Having A Psychyatric Breakdown

, , , , | Learning | August 17, 2017

(It is the pre-Internet days of reference books and slide projectors. A lecturer is discussing health emergencies and displays a slide about “psychyatric” emergencies. It’s also important to note that the lecturer is very short.)

Professor: “Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with the figure on this slide?”

Student #1: “Well, uh, you spelled psychiatric incorrectly.”

Professor: “No, I was looking for issues with the approaches to care. And for the record, I spelled it correctly.”

Student #2: “I don’t think so…”

Professor: *turns and stares at the slide* “Maybe… Luckily, this is why we invented dictionaries.”

(She goes to get a dictionary off the shelf, but it’s too high for her. Despite students offering to help, she stands on a chair and retrieves the dictionary, but immediately slips and falls. Students rush in to help, but she waves them away.)

Professor: “I think the lecture is going to have to wait. I believe I’ve broken my foot. Could someone run down to the office and fetch [Medical Professor]?”

(The medical professor shows up, confirms her suspicion, and starts to help her out of the classroom. Just before leaving, though, he looks back at the slide.)

Medical Professor: “You know that’s not how you spell psychiatric, right?”

Professor: “If one person tells me that, I’m going to give a practical demonstration of a psychiatric emergency. Can we go to the hospital?”

(Years later, this was told by Student #1 as a professor at a medical school lecture when asked if he thought the Internet had improved health.)

English And Math And Sex, Oh My

, , , | Learning | August 17, 2017

(I am 22, and have made the decision to go back into education and finally get some A-Levels. The course requires me to pass some basic GCSE’s in English and maths. I already have these and so should not have had to take the classes. I come in and show my results and GCSE certificates. These are scanned and copied to the relevant people and I am told “thanks, you don’t need to attend the maths or English classes now.” Fast forward a few months and my group tutor pulls me aside:)

Tutor: “[My Name] I have no idea why I’ve been given this message but apparently you haven’t been to a single maths or English class. I told them you already had GCSEs but they said they were told no such thing.”

Me: “But I spoke to the head of the English and maths department… She took copies of the results.”

(My tutor decided to take copies of them himself and return to her. We thought everything was okay but a few weeks later I am asked to attend a meeting with the deputy principal of the college to “review the status of my admission and the future of my placement.” My tutor and I go to the meeting armed with both the email chain he had with the head of the department and my results. The deputy principal agree that I should never have had to attend these classes and the matter is closed. However my torture is not to end. It turns out I have to attend an alternative class in this time slot. The first class I go to a teacher tries to have me apply for my provisional drivers license. That ends when I pull out my driving license and car keys. Following that I am sent to a class on ‘Personal Health’… This is a sex education class. Five minutes in I stood up and addressed the teacher.)

Me: “Umm, sorry. I know I have to be here but… I’m 22; there really isn’t much I’m going to learn here.”

(After that I was just given the hour slot off.)

Your Professor Is Not Professor. X

, , , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(During every lecture, our professor gives us a two question quiz on paper, which you hand in at the end. You would think after successfully completing thirteen years of school, students would know to put their name on anything they are handing in, but alas, they apparently have not learned. At the end of lecture:)

Professor: “Make sure you put your name on it! I do hold it up to the light and try to feel your psychic signature, but if that doesn’t work… it goes straight in the bin.”

Shenando’s And Don’ts

, , , | Learning | August 14, 2017

(My high school advanced band is being coached before a concert at a local college. We are working on a song which we have never played in its entirety before that evening, so it kinda sucks. My section consists of me, an accomplished junior, and two seniors, neither of which like criticism or want to be there. An sfz, or sforzando, means to play as loud as possible, or as loud as the style allows, on the indicated note.)

Coach: “Okay, so on [measure], everyone with an sfz on the second beat needs to come in strong. We need to hear that color come out of the texture.”

(We play the rep. I come in on the sfz twice as loud as I need to because I know the rest of my section won’t heed the coach’s advice.)

Coach: “HORN! We are not firebombing the Shenandoah Valley, for goodness sakes! We are gazing over it, looking at the beauty… not DESTROYING IT!”

(Later, my dad, who was at the rehearsal and found this moment to be hilarious, and tries to convince me to start running.)

Dad: “Your lung capacity would be massive if you just ran a few miles each day. Just think: You wouldn’t just firebomb the Shenandoah Valley. You could nuke it.”

Salads Just Got More Interesting

, , , , | Learning | August 14, 2017

(At college, I take a course on the modern history of drugs. As you might expect, most of the class uses weed. Usually, anyone high in class just zones out, but one day we’re discussing regulation of marijuana post-legalization.)

Classmate #1: “I don’t even understand how people think you can regulate marijuana. It’s natural. It comes from the ground. It’s like lettuce!”

Me: *whispers* “How high do you have to be to say that out loud?”

Classmate #2: “I’m just pissed our term papers are due next week, because that’s a way better topic than mine.”

Me:Weed Vs Lettuce: What’s The Real Difference?”

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