Now We Have To Know, Too!

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2021

I’m at a ski resort in line for a lift. In front of me is an instructor with two small children. She seems to be playing a guessing game with them to pass the time on the ride up.

Kid #1: “Is it a bear?”

Instructor: “Nope.”

Kid #2: “Is it a beaver?”

Instructor: “No.”

Kid #1: “Is it a fox?”

Instructor: “Nope.”

Kid #2: “Is it a wolf?”

Instructor: “No. You’re gonna be at this all day if you just guess like this. I’ll give you a hint. If you can figure out what it eats, you’ll probably get it right away.”

Kid #1: “Does it eat berries?”

Instructor: “No.”

Kid #2: “Does it eat leaves?”

Instructor: “Nope.”

Kid #1: “Does it eat apples?”

Instructor: “No. It’s not a plant; it’s kind of like a protein.”

Kid #1: “Does it eat oatmeal?”

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hear how this played out.

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Say Your Cheese Fries Goodbyes

, , | Right | March 21, 2021

I work as a food cashier for a ski resort. You walk into a room where all the food is sold, you put everything you want onto a tray, and then to leave the room you have to go past the cashiers and pay for everything you have. We close at 4:30 every day and the doors to the room are shut.

Some people come in late and stay in the room after 4:30, so we can’t shut the doors and trap them in. Various customers keep asking me if they can go in and I keep saying no because we are closed. Then, they get pissed at me because there are still people in there.

After I’ve dealt with this for a solid ten minutes, the last customer comes to the register.

All hot food closes at four. You can buy drinks and snacks until 4:30 but nothing like pizza or fries, etc. This guy walks up to me with some cheesy fries.

Customer: “I’m not paying for these.”

Me: “Well, they were already made, so you can leave them with me if you don’t want to pay, or you can pay.”

Customer: “No, these look like crap; I’m not paying for them.”

I look at them and there isn’t enough cheese on them, and I can potentially see what the problem is.

Customer: “Yeah, I go in and ask for the fries and the lady is all put off and annoyed and says the oven to melt the cheese doesn’t work, so she microwaves them and crap.”

I realize what’s going on. He came in after she was closed, she’d already cleaned and turned off the oven, and the fries were already deep-fried, but they didn’t have cheese. He demanded she still make them for him, so she had to use the microwave. Then, he had the audacity to be annoyed by it.

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, but you still have to pay.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

My manager is like ten feet away.

Me: “[Manager], this guy doesn’t want to pay for his fries!”

She came over and just let him take them. She was right to do that — better not to create more trouble — but I wasn’t going to give in so easy.

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This Customer Gives Themselves The Boot

, , , | Right | November 14, 2020

I work at a ski and snowboard hill. While it is my first season there, I went through around two days of six-hour training sessions and am certified in my department, which is ski and snowboard rentals. A woman and her child, around five years old, come up to me.

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Resort]. Are you renting skis or a snowboard?”

Customer: *Already looking quite annoyed* “I’m just renting for my son. He needs boots and skis.”

Me: “Okay, have you filled out the form?”

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “The form the front desk gave you with his sizes, skill level, weight, and height?”

The customer proceeds to slap the form down. I grab the size boots the child wears, and I also start filling in the ski setting information. It’s a long process, as I have to follow a chart to ensure the safety of the child and set the skis correctly.

Customer: “HEY. These boots do not fit my child. I gave you his size and you gave me the wrong boot! Are you f****** dense?”

I look up to see that the child is still wearing his winter boots, tied and all, giving me the impression he hasn’t tried the ski boots on.

Me: “Well, our ski boots don’t say the exact size for a child his age. It says a letter that corresponds with the size. I can show you the chart I use?”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I’m sure you’ve never skied a day in your d*** life! I’m a professional skier!”

The customer then slammed the boots across the table and grabbed her kid, who looked jarred, and dragged him out the door. She didn’t come back to my desk, and I didn’t see them come back in, thankfully. A coworker told me she demanded a refund on everything, which our manager declined as I was just doing my job.

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Thanos’s Good Ideas Continue To Pay Off Somehow

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 26, 2020

I’m a ski instructor that works in the Austrian Alps. I’m in charge of a group of ski students from a boarding school in the UK.

One of my students is wearing a suit of motocross armour under his ski clothes — a full neck guard, breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee pads, gauntlets, buttplate, and calf armour. They are all made of the same reinforced plastic as his ski helmet. He wears it as he is “paranoid that he’d get hurt on the slopes.” We all laugh and call him a wimp. As his armour is painted bright gold, everyone calls him “Thanos.”

This happens on the third day of skiing. Thanos manages to get into the ski lift ahead of us, and there’s a group of what looks like university-age girls speaking in obvious American accents. They’re quite loud and when in the queue, they use their poles to disconnect the skis of the person in front of them before shoving them aside before taking their spot. It’s gotten more than one person angry, but the girls ignore them.

They reach Thanos, but when they try to disconnect his skis, he moves his leg out of the way, lightly knocking one of them on the ankle in the process. Those girls go ballistic, shouting about him being rude and a jerka**. They start swearing, but Thanos has reached the front by then and goes up the lift.

I think that’s the end of it, but that is not the case. When Thanos reaches the top, he patiently waits for the rest of us, but the university girls get up there first. They see him and start shouting and swearing at him, calling him rude and demanding an apology.

Naturally, all they get is a flat refusal. They take that poorly, to say the least. They then start hitting him with their ski poles and punching him with their fists. He turtles up and takes the hits, calling out for help while telling his assailants to desist. The girls push him over and then they notice that he is Chinese and add accusations about the recent health crisis — this is during the outbreak in Italy.

At this point, I arrive with a few more students. Seeing us and some ski patrol guys rushing toward them, the girls run off, leaving Thanos behind.

Thanos says cheerfully, getting up, “Well, thank goodness for my armour.”

[Student #1] asks, “Did that even hurt?”

“Nope,” Thanos responds. “Barely felt a thing.”

“Dang, that armour’s tough,” I observe. “I’ll be more worried about the person that rams into you than you.”

“Told you all that my paranoia was justified,” Thanos says smugly.

[Student #2] asks, in an appalled tone, “This was what you were paranoid about?”

I ask him, “Should we go to the police? Press charges?”

Thanos just says, “Nah. It’s our holiday. Let them go. Besides, they’re long gone by now.”

We reluctantly agree with him and continue skiing, but I just wonder what would have happened if Thanos wasn’t wearing his armour or if they had gone after one of the other students. Would they be unharmed and treat the whole thing as a joke? Those girls could have hurt someone badly, and I can only hope that they face justice at some point in the future.

Thanos Had One (1) Good Idea

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Thanos Had One (1) Good Idea

, , , , , | Learning | May 19, 2020

I’m a ski instructor working for a ski school. This winter, we were hired as ski instructors for a high school ski trip. I was assigned the most advanced skiers, who consistently insisted on taking the hardest slopes and racing at high speeds.

During our lunch break on the first day, when we took off our jackets, I noticed that, apart from the mandatory helmet, one of the boys was wearing a full suit of armour underneath. It was a complete suit of hard plastic motocross armour, with a breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee braces, gauntlets, shin guards, buttplate, calf armour, and a neck brace. It was also bright golden, as he once wore it as a Thanos cosplay.

We all laughed and mocked him over it, but he took it in good stride, lamenting that he didn’t bring his purple face paint or two Infinity Gauntlets and laughing off us calling him a coward, insisting that it was a worthwhile precaution. 

By the last day, after several crashes, everyone was sore and bruised. One of the guys even dislocated his shoulder after he tumbled down a slope. On the other hand, Thanos was completely unscathed, despite tumbling down a slope in a similar manner thrice — he was showing off — being rammed into by another skier, and even getting into a fistfight with a pair of very rude Americans.

That was the first time in my seven years of ski instructing that I ever heard or saw anyone do that, but given the amount of punishment he shrugged off, I’m starting to think he had a point.

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