Retire This Line Of Enquiry

, , , , | Working | February 13, 2018

(I have been getting letters and sign-up information from a particular retirement group about things to do when I retire, and about putting assets in the correct places. They are coming more and more frequently and getting almost spam-like. Sign-up age starts at 65.)

Customer Service Rep: “Good morning! Thank you for calling [Retirement Group]. Can I have your account number and reason for calling?”

Me: “Yes, hi. I don’t have an account.”

Customer Service Rep: “No problem! I will be happy to sign you up for our great benefits and services. What is your name and address?”

Me: “No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to sign up; I would like to stop receiving emails and letters from you about retirement.”

Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry to hear that. Can I ask the reason you do not wish to receive the information, which can help you in your later years?”

Me: “Because I am 25 years old. I have no wish to retire soon.”

Customer Service Rep: “Oh… How did you get signed up for [Retirement Group]?”

Me: “You tell me!”

Well, This Situation Has Gone To Pot

, , , , , , | Right | January 30, 2018

(My first job is at a tourist-trap antique store selling overpriced nostalgic items. I am manning the register. Today, I woke up late, so my hair is a mess and I am wearing the first thing I could find to wear: a band t-shirt with a button-up flannel. An elderly woman from out of town comes up to the counter with her small items.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Oh, just dandy. Enjoying the weather.”

(I write down her items, ring her up, and give her her total, when I realize she’s looking me over pretty good.)

Customer: “Do you know where I could get some pot?”

(I can’t help but give her a blank stare and question whether I heard her right the first time.)

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “Pot? Marijuana? That kind of pot? You seem like you would know.”

(Dumbfounded, I remember how I might appear to someone who doesn’t know me or see me regularly. I always dress better for work, and I most certainly do not smoke pot. But I know I must look like it from a first impression. Our town even set up a ban on dispensaries a while back; the nearest one is the next town over. I still can not believe that this sweet old woman buying little trinkets needs some dope.)

Me: “Um… No, we don’t have any dispensaries nearby, miss.”

Customer: “Do you have a dealer that you could maybe call?”

Me: “No, miss. This is not my everyday look; I don’t smoke pot.”

Customer: “Oh, darn. Well, you have a nice day, dear!”

(I had to take my lunch break after that.)

Millennials Will Make The Coolest Grandparents

, , , , | Hopeless | January 23, 2018

I am a woman in her late 20s, and a lifelong fantasy geek. At the department store where I work, I pass a woman in her 60s wearing a Harry Potter shirt. I compliment her on it and move on. A few months later, a woman is purchasing something at my register, and I compliment her on her Disney-brand purse. We strike up a conversation about Disneyland that veers into Universal Studios, and I recognize her as the woman I had seen earlier.

Now this woman stops by my section when she comes in and notices I’m not busy, and we happily talk about fandoms old and new, books, movies, comics, theme parks, fanworks, etc. She told me she enjoys talking with me, because no one her age is interested in these things, and only her grandchildren are willing to geek out with her. I assured her I’m more than happy to gush about my favorites things, anytime.

In a few decades, when I’m the grandmother wearing a Harry Potter shirt and carrying a Disney purse, I hope there will be people willing to geek out with me!

Lighting A Candle For Her Every Single Day

, , , , , | Hopeless | January 17, 2018

(It’s been a long and terrible day at work. I want to slam my head into the register. I have nobody in my line for a while until an elderly man walks up. He carefully places some items onto the belt: some bread, ice cream, a magazine, and two little candles. I take a deep breath to greet him.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you?”

Man: “I am doing very well. How about yourself, young lady?”

Me: “I am doing fine! Would you like paper or plastic?”

Man: “Plastic is just fine! Can you please be careful of these candles? They’re my wife’s favorites!”

Me: “Of course!”

(The transaction goes by just fine. He starts chatting with another customer and me.)

Man: “I remember coming in here with her. She’d pick out those candles, I’d accidentally drop them and break them, and she’d smack my arm and laugh. Sweet days. She was such a sweet lady.”

Me: “Oh… She’s…”

Man: “She’s been gone ten years, now. Sometimes I buy these candles for her, hoping to see her again to enjoy them. It hasn’t worked so far, but I won’t stop trying!”

(I finished his transaction with tears in my eyes, and wished him and the other customer well. That’s probably the most bittersweet thing I’ve ever heard.)

Her Hearing Is Going But Her Eyes Are Sharp As A Hawk’s

, , , , | Healthy | January 17, 2018

(I work in a local doctor’s surgery, running a clinic fixing hearing aids. I’m at home with my family when the doorbell rings. An elderly lady is standing outside.)

Elderly Lady: “Hello, are you the hearing aid lady?”

Me: “Yes…”

Elderly Lady: *hands me a small package* “The hospital posted me a new hearing aid mould, but I don’t know how to fit it. I didn’t want to wait for the clinic.”

Me: “How did you find me?”

Elderly Lady: “I saw you going home and I recognised you. Can you put my hearing aid together?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

(I do it on the spot; it’s a ten-second job.)

Elderly Lady: “Thank you! Bye!”

Me: *speechless*

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