That Return Is A Pipe Dream

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2017

(I am the assistant manager at a head shop in a non-legal state, so everything we sell is “for tobacco use only.” For obvious reasons, we do not accept ANY returns. We have signs all over our store that state this. A customer came in and insists on trying to return a used water-pipe.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but due to the nature of our products we can’t accept any returns.”

Customer: “That’s not fair! I didn’t know that before I bought this. You should have told me!”

Me: “Sir, we do have signs displaying our policy, and it’s printed in the receipt as well. I’m sorry we can’t help you, but taking back items like this could endanger our business. Is the product defective? We might be able to offer a discount on a different item.”

Customer: “No, but I found a better deal at [Different Head Shop] and I want that one instead. You have to take it back!”

(I get the manager, we go back and forth like this for a minute. Then, what is honestly the craziest thing I’ve ever seen at my job happens.)

Customer: “This is against the law; this is against my rights! I’m going to call the cops on you!”

Manager: *in a total state of disbelief, because the water-pipe had clearly been used for something that is illegal in our state* “Sir, I’m sorry you’re so upset, but we really can’t return this. If you feel the need to call the police, I can’t stop you.”

(The customer proceeded to actually call the police, who arrived in about 20 minutes. We saw him outside talking to the cop, gesturing with the water pipe that was used for illegal purposes. He didn’t end up in trouble but I believe the water pipe was confiscated.)

Calling And Holding Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(I’m sitting in a coworker’s office when the phone rings. My coworker picks it up and has the following conversation:)

Coworker: “[Business Name]. This is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Patient: “Yes, is there an Amanda there?”

Coworker: “No, I’m sorry there’s not an Amanda here. Can I have your name so I can find you in the system?” *Patient gives her name* “Great, how can I help you today?”

Patient: “She was a very nice young lady who helped me sign up for a program last year to help with paying for things…” *patient trails off*

Coworker: “Oh, yes, I do see that you’re signed up for the [Program] for last year. If you want to re-enroll, you’ll need to call them and have them send some paperwork out to you.”

Patient: “I have to call them?”

Coworker: “Yes, you need to call them.”

Patient: “But you did it for me last year!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, they won’t talk to us; they need to talk to you.”

Patient: “Fine.” *hangs up*

(Less than five minutes later the phone rings again. It’s the same patient.)

Coworker: “How can I help you?”

Patient: “I tried calling, but I had to wait on hold for so long and I can’t do that. Can you do this for me?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, you need to do this yourself.”

Patient: “But I can’t hold on for so long! Can’t you call them and wait for me?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, they won’t talk to us. They need to talk to you. You need to call and wait on hold.”

Patient: “But I’ve got the flu and I can’t hold for so long.”

Coworker: “Maybe you can call again in a couple of days when you feel better.”

Patient: “But can’t you call for me?”

Coworker: “No, you need to do this yourself.”

If I Had A Dollar For Every Lie

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a non-profit thrift store. A customer comes up to my till full of what appears to be yarn and a few other crafting items.)

Customer: “This is all 50 and 25 cent stuff. Can I just tell you how many are 50 and how many are 25 so you don’t have to go through everything?”

Me: *a bit suspicious* “No, ma’am, I’ll need to go through it all. Just to be sure.

Customer: “But it’ll be so much faster this way.”

Me: “I insist, ma’am.”

(She argues for a little bit more but relents. Sure enough, the first layer of items are just balls of yarn priced 25 and 50 cents. But after that, there are a whole bunch of fabric bolts ranging from $1 to $2. As I’m going through her purchase, I’m politely mentioning the price of each item, as she just stares at me being completely silent. After she pays…)

Customer: “You should learn to be more trusting of others.”

Me: *stunned* “Umm… Thank you, ma’am. Have a wonderful day!”

Park It Forward

, , , | Hopeless | June 9, 2017

(My wife and I are very close, and neither of our families fully accept us as a same-sex couple or live near us. We also married young, and I still look like a teenager. This means that when she is in the hospital with a badly broken leg, I am her only visitor, and I have to do everything she normally would. Needless to say, I am stressed out. I go to the gift shop to buy her flowers, but have forgotten my wallet.)

Me: “I-I’m sorry. I guess you have to put those back, but I don’t know how I am going to get out of the parking garage now… I just wanted to do something nice for my wife; she’s all I have. I am just so stressed out that I forgot things.” *I start to tear up*

Clerk: “It’s okay. How much is the parking ramp?”

Me: “Really, I couldn’t…  Don’t… It’s an $8 maximum and I can’t stay all day. Don’t—”

(The clerk goes to a back room and gets her own wallet, and hands me $9.)

Clerk: “Pay for your parking, okay, and get yourself a snack?”

(I couldn’t do more than stammer out thanks and try not to cry. Clerk, if you’re reading this, thanks for making a hard time easier!)

Credit Of The Dead

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2017

(My mother was big into mail ordering. When she died suddenly, my sisters and I were trying to clear up her affairs. A package was delivered about two weeks later, and I call the mail order house.)

Me: “We just received a package from you that my mother ordered shortly before her death. I’d like to return it for a refund, please.”

Customer Service Rep: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Can I issue a credit?”

Me: “No, I’d like a refund check made out to my mother’s estate.”

Customer Service Rep: “Well, we’d prefer to issue a credit.”

Me: “Did you hear me tell you that this person is dead? She’s probably not going to order too much more from you.”

Customer Service Rep: “I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to my supervisor.”

Me: “Well, unless he can bring her back, I’ll have to insist on a refund.”

(I eventually did receive a refund check.)

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