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Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Drive… Or Go Out In Public

, , | Friendly | May 12, 2022

The morning started off like every other morning on my way to work; I deal with some traffic, and the direction I decide to approach my place of work from determines if I stop some place to pick up breakfast or lunch for the day.

Today, I came from the north, which means I’m going past a grocery store. I’ll stop in and pick up something for breakfast since I packed my lunch for the day.

I turn down the road that leads to the parking lot for the grocery store. The road kind of makes a narrow S shape as it stretches along the entrances of the parking lot. The speed limit on this road is 15 mph since it winds through businesses and their various parking lots. The morning is young and I’m plenty early for work so I’m not in any rush; I’m not even going 15 mph down the road.

As I approach the first entrance to the grocery store’s parking lot, I see a car at the stop sign, waiting to exit the parking lot. I’m slowly driving toward this car and I’m watching the driver because he’s looking to his left and he has not once turned his head to look my direction. The driver then pulls out of the parking lot, right as I’m passing him, and I swerve out of the way to avoid getting hit. The driver hits his brakes and stops.

The whole thing doesn’t even bother me. I don’t yell at the guy, I don’t give him any rude gesture, and I don’t even look at him; I do nothing except keep on driving. I just go down to the next entrance to the grocery store’s parking lot, turn in, and park my car.

As I get out of my car and lock it, the old guy — in his late sixties, maybe early seventies — driving the car that almost hit me comes speeding through the parking lot in my direction. He stops his car right behind mine and rolls down his window.

Old Guy: “What the h*** is wrong you, driving down the road so fast? What’s wrong with you young punks today?”

Me: “Maybe you should learn to look both ways before pulling out of a parking lot.”

Old Guy: “How dare you talk to me like that?! You’re the stupid little punk that came flying down the road and driving like a r****d!”

Me: “Listen, old man. I’m not the one that pulled out into oncoming traffic. Leave me alone and go away.”

Old Guy: “You’re just a dumb f****** punk that thinks he owns the road—”

I’ve had enough. Since he’s continuing to speak to me like he is, gloves are off.

I cut him off midsentence:

Me: “Listen here, you c***sucker. You pulled out without looking both ways and I had to swerve to avoid you hitting me. Learn to f****** drive and shut the f*** up.”

Old Guy: “Uh… Uh… Uh… You can’t talk to me like that!”

Me: “I’ll talk to you however I want because you’re just a disrespectful, angry f***er.”

The old man didn’t say anything else, and he was so mad that he did a burnout and drove off.

I don’t have time for people that are disrespectful. Treat me like crap, you’ll get it right back. If I speak to you respectfully and you don’t reciprocate, then I won’t continue to be courteous and respectful to you.

At Least He Remembers Your Name! We Assume…

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 11, 2022

My boyfriend and I are doing some Christmas shopping. We decide to go into a department store to look for a kitchen item his mom has asked for. The entrance takes us by the jewelry section, so I stop to look at the pretty sparkly things. The main display we see is one centered around birthstones.

Me: “Oh, opal. That’s October’s birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, that’s too bad for you.”

Me: “Um… I think opal is pretty; it’s my mom’s birthstone. But I said it’s for October; it’s not my birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh… right.”

Me: *Suspicious* “You know when my birthday is, right?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…”

I address him by his full first name instead of the shortened version he goes by.

Me: “[Boyfriend], when is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Listen—”

Me: “I know your birthday! It’s [his birthdate]. When is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “I only know two birthdays, okay? My dad’s and my sister’s. I don’t even know my mom’s, because we always celebrate it on Black Friday regardless of when it actually falls.”

Me: “I know your mom’s birthday, too! It’s [her birthdate].”

In his defense, I only know this because his mom’s birthday JUST happened.

Boyfriend: “Um…”

Me: “Do you know what season it’s in, at least?”

He responds after way, way too long thinking about it.

Boyfriend: “Summer?”

Me: “Yes. Do you remember sitting outside at [Restaurant] for my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Ohh, right. Please ignore me while I answer this totally unrelated text…”

Me: “You’re checking your calendar, aren’t you?”

Boyfriend: “[MY BIRTHDATE]! It’s [my birthdate].”

It’s been a few months. I’m not sure he’d remember if I asked him again!

If You See Something, Seriously, Say Something

, , , , , | Working | May 5, 2022

I’m in my senior year of high school, back in 1999. My girlfriend has been telling me about the creepy guy at her work that likes to be touchy with female employees. He’s a supervisor/lead for the front registers, and when he sets up a female employee on the registers, he leans on them, or he puts his arm around them on their waist or shoulder, or he puts his hand on their hand and tries to hold hands. Basically, he is always encroaching on female employee’s space and touching them inappropriately, especially for a work environment.

My girlfriend tells me that the other day at work when he was setting up her register, he was rubbing her arm and trying to hold her hand, but she pulled it away. She said he’s always doing this to the female employees when he’s setting up or breaking down the registers for them. I was pissed when she told me this and said we should go find him and talk to him, but she didn’t want to; she didn’t want me making a scene.

None of the female workers like being around him because he is always touching. None of the other supervisors/leads are touchy with any employees, just him. None of the women are willing to speak up about it for fear of retaliation or losing their job or just not being believed.

My girlfriend and I happen to be walking through the store one day. We have a couple nights a week where we sit and watch some TV shows and have cheddar-covered popcorn, and we are at the store to buy some. After we enter the store, we walk past the front registers. The creepy guy is at one of them with a female employee. My girlfriend points him out to me.

I look over and, sure enough, he is standing right up next to the female employee. The female employee is standing at the register and her left hand is resting on the counter. The creepy guy is right up next to her, leaning into her so his body is touching hers, and he is runs his hand down her arm and then to the top of her left hand and just holds it there like he is trying to hold her hand. She looks visibly uncomfortable, but she has nowhere to go because he is blocking her in at the counter.

I shout out loudly so everyone around can hear me and point right at him.

Me: “You mean that f*** that’s running his hands all over that female employee?”

My girlfriend grabs my arm and tries to pull me away.

Girlfriend: *Quietly* “Please don’t make a scene. I have to work here.”

Me: *To my girlfriend* “I’m not okay with guys putting their hands on women when it’s unwanted, and he’s doing it right now.”

I glance back over to the creepy guy. He’s now gone through five shades of red and his face matches the color of his work shirt. He is now slowly trying to back away from his female coworker.

I speak loudly at the creepy guy for everyone to hear.

Me: “I don’t know who the f*** you think you are, but you’d better keep your hands off the female workers here or you’re going to have a big problem.”

The creepy guy slunk away and a store manager came up to check on the commotion, but before anything else could happen on my end, my girlfriend dragged me away.

A few days later, my girlfriend said my outburst got a lot of the female employees to speak out about the guy and he was fired. My girlfriend told me that they didn’t have any more issues with any supervisor/lead inappropriately touching other employees the rest of the time she worked there.

Persistent, But Not Overly Creative

, , , , , | Legal | May 5, 2022

Our front desk receives its share of junk calls: scammers, cold-callers, magazine shills, and also conniving recruiters. The first time I get it, I have no idea what’s going on.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company #1], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller #1: “Hello! This is [Caller] with [Company #2]. I’m looking for [Employee #1]; I wanted to talk to him about collaboration on an upcoming project.”

I start looking up the employee.

Me: “Let me just check to see if he’s available. Can I ask if this is about a project that’s currently underway?”

Caller #1: “No, it’s not a current project, but it’s about a prospective upcoming project we want to collaborate on.”

Me: “Ah. Can I get some details on the project in case I need to take a message?”

Caller #1: “Of course! The project is—”

The line goes dead; there’s a hang-up tone in my ear — just as I find the employee, too. At the time, I think that it’s a glitch in the system that caused the call to drop. I pass along the few notes I have to the employee, but as we didn’t get a callback number or anything, there’s not much to do with it.

Within two days, I’m picking up another call.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company #1], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller #2: “Hello! This is [Caller #2] with [Company #2]. I’m looking for [Employee #2]. I wanted to talk to him about collaboration on an upcoming project.”

NOW it’s twigging. The formula is almost identical, and it hasn’t been that long, so I remember it pretty well.

Me: “Can I ask if this is in regards to a project that’s currently underway?”

Caller #2: “It’s not. We’re trying to get collaboration on a future project.”

Me: “Can I get some information on the project in question?”

Caller #2: “Of course! The project is—” 

The call dropped.

One time I could call a freak accident, but twice almost the exact same way? I looked up the company name. The results I saw were for a recruitment firm, not a firm in our actual industry. I sent out the message to watch out for them so anyone else picking up the phone knew that we didn’t want to pass them along.

To date, I’ve picked up six calls from these folks. I’m waiting to see if they come up with an actual fake project to talk about. So far, they haven’t.

This Is Your Brain On Autopilot, Part 3

, , , , | Working | April 28, 2022

I work at a tax office doing people’s taxes. My signature phone greeting is, “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Company]. How can I help?”

I’m on the line with tech support and I’m waiting on hold. All of a sudden, the hold stops.

Tech Support: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Company]. How can I help?” *Pauses* “Wait! You’re supposed to be helping ME!”

Related:
This Is Your Brain On Autopilot, Part 2
This Is Your Brain On Autopilot