Don’t Want Any Prize You Could Offer

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(While I’m employed by a well-known grocery store, I work in a specific department that is only associated with the store by contract. I have the store name tag, but my uniform is red instead of the usual blue. Despite this, I have memorized where the “popular” items are — bread, milk, eggs, etc. I’m on break, looking at bathroom accessories I might want in my new apartment.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me where the deodorant is?”

(Despite not knowing the exact aisle, I know generally where it is.)

Me: “Certainly! It’s—”

Customer: *makes a loud buzzing sound, like a wrong-answer buzzer on a game show* “Too slow! You lose! You could have won a wonderful prize! But now I have to find it by myself, since you don’t know!” *wanders off*

(I’m stunned into silence. A coworker walks over, having heard the whole transaction. He raises an eyebrow in question.)

Me: *mystified* “I work in the cheese department….”

Singing Comebacks In The Rain

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2018

(I’m about to leave the office building where my company is located to go get lunch. We’re an online marketing and web design company, so we can wear pretty much whatever we want. If I’m not meeting with potential clients, I usually wear skinny jeans and band t-shirts, with big hoodies. It’s pouring when I step outside to go get lunch, but before I can open my umbrella, a well-dressed, little old lady tries to JERK my umbrella out of my hand!)

Lady: “You kids should respect your elders more! You don’t need that umbrella, and if you don’t give it to me right this second, I’ll report you for being truant from school!”

(I’m 26, but look much younger, but this is the first time someone has threatened to report me for truancy.)

Me: *politely but firmly* “Ma’am, this is my umbrella, and I do need it. You can also report me, but I’m a computer science major at [College], not a high-schooler, so it won’t get you anywhere.”

Lady: *stuttering* “Well, you’re still a student, young lady, so I demand you give me your umbrella!”

Me: “Fine, that’ll cost you $1,500.”

Lady:What?! Why should I pay you that much for a stupid f****** umbrella?!”

Me: “Because that’s how much it’s going to cost to replace my [expensive laptop that I bought for school and work that I’m currently carrying in my bag] if I give you my umbrella, and I have class tonight. I’ll take cash, thanks.”

(The lady gave me a dirty look and went back inside the building, cussing me out as she did. I was taught to respect my elders, as most Texans are, but I was also taught that I’m worth just as much respect!)

Sounds Like They Really Need The Coffee

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(A lady calls on the phone.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this [Coffee Shop]?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what your dinner special is?”

Manager On Duty: “Ma’am, this is a coffee shop.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have dinner?”

Manager On Duty: “We have some sandwiches and snacks, but we mostly have coffee.”

Caller: “Oh, so, you sell coffee there?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you sell mattresses?”

Manager On Duty: “No, ma’am. Coffee.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay.”

You’re Going To Pay A Price For This

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(I am ringing up other customers, while also helping my assistant manager count cigarettes for inventory. A customer walks up with some of our air freshener products that have been marked down due to the department shrinking in size. We’ve had some trouble in the past few weeks with other customers putting items in the wrong place or new employees not knowing where to put them.)

Customer: “Hi! How are you?”

Me: “Doing fine. And you?”

Customer: “I’m doing great; thanks for asking. I wanted to make sure that these all rang up at the right price. Could you check them for me?”

Me: “I certainly can!”

(I start ringing up the items, watching each one and telling her the price of each. Three of the air freshener products come out on sale, but not at the price SHE wanted.)

Customer: “Why aren’t those on sale?”

Me: “These are on sale already at $6.99, which is better than the $8.19 price they originally were. Was there another price there? Maybe a clearance tag?”

Customer: “I understand they are on sale!” *at this point she’s yelling* “But they aren’t at the price I wanted them at!”

Me: “Let me get someone to go and check the price, then.”

(I call one of my associates over and ask for her to go check the three products. She goes and checks, but not any of the three are on sale.)

Me: “None of the three are on sale; did you still want to get them?”

Customer: *sigh* “No.”

(I continue ringing her up, and at the end of the transaction, my associate apologizes for the inconvenience.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, miss.”

Me: “We are trying to make sure that all clearance items are in the right place. I thank you for your patience.”

Customer: *screaming like a banshee* “BOTH OF YOU SHOULD BE FIRED! I HAVE BETTER SERVICE WITH THE OTHER EMPLOYEES THAN YOU TWO! HAVE A GOOD DAY!”

(Both of us looked at each other as she walked out the door, shaking our heads in disbelief.)

That Will Be Some Epic Meter Fare

, , , , | Working | July 11, 2018

(I get a cab through an app to drive me to the airport so I won’t have to leave my car there. The following exchange happens right after she drops me off.)

Driver: “Okay, we’re here. Have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you. Here’s your money.”

Driver: *totally serious* “And when will you need picking up?”

Me: “In about three weeks?”

Driver: “Oh.” *drives off*

(What was she going to do?! Sit there at the airport until I came back?)

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