I work in a small open-plan office. I have just finished writing a technical manual, so I hand the hard copy over to my technical manager for checking. As a precursor to asking if anyone else wants a drink, I make a comment.
Me: “Well, I think I’ve earned myself a cup of tea.”
Before I can ask if anyone else wants one, my technical manager responds.
Technical Manager: “You get paid in tea now, do you?”
Me: “There’s a thought.”
Coworker: “The rate you go, you’d be paid a fortune.”
Me: “Can you imagine the problems that would happen if anyone found out about me being paid in tea? Trouble brewing!”
There are a lot of groans around the office, and the admin assistant’s head falls into her hands with a comment of, “Oh, [My Name]!”
Me: “You don’t know how much pleasure your collective cries of agony gave me.”
I work at a chain of family restaurants in the northeast US, and this happens about 10:30 pm, a little over an hour before we close for the night. I am working the ice cream counter. A Jim Dandy is what we call our large banana splits.
Me: *To a waitress* “Hey, what do you call a Jim Dandy with no nuts?”
Waitress: “What?”
Me: “A Jane Dandy!”
She tells her customer, laughs, tweets it, and then tells the joke to another customer at carry-out.
Customer: “This is great; you guys should open a bar!”
While working from home during the recent global health crisis, I post a picture online of my cat cuddling my laptop and mock-complain that my work calls are being interrupted by purring. The following comment exchange ensues between me and my sisters.
Sister #1: “In-purr-upted?”
Sister #2: “I am proud of that pun. It is purrfect.”
Me: *Pause* “Get out.”
Sister #1: “Aww. Do I have to leave right meow?”
Me: “I guess you can stay for a mew minutes.”
Sister #2: “You have got to be kitten me! She can stay fur as long as she likes!”
Remember that laughter helps reduce stress! Stay safe and keep smiling, everyone!
I work in a pet store, and there is a regular that is in all the time. She is very nice and always makes light chat. Normally, I am in the fish/animal department where she shops but today I’m up on the registers.
Regular: “I have a number of crickets and these.”
She motions to her other items and I enter the codes.
Me: “Your total is [price]. So, where’s [Husband]?”
Regular: “He’s at home.”
She hands over a crumpled wad of cash, which I start to straighten.
Regular: “It’s the right amount.”
Me: “Oh, I believe you. You’re here all the time. I’m just flattening them so they lay in the register easier.”
Regular: “Okay. Sorry about them. They went through the wash today.”
Me: *Completely serious* “Been laundering money, have we?”
Regular: *Laughs* “Wow, that was so… punny.”
Me: *Laughing, too* “I couldn’t help myself! No regrets!”
The regular is still laughing as she gathers up her stuff.
Regular: “I guess I set myself up for that.”
Me: “See you later!”
(I am in a popular store. A female employee is putting up a huge advertisement picture in the women’s clothing section, and a man with a manager’s badge walks over.)
Manager: “[Employee], how goes the poster hanging?”
Employee: “Well, I have a feeling there’s going to be some problems with this one…”
(I look at the poster. It’s a woman in an extremely revealing swimsuit.)
Manager: “Yeah, I knew this one would cause some issues. I can hear it now. ‘Mister Manager, how dare you show this to my children?! It’s so inappropriate! I want a refund even though I didn’t buy anything!’”
Employee: “When anyone complains, you’d better know that I’m making you deal with them.”
Manager: “I promise I will… ad-DRESS the issue! Get it? Address?”
