Back when Pokémon Go was really in swing, I made friends with another player whose job brought him to the mall most days. One day, he comes into my store, and I excitedly challenge him to a Pokémon battle.

My coworker knows nothing about Pokémon OR my mall friend. So, what SHE sees is me leaping to my feet and yelling at a uniformed police officer:

Me: “FIGHT ME!”

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 45
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 44
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 43
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 42
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41

It’s the annual town-wide garage sale event, and a friend is participating by holding a garage sale at her house. I live out of town, but she’s invited me to bring my own things to sell. She’s also invited another friend of hers, a baker, to sell her baked goods.

The three of us have a nice time interacting with customers or people-watching. Another garage sale is directly across the street. The street is a main thoroughfare, so we see many cars drive by carrying second-hand purchases from other garage sales.

Two customers check out the neighbor’s sale before heading our way. They only give our wares a cursory glance.

Customer: “Do you know of any places to eat around here?”

The three of us freeze and look pointedly over at the table covered in baked goods.

Friend: “There’s a diner a few blocks from here.”

Me: “And a crawfish restaurant… but there’s also food right here, if you’re hungry. It’s very delicious.”

Customer: “We’re looking for real food.”

Me: “…”

Me: “That’ll be $11.45.”

Customer: “You’re not from around here, are ya?”

Me: “No, I’m from Detroit.”

Customer: “Oh my god! Do you know Eminem?!”

I’m in line at a busy chain restaurant where employees build your sandwich in front of you. Two of the three customers ahead of me have gotten their orders and are lining up at the register to pay. The customer directly in front of me orders the same type of sandwich I plan to get, and even asks for similar toppings.

Customer: “Actually, I need to get going, so I won’t be getting that sandwich.”

They step out of line and head for the door. I think: Score!

Me: “I’ll take that sandwich!”

The employee slides the sandwich toward the trash can next to the counter.

Me: “I’ll take it! You don’t have to throw it out!”

The sandwich goes in the trash can. The employee blinks at me and finally seems to realize what I was saying. He looks sheepishly down at the destroyed sandwich.

Me: *Disappointed.* “Oh…”

This has happened to me more than once.

My mom and my aunt are sitting on the couch, chatting while I, a teenage female, scroll on my phone. Their conversation drifts into a topic I’ve heard a lot online lately.

Mom: “…and that’s why women say they’d rather take their chances with the bear.”

Aunt: “Exactly. The bear isn’t going to stalk you home from the trailhead.”

Dad, who’s been in the kitchen, pokes his head around the corner.

Dad: “What’s this about a bear?”

Mom: “It’s a way of saying that sometimes, women feel safer around a dangerous wild animal than a strange man.”

Dad: “What?! Why? A bear is a wild, dangerous animal!”

Aunt: “Yes, but a bear is an animal you can run from, and you know what’s going through its mind. If a woman meets a man in the woods, yeah, he could be a decent guy, but you don’t know that.”

Dad: “But… he’s not a bear!”

Mom: “Honey, you’re not getting it. What it’s saying is that the worst of men are capable of things way worse than what a bear is capable of.”

Dad: *Frowning.* “That’s ridiculous. Not all men are like that.”

He said it! He said the thing! I see my chance.

Me: “Cool. Then I should be fine going on that weekend trip with my all-guy friend group, right?”

Dad: *Frowning again.* “What, that camping trip you told me about?”

Me: “Yup! I’d be sharing a tent with Charles. You met him.”

Dad: “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Me: “Why not?”

Dad: “I… I remember when I was a teenager. Teenage boys are not to be trusted!”

Me: “But dad… not all men!”

Dad: “That’s… different! I wasn’t like that! Also, Charles is huge! I don’t like him!”

Mom: “You know what, honey. I’m cool with it. Have fun on the trip!”

Dad: “Are you serious?!”

Mom: “Not all men are like your friends when you were a teenager, right?”

Dad: “But we don’t know these boys!”

Every woman in the room, me, Mom, and my Aunt, at the same time, shouts:

Us: “EXACTLY!”

My dad goes quiet and storms out.

Aunt: *To my mom.* “Are you serious about letting [My Name] go on that trip?”

Mom: “Oh, please! Charles may be huge and hairy, but he’s gayer than a glitter sale at Michael’s.” *Arts and crafts store.* “I’d trust [My Name] with him more than a literal bear!”

Me: “In fact, in gay circles, Charles is called a bear.”

Mom: “See?! She’s still choosing the bear!”

The camping trip was fun. Dad is still stewing over it.

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