Last season, I was working at a little winter gear shop in a ski town, one of those places where everything from snowboards to mittens is stacked to the ceiling. 

One snowy Saturday, a couple came in with their two kids. The kids went straight for the helmets and ski boots, eagerly pulling their parents around, begging to try on every single item.

While the mom was distracted, the dad came up to me, casting a quick look over his shoulder. With a grin, he whispered:

Husband: “Don’t let my wife see, I’ve been eyeing this hat for weeks.”

He slipped me €30, and I rang him up, casually chatting about the powder forecast as I tucked the beanie into his bag.

Just as he finished, his wife approached, wrangling the kids. She made her way over to the same rack of hats and leaned over the counter with a knowing smile.

Wife: “Don’t let my husband see, but he’s been needing this hat.”

She handed me the cash, winked, and went back to gathering up their gear. 

They left with a little secret smile on each of their faces, and I knew they’d just bought each other the same hat!

I work at a ski resort as an instructor as well as a floater in the resort itself (reception, equipment rental, etc.). I’m finally on lunch when a coworker comes in to find me.

Coworker: “I need you to cover for me.”

Me: “I literally just sat down for lunch.”

Coworker: “I know and I’m sorry, but some idiot went on a black diamond slope when he’s a beginner.”

Me: “Did something happen?”

Coworker: “They’re bringing him down on a stretcher now.”

Me: “Ouch.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I should have known something was up when they asked for the hardest course in the resort, but didn’t know what a pizza stop was.”

I sigh, put my sandwich back in the fridge, and go to the reception to cover my coworker while they deal with black diamond pizza guy.

They bring the guy in on a stretcher through the lobby to an ambulance waiting out front. The guy was complaining all the way out, saying – I kid you not – that he thought a pizza stop was a place on the mountain where you stopped skiing and had some pizza.

I work guest services at a ski resort. It’s early afternoon, and we’ve just had fresh snowfall. A guest marches up to the counter.

Guest: “Hi, I’d like to speak to someone about the conditions on the beginner slope.”

Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

Guest: “Well, it’s… snowy. Like, way too snowy. I kept falling.”

Me: “…Right, there was a storm overnight; fresh powder’s actually great for skiing!”

Guest: *Annoyed.* “I came for groomed trails, not to plow through a blizzard. You should’ve cleared it. It’s a safety issue.”

Me: “We did groom it this morning, but then it snowed… again.”

Guest: “So what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “We’re going to let nature keep doing her thing — it’s kind of her mountain.”

The guest demanded a manager, who tried to spin it with a:

Manager: “You came to do a snow sport and got snow. Think of this as the deluxe package.”

Sadly, they were not convinced and spent the whole weekend complaining instead of skiing.

I work in a large ski resort that has a kiddie area and an animal mascot. We have a guy who usually dresses in the mascot costume and snowboards down a gentle slope as part of a show for the kids.

Boss: “I need you to wear the mascot costume today.”

Me: “I’m only trained on indoor games with the kids—”

Boss: “Yeah, but the usual guy had got f***ed up drunk last night, and I’m worried he’s gonna vomit inside the costume again.”

Me: “Wait… Again?”

I did not put on that nasty costume.

I was a children’s ski coach. For the group lessons, each child would be assigned a team, indicated by a colored vest, for their age and ability.

While I was teaching a group of reds (three- and four-year-old beginners), a woman approached me.

Woman: “My kids are in a lesson. Where are they so I can watch them?”

Me: “What color are they?”

Woman: “Excuse me?!”

It turned out that her kids were in a private lesson and were not part of our colorful classification. (This also meant that it was hard to guess where they would be!) I tried to be more careful about using coach shorthand with the public after that.