I’m a snowboard coach. After completing a full day of training and taking on some basic slopes, one of my clients asks me:

Client: “Soo… where do you guys put all the snow in the summer?”

A bunch of teenagers are on a school trip to the ski resort (it’s an expensive school). I’ve gone over the basics of the lesson and then ask:

Me: “Any questions before we start?”

Teen #1: “Yeah, where does all the snow come from?”

Me: “…ha ha, very funny.”

Teen #1: “Seriously, where does it all come from?”

Me: “The… uh, the sky?”

Teen #1: “Oh. So then, how do you give it all back in the summer?”

Teen #2: “Woooow. Our parents pay $60,000 a year for our school, and you know less than an episode of The Magic Schoolbus.”

Caller: “Hello, I want to know if it will be snowing on [weekend].”

Me: “Sir, that weekend is six weeks away.”

Caller: “Yes, I know how calendars work. I want to know if it will be snowing on that [weekend].”

Me: “We can’t know what the weather will have in store that far in advance. I’d recommend you look up the weather for the area closer to the time of your trip.”

Caller: “Of course I know I can do that! But you live up there! You must know what the weather is like!”

Me: “Where do you live, sir?”

Caller: “Florida.”

Me: “Will there be a hurricane in six weeks?”

Caller: “How the h*** should I know?”

Me: “Well, you live down there. You must know what the weather is like!”

Caller: “That’s different! Hurricanes are unpredictable!”

Me: “And so is snow. Not even the weatherman and his Doppler can predict weather patterns further than a week out, sir.”

Caller: “But… you live out there!”

Me: “And I still have no idea.”

Caller: “But if I check the weather a week ahead, I’ll be doing just what everyone else is doing!”

Me: “There’s a reason for that.”

Caller: “Will your manager know if it’s snowing on [weekend]?”

Me: “No, sir. No one will.”

Caller: “This is so stupid! You charge an arm and a leg for people to go skiing, and you can’t predict the weather!” *Click.*

Last season, I was working at a little winter gear shop in a ski town, one of those places where everything from snowboards to mittens is stacked to the ceiling. 

One snowy Saturday, a couple came in with their two kids. The kids went straight for the helmets and ski boots, eagerly pulling their parents around, begging to try on every single item.

While the mom was distracted, the dad came up to me, casting a quick look over his shoulder. With a grin, he whispered:

Husband: “Don’t let my wife see, I’ve been eyeing this hat for weeks.”

He slipped me €30, and I rang him up, casually chatting about the powder forecast as I tucked the beanie into his bag.

Just as he finished, his wife approached, wrangling the kids. She made her way over to the same rack of hats and leaned over the counter with a knowing smile.

Wife: “Don’t let my husband see, but he’s been needing this hat.”

She handed me the cash, winked, and went back to gathering up their gear. 

They left with a little secret smile on each of their faces, and I knew they’d just bought each other the same hat!

I work at a ski resort as an instructor as well as a floater in the resort itself (reception, equipment rental, etc.). I’m finally on lunch when a coworker comes in to find me.

Coworker: “I need you to cover for me.”

Me: “I literally just sat down for lunch.”

Coworker: “I know and I’m sorry, but some idiot went on a black diamond slope when he’s a beginner.”

Me: “Did something happen?”

Coworker: “They’re bringing him down on a stretcher now.”

Me: “Ouch.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I should have known something was up when they asked for the hardest course in the resort, but didn’t know what a pizza stop was.”

I sigh, put my sandwich back in the fridge, and go to the reception to cover my coworker while they deal with black diamond pizza guy.

They bring the guy in on a stretcher through the lobby to an ambulance waiting out front. The guy was complaining all the way out, saying – I kid you not – that he thought a pizza stop was a place on the mountain where you stopped skiing and had some pizza.