Who Is Screening These Calls?

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2021

I work for a divisional IT group in a municipal government. The first part of this exchange takes place via email.

Client: “Can you please open a ticket for a computer at [Rarely Visited Location]?”

Me: “We can definitely look into that. Can you please tell me which computer and what problems you’re experiencing with it?”

Client: “No. I don’t work at that location.”

Me: “Can you please give us the name of the person who reported the problem to you? We’ll need to speak to them to determine what’s required and what computer you need help with.”

Client: “You can just use me as the contact.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’ll need to speak with someone who knows: a) what computer it is, and b) what the problem is. It’s possible that the problem can be solved remotely, or it could be something we need to bring someone else in on, for example, our Internet provider, or maintenance if it’s a power issue. Once we have that information, we can dispatch a tech if required.”

Client: “Can you just send someone to check all of the computers in the building and make sure they’re working?”

Me: “As there are a few hundred computers in that building, I can’t send a tech to check all of them, especially when we don’t know what’s wrong with it. Unfortunately, we can’t troubleshoot a computer we don’t know anything about. If you receive any other communications about it, please have that person contact us via email at [email address] or phone at [phone].”

Five minutes later, I get a call from another user.

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the [my division] IT Service Desk; how can I help you?”

Other Client: “Hi, yeah, I was told to call you?”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with today?”

Other Client: “This computer isn’t working.”

I look up the caller’s information and realize that he is working out of the same [Rarely Visited Location] and is NOT part of our division. We don’t have administrative access to or authority over their equipment; they have their own on-site IT help.

Me: “Okay, I can see that you’re with another division. I may be limited in how much I can help you, but what’s the problem you’re experiencing?”

Other Client: “The screen’s black.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me if there are any lights on the monitor or the computer itself?”

Other Client: “No, no lights.”

Me: “Okay, can you please try turning the computer on?”

After about thirty seconds:

Other Client: “Oh, that did it! Thanks!”

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She Got A DD In Sizing Class

, , , | Right | February 8, 2021

I’m working at the cash desk and I’m checking out a woman’s purchase. She is probably in her mid- to late thirties. Next to the desk is a stand with a bunch of those sticky bras that have the drawstring. The woman picks one up and asks:

Customer: “Are these all one size?” 

Me: “No.”

I point to the big sticker on the box that says, “A.”

Me: “This one is an A cup. We carry sizes A through D.”

She looks at the box a little confused.

Customer: “Oh. Is A the largest?”

I then had to explain to this grown woman, who was wearing a bra at the time, how bra sizes work.

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Instead Of FedEx You’re Fed Up, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2021

Customer: “I have a FedEx package here to pick up.”

I check her ID, process the package pickup, and give it to her.

Customer: “Can I check to make sure everything’s here?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

I’m not sure what I would be able to do if it wasn’t.

Customer: “Yeah, not everything is in here.”

Me: “That’s frustrating. Maybe your order is being sent in two different shipments?”

Customer: “No, I think there’s a box missing.”

Me: “Well, the box here says one of one, so there’s no other box that would have come in today. If you’re worried about it, you should call the company you placed the order with.”

Customer: “Are you sure there aren’t any other boxes?”

Me: “I’m sure. The FedEx driver only gave us the one package today.”

The customer points to our outgoing area.

Customer: “What’s that down there?”

Me: “That’s a package that a customer dropped off.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “My order was $500 and this is not $500 worth of stuff.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that sucks. But we’re just the pickup place. You will have to contact the company you placed the order with and tell them you’re missing parts of your order.”

Customer: “This is so stupid! They’re going to send me the rest of the stuff and I’m going away on vacation so I won’t be here to get it!”

She leaves the store in a huff.

Manager: “Did she seriously want you to do something about her missing things from her online order? From a company that isn’t us?”

Instead Of FedEx You’re Fed Up

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Liars Of The Corn

, , , | Right | February 3, 2021

I work at a local farmer’s market. Our main products are two types of sweet corn: yellow and mixed. It is near the end of the season, the last day of the market, and we have been selling the last corn of the year.

Customer: “Where’s the yellow corn?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of yellow corn for the year. If you’d like, we have fresh mixed corn; otherwise, I’d suggest trying the grocery store across the road.”

Customer: “No! You must be hiding the corn! I demand to speak to your boss!”

My boss isn’t working that morning, so I call over my supervisor, another young woman.

Customer: “Where’s your yellow corn? You’re hiding it from me!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, sir, we are all out of yellow corn for the season.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I’m going to drive out to the farm and find it myself!”

He stormed off. We found out later that he had actually driven to the farm, parked in a cornfield, and started searching for yellow corn himself. He didn’t find any.

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Doesn’t Feel Hard-Pressed About The Press

, , , , , | Right | February 1, 2021

I work at a winery. One pretty neat thing about our location is that we have a wine press from 1723. It was given by the owners of the company, a wealthy Austrian family, to the president when he joined the business. It is very tall, easily over three metres, and made of wood that is so old it has become petrified, meaning it feels like stone. It is, however, still very fragile, being almost 300 years old.

We have a wide variety of people come through, including families with young children, since we are in a tourist area and do also sell things that aren’t wine.

On this particular day, we aren’t very busy and the only people currently in the building are a family of four. The kids are young but old enough to know better. The father is paying for his items: some T-shirts for the kids as well as some wine. As I am about to hand him the card reader, I look up to see his two children climbing on the wine press.

Me: “Okay, your total is—”

I cut off my sentence when I see the kids climbing on the press, directly in my line of sight from my till.

Me: “Sorry, could you please tell your children to get off the wine press?”

He turns and looks at his kids before turning back to me.

Customer: “Why?”

Me: *With disbelief* “Because it’s a wine press and not a jungle gym?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “It’s 300 years old!”

At this, and possibly the look on my face since I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, he reluctantly told his kids to get down. I finished with his order and he paid and went into the yard where we also sell food.

My manager had been on her way to tell the customer the same thing herself, and neither of us could believe his attitude. We had another issue with that family a little later involving them trying to grill their outside food on our BBQs, something we don’t allow as it’s a health violation. For the record, we do also have a jungle gym outside for kids to play on.

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