Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak

, , , | Right | September 23, 2010

Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Okay, well, here is a menu. What else interests you?”

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”


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Undeserved Credit

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

Caller: *yelling* “I want to make sure that idiot woman I spoke with a little while ago credited my card back because I think she was stupid and didn’t know what she was doing!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be happy to check on that credit for you today. After looking at the account, it looks like it was credited back to the credit card, as stated it would be.”

Caller: “Are you sure that idiot did it? She sounded like a liar to me!”

(After looking closer at the account, I see it was me who spoke to her last.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did take care of that credit just like I said I would when you called me a little while ago.”

Caller: *silence* “Uh… I knew you would. You’re such a sweet girl!”

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Spewing Obnoxious Gases

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2010

(I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

(I turn to the next customer in line.)

Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

Customer #2: “Yes!”

Me: “A bag it is.”

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Stupid Customers Come With A Sign

, , , , , , | Right | September 22, 2010

(I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)

Me: “Hello. Do you need help, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”

Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”

(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)

Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”

Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

Customer: “They can’t?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

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Not A Believer

, , , , , , | Right | September 21, 2010

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

Me: “$38.99.”

Caller: “Okay, well, usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “A what?”

Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”


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