Named And Shamed

, , , , | Working | December 11, 2017

(Our work environment is pretty casual, and most everyone has a nickname of some sort, while several of the guys go by nicknames exclusively for the most part. One of these guys is someone who doesn’t often have cause to interact with clients or partners, which is what typically prompts us to use real names out of professionalism. One day, I need his help with something for a potential client.)

Me: *e-mailing the client and copying my coworker on it* “Hi! So I think we’ll be able to work something out. Let me introduce you to [Real Name] who knows more about the topic than I do and can get you started.”

Nicknamed Coworker: *in a private e-mail* “Hey, did you mean to copy someone else? Who’s [Real Name]? Did we hire someone new in my department?”

Nicknamed Coworker: *in another private e-mail sent less than a minute later* “I forgot that I am [Real Name].”

(He didn’t live that one down for a while.)

Unfiltered Story #101621

, | Unfiltered | December 11, 2017

(I’ve just left my department to take a restroom break when a co-worker from another department greets me.)

Coworker: “How ya doing, [my name]?”

Me: “Bathroom.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Wait a sec, did you say, ‘How ya doing?’ or ‘Where ya going?'”

Coworker: “How ya doing!”

Me: “Oh. Well, I guess, technically, the answer to both questions is the same.”

The Importance Of Fact-Checking

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(We have a rather gullible regular who has somehow grown up convinced that if a thing is in print, it has to be true.)

Regular: *as she’s being rung up by my coworker* “Oh! Did you hear? There was a shark attack last week!”

Coworker: “Oh, my goodness! Where?”

Regular: “[Nearby Apartment Complex].”

Coworker: *pause* “Pardon?”

Regular: “Yeah, apparently some family had a shark mounted on the wall. That must have angered the other shark. It broke down the door and bit an 11-year-old on the face!”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “[Regular], that never happened.”

Regular: “It did! It was in the news and everything!”

Me: “[Regular], think about it. How could a shark hold its breath on land long enough to somehow travel five miles away from the water and cross a dozen busy roads, just to break down a door and attack a child? All without legs?”

Regular: “Hold on! I’ll bring up the article!”

Coworker: “[Regular], we don’t mind you Googling it, but there’s a line behind you. I’m afraid you can’t stand here at the registers looking for it.”

Regular: “No worries. I’ll come back and show you the article!”

(She paraded out the door, fiddling with her phone, still searching. My coworker put his hands together and loudly mock-prayed, “Please don’t let her discover Sharknado! Please don’t let her discover Sharknado!” A few days later, she came back, having forgotten about the “shark attack,” but full to bursting about the news that all major movie companies were going to create DVDs that would completely erase themselves after a single viewing of a movie, forcing everyone to have to buy it again to watch it a second time. No one could convince her that the movie industry would become bankrupt virtually overnight if they did so.)

That’s The Problem With Going In As Number Two

, , , , | Romantic | December 10, 2017

(We only have one bathroom.)

Partner: “I’m about to take a shower. You want to use the bathroom first?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I accidentally end up spending 15 minutes in there. As I exit, I turn on the fan.)

Me: “So… About your shower.”

Partner: “Yeah. I think I’ll wait on that.”

Bouncing Through Alternative Names

, , , , , | Romantic | December 9, 2017

(My partner dislikes bras. We’re going off-roading.)

Partner: *sighs dramatically* “I have to wear the anti-boob-bouncing device.”

(I laughed.)

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