(I am a middle school teacher. We have announcements every day at the end of school. The principal is making an announcement about our new writing club and this is what I hear:)
Principal: “Do you like writing or kind of like writing? The join our writing club! Join others to create short stories, porn, and other fun things!”
Me: “WHAT?!”
Students: “Poems. She said poems.”
(The students definitely heard the same thing I did, too. The principal might want to enunciate a bit more!)
My husband & I are British so sometimes the accent poses problems but not this much.
Husband (en route to the airport). ‘Terminal A please,
Driver ‘Terminal E’
Husband ‘ Terminal A’
Driver ‘Terminal E’
Husband ‘No terminal A, as in A for Apple’
Driver ‘E for Apple?’
(Here’s the background story: we are currently building a website for one of the clients. This website will include their logo. This is a logo which they own and designed; we did not make this logo for them. When asked for the file, the client sends over a low-res .jpg file. We use the file; it is kind of grainy but not too horrible.)
Client: “Can you increase the logo size by 150%?”
Me: “Yes, we can; however, it will look grainy.”
Client: “Why will it look grainy?”
Me: “The file you submitted is too low-res. If you can provide us an eps file or a high-res version of the photo, we will be more than happy to increase the logo to 150% of the current size.”
Client: “If I have to enlarge the photo myself to get it right then don’t worry about it. I thought you guys had the capabilities to do a basic graphic design work in house.”
Me: “What you are asking is for us to recreate your logo, of which we are more than capable. However, there’s an additional charge for that service. All I’m asking is for the original high-res file or eps file.”
Client: “YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO TOO MUCH WORK!”
Customer without a halo
It is the day after a major release for a new game, and I am working the register and answering the phone for a very well known trade in shop in a mall. Please note that the pre order was just digital content for this game and no tangible things.
Phone rings:
Me: thank you for calling [store] in the [area] mall, this is [name], how can I help you?
Customer: yea I came in earlier and picked up my sons pre order for [game].
Me: oh fantastic, is there anything I can do to help you?
customer: (suddenly irate) well my son is all pissed off now because he never got his poster and all that other stuff promised.
Me: ma’am we don’t have posters to give out… This game’s preorder was digital.
Customer: oh so you gave out all the posters already… Why didn’t my son get one?? My husband told me that he was supposed to get one.
Me: ma’am, I think you are misinformed. We never had posters to give out. I went to the late night event last night and there weren’t any at all. And none were here to give out toda…
Customer: (cuts me off) But my husband told me you were giving them out!!!
Me: then I believe he was misinformed on the entire thing and I’m sorry for that.
Customer: well I’m giving the store number to my husband so he can call. Good luck… *click*
*right after my supervisor said he would take over if he called because he loves dealing with stupid people. And luckily, to my knowledge he never called.*
(It’s about 9:00 pm on a Sunday night when my three-year-old comes to tell me she has bugs in her poop. At first, I ignore her because she’s also recently claimed the “bugs under her skin” have been “controlling” her this last week and that’s why she’s been acting out a little. After a little while, I go and look, and it turns out the kid is right; she’s got pinworms. I quickly load her in the car and start driving to the nearest pharmacy for medicine. We hardly leave our apartment before I see red and blue lights behind me. I pull over immediately, freaking out because at 25, this is the first time I’ve ever been pulled over. The officer comes out, asks for the usual, and adds on:)
Officer: “You’ve got a tail light out, ma’am. Mind telling me why you and the little one are out so late?”
Daughter: ” *super happy voice* “I’ve got butt worms, Offser, and we need medicine, ’cause the butt worms are itchy!”
(The officer couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. He did give me a warning, just so I could show any other officers that might have stopped me, but we got home fine, and I was able to fix the light, and my kid’s “butt worms.”)
