Savings In Disguise

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2019

(I’m studying to get my certification to sell insurance. A friend sends me a joke and I read it aloud to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Would a Transformer get car insurance or life insurance?”

Boyfriend: *pause* “He can just bundle and save.”

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Technological Advancements In Dad Jokes

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(I’m working the front desk at a chain hotel when a couple with a baby comes in. They check in without issue and head up to their room. About ten minutes later, the father enters the lobby and approaches me looking nervous.)

Father: “I found a mouse under the heater in our room.”

Me: “Oh, my. Sir, I am—”

Father: “No, it’s okay. It was dead.”

(He places a wireless computer mouse on the counter; I am very relieved.)

Father: “Sorry. I’m a dad now. I couldn’t resist that.”

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Every Mother’s Hope For Their Child

, , , , | Related | October 10, 2019

(I’m a fairly innocent kid. When I’m in seventh grade, I’m ecstatic to get the part of a Lost Boy in my school’s production of “Peter Pan.” My character, Pans, wears a pot on his head at all times. My mother begins hatching a plot when I come home with the pot, and that night she springs into action.)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Mom: “Can you help me with something?”

Me: “Yeah, what?”

Mom: *grinning* “I need you to put on your costume, go out into the living room, and tell your father, ‘Look, Dad, I’m a pothead.’”

(This seems a little weird to me, but I don’t know if there’s a joke there or what she’s talking about. I trust my mother, so I do what she asks.)

Me: *walks into the living room* “Hey, Dad!”

Dad: *looks up from magazine*

Me: “Look, I’m a pothead!”

Dad: *puts his head in his hands and groans*

Mom: *dying of laughter*

(I didn’t fully understand what my mom had been laughing at or why my dad had been groaning until I was much, much older.)

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That Got Zero Reaction

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2019

(I’m getting ready to check out at a big-box home improvement store. I’m placing my items on the belt when I notice a reflective sticker with the numeral zero off to the side of the belt. It’s not unusual; sometimes people decide they don’t want something and leave it off to the side.)

Cashier: *pointing at the sticker* “Is that your Zero?”

Me: *faux indignant* “That means nothing to me!”

(My kids giggled, being used to my “dad humor.” The cashier didn’t even crack a smile.)

 

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Dad Jokes Are Even Less Funny When Played On The Wife

, , , , | Romantic | August 19, 2019

Wife: *in the bathroom* “Could you bring me the TP?”

(I bring her the little teepee she made for our daughter as a fort.)

Wife: *does not laugh*

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