Adulting Is A Math Problem No One Likes

, , , , , | Legal | April 18, 2020

I am thirty and I just decided to start going to college. For what I want to do, I need so many math classes. In my class, the oldest person is the teacher, who told us she was eighty, and then me. Everyone else is between seventeen and nineteen.

I’m sitting at my table with a few of these teens and they’re talking about how long they spend on a math problem. Then, they ask me:

Kid #1: “Hey, how long do you spend on a math problem?”

Me: “It depends on the problem. Some of them are only a few seconds, and others can be like 45 minutes.”

Kid #2: “Really?! You spend 45 minutes on a problem?! I just skip it!”

Me: “Do you pay rent?”

Kid #1 & #2: “No.”

Me: “Do you pay credit card bills, phone bills, medical bills, or your car insurance?”

Kid #1 & #2: “No.”

Me: “Are you paying for college on your own?”

Kid #1 & #2: “No.”

Me: “I am. I have no choice but to get good grades.”

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One Fly Skillet

, , , , , | Friendly | April 15, 2020

I am thirty and I just decided to start going to college. For what I want to do, I need so many math classes. In my class, the oldest person is the teacher, who told us she’s eighty, and then me. Everyone else is between seventeen and nineteen.

I’m sitting at my table with three of these teens. They’re all talking. One boy looks at me and says something and is really excited about it. He asks a question. I stare at him blankly.

Me: “Fo shizzle my nizzle?”

Boy #2: *Confused pause* “What?”

Me: “I have no idea what you are saying and it’s the only hip thing I know!”

Boy #2: “Hip…?”

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Maybe The Guy Should Ask To Rent A Brain

, , , | Right | April 14, 2020

I work as a student worker with my university’s IT department. We service and manage computers for students and faculty, typically with malware or hardware issues. Sometimes, we have customers that need something done with their phone, in which cases we usually can’t do much more than connect them to the university’s Wi-Fi.

This happens less than a month after I start working on the front desk directly with customers. The more experienced student worker that has been showing me the ropes has stepped away for a moment. The glass front door is thrown open and a very tall, lanky customer storms in.

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I—”

I’m interrupted as the customer thrusts his phone across the front desk and into my face. He has the flashlight function on and it glares right into my eyes.

Customer: “Why is there that light?”

Me: “Um, you may have left the flashlight on, sir?”

Customer: “You mean, you don’t know?”

Me: “We don’t typically service phones. I think—”

Customer: *Shouting* “God, why do you even work here?!”

The customer storms out, muttering something about me being useless. The other student worker returns to the front, having heard the shouting.

Student Worker: “Ah, was that the rent-a-room guy?”

Me: “What?”

Student Worker: “Did he want to rent a room?”

Me: “No. We don’t rent rooms, do we?”

Student Worker: “No, but he was in a bit ago and screamed at me about wanting to rent a room.”

Me: “He wanted me to turn the flashlight off on his phone.”

Student Worker: “Looks like he’s using one of the computer lab computers.”

Our office is adjacent to the university computer lab. From the front desk, we can see through the window as the customer angrily slumps into one of the seats and logs in. By now, our supervisor has come out from the back.

Supervisor: “That was horrible.”

Me: “Yeah, the guy screamed at me.”

Supervisor: “If he comes back in, try to get his username. We can report him to student conduct for being verbally abusive.”

Student Worker: “What if he’s not a student?”

Supervisor: “Then we can report him to his department manager.”

After an hour, the customer got up and left without coming back in. That’s when I hatched a plan. I went to the computer he had been using, logged in, and looked at the “user” folders in the computer’s hard drive. They were all recorded with usernames, and there weren’t more than ten. I quickly copied the usernames to an email and sent it to my supervisor.

He replied simply that he had it.

The other student worker identified the guy by his account photograph when the right username was looked up, and he was reported. I never saw that customer again.

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For USB-C, The C Stands For Computer

, , , , , | Learning | April 9, 2020

I am in the technology center of my college to use multiple displays for my research project. I get up to get lunch and I notice a friend of mine at a station a table over from me.

Me: “Hey, [Friend].”

Friend: “Hey, [My Name].”

Me: “What are you up to?”

Friend: “Trying to get my computer to turn on.”

Me: “Would you like some help?”

Friend: “Would you? Thanks.”

I walk over.

Friend: “I’m a bit hopeless with technology.”

I notice that he hasn’t gotten his laptop out to hook up to the USB-C dock.

Me: “You need your laptop.”

Friend: “I don’t have my laptop.”

Me: “Well, these aren’t computers; they’re just monitors, keyboards, and mice that you hook your laptop up to through that dock.”

Friend: “Well, that explains why I couldn’t get it to turn on!”

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We’ve All Had Teachers Like This

, , , , , , | Learning | April 6, 2020

I’m a 21-year-old college senior working on a law program in addition to my bachelor’s degree. Unfortunately, I’ve had asthma that fluctuates in severity since I was a kid. As fear and panic begins to spread throughout the country, my doctor personally calls me to notify me that she would like me to come pick up some doctor’s notes that she’s signed for me in order to pass to my professors and my work. She would rather have me inside and self-isolating as soon as possible. 

Once I get these notes, I drop them off to the appropriate parties and am reassured that it won’t be a problem at all. I drop the signed doctor’s notes on a Monday, and my school week typically starts on a Tuesday. So, I am covered, sweet. 

That Friday morning, I wake up to an email from one of my professors, at least a page long, chastising me for being so irresponsible and not showing up to class. This professor is close with my advisor, but I’ve never had him nor interacted with him otherwise, so this kind of email is rather inappropriate and shocking. 

I send him an email, reminding him of my doctor’s note and also providing him with my doctor’s number in case he needs to call her office. 

Within minutes, he writes back, stating that asthma is no excuse for missing class and no quality professor would be accepting of that reason. 

When I email him back, I CC the Dean of Humanities and once again attach my doctor’s note. Within the body of the message, I explain that while I understand where he is coming from, with the spreading healthcare crisis it is more detrimental for me to be outside than it is for me to be home. I also point out that all of my other professors, including my law professors with whom I interact wholly online and got precautionary notes, had no issues whatsoever. I want to point out the fact that he is literally the only professor I have who doesn’t have the title of Doctor, but I refrain; I’m not trying to be rude here. 

I don’t hear back from him, but the next week my campus closes until the end of the semester and everything is moved online. Every professor follows the school’s mandated “week off” while everything changes… except him. 

It only takes three days into the week before all the coursework is removed from view from the class’s homepage and the Dean emails our class to personally apologize for the professor’s behavior. I guess my classmates have been complaining, too. 

The Dean emails me, too, apologizing for the professor’s behavior and requesting a copy of my note to keep on file. She then goes on to tell me that if I need anything to not hesitate to reach out. 

Moral of the story: don’t be an a**hole during a national emergency, man. Not all college students intentionally skip out on school all the time. And it’s better to be an understanding, cool professor than one everyone hates.

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