Don’t Forget To Put A Title On This One!

, , , | Learning | February 16, 2020

(There’s an elderly teacher at my high school who is retiring at the end of the year. From his attitude about the situation, it’s clear that he’s retiring not because he wants to, but rather because the school is pressuring him to. And they have good reason for that. He’s become increasingly forgetful over the years, to the point that he’ll forget where his classroom is and what material he’s supposed to be teaching. He often loses students’ assignments and insists that they never turned them in instead of admitting that he can’t find them. We’ve learned to document everything we turn in for his classes. One day, I’m in his class taking notes when my pen runs out of ink. I turn around to quietly ask the person behind me if I can borrow one.)

Teacher: “[Not My Name], I told you I’d give you a detention if you disrupted class one more time!”

(I look around to see if he’s talking to someone else, since that’s not my name and I’ve never disrupted class before. He does seem to be addressing me, though.)

Me: “But–”

Teacher: “That was your final warning! You’re getting a detention.”

(He goes to his desk to fill out the detention slip. In my school, a teacher giving a detention fills out two slips, one for the student and one for the office. When he hands me the slip, I notice that the wrong name is on it — the same one he called me before. The girl whose name is on the slip is not in this class and looks nothing like me.)

Me: “Um… but I’m not–”

Teacher: “One more word and it’ll be a week of detentions!”

(I stop talking and end up not taking any notes for the rest of class. After class gets out, I go to the office.)

Secretary: “Can I help you?”

Me: “I got this detention slip, but it’s not my name on it. And I’m not really sure what it’s for. All I did was ask to borrow a pen.”

Secretary: “Let me guess: Mr. [Teacher]?”

Me: “Yeah. How did you know?”

Secretary: “We have a special file for his detentions.”

(She holds out her hand for the detention slip and I give it to her. She then puts it directly into the recycling bin.)

Secretary: “Don’t worry about the detention. He never remembers to turn in the office copy anyway.”

(I found out later that the other girl was in that teacher’s class in the previous period and sat in the same seat as me. The teacher never mistook me for her again, but it certainly wasn’t the end of his memory issues.)

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What Awesome Looks Like

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2020

I am working the self-serve checkouts, and a little old lady asks me for help. As I check her out, she doesn’t say much, just clarifying that it is credit and she wants to sign. There are no problems with the card, so I go to help out another customer, leaving the lady to make her way to her car.

As I finish with the other customer, I turn around to see the little old lady tearing out of the car park in her pimped-out Hummer, windows down, screaming, “F*** yeah!”

My coworker and I both break down with laughter for the next ten minutes.

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The Golden Years Need Some Polishing

, , , , | Romantic | January 21, 2020

(I overheard this conversation in my parents’ kitchen. My mother is 86 and my father is 90.)

Mother: “I can’t believe I spent $200 at the market. I can remember when it was around $60.”

Father: “I can remember when you were around 60.”

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No Age Limit On Doing… That  

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2020

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m an extremely elderly woman, and I’m having trouble placing an order on your new website.”

Me: “I’d be happy to place that order for you over the phone. Could I please get your email address to bring up your account?”

(All the customers for this particular company need to register accounts, which are linked to an email.)

Caller: “I don’t have one. I’m too old; I don’t do computers. I have my kids do that stuff for me.”

Me: “I do need to bring up your account. Is it listed under one of your kids’ emails, perhaps?”

Caller: “Well, I actually do have an email address, but I hate giving it out.”

Me: *thinking she’s afraid of scams* “I can assure you, the only thing I’ll be using it for is to locate your account. It’ll be okay to tell us, and after the order, I’ll clear my screen.”

Caller: “Well, it’s [Caller]lovesto[vulgar word for intercourse]@[email].”

Me: *spends the rest of the call struggling not to lose it laughing*

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Ireland In Carolina

, , , , | Right | December 21, 2019

(A sweet-looking elderly woman with a cane comes into the shop one night.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you serve coffee?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “With liquor?”

Me: “Oh, no, we don’t have that.”

Customer: “I don’t think I want any, then. Thank you.”

(The customer left and the polite, little old lady that just wanted her coffee spiked made my night.)

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