You Won’t Be Seeing Her Space Mountains

, , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(My job is to screen ride photos at a famous space ride. I typically see a lot of vulgar hand gestures and boobs. Surprisingly, a lot of boobs. We screen them so they can’t be seen by guests and are unsellable. A woman and three men come to the ride photo booth to pick up their photo and are displeased when it is censored and they can’t see it. Unsurprisingly, they are drunk or getting there at least.)

Ride Photo Attendant: “I’m sorry, we can’t show them to you.”

Women: “Just for a second.”

Ride Photo Attendant: “No, sorry.”

(The woman and one man go to the washroom and another man, not from their party, comes up to the front.)

Other Man: “Can I buy that photo?”

Ride Photo Attendant: “Do you know that woman?”

Other Man: “No, but my wife and I are having trouble getting it on here with all these kids around and I need something to stimulate IT with, if you know what I mean.”

(The ride photo attendant did know what they meant, as did the security guard who escorted him out.)

That’s A Fresh Reason To Complain

, , , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work overnight at an independently-owned franchise of a very large fast food company that has a reputation for making sandwiches and fries in bulk ahead of time and leaving them in warmers to save time on orders. Many, many customers complain about this and will often resort to claiming allergies to ensure their food is made fresh. However, at my location, we cook everything to order late at night to maintain quality and to prevent food waste. We only have three or four people on this shift but only the drive-thru is open at this time, and we all wear headsets; that way, when an order comes through we can all hear it and we know what to make. Cook times are very similar on food items and are usually only just a few minutes (with only one or two exceptions) so while drive-thru is taking the order someone makes fries while someone else cooks meat, etc. so that everything comes out together and the wait time for the customer really isn’t much longer than if we made everything ahead of time. We get a lot of people like cops, hospital workers, cab drivers, and other people working late who really appreciate being able to get a hot meal late at night and we rarely get complaints.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Hey! I want three cheeseburgers, no ketchup or onions, one large fry, and a large chocolate milkshake.”

Me: “Okay that’s [repeats order]. No problem! Your total is [total] and I will see you at the first window.”

(He pulls up and starts counting out his money. Someone calls out the time on my headset and says they are getting ready to bring the food back to me.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s [total]. Your food is going to be out in just a minute so I’m going to have you stay at this window.”

Customer: *pulling back his hand with the money in it* “NO.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Customer: “No. I’m not waiting. I want my food NOW. This is [Fast Food Company]. Why am I waiting?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We make all the food to order at this location but when I said ‘just a minute’ I meant that literally. That wasn’t very clear and I do apologize. You actually have—“ *leaning around the corner to see the timer on the grill* “—45 seconds left.”

Customer: “I didn’t come here for fresh food! You don’t have any just sitting around you can just scrape the toppings off of?”

Me: “Umm…”

(His food was already done by that point so I cashed him out and wished him a good night but I couldn’t believe someone complained that we didn’t have food just sitting around.)

Don’t Beer And Bus

, , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I work for a popular travel center. It’s a fancy way of saying it’s a big truck stop that serves both semi trucks and regular vehicles. This store also happens to be a stop on a commercial bus route so we get really big rushes of people when the buses stop there. The passengers on the bus are not allowed to purchase or consume alcohol because a drunk passenger can cause disruptions and potentially compromise the safety of the driver and passengers. We sell beer at our location and must refuse the sale of it to passengers and inform the bus driver if they try to buy it. A customer approaches the register.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Are you riding the bus today?”

Passenger #1: *has beer and an empty cup* “Yep, I am heading to [Location].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; unfortunately, I cannot sell you this beer.” *slides the beer behind the register*

Passenger #1: “Why not? I was just going to put it in this cup.”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot sell beer to bus passengers.”

Passenger #1: “Well, I won’t bring it on the bus, then; I will just drink it before getting on the bus.”

Me: “Again, I apologize but it is against the law in the state of Florida to drink alcohol on the premises.”

(Passenger #1 gets frustrated and pays for his other stuff complaining the whole time. Passenger #2 is next in line and has listened in on the entire conversation.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Are you riding the bus today?”

Passenger #2: “Nope.”

(I have worked here long enough that I can generally tell when the people are lying and all of the bus drivers brief their passengers on the policy.)

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I ring him up and when he leaves, I call our maintenance guys to keep an eye on him over our headphone/radio walkie-talkies. Maintenance usually monitors the bus passengers whenever a bus arrives. The maintenance guy catches the passenger with the beer outside, waiting with the other passengers, so I call over the driver and point the guy out. The driver kicks him off the bus. Passenger #2 comes back to my register.)

Passenger #2: “I want to return this beer.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. According to state laws, we cannot accept returns on beer, alcohol, or tobacco products.”

Passenger #2: “Well, when does the next bus come? This is bull-s***! Can I take the next bus?”

Me: “Our company does not have a contract with bus company so we do not posses their schedules, so we do not exactly know when next bus for [Destination] will arrive. Usually when they do come, it is at the driver’s discretion to allow you on the bus or not.”

Passenger #2: “So what the f*** am I supposed to do?”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but those are the policies. The driver may not take you if you still possess or consume that beer, and it is against the law to consume the beer on the premises.”

Passenger #2: “Then give me my money back!”

Me: “As I have stated before, sir, I cannot do that; it is against the law.”

(By now I have a small line forming behind him with one of my coworkers on break trying to pay for her lunch behind him.)

Passenger #2: “Then what the f*** am I supposed to do?”

Coworker: *behind Passenger #2* “Throw it out and remember to follow the rules next time!”

(The guy is mad and makes a show of slamming the beer into the trash before stomping outside and waiting for the next bus, which does not come until later that night. The driver comes in and asks us a couple of questions.)

Driver: *to me* “Why is that guy outside… really?”

Me: “He tried to buy beer and got kicked off of the bus.”

Driver: “I figured that much. He tried to say that you guys told the other driver to kick him off for no reason.”

(The driver let him on with a warning about lying to her and trying to buy another beer.)

How Do I Put This Deli-cately

, , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(My manager is chewing out the night crew for the lazy cleaning job they did last night.)

Manager: “This is the best deli in the area, and we want it to stay that way. But it’s not going to stay that way unless we all start putting a lot more effort into it. Now, I’m going to lunch. You guys know what you’re supposed to be doing.”

(He walks away.)

Me: “Did he just say this is the best deli in the area?”

Coworker: “He did indeed.”

Me: “This isn’t even the best deli in a ten-foot radius.”

Manager: *from behind me* “I heard that!”

Nevertheless You’re Still Getting The Write Up

, , , , | Working | August 12, 2017

(I am called into the office and issued a write-up. I read it. I seriously think it is a joke.)

Me: “Excuse me, could you please explain this? It states that I’m being written up for using ‘nevertheless’ in a conversation with a customer.”

Boss: “Yes, she complained that you used a word she didn’t know and made her feel stupid.”

Me: “How is it my fault that she’s stupid for not knowing what ‘nevertheless’ means? She’s an affluent forty-year-old and is a native English speaker. There’s no reason for her not to know the meaning of the word.”

Boss: “Well, I didn’t know what it meant, either.”

Me: “Once again, how’s that my fault? It’s a perfectly common word. I’d expect a third grader to be able to infer what it meant, even if they didn’t know the meaning. I refuse to dumb down my vocabulary for idiots.”

Boss: *deer in headlights look* “You may go now.”

(No, I wasn’t fired. My boss pretty much ignored me after that incident. I heard from another coworker that I stumped the boss with my use of “affluent.” I quit shortly after.)

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