Your Compliance Goes Up In Smoke

, , , , | Working | December 1, 2019

(I work for a company that contracts out for compliance checks for tobacco and alcohol sales. Since it is the beginning of the month, our manager is on our case about passing the compliance check. Sometimes the people hired aren’t always the brightest.)

Customer: “I want a pack of [Brand] short 100s.”

(Catching the contradiction a smoker wouldn’t make — shorts being the king length cigarettes and 100s being a bit longer — I know she is either the compliance check employee or buying for a kid.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we have [Brand] shorts and [Brand] 100s. Which did you want?”

Customer: “100s.”

(I grab the pack of 100s from our rack behind the counter and ask her again, to make sure I have the right product.)

Me: “These, correct?”

Customer: “No, the short 100s!”

(I grab the other pack and bring both to the counter for her to inspect.)

Me: “We have [Brand] shorts and [Brand] 100s.”

(I indicate both packs to show the difference.)

Customer: “All right, the shorts.”

(I scan the barcode and instantly the POS asks for an ID.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I please see your ID?”

(She graciously presents it to me, and I swipe it on the POS to electronically verify it.)

Me: “Thank you. Your total is $5.95.”

Customer: “Congratulations, you passed!”

(She then hands me the green card for the compliance check. However, instead of the compliance check company name printed across the top of the card, it has our competitor’s name and logo from the opposite side of town.)

Me: “Um, this is for [Competitor].”

Customer: “I’m sorry about that! Let me get your card from my car.”

(She returned a minute later with the correct card. A week later, we found out that she wasn’t actually hired by our company; she was only supposed to check our competitor, so this compliance check didn’t even count for our store.)

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OK Boo-Ma

, , , , , | Related | November 22, 2019

(My wife has been looking for a new job and spends most of her day off on her computer, applying to places. My mother-in-law stops by for a visit and sees my wife, her daughter, on the computer.)

Mother-In-Law: “I thought you were job hunting today.”

Wife: “I am. I’m in the middle of an application.”

(And my mother-in-law says what most older generation people say.)

Mother-In-Law: “You should really go in and give them your resume in person. That way they’ll see your face.”

Me: “Actually, I get a lot of resumes handed to me at the office. My boss always tells me to write their names down–“

Mother-In-Law: *triumphantly, to my wife* “SEE?!”

Me: “–and throw away their resumes while he adds their names to a no-hire list.”

Wife: “Ha, see?”

Mother-In-Law: “Wait, really? Why?!”

Me: “Because the application process is online. Every application process is online nowadays. Our website even says to not bring resumes in unless you’re in for an interview. The boss says if they can’t follow those instructions, he definitely doesn’t want to hire them. So dropping off a resume face-to-face costs them a job.”

Mother-In-Law: “But… you work in an office! For a big company! That should be standard process!”

Me: “But we have to stop our work to talk to a person who interrupted our workday by not following instructions. That’s why a lot of hiring processes are online. In fact, it’s very weird now to not have an online application.”

(She stopped nagging my wife about going in person and left her alone. My wife got a job that she applied to online.)

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Caesar Would Feel Betrayed

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I work in a franchise that specializes in healthy foods. Our current special is a Caesar salad. An older gentleman waits for me to help another customer, then comes up to the register.)

Customer: “Hi. As an old English teacher, I just wanted to let you know, you spelled Caesar wrong on your sign. It should be C-E-A-S-A-R, not C-A-E-S-A-R. I wouldn’t have said anything, but other people have told me about it.”

Me: *knowing full well that this is the correct spelling, but not wanting to get into it* “Sorry, sir, it’s a sign from corporate; we’re just a franchise so we can’t change it.”

Customer: “Well, I think you should let them know. You’re smarter than that.”

(He walked away.)

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Unfiltered Story #177710

, , | Unfiltered | November 17, 2019

(This was a few years ago when I worked at this particular movie theatre. For fun, and to pass the time and amuse my coworkers, I would sometimes use fake accents ranging from American Southern to Australian. On this day I was using an Australian accent when a customer comes up to the concessions counter where I’m working)

Me: (with Australian accent) Hello! What can I get for you today?

Customer: (with ACTUAL English accent) Just a large popcorn and a large drink please.

(At this point I’m trying not to panic because I don’t know if he can tell if I’m faking or not)

Me: A Large combo. Would you like butter on your popcorn?

Customer: Yes please. (pause) You must be an Aussie.

Me: (now trying not to laugh) Yes I am.

Customer’s Wife: (American) Oh that’s cool! Do you get mistaken for British sometimes?

Me: Every once in a while, yeah.

Coworker: Yeah, sometimes we call him Wally!

Customer: Yeah, Americans can’t really tell the difference between English and Australian accents. Aussies are more nasally I find.

Me: Well your not wrong there. Here’s your popcorn and drink and enjoy your film.

(The customer and his wife walk off)

Me: I’ll be in the break room for a little bit.

Coworker: (laughing) That’s fine.

(I then spend five or so minutes laughing my ass off in the break room because I successfully fooled an Englishman into believing I was Australian)

Unfiltered Story #177708

, , | Unfiltered | November 16, 2019

I’m waiting in line at a fast service burger place when I witness the kind of stupidity I always had to endure in retail.

Poor kid at register: is that everything?”
Lady: “don’t I get a free shake?” (Rude tone)
Kid: “do you have a coupon?”
Lady: “well no! I got the email!”
Kid: “do you have the email?”
Lady: “no, I deleted it!” Angrily points at a placard advertising their in house rewards that says ‘free shake on your birthday’. “See?!”
Kid: “when’s your birthday?”
Lady: “two weeks ago!”
Kid: “I’m sorry ma’am, you have to be enrolled prior to your birthday and bring in the email.”
Lady: “well that’s ridiculous!”

She demands to see the manager, like they always do, who tells her the same thing. I was very pleased when she didn’t get a shake.