I should call at 2:30 my time. Right?”

Me: “Well, not exactly. And that wait time is if you have any questions later. You would be able to call about your claim at 12:30 your time.”

Caller: “No, no, no… Four hours from 8:30 is 2:30. I can tell time, thank you!”

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They Have Designs On A Refund

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi! I was calling about your return policy. I bought this [Designer] dress and was wondering how to return it since I only needed it for a friend’s wedding.”

Me: *since we have an open return policy* “Oh, okay! No problem. All you would need to return it is your proof of purchase. It could be your online order number or a receipt and you could return it through mail or in one of our stores.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I don’t have any of those.”

Me: “I could certainly help you look it up.”

Customer: “Well, actually, I bought it at a second-hand bridal store and just wanted to return it to your store since you carry the line. The bridal store won’t accept a return.”

Me: “So, you want me to give you a refund for a dress that we may not carry — since you said we only carry the designer — that you never even purchased with us?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Me: “No.”

(I later informed my manager of this and he joked that I am just a horrible person for not giving her a refund for the dress.)

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You’re Bucky To Work In Such A Cool Office

, , , , | Working | March 6, 2020

(We use a certain program at work for tracking contact information. After being reminded that we can change our profile pictures, I decide to change mine. My coworker and I are both big Marvel fans. This takes place over instant messaging.)

Me: “I think you’ll appreciate my 100% professional [Program] icon.”

Coworker: “I can’t even tell what it is? Is it a cat attacking some dude?”

Me: “It’s Bucky Barnes while T’Challa’s trying to attack him, so yes. Yes, it is.”

(For reference, the picture was a still of Bucky’s face the half-second before T’Challa takes a swipe at his face.)

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