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Rage Against The Machine, Part 9

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2022

A few years ago, when I was still in college, I had to spend a total of eight hours making cold calls, conducting surveys, and gathering data from willing participants, as part of a school project. I know how annoying they are and, just like the other students, I didn’t want to do it, but unfortunately, it was mandatory. It is also worth noting that I am very vocally expressive.

I had several funny conversations, but this was one of my favorites.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m calling on behalf of [University Program]. Would you be available to complete a quick survey regarding [subject]?”

Callee: *To someone else in the room* “Oh, it’s just a robot.”

Me: *Laughs* “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m not a robot.”

Callee: “Are you sure? You sound like one.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m sure that I am, in fact, a person.”

Callee: “Hmm, no, you’re a robot.” *Click*

I guess I just sounded too cheerful to be a real person!

Rage Against The Machine, Part 8
Rage Against The Machine, Part 7
Rage Against The Machine, Part 6
Rage Against The Machine, Part 5
Rage Against The Machine, Part 4

When You Assume, You Make A Sexist Out Of… Just You, Usually

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2022

I’m a female executive at the local branch of a major company. I am specifically the regional reports manager. A guy walked into the room we had booked for a meeting and saw me already seated in the room waiting.

Guy: “Hi, sweetheart, if you could fix me up a coffee real quick, I’m meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes. Thanks, darling.”

I shot him my coldest glare.

Me: “I am the regional reports manager.”

His face went utterly pale.

Throughout the whole meeting, the man was shaking like a leaf. Every time I glanced at him, rivulets of sweat started running down his face. It would have been almost funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.

I’m going to talk with his manager after this. If this is his first offense, I want him written up. If it’s not, I want him fired. I’m also going to give his division some remedial diversity, inclusion, and courtesy training.

There’s A Lot To Unpack Here…

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2022

I work in a natural history museum. An elderly woman (maskless) is berating a coworker, so I get closer to see why.

Old Lady: “Why do you sell bugs in candy?”

Coworker: “We have a vending machine that has scorpion pops, chocolate crickets, and other candied insects because they’re good for the environment and tasty.”

Old Lady: “But don’t you know that the Jews are making people eat bugs to turn the world flat?”

Me: “…”

If You Have To Ask If You’re “That” Customer, You’re Not “That” Customer

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2022

It’s around midnight, and I’ve been driving since sunrise. I pull up to the drive-thru of a popular fast food franchise. After the greeting:

Me: “May I get [Competitor’s Signature Burger] meal with a Coke, please?”

Employee: *Halting* “I’m sorry, we don’t have those.”

My brain suddenly works.

Me: “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! May I please get a [Their Popular Burger] combo with a Coke?”

Employee: *Laughs* “Of course, ma’am. Your total is [total]. At the first window.”

The transaction goes smoothly, and I explain my sleep deprivation and apologize for being “that customer.”

Employee: “Oh, believe me, you are absolutely not that customer!”

We Wish That Poor Child The Best Of Luck

, , , , | Learning | April 15, 2022

When I was in junior high, I went to a fairly small private Christian school. For the most part, it was a good experience, with the exception of one teacher. She recognized that the principal was a very kind but very passive man who like to give second, third, and seventeenth chances. This teacher took advantage of this, teaching less and less, playing favorites, giving grades that made no sense, etc.

Parents complained, but the teacher was young and the principal was an overly kind old man convinced that with one more chance, she would shape up. Finally, after she gave some twelve-year-old girls advice on how to sneak out of the house at night and ways to hide cigarettes, parents had had enough and convinced the principal to fire her. But even then, he decided to let her finish out the term.

With about two months left in the school year, she announced that she was pregnant. All of her favorites were thrilled and talking with her in class.

Student #1: “Congratulations! What are you going to name it?”

Teacher: “We don’t know yet, though I should probably name it ‘Insurance’.” *Laughs*

Student #2: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: “Well, a lot of parents think I’m too honest and are trying to get rid of me. But there is no way [Principal] is going to fire a pregnant woman!”

It turned out she was right and she was back the next year. A lot of parents decided that if she was coming back, they were not, and enrollment dropped significantly the next year.