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Confused Employee, Party Of One

, , , , , , , , , | Working | December 8, 2022

Now that the health crisis is over, my place of work wants to hold little parties so that all of us remote workers can meet each other. Most of these are at bars. I don’t drink, so I usually don’t bother to show.

They schedule one such meeting at a bar that’s pretty close to my house. I tell them I’m not going to show because I don’t drink, but they badger me into promising to come to this because it’s so close to my house. Apparently, they chose it specifically so they could meet me.

The day comes and I bicycle to the bar in question. I arrive on time and wait for an hour for anyone else to arrive. I double-check my email to make sure the address and bar name are correct repeatedly. No one shows, not even the Human Resources guy who was so enthused to meet me.

Finally, I buy myself a Shirley Temple, a Virgin Mary, and a plate of wings and have a little party all by myself. I then submit it as an expense.

To my mild surprise, the company reimburses me for it.

When I ask Human Resources about it, they avoid the topic instead of explaining why they didn’t show up.

The Scent Of Global Politics

, , , | Right | December 7, 2022

Two guys come in and ask for our “best” women’s perfume. I go over to the bestsellers’ display.

Me: “This is [perfume] from one of our French brands, [Brand]—”

Customer #1: *To [Customer #2]* “Do we support the French?”

What The F***? (Sorry, It’s Contagious)

, , , , , , | Working | December 1, 2022

Some years ago, I worked a warehouse job, and I covered many positions during my time at the company. My position at the time of this story was warehouse worker and showroom backup. For the showroom, I worked when the showroom manager was on break, so that means I handled the walk-in customers, kept the showroom clean, stocked, and took care of any other tasks that fell to the showroom.

It’s lunchtime and the showroom manager is out on lunch, so I’m covering the showroom. In comes a customer. He’s in need of grout for a tile job he’s doing, and he specifically needs the color black. Black is not a common grout color, so we don’t carry much of it, and I just happen to know the spot on the shelf in the warehouse for black is empty as I was over there a short while before. However, sometimes things get moved, and maybe the one bag our inventory system shows is stuck in a stack of another color.

A bit before this customer showed up, I was doing my normal warehouse work and I saw that one of the other warehouse workers was stocking the mortar and grout shipment we got in that morning.

I head out to the staging area for the mortar and grout, and I begin my search by going through hundreds of twenty-five-pound bags of grout to see if the lone bag of black grout can be found hiding in the wrong spot. As I’m digging around, the warehouse guy that stocked the mortar and grout earlier goes out of his way to walk over to me and ask what I’m doing.

This coworker is very loud when he talks, so his voice is always booming, and most people avoid confrontations with him when he has little spats because he’s so loud and comes across as intimidating.

Coworker: “Hey… Uh, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m looking to see if we have a bag of black grout like the inventory system says we do for the customer in the showroom.”

Coworker: “I put the grout away correctly; I rotated stock.”

Me: “I know. I saw you out here doing it earlier. Things look good.”

Coworker: “I said I did it right. I rotated stock — old stuff in front and new stuff in back.”

Me: “I never said you didn’t do it right. You did a good job putting things away.”

[Coworker] kind of stares at me for another minute or so as I’m still looking for the elusive black grout.

Coworker: “I said I put things away right.”

I feel that a slight irritation is coming up in my voice, but I repress it.

Me: “I know. You did a good job. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Coworker: “Well, f*** you, then!”

I don’t know what his deal is and why he cussed at me. I didn’t accuse him of doing the work wrong, and I even told him multiple times that he had done a good job

I stop what I am doing, stand up, and get right up in my coworker’s face; we are touching noses

Me: “F*** me? F*** me?! F*** YOU! I didn’t criticize you, I didn’t cuss at you, and I even told you that you had done a good job putting things away, and you tell me to f*** off?”

Coworker: “Why are you swearing at me? I never swore at you!”

Me: “You said, ‘Well, f*** you, then!’”

I almost hit him… almost. I unclench my fist so if I did strike at him it would be an open-handed slap, but I resist.

I turn around and calmly walk into the showroom. (I’m quite certain the customer heard the outburst, but he never says anything.) I tell the customer that I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find the one bag our computer system shows we have in inventory. The customer leaves.

I go to the warehouse manager and tell him that all my work for the day is done and, once the normal showroom guy gets back from lunch, I’m leaving for the day due to [Coworker] cussing me out for no reason.

Warehouse Manager: “I heard the whole thing. I have no issues with you leaving early for the day. I’ll talk to [Coworker] about his behavior.”

The next day at work is Friday; I just have to get through one day of working with my jerk of a coworker and I won’t have to see him for a few days until Monday rolls around.

I get to work on Friday and [Coworker] approaches me.

Coworker: “I just wanted to say sorry for what I said yesterday.”

I stop what I am doing and look him in the eyes.

Me: “Apology not accepted. I can work with you, but I don’t like you. Anything work-related I’m okay with between us because it’s our job to do the work. Don’t speak to me about anything else.”

The rest of that Friday went normally; we got our work done and that was it.

I showed up to work on Monday, unlocked the warehouse, turned all the lights on, clocked in, and started my day. About an hour later, I noticed that [Coworker] hadn’t come in for his shift yet; he usually started thirty minutes after I did. The warehouse manager came in an hour after me, and he stayed an hour later than I did. Once the manager came in, he told me that he’d fired [Coworker] for how he’d treated me and for a handful of other reasons. He said [Coworker] was on the fence and his outburst at me had been the last straw.

Gotta Be Smarter Than The Mousetrap

, , , , | Related | December 1, 2022

My husky was a real pain in the rear when it came to escaping and disobeying. The wife and I didn’t want him on the furniture and he made it difficult to find ways to keep him off the furniture. As soon as you weren’t looking, he was up on the couch or the recliner.

There are some tips and tricks we tried to do to deter him from going up on the furniture, but none of them worked.

The one that stands out the most was the idea of using a mousetrap. The idea was that you set traps and place one in the center of each cushion. When the puppy tried to climb up on the couch, his weight would cause the cushion to shift, and the mousetrap would tip over and go off. The loud snapping sound of the mousetrap should help deter him from jumping up on the furniture.

I set the traps and headed upstairs. At first, the mousetrap thing worked. I’d hear a trap snap, and I’d peek downstairs to see the puppy standing at the side of the couch second-guessing his actions, but this only lasted a day.

The next day, I set the traps on the couch and went about doing things I had to do around the house. I came into the living room, and the puppy was up on the couch with all the traps triggered, and one of them is chewed up to a bunch of wooden slivers and metal trap components.

I shooed him off the couch, reset the good traps, and left the room. I hid out of his line of sight, but I was still able to see what he does. He would go up to a mousetrap and nudge the edge of it with his nose until he got the trap to go off. Then, he’d grab the trap between his teeth and drop it on the floor. Once the traps were sprung and off the couch, he climbed up on the couch to lay down.

An Explosive Response

, , , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2022

I’m outdoors when I hear a horrible ringing and grinding noise. I decide to figure out where the noise is coming from. This isn’t hard: the noise is getting louder and seems to be approaching me.

To my shock, a City Of Minneapolis vehicle drives past with a propane tank hanging from a tube connected to a piece of machinery in the back. The propane tank is dragging on the ground, producing the horrible ringing noise.

I whip out my cell phone and get a picture of the plates, the Department Of Transportation number, and the phone number to call. I call the city and attempt to explain what’s happening. When I reach the part about the propane tank dragging on the ground…

Employee: “The tank is what?!

Me: “Dragging on the ground.”

Employee: “How is it dragging?”

Me: “It was connected to a tube that was connected to something in the vehicle.”

Employee: *Slightly hysterical* “So, you’re telling me that a live propane tank is dragging behind this vehicle?”

Me: “Yes.”


Me: “Uh… hello?”


Me: “Uh… Hi, this is [My Name].”

Employee: “Yeah, we were disconnected. I was so surprised by what you told me that I accidentally hung up on you without getting some important information. What were the license number and DOT number of the truck in question again?”

They promised me that they would get in touch with the driver and handle the problem, but I still think it’s both funny and horrifying that they hung up on me mid-call because they were so surprised about the propane tank.