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The Brat Spoiling Is A Lie

, , , , , | Related | January 11, 2022

I’ve submitted a few stories about my pain-in-the-rear mother-in-law, including this one. She is very generous… with other people’s time and stuff. My husband came home one day telling me his mother stopped him to ask a favor… or rather tell him she wants to have the neighbor over for dinner… at my house, of course, where I would do all the work. Now, normally, I would tell her no, but I liked this guy and his wife had passed away just a few months earlier and I adored her. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my [Mother-In-Law] was trying to get her claws into this poor man. Spoiler alert: she didn’t.

At the time, my firstborn was only about eighteen months old and was eating at the table with us. Of course, a toddler is a bit picky, so she would not eat certain foods. Seeing her opportunity to prove how superior she was, [Mother-In-Law] started berating me.

Mother-In-Law: “You should make your child eat what is put in front of her! You’re a horrible mother and you’re raising a spoiled brat!”

She went on for several minutes with my miserable (still in the dark about his mother) husband chiming in. I let them go on ticking me off and making [Neighbor] noticeably uncomfortable.

A few minutes after the b****-fest ended, I casually offered [Neighbor] some broccoli, knowing full well he would politely turn it down because I know he does not like it. My kids love broccoli, so we always have some at dinner. 

Me: *Calmly* “It’s quite funny, [Neighbor]. When an adult turns down a food they do not like, it is no problem, but if a child, who can be easily bullied, does so, well, we must force them to eat. Perhaps I should take a fork and force you to eat some whether you like it or not. I mean, we wouldn’t want you to be a spoiled brat or anything.”

[Mother-In-Law] turned red. [Husband] stopped eating and looked at me with shock. (He realized he had screwed up and was so going to get it later. He did and never did that again.) I just kept on eating and smiling. [Neighbor] had a wide grin on his face and I found out later that he was sure to let all the neighbors know that I had put [Mother-In-Law] in her place. [Mother-In-Law] has a reputation in our neighborhood of being a nutcase; she just doesn’t know it.

Funny, [Mother-In-Law] didn’t talk the rest of the night and never asked us to have him over again. Wonder why?

The Preemie Clothes Are A Lie
The Room For Rent Is A Lie
The Cake Price Is A Lie

The Preemie Clothes Are A Lie

, , , , , | Related | November 22, 2021

I’ve submitted a few stories about my pain-in-the-rear mother-in-law, including this one. She is very generous… with other people’s time and stuff, and she gets pretty frustrated because I never let her have her way.

One day, she came over to the house long after my baby was in bed, and my husband was working late. She said she wanted to talk to me; that’s never a good sign.

Mother-In-Law: “Look, I have a coworker that just had a preemie like you did. They weren’t expecting this and are in desperate need of clothes. Could I take your preemie clothes since [Baby] is over six months old now?”

Me: “I don’t have any preemie clothes except the two special ones that were for photos, and I intend on keeping those.”

She started raising her voice and getting mad.

Mother-In-Law: “Well, I already told them you would give them the clothes, so go get them.”

Me: “Well, that was stupid since they weren’t yours to give. Besides, this is our first child, and we may have more, so it would be incredibly financially stupid to get rid of anything yet.” 

Mother-In-Law: *Getting more upset* “But you could help them. What are they supposed to do?”

Me: “They can do what I did. Buy gowns and roll up the sleeves.”

Mother-In-Law: “But I already told them I would bring them the clothes tomorrow! I will look bad!”

Me: “Yeah, you will. Don’t promise things you are not in any position to provide. You will also learn a very valuable lesson that I really don’t care if you look bad. That nonsense works on your kids, not on me.”

She huffed off and tried to “tell on me” to hubby. When he asked if I could just give something to “keep the peace,” I informed him that I would have gladly before, but not now, because his mother needed to learn a valuable lesson with me or she would just keep doing it. She had to be taught that lesson a few more times before she got it.

The Room For Rent Is A Lie
The Cake Price Is A Lie

A Ghost Crashed My Brother’s Car

, , , , | Working | October 29, 2021

As a teenager, my brother parked his car in neutral at the top of a hill one too many times, and it rolled all the way down, picking up a fair bit of speed before it crashed into a tree. Soon after, he was filling out an insurance claim online.

Form: “Was the car in motion at the time of the accident?”

Brother: “Yes.”

This triggered a required follow-up question.

Form: “Who was driving the car?”

Brother: “…”

Me: “Try entering ‘Sir Isaac Newton’.”

He eventually had to cancel the form and talk to a human agent, who agreed that there was really no good way for him to file online. Apparently, it had never occurred to the people who wrote the form that a car might move without a driver.

The Room For Rent Is A Lie

, , , , , , | Related | October 25, 2021

I submitted this story about my pain-in-the-rear mother-in-law. She is very generous… with other people’s time and stuff. This causes a lot of friction because I never let her have her way, and my husband supports me. When we moved down the street from her, she decided we would be a bed and breakfast for all her relatives to come and visit her. I would entertain and feed them and they could visit her during the day. However, a rule my husband and I had decided on when we first married was no overnight guests. This was mainly due to the fact that we had bums on both sides of the family.

I get a call one day from a relative in the other part of the country.

Relative: “Hello, [My Name]. We are coming down to visit all of you next month.”

Keep in mind that in over twenty years of marriage, I have never met this relative or even talked to them.

Me: “Oh, that’s nice. I can’t wait to meet you. Perhaps we can have you over for coffee or something.”

Relative: “Oh, but we are staying at your house.”

Me: “Ah, no, you are not. For one, I don’t know you, and I will not have complete strangers stay in my home when I have small children. Not that it matters, because we do not have overnight guests.”

Relative: “Well, [Mother-In-Law] said we could.”

Me: “How nice, since this is not her home and she has no say in it.”

Relative: “She paid for it, so she should get some say in it.”

Me: “She did?! Oh, my! Would you mind calling my mortgage company and letting them know, please? Because, apparently, I have paid tens of thousands of dollars on a mortgage I don’t owe.” *Silence* “Now, I know you might not want to stay with my mother-in-law due to her heavy smoking, and she had no extra beds, but there is a hotel down the road I can give you the info for. I suggest you do not wait too long, though, since this is tourist season here and the hotels tend to fill up fast.”

Relative: “Can you just make the reservation for us?”

Me: “No, you will need to use a credit card for the reservation.”

Relative: “Oh, just put it on your card and we will pay you back.”

Me: “I can’t do that, since we don’t have credit cards. We don’t believe in them. Do you want the hotel info now?”

They took the number. [Mother-In-Law] was so embarrassed to have been called out on her lie she never pulled that again. That was over fifteen years ago and they still haven’t visited. Wonder if they got lost on the way here?

The Cake Price Is A Lie

This story is part of our Best Of October 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of October 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of October 2021 roundup!

Give Her Cookies, Not Pi

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2021

It’s just gone 9:00 am and I notice a couple browsing food-to-go. The woman is very much looking like she’s just rolled out of bed and sounds English, whilst the man sounds like he’s local and looks a lot more together. They’re having some kind of disagreement; she looks annoyed but he is trying not to laugh.

Woman: *Sounding very tired* “Excuse me. Sorry to disturb your shopping, but I’d like to ask your opinion on something if that’s okay?”

Me: *Against my better judgment* “Sure thing, ma’am.”

Woman: “Would you agree that forcing someone to do mathematics when they’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours and had been traveling for… eleven-ish hours… was evil?”

Me: “Oh, definitely, ma’am.”

Woman: “Thank you.” *To the man, who’s now outright laughing* “See, you are being evil. Evil, evil, evil.” *Pauses, then speaks in a pitiful voice* “I just want to eat and sleep.” 

I later see them leaving.

Woman: *To me* “He bought me cookies.”

Me: “So everything is forgiven, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yesssssssssss.”