Mmm, Strawberries And Meat-Cream

, , , , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2019

(I work at a store where we’re told in training to bag each different kind of raw meat separately. For example, if you had ground beef, pork chops, and strawberries, they would each get their own bag for food safety reasons. I have a customer come through my line who wants paper, which holds more, but we are out so I am filling the plastic bags as full as I can get them except for her several kinds of raw meat.)

Me: “Do you have our store card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you wan—”

Customer: *as she’s rearranging all of the bags I packed, including the raw meat which ends up in a bag with cheese and produce* “Just as a precaution, you’re supposed to bag cold stuff together. Customers are trying to keep their food cold while they drive home, so cold stuff needs to go with cold stuff. You should try to keep them together.”

Me: *thinking* “Thanks for telling me how to do my job; enjoy your salmonella!” *speaking* “Have a great day!”

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The Mother Of All Birthdays

, , , , , , | Related | October 11, 2019

(Every few years, my birthday falls on Mother’s Day, but I don’t have a mother, so I usually just focus on my birthday.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], what are you doing for Mother’s Day this weekend?

Me: “It’s actually my birthday on Sunday, so I’m going out with some friends that night.”

Coworker #1: “I didn’t know it’s your birthday! Were you born on Mother’s Day?”

Me: “I was, actually, so it’s not unusual for my birthday to fall on the day itself.”

Coworker #1: “Are you doing anything with your mom?”

Me: “No, we… I don’t have a mother.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I’m sorry. What are you and your friends doing?”

Me: “We’re going to–“

Coworker #2: “Wait, I thought you lived with your mom when you started working here.”

Me: “Yeah, I did. It was bad, it didn’t work out, and I moved away as soon as I could.”

Coworker #2: “So, you do have a mom but you’re not even going to call her?”

Me: “No. I’m not.”

Coworker #2: “But it’s not right; she’s your mom!”

Me: “Look, my mother is not a good person; let’s just leave it at that, okay?”

Coworker #2: “I can’t believe you’re a person who would cut her mother out of her life.”

(I just walk away. Later, I finish up my work duties and am about to clock out when [Coworker #2] ambushes me by the time clock.)

Coworker #2: “What was that, earlier? You lied to [Coworker #1] about not having a mom and then got snippy with me when I called you out on it.”

Me: “All right, look, I’m going to say this once: my egg donor is a very bad person. She lies, steals, and manipulates every single person she comes in contact with. I moved in with her when I was a homeless teenager to get off the streets, but not even six months into the arrangement she stole all of the money I’d saved and kicked me out of the house — on my birthday, no less — because I caught her in a lie. And when I pointed out that her stories didn’t match, she screamed at me, dragged me out of the house by my hair, and locked the door behind me. I was on the street again for almost a week. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since, and I plan on keeping it that way. If you have a problem with that, then that’s your issue, not mine. To avoid this exact situation, I just tell people I don’t have a mother. It’s not a lie to me; that woman birthed me, but that’s it. That doesn’t make her my mother. Now move. I’m done with work and I’m going home.”

(To her credit, [Coworker #2] did apologize to me and bought me a little gift for my birthday, and we got along just fine until I changed jobs. Not everyone has good parents, and that includes mothers, people! Try to remember that, especially with the whole “I judge people by how they treat their parents” thing that has been going around lately.)

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Can’t Read The Menu As She Drove Through It

, , , | Right | September 30, 2019

(I’m working at an ice-cream-based fast food restaurant at the drive-thru area. A customer pulls up.)

Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what kind of sundaes do you have?”

Me: “All of our sundae flavors are listed on the right side of the menu board.”

(We are told to say this because we have almost every flavor you could think of, so this list is HUGE.)

Customer: *now screaming into the speaker* “I CAN’T READ IT! THAT’S WHY I’M USING THE DRIVE-THRU AND ASKING YOU! I DON’T HAVE MY GLASSES!”

Me: *to my coworker* “Okay, so, why the h*** is she driving if she cannot read a menu board that’s less than five feet away from her car window?!”

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This Happens Soda-mn Much

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2019

(I notice a couple with water cups lingering around the soda fountain and watching me, the manager, waiting for me to get out of sight so they can steal drinks. I recognize the younger woman because she did it before. I walk right up to them.)

Me: “Hi! Do you need help with anything?”

Younger Woman: “Where is the water?”

Me: “Right here underneath the lemonade. Just push the button.”

Younger Woman: “Oh, okay. “

Me: “If you need anything else just let me know.”

(A few minutes later, I pass near their table and see that the older woman has brown soda in her water cup, so I walk over to their table.)

Me: “How is lunch today?”

Older Woman: “It’s fine.”

Me: “Great! I have to ask, though, did you decide to get a soda instead of water?”

Older Woman: “No. What do you mean?”

Me: “I see you have a soda in your water cup. It’s fine if you want to keep it, but I have to ask you to pay for it. If you would rather have water, I can get that for you.”

(They are both silent and look at each other for about ten seconds. Then, the older woman says:)

Older Woman: “How much does a drink cost? I only got one cup.”

Me: “It’s [amount]. I can bring you the larger cup if you want.”

Older Woman: “Naw, just take it and get me a water.”

Me: “I’ll be glad to do that for you.”

(I leave her cup on the table and get another water cup and fill it. I bring it back to the table.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Younger Woman: “I can’t believe you are making a big fuss over a little drink! Her blood sugar is low! She’s sick!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! She didn’t tell me that—”

Older Woman: “Fine! I ain’t coming back to this place! This is f****** bulls***! Y’all shouldn’t be treatin’ folks like this!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we can’t just let people take things without paying for them.”

(The older woman begins to cuss me out under her breath. Knowing I can’t win this or make them feel better, I say goodbye and leave their table. They get up to leave but stop at the cash register.)

Younger Woman: “Momma, just calm down. Why’re you getting so mad?!”

Older Woman: “Y’all take this, bunch of motherf*****s! F****** b****es!”

(She throws the money for her drink at the cashier and they both leave. Standing right next to them are two teenage boys with eyes wide open and mouths hanging open.)

Me: “Sorry about that, guys.”

Boy: “That’s okay. I guess someone needs to read their Bible more!”

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They Must Belong To The 1%

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2019

(At the cash register in our restaurant/game room:)

Kid: “Can you give me change?”

Me: “Do you have a dollar?”

Kid: *empty-handed and frowning* “Why I gotta give you a dollar?”

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