Unfiltered Story #147718

, , , | Unfiltered | April 22, 2019

Me: It’s $18.28

Customer: *holding hand out* I have the money.

Me: I need the money before I can give you the food.

Customer: That’s a first.

The Title Writer Had To Go Calm Down After Reading This One

, , , , , , | Related | April 17, 2019

(My sister and her husband live in Houston. The only way for us or her in-laws to get there in a reasonable amount of time is by taking the interstate. This interstate is mostly two lanes each way and has a speed limit of 75 mph, though etiquette is to go 80 to 85. Even the small-town cops generally won’t pull people over for going less than 10 over. It’s also considered rude to drive in the left lane if you’re not passing someone or at least going fairly fast, and there are signs everywhere saying, “Left lane for passing only.” Pretty much everyone who’s driven on that road more than once knows this, especially life-long residents like my family and my sister’s in-laws. At one point, we are all hanging out and the topic of the drive there comes up, and my sister’s mother-in-law drops this gem:)

Sister’s MIL: “With all the people entering and exiting the highway, I just go 60 and drive in the left lane.”

(I almost called her out on it but didn’t want to start drama when she obviously didn’t care about how her behavior was affecting other drivers. She isn’t even some little old, “Driving Miss Daisy” type; she’s only in her 50s.)

What About Betty, Bette, Barbara, Bennett, And Bergman?

, , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

(A long-term client has just come in with their new dog. A few months ago they had to euthanize Birdie because of cancer and Bogey was lonely, so they got a new puppy that they haven’t named yet. They ask for ideas. I’m a high school student and both my coworker and the clients are both much older.)

Coworker: “Well, how about calling her Eagle? Keep the golf theme going.”

Client: “No, we want to avoid golf; too many memories of Birdie.”

Coworker: “So, no theme, then…”

Client: “I’d like a theme; I just can’t think of anything that goes with Bogey.”

Me: “Bacall.”

Client: “What?”

Me: “Bogey and Bacall — Humphrey and Lauren. Y’all were actually alive when those movies came out. You’ve seen them, right?”

Client: “I have, but when did you?”

Me: “My dad is a high school teacher, and for as long as I can remember, any time he made a reference in class that a student didn’t get he would come home and make sure I did. I also know who Fred and Ginger are.”

(Lauren — they decided Bacall didn’t fit — and Bogey got along great. And my coworker was happy to find someone to discuss old movies with.)

Unfiltered Story #147106

, , | Unfiltered | April 15, 2019

(I am the customer in this story. My husband, my friend, and I are in the drive-though at a donut shop chain that is known for turning on a lighted sign when fresh hot donuts are available. The sign is currently on.)

Employee: Welcome to [donut shop], how can I help you?

Me: What’s hot right now?

Employee: Excuse me?!

(My husband and my friend start giggling.)

Me: The hot donuts sign is on. What kind of hot donuts do you have?

Employee: Oh! We only serve the glazed donuts hot.

Me: OK, we’ll take six of those.

(We get our donuts and start to drive away.)

Me: What were you guys laughing about?

Husband: I think the drive-through guy thought you were hitting on him!

Friend: Hey baby, what’s hot right now?

Me: That has to be the worst pick-up line ever!

Terrible Twos Meets Terrifying Twos

, , , , , | Related | April 14, 2019

(My two two-year-olds are getting ready for bed. [Toddler #2] is in the bedroom with my husband, while [Toddler #1] is running down the hall to the bedroom. [Toddler #2] runs to the door and closes it just before her sister gets to it, effectively locking her out of the bedroom.)

Toddler #1: *knocking on the door* “Papa! Papa, let me in!”

Toddler #2: “Papa can’t help you now! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Page 1/11412345...Last