Winter Is Coming?

, , , , , | Learning | December 10, 2018

(I am an elementary music teacher preparing for our K-1 winter concert. This is the third slip sent home with information regarding the performance.)

Slip Sent Home: “Our K-1 Winter Concert will be at [School] on Thursday, December 6th, at 6:00 pm. Please have students wear their winter best, be it a nice long sleeve shirt or a nice dress.”

Parent #1: “Where is the winter concert?”

Parent #2: “When is the winter concert?”

Parent #3: “This is the concert for chorus, right?”

Parent #4: “What does [Child] have to wear?”

Parent #5: “When will the third-graders be singing that night?”

Parent #6: “We’ll be about 45 minutes late. Is that okay?”

A Scary Lack Of Mummies

, , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(I work in an American art museum that is known for its stained glass pieces from a renowned artist. When people arrive, we suggest they start out in the video room so they can watch the introductory films. A middle-aged woman enters and pays for one admission into the museum.)

Visitor: “Where are the mummies?”

Me: *caught off guard by this* “We don’t have any mummies here; we are an art museum.”

(I motion towards the adjacent gallery and the large painting across from the desk.)

Visitor: *skeptical* “No, I know you have them here; I saw it on TV.”

Me: “Perhaps you are looking for the science center?”

(I check to see if she would like her ticket refunded, in case she would like to head over to the science center, instead, but she wants to stay.)

Me: “In the room behind you, you can watch our introduction videos to learn more about the collection.”

Visitor: *hesitates for a moment, then her eyes widen and she leans in closer to me, and in a sudden hushed and anxious voice* “Are they [the movies] scary?!”

Me: “Uh? No…”

These Are Not Telling Times

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(A customer starts banging violently on the counter.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s my pizza? I’d like to get home and eat before tomorrow morning, you know!”

Me: “Sir, it’s Saturday night. I told you we were busy when you came in to order and that it’d be around thirty minutes.”

Customer: “So?”

(I nod to the clock on the wall beside him.)

Me: “So, it’s only been about ten minutes since you came in to order.”

(The customer glances at the clock, then at me again.)

Customer: “Oh, give me a break. Do I look like I can tell time?”

(He looked, at least, to be in his mid-30s.)

Holy Moly Guacamole!

, , , , | Related | December 5, 2018

(My mother takes me to a seafood restaurant I’ve never been to before. I decide to try the tuna sashimi, and when it arrives, I notice something on my dish.)

Me: “What’s this green stuff?”

Mom: *as unsure as I am* “I think it’s guacamole.”

Me: “Oh! I love guacamole!”

(Elated, I enthusiastically dug in and took a very large bite… of the grandmother of all horseradish! That day was when I first learned about Wasabi.)

Squishing A Customer’s Demands For A Discount Is Oh So Satisfying

, , , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I work in a bakery. We mark down items that are due off the shelf that day for quick sale, as well as anything that is damaged. A woman comes up to me carrying a loaf of our expensive cheese and garlic bread that I KNOW is fresh, because I just baked and put it out myself.)

Customer: “You need to mark this down for me!”

Me: “Hi, ma’am, nice to see you. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “Are you blind? What kind of standards do you have? The top is all squished!”

(Note that while the rest of the loaves we bake and sell have rounded tops, the way this bread is baked, combined with the toppings and other ingredients, means it always comes out brick-shaped. It even comes with its own special label that we affix that has a photo of it on the front, showing how it’s supposed to look. She does not listen when I point this out.)

Customer: “[Company] is supposed to be all about quality… Does this look like quality to you?”

(She’s getting more and more obstinate, even jabbing a finger at my chest. Normally, I wouldn’t care enough to fight her on it, since I can issue markdowns easily, but I am not about to enable her attitude.)

Me: “It looks as it was intended to look, ma’am.”

Customer: “Don’t get smart with me. Do you want me to get your manager over a discount I know you can make?”

Me: “You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry. I see your point now. This is unacceptable.”

(She hands me the bread, looking incredibly smug… right until I crush it into a ball in front of her and nearly spike it into the trash can, still smiling politely at her.)

Me: “Obviously, we can’t offer such shoddy product to our customers. Thank you for letting me know so I could dispose of it. Have a good day!”

(While at the time it was easily one of the most satisfying moments I’ve ever had at work, in hindsight I’m amazed she didn’t go try to get me fired. Instead, she just stared at me looking startled and confused, then turned and ambled off like nothing had happened.)

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