That Was A Bad ID-ea

, , , , , | Right | September 18, 2019

(This post office is in the back corner of a shop. In the post office queue, the guy at the front is taking ages, getting annoyed.)

Guy: “Look, get me your manager. I was told this would be fine. She’ll back me up.”

Cashier: “Do you mean the manager of the post office or of the whole store?”

Guy: “The post office, obviously. God, are you stupid?”

(The cashier makes a phone call, and it’s obvious the manager tells her to go along with the guy’s demands.)

Cashier: “Okay, then, we’ll just need to see some ID…”

Guy: “But didn’t your manager tell you who I am? She’s a friend of mine, you know.”

Cashier: “Sir, my manager’s a guy, so…”

(The guy shut up and handed over his ID.)

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Unfiltered Story #163295

, , | Unfiltered | September 17, 2019

(Despite our 30 day return policy, and the fact that there was no additional coverage purchased with a printer, the customer is insisting that we return her 5 month old printer. We finally agree to store credit only, and explain to her that we are breaking store policy. The customer gets a new, more expensive printer, along with the ink for it)

Me: That’ll be *price*

Customer: ….That you owe me…

Me: No, that you owe us.

Customer: Well how does that work?

Me: The printer you returned was $70 and your new one is $100. plus the ink.

Customer; I thought the ink came with it!

Me: yes, the printer does come with ink, but it’s just a starter cartridge, so it’s not full at all. You’ll have to come back fairly soon to replace it. That’s why *coworker* suggested you get the ink off the shelf.

Customer: NO! I thought the ink was free with my printer since I just bought ink for my old printer that doesn’t work anymore! I just bought ink for it the other day from *different store*!

Me: Um, well just because you just bought new ink doesn’t mean you get this ink for free. You also bought it from a different store. Also the printer you’re returning is 4 months past the return policy, so we shouldn’t even be giving you a refund on that.

Customer: Then I don’t want the ink. Just the new printer.

His Brain Was Lost In The Wash

, , , | Right | September 16, 2019

Customer: “I’d like to buy a car wash.”

Me: “Sure thing! Which type of wash would you like?”

Customer: “A car wash.”

(I think for a moment that perhaps he’s misheard me.) 

Me: “Which type of car wash are you interested in?”

Customer: “A car wash.”

Me: “The different washes are listed right here, sir.”

(I point at the sign right in front of me.)

Customer: “A car wash.”

Me: “How about our top-of-the-line wash?”

Customer: “Uh… sure.”

Me: “All righty, your total is [total]; just insert your card.”

(He is already holding his credit card out.)

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Right here.” *points at the terminal*

Customer: “Oh! Okay.”

(He inserts the card incorrectly and an error slip prints out. I hand him the slip.)

Me: “That didn’t go through; you’ll have to try that again. Insert the other end first.”

(He inserts the card incorrectly again and another error slip prints out.)

Me: “That did not go through; we’ll have to try that again.”

(I hand him the second slip. He takes both slips and walks out without another word. I’m a little surprised, but figure that maybe he brought the wrong card with him and was embarrassed. He comes back in about a half-hour later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Sorry to bother you… But neither of these slips worked at the car wash.” *places his error slips on the counter*

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I Am The Captain Now!

, , , , , | Related | September 12, 2019

(I am fifteen and my brother is thirteen. We start lawn care business together at the beginning of the summer. We work together to mow lawns and such. Recently, he broke his foot, so I’ve been handling the mowing, communication, money, etc. I went from making $22.50 a week to $45 a week, so I can’t complain. Today was very hot and I am all sweaty from working.)

Mom: “You look tired.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m going to take a freezie break. Let me just ask my manager.”

(I do a spin.)

Me: “I am the manager! Take a freezie break.”

(I spun again.)

Me: “I guess that’s settled. Can I, Mom?”

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Scary Things In The Basement

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2019

(My wife and I have just bought our first house. It is relevant to the story that it is a detached home, with a fully furnished basement. Although the basement is set up so that it can potentially be rented out as an apartment, it was not used this way by us or the previous owner. As is common after a move, we get a bit of mail meant for a previous owner. There is one piece of mail from a TV and telephone company addressed to “Resident” at “[Our Address] Bsmnt Apt.” A new envelope comes monthly. I call the company to correct the issue.)

Employee: “How can I help you?” 

Me: “Hi. I’m calling about some mail that is being sent to me in error.”

Employee: “I can help with that. Can I get your phone number or account number to pull up your info?” 

Me: “Actually, I don’t have any services with [Company]. That’s why I’m calling. I’m getting someone else’s info sent to my home.” 

Employee: “I see. Can I have the name on the envelope?” 

Me: “No, it’s just sent to ‘Resident.'” 

Employee: “Well, I can’t change the mailing information on your account if you don’t give me a name or a phone number.” 

Me: “It’s not my account. I just bought the house. It’s not even addressed to a real apartment. It says, ‘Bsmnt apt,’ but there is no basement apartment.” 

Employee: “Can you give me the address? I may be able to get your account from that.” 

Me: *provides my address*

Employee: “Please hold for a moment.” *brief hold music* “Okay, sir, I have the account pulled up now. It looks like you have an outstanding balance of [over $100].” 

Me: “What? No. You’re not understanding me. You have the wrong address on file. Whoever owes that balance doesn’t live here anymore. I just want you to stop sending his mail here.” 

Employee: “Sir, you still have to pay your bill, even if you moved.” 

Me: “But it’s not my bill.” 

Employee: “You live at [address], correct? Then this is your bill.” 

Me: “But I just moved here and have never had any services with you. Just stop sending any correspondence here. There isn’t even a basement apartment! No one lives there separately. You’re records are clearly wrong.” 

Employee: “If you own the house, then you own the basement apartment. You are the ‘Resident’ at [Address]. This is your bill. You have to pay it.” 

Me: “I’m going to make this clear. I do not have any business with your company. You are sending someone else’s bill to my address by mistake. I will not pay a penny. You have no name on file. You have an address that doesn’t exist. If you send me any more mail to this address I will consider it harassment.”

Employee: *long silence* “But this is your bill.” 

Me: “Transfer me to a manager.” 

(I spoke to a manager. She understood what I was saying and corrected the issue in minutes. I now record my calls with an app.)

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