Now, Listen Here, Cupcake!  

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2020

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Grooming Salon]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need Cupcake!”

Me: “One second, sir, let me see if Cupcake is ready to go home.”

(I look, but there is no Cupcake in the checkout file, the computer system, or the appointment book. Since many people have nicknames for their dogs, I ask for his last name.)

Me: “What is your last name, sir?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller].”

(I recheck but I can’t find anything.)

Me: “Sir, I’m really sorry. Perhaps Cupcake went to a different grooming salon?”

Caller: “NO! I don’t need my dog groomed! I don’t even have a dog! I just know that everyone who grooms is a lady! You belong in the kitchen! Make me a cupcake now!”

Me: “I think that [Grocery Store] sells cupcakes… Have a great day!”

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We’ll Just Toss It Into The Air And Hope For The Best, Then

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2020

(I am assisting a customer in locating a lip liner. The shade she wants is sold out in our store, so I offer to order it online for her to be shipped to her home.)

Customer: “Yes! Do that.”

Me: “All right, I have your shade added to your basket. What is the address you’d like it shipped to?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “That’s invading my privacy!”

Me: “Ma’am, I need an address in order to be able to ship this to your home.”

Customer: “If you can’t do your job without invading my privacy, then I don’t want it!” *storms off*

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Even The Cookie Monster Needs A Sandwich Sometimes

, , , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(I work at a sandwich store that delivers. Most of the delivery drivers are in their early 20s at the oldest and rely on the tips they get during their shifts. I hear one driver talking to a new hire about an address the new driver was going to.)

Driver: “This lady is really old and kind of spacey and she’ll probably only tip you a quarter and call you ‘sweetie’–“

New Hire: *frowns, but nods*

Driver: “–but she’ll also give you some fresh-baked cookies. They’re so good. If her daughter is there, you’ll get a cash tip.”

New Hire: *perks up* “Oooh, what kind of cookies?!”

(He came back munching on a huge chocolate chip cookie, looking quite pleased. The elderly woman bakes the shop two dozen cookies every Christmas and her daughter drops them off during our employee party. She’s a very well-loved customer!)

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Come Back One Year!  

, , , , , , | Right | December 20, 2019

(I am a customer standing in line at a sandwich shop during the dinner rush. Despite being prompted to place her order a few times, the customer just ahead of me is taking several minutes to decide what she wants. The line is growing. She asks several questions about the menu that seem to me to be self-explanatory. When she finally makes a decision, this exchange occurs:)

Employee: “What kind of bread?”

Customer: “What kinds do you have?”

Employee: “The choices are on this sign right here.”

Customer: “Uh, just plain white.”

Employee: “Cheese?”

Customer: “Cheddar.”

Employee: “Toasted?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The employee adds the cheese, toasts the sandwich, and asks what kind of veggies she wants.)

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t want the cheese melted.”

(The employee starts over and adds the cheese after toasting this time. The customer asks for several veggies, including olives, which the employee adds.)

Customer: “Oh, wait, I guess I don’t want olives.”

(The employee goes through the sandwich picking out each individual olive. The line is now literally out the door.)

Employee: “Sauce?”

Customer: “Mayo.”

(The employee adds mayo.)

Customer: “Actually, I want that chipotle sauce, not mayo. Can you start over?”

(The employee throws her sandwich in the trash and says:)

Employee: “I can’t serve you. The line is too long and I don’t have time to play.”

(Another customer seated and eating his sandwich had been watching this and said, “No soup for you!”)

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It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

, , , , | Right | December 20, 2019

(It’s December, a week or two before Christmas. I’m walking back toward the office when I see a man coming up an aisle near the restrooms. I pause for a moment to greet him and ask if he needs any help, and he pauses to think.)

Customer: “Actually, yes. This is going to sound really weird, and you’ll probably never hear it again. Your store has the best-smelling public restrooms I’ve ever been in.”

(I pause and blink at him for a minute.)

Me: “Well, thank you! We try to keep them clean!”

(I then proceeded to answer another of his questions and try to help him find an item he was actually looking for. Definitely my favorite interaction of the week.)

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