This Customer Is Exhaust-ing 

, , , | Right | January 22, 2021

I work at a shop that’s a huge tourist attraction in any state and town known greatly for their motorcycles. We’ve just gotten done doing a new owner celebration; we rev motorcycle engines and honk the horns when someone buys a new motorcycle.

Customer: “UGH. This is awful. Why does it smell so badly of car exhaust in here?!”

Me: “They can’t be serious.”

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Unfiltered Story #223678

, , | Unfiltered | January 22, 2021

I work at a big amusement park. My part of the park closes early because it’s meant for kids.

I finished closing a store about a half hour ago when I get a call on my radio telling me guests were entering my store since I didn’t lock the doors.

I run over to the store to see some guests lining up in the doorway.

Me: Sorry guys we’re closed for the evening

Guest: Then why were the doors unlocked?

Me: Well although the the doors were unlocked, the lights were off the doors were closed so I figured people would know it was closed.

Guest: are you calling us stupid? I’m going to report you.

It has been over a month and I have never gotten said complaint

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This Franchise Doesn’t Own Them… Yet

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I work in a members-only lounge at a popular theme park. We provide an air-conditioned space with charging stations, as well as free soda and coffee machines. There is also a [Coffee Shop] located just across the plaza in the park. This happens on the day [Coffee Shop] releases its Unicorn [Drink].

A customer approaches me at the check-in for the lounge.

Customer: “I’m here for my free Unicorn [Drink].”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I heard you give free Unicorn [Drink]s to members. I want one.”

Me: “Do you mean the new [Coffee Shop] drink?”

Customer: “Yes. Someone in line had a coffee and said that they got it here for free. So I want a Unicorn [Drink].”

I realize what must have happened.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, they must have meant our complimentary coffee. We do have a Keurig machine in the lounge that is for member use, but it’s just decaf or regular. We aren’t affiliated with [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “What do you mean? [Theme Park] owns [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I walked past one right outside!”

Me: “We have a partnership wherein we sell their coffee in their stores on property. But even if we did own them, the Unicorn [Drink] is a seven-dollar specialty drink. There is no way we could afford to give away thousands of those for free every day. You’re welcome to come up for a complimentary coffee, or if you really want the Unicorn [Drink], [Coffee Shop] is—”

The customer turns to go:

Customer: “I know where it is! The guest service here has taken a nosedive! [Founder of Theme Park] is turning over in his grave!”

Me: “Have a magical day!”

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Unfiltered Story #223151

, , , | Unfiltered | January 19, 2021

(I’ve been fat my whole life. I’m also very aware of the fact that I’m fat, since this is my body and I see and deal with it every day. When this happens, I’m standing at the greeter position outside of the attraction I work at.)

Me: *to everyone passing through* Hi, everyone! Welcome, enjoy the show!
Small girl: Hi!
Me: *gives her a big smile* Hi! Hope you like the show!
Small girl: You’re huge! You’re enormous!

(I did a double take as she kept walking. Her mom started laughing, commenting to the dad about how it was so funny. It was one of those “Did that really just happen?” moments more than anything.)

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No Room For Memorizing Lyrics AND Scriptures

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2021

Like most churches, ours helpfully puts the words to the hymns on a screen for all to see. Today, however, as we start the next song, the screen suddenly flickers and quits. The onstage chorus looks at each other in confusion, but the pianist is still playing strong, so everyone desperately tries to mumble along to the melody. The pastor tries to call out the words for us, but it’s hard to understand what exactly he’s saying.

Finally, we get to the refrain, which apparently everyone knows by heart, as the entire congregation suddenly belts it loud and clear! The lyrics screen briefly resurrects for a moment, just long enough to display the words we’re already singing from memory, and then dies before the next verse again.

Once again, we mumble along until the refrain: “Ner ner ner ner ner… BEEECAAUSE HE LIIIIIIVES!”

By the look of things, our pastor was moved to tears. Perhaps you had to be there, but it was certainly one of the more memorable worship sessions I’ve ever been to.

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