You’re An Ool To Trust Them

, , , , , , | Related | July 9, 2018

(Before I get in our new pool with our grandsons, I decide to explain a very important rule by telling a very old, very corny joke.)

Me: “Boys, welcome to our ‘ool.’”

(They both looked puzzled.)

Me: “I can see that you’re wondering why I called it our ‘ool.’ It’s because there is no P in it, and we want to keep it that way.”

(They burst out laughing. Two days later, their mom brings them to swim again. She and I are talking when the older boy yells:)

Grandson: “Uh-oh, Grandma! Now it’s a pool!”

A Spoon-Fed Fork Pun

, , , , , , | Working | June 20, 2018

After a busy day, we spent a long night washing dishes, and we were all exhausted after working all day. One of the servers came to ask us if we had any clean forks so that they could finish placing silverware, but didn’t know that one of the other servers had just picked up all we had left.

Without thinking, I said, “Sorry, we’re fresh out of forks to give.”

My manager overheard, and started laughing.

A Pun In The Oven

, , , , , | Romantic | June 15, 2018

(This was before I was born. Dad has just come home with shopping bags.)

Mom: “Honey, can you check the oven while I put the groceries away?”

Dad: “Sure.” *checks* “There’s just a bun… Wait a second.”

(He turns around and sees Mom wearing the biggest and goofiest smile ever.)

Dad: “You mean…”

Mom: “Yup, I found out yesterday.”

Dad: “And you put a bun…”

Mom: “Uh-huh!”

(Dad kisses Mom on the forehead and laughs.)

Dad: “It’s gestures like these that remind me why I love you, my little cornball.”

(And this is how Mom told Dad about me. No wonder I love cheese so much!)

These Puns Are The Real Horror Story

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(There is some really thick fog this night, and I just finished carrying out an order for a customer to their car. I come back in, and a coworker friend from another department is in my department looking around. I walk over, and we go to lunch a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “What were you outside for, by the way?”

Me: “Oh, just bringing out an order to a customer. It was small, so I didn’t mind.”

Coworker: “How bad is the fog out there?”

Me: “It’s like Silent Hill kind of thick, again.”

Coworker: “When it’s thick like that, I try to catch it, but I always mist.”

(I dropped my spoon, and my coworker friend and I burst out laughing. We will both always laugh at even the worst of jokes and puns, and I hadn’t heard that one in a while. When we both walked out that night, we were trying to catch the fog like children, but always mist.)

A Bad Joke, No De-Nile

, , , | Healthy | April 23, 2018

(I schedule appointments at an OB/GYN office. One day, a woman calls in needing to be seen; she has just learned she is about three months pregnant.)

Patient: “I thought I had food poisoning or something from my trip to see the pyramids, but my symptoms lasted so long I thought I should take a pregnancy test. Positive! I’m so excited!”

Me: *hardly able to contain myself that I can use this joke* “Sounds like you did catch something on your trip. You have the Egyptian flu: you’re going to be a mummy!”

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