Sounds Like They Really Need The Coffee

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(A lady calls on the phone.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this [Coffee Shop]?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what your dinner special is?”

Manager On Duty: “Ma’am, this is a coffee shop.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have dinner?”

Manager On Duty: “We have some sandwiches and snacks, but we mostly have coffee.”

Caller: “Oh, so, you sell coffee there?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you sell mattresses?”

Manager On Duty: “No, ma’am. Coffee.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay.”

You’re Going To Pay A Price For This

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(I am ringing up other customers, while also helping my assistant manager count cigarettes for inventory. A customer walks up with some of our air freshener products that have been marked down due to the department shrinking in size. We’ve had some trouble in the past few weeks with other customers putting items in the wrong place or new employees not knowing where to put them.)

Customer: “Hi! How are you?”

Me: “Doing fine. And you?”

Customer: “I’m doing great; thanks for asking. I wanted to make sure that these all rang up at the right price. Could you check them for me?”

Me: “I certainly can!”

(I start ringing up the items, watching each one and telling her the price of each. Three of the air freshener products come out on sale, but not at the price SHE wanted.)

Customer: “Why aren’t those on sale?”

Me: “These are on sale already at $6.99, which is better than the $8.19 price they originally were. Was there another price there? Maybe a clearance tag?”

Customer: “I understand they are on sale!” *at this point she’s yelling* “But they aren’t at the price I wanted them at!”

Me: “Let me get someone to go and check the price, then.”

(I call one of my associates over and ask for her to go check the three products. She goes and checks, but not any of the three are on sale.)

Me: “None of the three are on sale; did you still want to get them?”

Customer: *sigh* “No.”

(I continue ringing her up, and at the end of the transaction, my associate apologizes for the inconvenience.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, miss.”

Me: “We are trying to make sure that all clearance items are in the right place. I thank you for your patience.”


(Both of us looked at each other as she walked out the door, shaking our heads in disbelief.)

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That Will Be Some Epic Meter Fare

, , , , | Working | July 11, 2018

(I get a cab through an app to drive me to the airport so I won’t have to leave my car there. The following exchange happens right after she drops me off.)

Driver: “Okay, we’re here. Have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you. Here’s your money.”

Driver: *totally serious* “And when will you need picking up?”

Me: “In about three weeks?”

Driver: “Oh.” *drives off*

(What was she going to do?! Sit there at the airport until I came back?)

About To Meat Their End

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2018

(This particular location has a really bad issue with customers ordering sandwiches with double meat and extra cheese, then going to check out and pitching a fit that they didn’t order the extra and refusing to pay. I’ve already had to deal with four customers doing this today, and I am on guard as soon as this customer places her order.)

Customer: “Give me a footlong steak and cheese on white, double meat and extra swiss, toasted.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have to let you know that the double meat is $3 extra, and the extra cheese another $.60.”

Customer: “Yes. I know that. I come here all the time.”

(I make the sandwich, including the extra meat and cheese, and place it in the toaster before continuing with the next customer. My coworker, who happens to be a middle-aged man with some mild mental delays, finishes off making the sandwich and starts to cash her out. He is a little slow about arranging the vegetables but he gives amazing customer service. All hell breaks loose when he gives her the total.)


Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me check again. Steak and cheese, right?”

Customer: “Obviously.”

Coworker: “Okay. That’s $9.50, plus $3 for double meat, and another $.60 for the extra cheese. Tax makes it $14.18.”

Customer: “No. I didn’t order anything extra, and I’m not paying any extra. Manager, now.”

(I am the night manager, so I came to the register as soon as she started yelling.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “She says she didn’t order it with double meat or extra cheese.”


Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m the one who started your sandwich, and I clearly remember you requesting the extras. I even explained that it would cost more, and you were fine with that. Also, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use abusive language toward my coworker.”

Customer: “LIAR!” *turns to other customers* “THESE PEOPLE ARE LIARS AND THIEVES! DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY HERE!” *turns back to me* “NOW GIVE ME MY FOOD!”

(I’ve had enough. One customer has already left because the woman is taking so much time and causing such a scene; the others all look extremely uncomfortable.)

Me: “Your total is $14.18; will it be cash or card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “That’s the total, ma’am. You ordered double meat and extra cheese.”


Me: “Look, lady. Our security cameras also record audio and are programmed to create a memo at the time stamp whenever certain keywords are used, such as ‘double’ or ‘extra,’ so they can be sure we’re not giving extras away. I assure you, I can prove it. Now, you can pay for your sandwich or you can leave.”

Customer: “GIVE ME MY F****** FOOD, YOU FAT B****!”

Me: *violently slams sandwich into full garbage can* “Leave, now. Get out of the store or I’m calling the police.”

(The woman refused to leave, and at one point shoved our cookie case off of the counter. Luckily, the police station was right across the intersection from us, so the officers got there before she could cause too much trouble. The few customers who remained through the entire ordeal got free cookies. One of them owns a bar across the street, and he gave me a pass for five free drinks for staying strong under pressure.)

Unfiltered Story #115151

, , | Unfiltered | June 18, 2018

(In this case, I had been working inventory when the phone rang.)

Me: *answers before my boss gets there* Hello?

Caller: *in an obviously fake deep voice* Yes, hello. Is Hugh Jass there by chance?

(At this point, my boss walks over, therefore, I am required to put it on speaker.)

Me: *sighs* Excuse me, [coworker], could you look up a worker. Jass, Hugh?

Coworker: Sure thing [my nickname].

Caller: …. *fake voice* Also, I’d like to get some guns for my sons… Yes.

Me: Sir, I’d really like you to state your name.

Caller: *in a 12-year-old sounding voice* My name is Su-k Mike Hawk!

Me: *looks over at Caller ID* Actually, Caller ID tells me that is the [last name of respected Navy SEAL] residence. Is that correct?

Caller 2: *15-16 year old sounding voice* DUDE! I knew it wasn’t [Name]’s number! HANG UP!!!

Caller: *whimpers slightly*

(At that point, the caller’s hung up and the residence’s main Navy SEAL was called. Turns out, that wasn’t the first failed prank call they made that day!)

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