Her Cognitive Thought Is On Break

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I am a customer in this story. The cashier is going on break after helping me and has turned her light off. She is almost done with my order when another customer puts their five items down. There are self-service registers designed for smaller orders and several are open. The cashier notices the second customer.

Cashier: “Oh, I’m sorry. My lane is closed.”

Second Customer: “What?”

Cashier: “I’m going on break.”

Second Customer: *Staring blankly* “What?”

Cashier: “My lane is closed and I’m going on break.”

Second Customer: *Looks at me* “But you’re helping her.”

Cashier: “Right, because my lane was open when she joined, but now I am closed.”

The customer looks at me and then at the cashier, clearly expecting something.

Second Customer: “But you are helping her.”

I can tell the cashier internally throws up her hands.

Cashier: “Okay, it’s fine. I can help you.”

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This Conversation Is A Ride!

, , , | Right | June 28, 2020

I work for a train station and we have a deal with a public television station that if patrons donate enough money they get vouchers they can use on our trains.

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to make reservations for your train to [Town about thirty miles from here].”

Me: “Okay, what day?”

Customer: “September 14th.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that day is sold out.”

Customer: “Are you serious?! I have tickets!”

Me: “You said you wanted to make reservations, though. If you have tickets, you’re good to go.”

Customer: “I didn’t make reservations; that’s why I’m calling you.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but the train is sold out.”

Customer: *Getting very heated* “Why in the h*** did I give that organization my money if they didn’t get me a spot on your train?! I want my money back!”

Me: “They don’t actually make reservations for you, and you’re more than welcome to ride other days.”

Customer: “I can’t f****** ride the other days!”

The customer yelled at me for the next minute, called me disgusting, and hung up.

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Bye-Bye, Bigot!

, , , , , , | Related | June 26, 2020

I’m on the phone with the grandmother I have an already rocky relationship with. Out of nowhere, she says this:

Grandma: “I don’t like that gay people can adopt.”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Grandma: “What will two women do with a son? They’re women! They don’t know how to raise a boy!”

Me: “That is the dumbest f****** thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

Grandma: “Don’t use that language with—”

Me: “You were a single mother who raised a son and you spoke to the judge to make sure my mother — your own daughter — didn’t get me in the custody battle instead of my single father.”

Grandma: “W-well… Well, I had help from family! And so did your father!”

Me: “And gay people won’t? Gay people don’t have families?”

Grandma: “I just don’t like gay people! I’m old and set in my ways, and I don’t like them and think they’re disgusting and wrong.”

Me: “Well, I’ve decided that I don’t like you and I think you’re disgusting and wrong.”

Grandma: “Why, because I don’t like gay people?”

Me: “I generally don’t like people who hate me, so, yeah.”

Grandma: “I don’t hate you! When did I say I hated you?”

Me: “Just now. I’m gay. So, since you hate me so much, I’ll just never talk to you again! Bye!” *Click*

Several weeks later, I got a letter in the mail from my grandmother demanding I “change my mind about being gay” because she’s “too old to change.”

I’ve spoken to her a total of two times since then and each time she spouts more hateful nonsense, even going so far as to ask me if I was getting divorced two months after I married my wife. The kicker? Her OLDER sister came to the wedding and absolutely loves my wife; they swap recipes.

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Time To Render To Caesar

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2020

I have been working as a collector for a few months now. Sundays have been the worst. Everyone screams about it being rude to call on a Sunday. There is no law that states that we can’t.

I’ve gone through most of my day with angry people yelling at me when I get a lady on the phone.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. May I speak to [Lady]?”

Lady: “Yes, speaking.”

Me: “I’m calling from [Company].” 

I fill her in with the legal stuff and information about recorded phone calls, etc.

Me: “I’m calling about a past due account.”

Lady: “You p***k! You have no right to call me on a Sunday! This is God’s day! No one should be working. We just got home from church. Can’t believe you are calling!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the bother. If you like, I can call again tomorrow. What would be a good time to get a hold of you?”

Lady: “Listen! Don’t call me on Sunday! Ever!

Me: “All right, ma’am. Can I ask a question, please?”

Lady: “What?”

Me: “Did you and your family go out to eat after church?”

Lady: “Yeah, every Sunday. Why?”

Me: “And you don’t complain to the people serving you food that they shouldn’t be working on Sunday?”

Lady: “…” *Click*

The rest of my day went pretty well, but I got into a lot of trouble. Fully worth it, though.

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Soothing The Skittish Cat

, , , , , | Romantic | June 21, 2020

My wife and I were long-distance while dating, and between my last visit and when I moved in, she adopted a cat. The cat was so skittish she hid from nearly everything. She hid during thunderstorms, fireworks, plastic bags being opened, and visitors coming over, and only barely allowed my wife to sometimes pet her.

Me: “When did you know you wanted to marry me?”

Wife: “The day after you moved in.”

Me: *Laughing* “Why, because I cleaned your entire apartment while you were at work and had dinner ready when you got home?”

Wife: “Nah, it was [Skittish Cat]. She wasn’t hiding like I thought she’d be with a new person in the house; she was on your lap! You were even petting her and she was just purring away, happy as could be. You looked up, smiled, and said, ‘I thought you said she was skittish!’ That was when I knew. If you could win over [Skittish Cat] that fast, you were someone I needed to be with.”

Me: “And because you like my meatloaf.”

Wife: “And because I love your meatloaf.”

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