The Timing Here Is Extra Critic-al
Some years ago, a friend invited me to join him for the opening night of a play performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-upon-Avon. The company is, of course, the main reason that people visit the town, and much of its commerce depends on it. He booked us into a restaurant that advertised pre-theatre dining.
The performance began half an hour earlier than on most nights so that critics could get their reviews in on time. Our waiter was very young, and I thought he might not be aware of this, so when he took our order, I asked if he could be sure that we would be finished in time to get to the theatre at seven.
Waiter: “The play begins at seven-thirty.”
Me: “No, tonight it begins at seven.”
Waiter: *Annoyed.* “It begins at the same time every evening.”
Me: “Not tonight. Tonight, it begins at seven.”
Waiter: *Suddenly enraged.* “Don’t try that on me! This is a theatre restaurant, and I know ALL about the theatre! You may be in a hurry, but you don’t have to lie about it! You will get the same service as everyone else, and I promise you will be on time for the play at seven-thirty!”
My guest, who is an elderly gentleman and very reserved, has said nothing. I am on the point of going for the manager when he actually enters the dining room.
Manager: “Hello, Mr. [Guest’s Name]. Nice to see you again.”
Me: “Can you help us? Your waiter insists that the play doesn’t begin until seven-thirty, and he won’t help us leave for seven.”
Waiter: “That’s right! They’re trying to rush me, so they’re lying about when the show starts!”
Manager: *Angrily turns to the waiter.* “What do you think you’re doing? It’s an opening night! Of course it begins at seven!”
Waiter: *Sullen.* “Well, how am I supposed to know that?!”
Me: “Since you know all about the theatre, maybe you could have gotten a clue from the name on the booking list? *Turning to the manager.* “Shall you tell him, or shall I?”
Manager: “Mr. [Guest’s Name] has been for the past twenty years the critic of The Times.”