I recently attended a concert featuring various bands that had their roots in the 1990s. I had tickets in the pit — on the floor, right up against the stage — with my mom, my friend, and my friend’s fiancé. I expected it to get quite rowdy, but I didn’t expect to see what is probably the funniest confrontation I have ever witnessed.

Throughout the whole show, there was an event security guard standing nearby that was huge. He was at least 6’8” and over 350 pounds. The crowd wasn’t too crazy until the headliner came on stage. Then, people started sneaking into the pit and were promptly told to return to their seats. Most accepted defeat and returned to their respective areas with no complaints.

One guy, however, just kept coming back and he had obviously had way too much to drink by this point. The big security guard told him to leave several times, and it was clear he was getting irritated at the guy. He told him one final time that if he found him in the pit once again, he’d be thrown out for good.

The guy (who was smaller than me, and I’m six foot even) decided the best course of action was to attack this mountain of a security guard. My friend’s fiancé pushed me out of the way as the guard picked the guy up and physically pushed him past us and into the arms of a state cop.

Have you ever seen a grown man be picked up by his armpits and literally thrown? We could see the look on his face go from, “I’m going to kick this guy’s a**,” to, “I f***ed up.”

The rest of the show went on without any issues, but seriously, what did he think was going to happen?

When my youngest son was a senior in high school (just last year) he took a Zoology class, where they worked on a bug collection project. My husband was asking our youngest about said project after it had been turned in.

Husband: “When are you going to know what grade you got? Did you get all the categories you needed?”

Son: “I don’t know. [Teacher] has three or four Zoology classes, so she’ll be looking at bugs for a while.”

Me: “Well, she’ll be pretty bug-eyed, won’t she?”

After my high school performance of “The Sound of Music”, the student actors are mingling with audience members in the lobby. An elderly man is approaching various actors.

To the actor who played the lead role of Maria:

Man: “You were amazing! So talented! I hope you pursue a career in music.”

To the actor who played Gretl, the youngest of the von Trapp children:

Man: “You were fantastic, sweetie! I bet your parents are so proud of you.”

To the actor who played Rolfe, still in a Nazi costume from his final scene in the show:

Man: “The last time I saw a man wearing that uniform, I shot him!”

I was thirty-two when I first started learning how to snowboard. I bought my own helmet. Being an adult student at that time, I bought the cheapest I could get, so it was white and pink with cute drawings on the side.

People often think I am younger than I am due to my Asian genes and height. My suit was also oversized because it was my mother-in-law’s. My husband said he felt like he was taking a niece to her snowboard lesson. He was not the only one thinking that.

Me: “Hi. My class is going up this hill now. Can I use my points ticket?”

Lift Operator: “No. You need to buy the day pass.”

Me: “Oh. I would like to have the two-day pass, then.”

Lift Operator: “Okay, but…” *Stares intently at me*

Me: “But?”

Lift Operator: “I need to ask. Are you a child or an adult?”

I did contemplate for a short while whether I should have said that I was a child. However, I thought it wouldn’t bring good Karma. In the end, I did get the adult ticket, and I didn’t break any bones while learning to snowboard.

I have a client who makes requests at all hours of the day and expects immediate results. She calls me one night at 10:30 pm.

Client: “The slideshow on my homepage is going too fast. Slow it down.”

Me: “Okay. I’m just finishing up some other work, but I’ll fix it right away.”

After only fifteen minutes, the client phones again.

Client: “It’s too slow now. Could you speed it up?”

The funny thing is, I never even got to make a single change to the slider. I left the slideshow as it was and it was never mentioned again.