I work at a chain of family restaurants in the northeast US, and this happens about 10:30 pm, a little over an hour before we close for the night. I am working the ice cream counter. A Jim Dandy is what we call our large banana splits.
Me: *To a waitress* “Hey, what do you call a Jim Dandy with no nuts?”
Waitress: “What?”
Me: “A Jane Dandy!”
She tells her customer, laughs, tweets it, and then tells the joke to another customer at carry-out.
Customer: “This is great; you guys should open a bar!”
While working from home during the recent global health crisis, I post a picture online of my cat cuddling my laptop and mock-complain that my work calls are being interrupted by purring. The following comment exchange ensues between me and my sisters.
Sister #1: “In-purr-upted?”
Sister #2: “I am proud of that pun. It is purrfect.”
Me: *Pause* “Get out.”
Sister #1: “Aww. Do I have to leave right meow?”
Me: “I guess you can stay for a mew minutes.”
Sister #2: “You have got to be kitten me! She can stay fur as long as she likes!”
Remember that laughter helps reduce stress! Stay safe and keep smiling, everyone!
I work in a pet store, and there is a regular that is in all the time. She is very nice and always makes light chat. Normally, I am in the fish/animal department where she shops but today I’m up on the registers.
Regular: “I have a number of crickets and these.”
She motions to her other items and I enter the codes.
Me: “Your total is [price]. So, where’s [Husband]?”
Regular: “He’s at home.”
She hands over a crumpled wad of cash, which I start to straighten.
Regular: “It’s the right amount.”
Me: “Oh, I believe you. You’re here all the time. I’m just flattening them so they lay in the register easier.”
Regular: “Okay. Sorry about them. They went through the wash today.”
Me: *Completely serious* “Been laundering money, have we?”
Regular: *Laughs* “Wow, that was so… punny.”
Me: *Laughing, too* “I couldn’t help myself! No regrets!”
The regular is still laughing as she gathers up her stuff.
Regular: “I guess I set myself up for that.”
Me: “See you later!”
(I am in a popular store. A female employee is putting up a huge advertisement picture in the women’s clothing section, and a man with a manager’s badge walks over.)
Manager: “[Employee], how goes the poster hanging?”
Employee: “Well, I have a feeling there’s going to be some problems with this one…”
(I look at the poster. It’s a woman in an extremely revealing swimsuit.)
Manager: “Yeah, I knew this one would cause some issues. I can hear it now. ‘Mister Manager, how dare you show this to my children?! It’s so inappropriate! I want a refund even though I didn’t buy anything!’”
Employee: “When anyone complains, you’d better know that I’m making you deal with them.”
Manager: “I promise I will… ad-DRESS the issue! Get it? Address?”
(My mother’s small dog, whom I love more than most people, is a bit of a pill when it comes to doing his business outside. It’s not that he would rather do it inside; he just sometimes doesn’t seem to want to do it at all, and it’s something of a chore to get him to do a “number two”. I have him out in his yard one afternoon while my mother is doing something else.)
Me: “Come on, buddy. You can do it! Assume the position!”
(I keep up a stream of relative nonsense for a few minutes until my mother comes outside to continue her project. She pauses and watches me.)
Mom: “[My Name], what are you doing?”
Me: “Trying to get [Dog] to do what he needs to do.”
Mom: “By annoying him?”
Me: *pause* “Yeah! I’m harassing the s*** out of him!”
(The look I received could have melted stone.)
