(I am browsing a clothing store together with a friend. It is winter, and I am looking for a new coat. This store is known for not always having everything folded and arranged, and during the day it can get pretty messy. It is not unusual to see single items scattered across other items.)

Me: *picks up an especially ugly-looking coat and shows to friend* “Unbelievable that someone is paying money for something like this; what was the designer thinking?”

Other Shopper: *snatches coat from my hands* “That is my coat; thanks a lot.” *storms off*

(I went beet red, mumbled an apology, and left the store as quickly as possible while my friend cracked up.)

(One of our regular customers is a magician, and tends to have various novelty items.)

Me: *to a coworker* “Hey, check out what [Customer] just gave me.”

(I hand him what appears to be a one-inch, handmade wooden stool inside a plastic medicine vial.)

Coworker: “What the h*** is that?”

Me: “A ‘stool sample.'”

Coworker: *groans*

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(My husband is an extremely laid-back, no-nonsense man. He is intelligent, but dislikes hypothetical questions and “what if” situations. When he is summoned for jury duty, I am certain it will be an interesting experience for the court. This happens when he is called upon to answer questions for jury selection.)

Prosecutor: “How would you know if someone is lying to you?”

Husband: “Depends on who they are.”

Prosecutor: *smirks* “Okay. Say it’s a stranger.”

Husband: “Then what am I doing talking to them?”

Prosecutor: *blinks twice then moves on to next juror*

(My husband was informed that his services were not needed. He seemed very pleased with the outcome, especially since he only had to be himself to get out of jury duty.)

(We sell pallets of stone, and sometimes we have to stack them of top of the others when we’re running low on space. A man and his young daughter walk into our office.)

Parent: “Hi! I know it’s an odd question, but can we just walk around and look at your rocks? My daughter is six, and she really loves rocks.”

Me: “Absolutely! No problem at all.”

(Later, I walk outside to speak to a customer, and during our conversation I look around and realize the little girl is SKIPPING from the top of one double-stacked pallet to another. Her father is standing in front of the row of double-stacked pallets, grinning as his six-year-old daughter jumps down the row between the uneven pallets nearly eight feet in the air. I excuse myself from my customer.)

Me: “Sir? Sir! I’m sorry, but she really needs to get down from there!”

Parent: “Aww, really? But she’s having so much fun! I guess it might be an insurance risk for you guys, though, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Yes it is.” *thinking* “Do you not like your child?”

(My high school health class covers a wide variety of things, one of which is noise level in the measure of decibels, dB. The first concept the teacher covers is that every 10 increments of dB is 10x louder than the previous increment of 10, meaning that 20dB is 10x louder than 10dB and 30dB is 100x louder than 10dB, if you understand math. This teacher does not. For years she’s been teaching than 20dB is 10x louder than 10dB, 30dB is 20x louder than 10dB, and so on, in that fashion, and so have the students in her classes, or at least none of them have ever argued with her… Until me. There is a question asking, “If 20dB is ten times louder than 10dB, how many times louder is 50Db than 10dB?”)

Most Of The Class: “40 times louder.”

Teacher: “Right!”

Me: “Um.. that’s wrong. Each increment of ten being ten times louder than the previous means that 50dB is 10,000 times louder than 10dB.”

Teacher: *laughs like I just said the funniest thing in the world* “I don’t know where you came up with that math, but that makes no sense.”

Me: *explains how fifth-grade math works* “This is something we learned a long time ago; it’s basic math.”

(The teacher tells  me I am wrong, and that she’s been teaching this for years and knows exactly what it is. I argue with her, and she finally asks if I want her to check her answer book; I very strongly insists she does. When she checks and finds out I am right, she gets red and glares at me before telling everyone:)

Teacher: “Well, it looks like he was right. They must have changed the way these things work this year.”