Some years ago, a friend invited me to join him for the opening night of a play performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-upon-Avon. The company is, of course, the main reason that people visit the town, and much of its commerce depends on it. He booked us into a restaurant that advertised pre-theatre dining.

The performance began half an hour earlier than on most nights so that critics could get their reviews in on time. Our waiter was very young, and I thought he might not be aware of this, so when he took our order, I asked if he could be sure that we would be finished in time to get to the theatre at seven.

Waiter: “The play begins at seven-thirty.”

Me: “No, tonight it begins at seven.”

Waiter: *Annoyed.* “It begins at the same time every evening.”

Me: “Not tonight. Tonight, it begins at seven.”

Waiter: *Suddenly enraged.* “Don’t try that on me! This is a theatre restaurant, and I know ALL about the theatre! You may be in a hurry, but you don’t have to lie about it! You will get the same service as everyone else, and I promise you will be on time for the play at seven-thirty!”

My guest, who is an elderly gentleman and very reserved, has said nothing. I am on the point of going for the manager when he actually enters the dining room.

Manager: “Hello, Mr. [Guest’s Name]. Nice to see you again.”

Me: “Can you help us? Your waiter insists that the play doesn’t begin until seven-thirty, and he won’t help us leave for seven.”

Waiter: “That’s right! They’re trying to rush me, so they’re lying about when the show starts!”

Manager: *Angrily turns to the waiter.* “What do you think you’re doing? It’s an opening night! Of course it begins at seven!”

Waiter: *Sullen.* “Well, how am I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Since you know all about the theatre, maybe you could have gotten a clue from the name on the booking list? *Turning to the manager.* “Shall you tell him, or shall I?”

Manager: “Mr. [Guest’s Name] has been for the past twenty years the critic of The Times.”

I work for the company that hosts touring Broadway shows and musicals as they make their way to Chicago, and as such myself and my coworkers get to see the shows, usually around opening week or press nights. 

‘Beetlejuice: The Musical’ has made its way to Chicago for one week only, and while I go opening night, I unfortunately miss this gem, which was relayed to me by my coworkers who went the following night.

Sometime after the start of Act Two, a character is supposed to sing a tango number, but her lavalier mic (microphone worn by the actors) doesn’t work for the duration of the song.

Rather than stop the show to troubleshoot, a stagehand dances his way on stage during the choreography and gives her a handheld mic.

Which doesn’t work either. 

So, they bring her another mic.

Which ALSO doesn’t work.

The number concludes without her audible singing, and following that is an emotional ballad by the lead of the show, and as she kneels on stage, ready to begin, suddenly over the “god mic” (the microphone used to make announcements in the theatre) a voice booms out saying:

God: “IT DIDN’T WORK THE WHOLE F****** TIME, NOW IT F****** WORKS?!”

The crowd erupts into cheers and laughter, and the lead actress sits there on stage, stunned for a solid fifteen seconds before the performance resumes as normal.

I used to do a bit of community theatre in my small town. My nephew was hanging out with nothing to do all summer, so I got him involved volunteering backstage and doing odd jobs around the theatre.

We were in the drive-thru getting burgers one night after a performance of a musical I was in, and he was good-naturedly giving me the business, talking about how I have a big head.

Nephew: “You just think you’re like a local celebrity or something just because you do plays and stuff.”

I pulled up to the pickup window.

Takeout Worker: “Here’s your food. Wait, are you in [Play] they’re doing at [Theater]? I saw that last weekend. You were so good in it!”

Me: “Thank you so much. It’s embarrassing to be recognized!”

I grabbed the food, turned my head to my nephew, and just smiled as I pulled out of the drive-thru.

I was vacationing in Las Vegas for my birthday, and we went to see “Absinthe” at Caesar’s Palace. The show takes place inside a large tent. Like many events in 2021, they had security at the front to remind people to wear masks. I heard another attendee arguing with a guard.

Woman: “I am outdoors! Why do I need a mask?”

Guard #1: “You are heading into a tent, so you need to wear your mask whenever you aren’t drinking something.”

She huffed and puffed but eventually put her mask on.

We were shown to our seats, which were right in front of the woman, and I heard her talking.

Woman: “I’m not going to wear a mask! I’m not responsible for everyone else!”

A second security guard came over to her.

Guard #2: “Ma’am, you need to put on a mask.”

Woman: “I don’t have one. Can you get me one?”

He brought her a mask, and she put it just long enough for him to walk away.

Woman: *To her friends* “I have one. I’m just not going to wear it.”

She continues to not wear the mask, and when security walked near her, she’d take a drink to get around not wearing it.

The shows started, and twenty minutes in, another security guard came and escorted the woman out of the show. I heard her boyfriend say, “Hold on!”, and he chased right on after her.

Tickets were in the $200 range. I hope it was worth it to get kicked out in front of six of her friends all because she couldn’t listen to the rules.

Related:
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 35
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 34
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 33
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 32
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 31

I work as a theater technician doing this and that. I have a client doing an opera, and we are setting up drops for the scenery.

Client: “Those are too far inward. Can you shift those over?”

Me: *Shifts it over a few feet.* “Does that work?”

Client: “No, too far.”

I move it between where I started and where I put it.

Client: “No, a bit more.”

I put it back exactly where it was.

Client: “Perfect!”