My dad had a very superstitious employee. Every Friday the thirteenth, this employee would call in sick. Finally, my dad had enough of this and told the employee that if he called in sick like this again he would be fired.

The next Friday the thirteenth was a very foggy morning. The employee usually would come in before dawn. The office was at the end of a service road with only a ditch past it. When the employee came to work that Friday, he drove past the office and ended up in that ditch. After that, my dad told him he could take personal days from then on.

A customer comes up with “They Both Die at the End” by Adam Silvera. 

Customer: “What’s this book about? Is it the same as the new TV show?”

I explain the plot.

Customer: “It sounds depressing. I don’t think you should stock this anymore.”

Me: “Well, it’s not up to me; it’s up to my boss. I read it myself and there are some sad parts, but overall, it’s a good book.”

Customer: “I still don’t like it. I wouldn’t approve of my daughter reading this, anyway.”

Me: “That’s completely up to you.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know why she likes all these teen books. She just graduated college. She should be reading authors like Judy Blume or that one author with the book about fires. The one with the Asian name.”

She set down the book on the counter and purchased some romance novels.

I work as a bartender at a place that is known for buffalo wings. Often when we are slow, they put the bartender in charge of takeout to let the cashier go home. Our computer system requires that we input a phone number and name for all to-go orders before getting to the order screen. Also, we have over twenty different sauces and dry rubs available for our wings. This conversation happens about once a week for a good couple of months.

Me: “[Restaurant], [Location], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ll take ten buffalo.”

Me: “Are you looking to place a to-go order?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “Can I start off with a good phone number?”

They mumble through the number.

Me: “Okay, and what name can I put with this order?”

They give their name.

Me: “All right, what can I get for you today?”

Caller: “Ten buffalo.”

Me: “Are you looking for our traditional or boneless wings today?”

Caller: “Traditional.”

Me: “All right, and what size would you like? We have four different sizes, and the counts for the wings are about five, ten, fifteen, twenty.”

Caller: “Ten.”

Me: “Okay, and you said you wanted them in buffalo? Buffalo is our dry rub; are you looking for our dry rub today or one of our wet sauces?”

Caller: “Wet.”

Me: “We have four different buffalo-flavored wet sauces: Mild, Medium, Hot, and Wild. Which one would you like?”

Caller: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “They all taste like buffalo; the only difference is the heat level.”

Caller: “Medium.”

Me: “All right, and did you want any ranch, blue cheese, celery, or carrots today?”

Caller: “Ranch.”

Me: “All righty, can I get you anything else today?”

Caller: “Yeah, ten BBQ.”

I facepalmed, knowing that I’d have to start the process over again at traditional or boneless wings and that we have four different BBQ sauces.

Related:
Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem, Part 4
Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem, Part 3
Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem, Part 2
Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem

Customer: “The sign says these books are three for $10, but the price stickers say $3.33 each. Which is it?”

Related:
Math Is Your Friend, Part 6
Math Is Your Friend, Part 5
Math Is Your Friend, Part 4
Math Is Your Friend, Part 3
Math Is Your Friend, Part 2

I work for a department store at the customer service desk. It’s a busy Saturday and a woman about my age, in her early thirties, comes to pick up an online order: some Christmas ornaments. I hand her the box and we both realize it is damaged.

Customer: “Oh, the box is damaged. Can I check to see if the ornaments are okay?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you sure can.”

Customer: “Okay, the ornaments seem fine. I’m going to go check to see if y’all have another one and exchange it for one without a broken box.”

Me: “That’s absolutely fine. Here is your receipt, and you can exchange it at any register.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

The following Tuesday, we get a negative review from a customer about the day she came in to get her online order. As I am listening to my boss read it, I realized it is my customer from that Saturday.

Review: “I went in to pick up my online order and the box was damaged. The girl never offered to go get me another one and told me to go find one and exchange it at a different register. I had to wait in another long line to get it exchanged and this is completely unacceptable.”

Luckily, my boss heard what really happened and threw out the negative review. So much for being nice.