(I am the only cashier at closing. Half a dozen elderly women are shopping when I announce over the intercom that we are closing in fifteen minutes. None of them come up to the register. I make the next announcement at five minutes until closing. No one comes up to the register. Sighing, I wait, and at nine pm sharp, I make the final announcement that we are now closed. Of course, this is the moment that all six women came up with their items and form a line. This seems too orchestrated to be a coincidence, which confirms in my mind that they are all friends. One of the women further down the line calls up to me.)

Customer: “Is there someone else who could help to check us out?”

(I stare at her in disbelief. I hold her gaze for a long moment. I shake my head slowly.)

Me: “Not at this time of night. It’s just me.”

(It took a beat, but then the whole line shifted and sighed, resigned. I wonder if their logic was that, if they waited until closing to pay, the employees would be motivated to get them out of the store faster by opening lots of registers to speed up the process. Thankfully, as it sank in that their clever ploy to avoid a long line had failed, I heard no more complaints from the customers. All but one of the register drawers had already been closed down, and the managers on duty were in the back room, counting the change. I knew that my two managers, both tired after shifts that are always longer than the cashiers’, would take about fifteen minutes to get new drawers ready. There was no point calling them for backup, so I dealt with the line on my own in fifteen minutes.)

(I’m the only cashier at the registers. A male customer walks into the store and approaches me.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer: *mumbles something that I don’t catch*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, could you say that again?”

Customer: *stares at me*

Me: “I didn’t quite catch what you said. Could you say it again?”

Customer: *just stares*

Me: “Are you looking for something here at the store? I can call someone up to help you.”

(He continues to stare. Other customers are approaching the register.)

Me: *to the first customer* “I’m sorry, sir, it can be hard to hear things up here sometimes. Are you looking for anything particular today?

([Customer] continues to stare. The other customers are watching this all, looking confused. I’m at a loss at what to do next.)

Me: “Okay… I’m going to help these people now, unless I can do something for you?”

(He said nothing. So, I turned to the other customers, greeted each one, and started ringing up their purchases. After another moment or two of staring, [Customer] turned and left the store.)

(I do transcribing from home, and a potential customer inquires about rates.)

Customer: “What will it cost to transcribe this interview?”

Me: “It will be [amount] per recorded minute; how long is it?”

Customer: “[Amount] per minute? What if it takes you an hour to transcribe ten minutes? Why should I pay so much?”

Me: “It’s [amount] per recorded minute; the rate is based on how long the recording is, not how long it takes me.”

Customer: “I don’t know why I should pay so much if I don’t know how fast you’ll work.”

Me: “Here’s a link to [transcription service that charges more than I do]; I understand they work very fast.”

(I run the transportation office for a large university. Our new student union is across the street from my office. The fire alarm goes off and 2 fire trucks show up and the police block one end of the street. My office phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling Transportation Services”
Caller: “Yes, I need to get to the parking garage but the police are blocking the road.”
Me:”Yes Ma’am. The fire alarm went off at the Student Union.” (And the two large, red fire trucks were well within site of where the caller was at).
Caller:”Well, the police are blocking the road.”
Me: (after a moment of ,trying to figure out how to reply)”Ma’am, I can’t tell the police what to do. You can go around and come down from the other end of the street.”
Caller: “Oh.’ (Clck)

(A woman is browsing my store when there is a sudden burst of loud, unintelligible screaming out in the hall.)

Customer: “What was that?!“

Me: “It’s a disabled man. His family or caretakers bring him to the mall every now and then.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you never know, with all those terrorists out there.”

Me: “Okay, then.”