Unfiltered Story #160130

, | Unfiltered | August 16, 2019

I work as a web programmer for a small company focuses on order calculators for e-commerce. We also run several of our own calculator based websites. Because of our small company size, everybody has to help with customer support e-mails and phone calls. This particular morning was my turn, and an elderly woman called in looking for help:

Me: “[company name] this is Kristen…”
Caller: “HELLO??!!! Oh, I’m not sure I’ve called the right place.”
Me: “This is [company name], we operate [website.com] and [otherwebsite.net]. Were you looking for help with either webs…”
Caller: “I’m on internet explorer, and the text is too big – I can’t read the page.”

(Certain obsolete versions of IE from the Windows XP-era have been experiencing issues with portions of our website, so at this point I don’t think anything is amiss.)

Me: “Okay madam, which calculator are you having trouble with?”
Her: “Calculator? Why would I be using a calculator? I’m trying to read my e-mail on yahoo.com and all the text is huge – I can’t read the page!”
Me: …

Even though I really wasn’t supposed to, I ended up walking her through how to reset her text size in IE 7 anyway. I’m just baffled at how she ended up calling us, she had never heard of the company I work for or any of our websites before.

Not My Site, Not My Monkeys

, , , , , | Right | July 26, 2019

(We’re a web design and hosting company that sells a particular content management system. If a customer has an existing site with another provider, we just build their new site on our servers and swap when everything is finished, to minimize problems. Up until that point, we have no control over their existing site, and the site we build has no connection to theirs, other than content, which the client provides.)

Customer: “Our site is down.”

Me: “You mean the test site we built?”

Customer: “No, our current site. It’s not working.”

(I check the site, which is still hosted with another company)

Me: Yeah, it’s down. You’ll have to call [Other Hosting Company] and see if they can fix it.”

Customer: “Well, you need to fix it. I saw on the test site that you had links that led to our site, so you need to take those down since it crashed the site.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You linked to our site, and that made it crash.”

Me: “No… The Internet doesn’t work that way?”

(This goes on for quite a while, I tell him that we have no control over their existing site, and he tells me I have to remove all links, because they’re making the site crash.)

Boss: “Let me talk to him.”

Customer: *after a long explanation* “I’m just saying, don’t you think it’s a little more than a coincidence that you link to our site and the site crashes?”

Boss: “The links you gave us must have had viruses in them. We’ll run a purging system but it’ll take 48 hours; it’s very important you don’t disturb the system until it’s done. That means no visiting the site, and no calling us, or we’ll have to start all over again.”

Customer: “Ugh, why couldn’t you have just done that in the first place?!”

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They’re Not Pay Pals

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2016

(I’m a freelance web designer currently negotiating a job with someone who wants to give their website a complete overhaul.)

Site Owner: “So, I’m a big fan of [Popular Movie Franchise] and was wondering if you could do a template based on that.”

Me: “Sure thing! I love [Popular Movie Franchise], too! I could show you a few designs I whipped up previously.”

(Things proceed as normal, with me growing increasingly excited at finding a fellow fan who wants me to indulge one of my own geeky passions.)

Me: “Okay, and I just need your PayPal address to send the invoice.”

Site Owner: “Sure thing. I’ll send it right now.”

(He emails me his address, which I recognize as one that belongs to someone I dealt with a year ago. Specifically, this someone asked for a site design that he then never paid me for, and proceeded to vanish without a trace when I tried to follow up on his non-payment.)

Me: “Wait… is this [Name]?”

Site Owner: “Yes, is there a problem?”

Me: “You’re the guy who asked me to design a site for [Web Address] in June of last year?”

Site Owner: “Oh… wow, you remember that, huh? Yeah I had to put an end to that plan due to budget problems.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’ve been trying to get you to pay your bill on that ever since! Did you not get any of my reminders that you had an outstanding invoice?”

Site Owner: “Uh… maybe? Is this going to be a problem?”

Me: “Heck, yes, it’s going to be a problem! You still owe me $400 for that last job and now you expect me to do more work for you?”

Site Owner: “Well… I mean it was such a long time ago. I thought if you remembered it’d be like ‘Oh, it’s you!’ And then we’d have a laugh about the craziness that went on.”

Me: “That ‘craziness’ is why I was late on several bills due to not having your payment to cover things! This isn’t a sitcom! People don’t just laugh it off when you refuse to uphold your end of a business agreement.”

Site Owner: “Seriously?”

Me: “Much as I really wanted to do this job, I’m going to have to decline now, given you’re too great of a risk.”

Site Owner: “What?! Well, what if I agree to pay up front for the new job?”

Me: “You’d still owe me the $400 for the last job.”

Site Owner: “Well, I don’t have that kind of money right now! I’m trying to run a business here! Can’t you cut a break for a fellow [Popular Movie Franchise] fan?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m trying to run a business here too. You’ll have to find someone else.”

(I blocked the guy on IM and posted warnings to every forum I know telling them not to do business with him if contacted. Blows my mind anyone could be so brazen or stupid as to change their name and contact details but still use the same PayPal address for someone they previously stiffed on a payment!)

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Download Some Intelligence While You’re At It

| Right | February 24, 2016

Customer: “I need to download a file to my pictures that change.”

Me: “Okay, yes, I believe you are talking about adding an image to your large slide show, but please let me make sure that you are talking about uploading an image, right? Adding the file to your website? Downloading is when you save things from your website to your computer.”

Customer: “No, I want to download a picture.”

Me: *talks them through the process of downloading images*

Customer: “Okay, thank you… So, when will the image show up on my website?”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry, sir; I must have misunderstood. So you do want to upload a file to your website? To have the image appear on your website for people to view?”

Customer: “No, I want to download the image!”

Me: *gives up, and gives instructions for how to upload an image*

Customer: “See?! Was that so hard? You tech people think you know what you are talking about and you couldn’t even help me download an image!” *hangs up*

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A Rude Awakening

| Right | September 19, 2014

(I ask a client to call me the morning of the next day to discuss layouts for his website. He ends up calling at around 3:00 pm instead.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I won’t be able to help you right now. Please ca—”

Client: “Wait. I thought you said to call in the morning!”

Me: “Yes, I did, but it’s 3:00 in the afternoon now. I’m really busy right now though so we’ll have to reschedule.”

Client: “YOU SAID MORNING! I just woke up so it’s still MY morning! You need to assist me now!”

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