Alarmingly Sweet

, , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2020

(I am a notoriously heavy sleeper, needing multiple cell phone alarms plus a digital alarm clock to help me wake up in the morning. My husband, on the other hand, wakes up well before his alarm and is often up an hour or two earlier than me due to his work schedule. One morning, I vaguely hear my alarms from the depth of my dreams and hear my husband stomping his way into the bedroom to turn them off. I bring it up with him later that day.)

Me: “Did me sleeping through my alarms this morning annoy you?”

Husband: “No, why?”

Me: “I heard you come stomping in the room like you were thinking, ‘All this f****** noise and she’s not even moving!’”

Husband: “No! I was rushing to turn them off because I didn’t want it to wake you up!”

Me: *staring at him in confusion* “You do… You do know what alarms are for, right?”

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Unfiltered Story #182255

, , | Unfiltered | January 12, 2020

(I work for a major retailer that sells deer corn and other hunting items.)

Customer: “Do you have any deer corn?”
Me: “Yes, it’s in the center of the aisle right over there.”
Customer: “Well next time just say you don’t have any, because THAT says DONKEY CORN on the bag!”
(Customer walks away. I walked over, looked at the bag. It reads “Donkey Corn” as the MODEL name. And there’s a big picture of a buck on the front.)

Unfiltered Story #182221

, , , | Unfiltered | January 8, 2020

(My husband and I stop at an outlet for a well known jeans brand, because they carry my size, which is difficult to find. As I walk in, this interaction happens)
Customer: What do you mean, you can’t do that? I’m the customer!
Manager: I’m sorry, but it’s corporate policy.
Customer: Well, fine. Give me the corporate number.
Manager: (Gives corporate number)
Customer: And I want your name too. And his (pointing at an associate). You two have been unbelievably rude! I’ve never dealt with anyone so rude before!
Manager: (Gives names). I’m sorry for any inconvenience. I hope you have a nice evening.
(Customer walks off in a huff.)
Me: I’m pretty sure that woman deals with someone that rude on a daily basis. What was she so upset about?
Manager: We wouldn’t accept a return without a receipt. What can I help you with?
Me: Wow, she’s an idiot. I was wondering if you have any jeans in stock with a 28″ inseam.
Manager: Unfortunately, we don’t, but we have some 20% off coupons that you can use to order them online! If we had any in stock, I’d give you a bigger discount.

Her Entitlement Is Stuck On Repeat

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2020

(I’m at a chain coffee shop waiting for my order. The woman who ordered right before me is also still waiting for hers. In addition to a holiday-themed coffee, she has also purchased two dessert items. After a minute, the girl who took her order comes over to apologize and let her know that they actually only have one of the desserts she ordered right now.)

Employee: “I am so sorry about this! We have a few different options; you can pick any other dessert out of the case, I can refund you for the one you didn’t get, or I can issue you a $5 gift card for the inconvenience.”

Woman: “What are you going to do for me?”

Employee: “As I said, you can come over and pick out any other dessert from the display, I can refund you for one, or I can go ahead and issue you a $5 gift card.”

Woman: “But what are you going to do for me?!”

Employee: “I’m not sure how else to explain it, ma’am. As I said, I’m so sorry, but we can—”

Woman: “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR ME?!”

Employee: “You know, I’m going to just go ahead and give you a $5 gift card for the inconvenience. I’ll be right back with that.”

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If Anyone Was Going To End The Human Race, It Was Cats

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 4, 2020

(My roommate is sick. Almost without fail, when he gets sick, I get sick. Unfairly, the reverse isn’t also true. As a result, I’ve become super cautious every time he’s ill in an effort to avoid it myself. He’s currently sitting on the couch with one of our cats cuddled up next to him, doling out pets and receiving many licks in return.)

Me: *fake pouting* “Aw. I wanted Jellybean to come and cuddle with me.”

Roommate: “Oh, he will, once he’s ready to spread my disease.”

Me: “Oh, God. You’ve turned him into a vector.”

Roommate: *now cooing at the cat* “What an eager vector! Are you a willing participant in germ warfare? Yes, you are! Who’s the cutest little bioweapon?”

Me: “STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

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