The Mother Of All Cheaters

, , , , , | Learning | December 14, 2017

(I work as a tutor for local college students. I have one student whose mother is way too involved in his schoolwork. She claims she wants to learn the material herself so she can drill him on it at home, but she does a really bad job of hiding the fact that she’s actually doing a lot of it for him.)

Mother: “Today, I want to go over these practice problems that I couldn’t understand when I was trying to help him study, and then we have an assignment to work on.”

(We go over the practice problems. By “we,” I mean the mother and I — the son is eating lunch.)

Mother: “I think we’re ready to start working on the assignment. [Son], is there anything you want to go over with [My Name] first?”

Son: *silence*

Mother: “All right, let’s pull it up. [My Name], don’t help us at first; we want to try it on our own.”

(I work on other things while they do the assignment, but I still hear a lot of their conversation, and while the son knows several of the multiple-choice answers, the mother does all the math.)

Mother: “Okay, [My Name]. Do you want to take a look at this?”

Me: “Looks like most of these are right, but you should take another look at these two. Can you show me how you got those answers?”

(We go over the two questions, and with some prompting, the mother realizes where she went wrong and corrects her answers. After they’ve turned in the assignment…)

Mother: “Lord, forgive me for cheating. At least I tried to do it all myself.”

(So, doing her son’s work for him wouldn’t be cheating, if only they hadn’t asked me to look over it before turning it in?)

Has You Under Their Spelling

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work in a small call center that provides information to tourists. It is a very quiet day when my coworker gets this call. I only hear her end of it.)

Coworker: “Yes, I would recommend [Restaurant]… The name is H-A-N-K… No, N-K. K as in– No, H-A-N-K-apostrophe-S.”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would also recommend Cotton. C-O-T-T-O-N. No, C-O-T-T-O-N. N as in Nancy. Yes, C-O-T– No, T as in Thomas. No, T-O-N as in Nancy. Yes. Yes, is there anything else I can do for you?”

(Pause…)

Coworker: “I would suggest that you take advantage of our free shuttle system. Yes, free. F-R-E-E. Yes. Yes, it is free. Yes.”

(This goes on for several more minutes, with the visitor repeatedly asking her to spell the names of places multiple times. Finally, the call ends.)

Coworker: “She sounded like she was high! H-I-G-H!”

It Takes More Than Money To Clear A Bill

, , , | Healthy | December 1, 2017

(I get about a $3,000 bill from a doctor I had seen several months prior. I am confused because I know my insurance had paid it. I call the billing dept. but get no answer and leave a message. I forget about it until the next month when the bill comes again. Once again, I call, leave a message, and forget about it. Then I get a letter threatening to send me to a collection agency. I call my insurance company to double check. They tell me that not only have they paid it, but had a duplicate charge under a different account number that was of course denied. I start calling every other day. The office phones aren’t open until 10 am and they shut them down at 3:30 pm. I either get a recording and leave a message or the receptionist tells me everyone is in a meeting. This goes on for over three weeks. Then I get another threatening letter. I even go to the office in person but am told everyone is in a meeting and no one can talk to me. At this point I have had it. I wait until 10 pm at night. I call and get the voicemail system. When it says press “1” for nurse, I do so and leave a detailed, angry message that NO ONE will return my calls, I am being threatened with being sent to a collection agency for a bill that was paid, and someone better call me back or I am filing fraud charges with the insurance company and talking to a lawyer. I hang up and call back and do it again after pressing a number for a different department. I go through the entire employee directory. I do this for almost two hours and leave dozens of messages on EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE’S voicemail. I then call the doctor’s emergency after-hours line and leave the same message there. The next morning, at 10:01, I call the office. The receptionist recognizes my voice.)

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am, I have the office manager here for you” *transfers me*

Manager: “Good morning, Mrs. [My Name]. I was just about to call you.”

Me: “Yeah, I bet you were.”

Manager: *sheepishly* “Yeah, everyone is talking about the messages you left, especially the doctor.”

Me: “Well, it’s not like you left me much choice.”

(She apologizes and explains. The guy who was handling the bills was creating fake patient accounts and double billing the insurance companies. Most didn’t catch it, paid the doctor, and then the guy stole the money. They fired him but have such a paperwork mess to clean up and had to gather the evidence to convict him that they didn’t have time to call the patients.)

Me: “I understand, but that is no excuse. You are sending me letters threatening to send me to a collection agency.”

Manager: “What?! Crap, the computers are printing those out automatically. We didn’t know any had been mailed out.”

Me: “Yeah, well they are and you better start answering these calls because you have some very peeved off patients who, like me, are calling lawyers.”

(She apologized again and told me that my account had been cleared up. I wonder, though, about all the others who just kept calling and getting nowhere.)

Honesty Is The Best Policy: The DVD Special

, , , , , , | Hopeless | November 29, 2017

(I get a coupon in the mail that allows me to get $5 off an animated DVD. I decide to pick it up while grocery shopping. Because of my husband’s pay schedule, I can only buy groceries once every six weeks, which means I have to buy enough food and supplies to last us that long. It’s not an easy thing to do with a newborn in diapers and a toddler. I get two carts up to the check out, pushing one cart with the toddler in it and pulling the other with the baby. The poor cashier has a hard time because I have so many coupons, including several buy-one-get-one coupons that require the price of the item to be written in. Finally, after 25 minutes, we get everything paid for and someone helps me take the bags out to my car. When I get home and look over my receipt, I see I was not charged the $20 for the DVD, but did have the $5 coupon applied to my total. I call the store and get the manager.)

Me: “Hi, I was in earlier today buying groceries. I bought a DVD with a coupon. The problem is that the cashier took the $5 off the bill, but she never charged me for the DVD. I know it was because she was distracted by me talking to her and by all my coupons. I can come in and pay for it, but I won’t be on that side of town for another six weeks, and I can’t afford the gas right now. Can I mail you a check?”

Manager: “…”

Me: “Um, hello? Are you still there?”

Manager: “Yeah, sorry; you kind of threw me off. I have never had anyone actually call me with this offer. Most people just steal the DVDs. Tell you what: why don’t you just keep the DVD as a gift, but let me know which one it is so I can take it out of stock?”

Me: “Really?! Oh, thank you! Are you sure?”

Manager: “Lady, it would be my pleasure. And the manager that is sitting next to me listening to the whole conversation agrees.”

(Honesty is the best policy.)

Wrote The Book On Bad Customer Service

, , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

(My family and I are doing some grocery shopping. As my sisters and I are not big fans of walking around department stores, we go to the book aisle to read until our parents are done. We’ve been doing this since we were little kids and have never had a problem before. As we’re sitting there with our books, this irate-looking woman in a store uniform comes marching over to us.)

Employee: “You can’t do that here!”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “You can’t read these books!”

Younger Sister: “Well, then how are we supposed to know if they’re worth buying?”

Employee: “YOU HAVE TO BUY THEM FIRST! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THESE BOOKS!”

(We all just stare blankly at her, pulling our youngest sister a little closer to us as we’re a bit concerned by this woman. She flounces off and we go back to our books as if nothing happened.)

Younger Sister: “I won’t know if the book is worth buying if I don’t read at least a little of it.”

Youngest Sister: “Do you think she knows books are supposed to be read?”

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