If At First You Don’t Succeed, Thai Again, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2020

At the very front of our restaurant, in HUGE letters, reads, “Thai and Sushi Restaurant.”

Me: “Hi. How’re we doing today?”

Customer: “What kind of food do you serve here?”

Me: “Oh… Well, uh, we serve Thai and sushi, ma’am.”

Customer: “Do you serve Chinese food?”

Me: “Uh, no, ma’am, sorry. We’re a Thai restaurant.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid restaurant is this?”

They stayed and ordered food anyway.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Thai Again

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Putting Words In The Pastor’s Mouth

, , , , , , , | Related | May 25, 2020

My cousin told this story at my uncle’s funeral. I thought it was hilarious.

My cousin, his wife, and his parents all go to church together. My cousin’s wife is heavily pregnant at the time. A new associate pastor is joining the church that day, and after the service, he stands at the back so everyone can greet him and introduce themselves. His wife stands next to him, and she is also heavily pregnant.

When my cousin and his wife reach the new pastor, he says, “I see your wife has the same ailment that mine has!” Everyone gives a polite chuckle, except my uncle, who glares at the new pastor and doesn’t say a word as he shakes his hand next.

My uncle still looks annoyed when they get in the car. My cousin asks him what is up.

Uncle: “That wasn’t right. A pastor shouldn’t say things like that.”

Cousin: “What do you mean?”

Uncle: “That was just rude. To say that his wife and [Cousin’s Wife] have the same mailman!”

And my cousin said that was the earliest indication that my uncle’s hearing had started to go.

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Unfiltered Story #194885

, , , | Unfiltered | May 23, 2020

(I work at a fabric and craft store during the months between the times I traveled out of state for college. During my time there, there was a regular that all of us dreaded seeing. She would stay in the store for several hours, be very particular about how her fabric gets cut, be very vocal about people and things she didn’t like, and every visit would grantee that she could call the corporate office to file a complaint about someone for something, even about managers. It got to the point that corporate stopped listening to her due to finding her claims false when they would investigate or find the employee in the right. I’ve returned from college and resumed working for a few weeks when I noticed that I have not seen [Regular] at all. I ask my coworker about this…)

Me: Hey I haven’t seen [Regular] for sometime….has she been in here?

Coworker: Oh her? She got banned.

Me: What?! Why?

Coworker: So she came in and tried to check out using wanting to use one coupon over and over again on everything she got because she was ‘such a good customer’ and [Manager] explained to her several times about why we can’t do that. She got so mad that she went to all the customers in the store and told them about how much she hated [Manager] using the N-word and that she was going to shoot her in the parking lot.

Me: She threatened to shoot [Manager]!!??

(I should note that [Regular] is a older white woman and [Manager] is a tall black woman)

Coworker: Yep, [Manager] was pissed so when [Regular] finally left she called to police to file a report. They said that we should not let [Regular] on the property anymore and they were go to her house and inform her that she is now banned from the store.

Me: Sheesh….I knew she was bad but I didn’t know she was that bad….

Coworker: Yeah, [Manager] said that she could handle complaining and yelling customers but whenever someone uses racism or threatens her life, she will get serious.

(It has been a few years since then and [Regular] has never returned to the store. [Manager] had always been my favorite to work with because of her strong work ethic and caring attitude to all the employees. She eventually left when she got a promotion at her other job but it was moments like this that make me respect her so much.)

This Is Not His First PG-13 Rodeo

, , , | Right | May 22, 2020

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Movie Theater]!”

Kid: “Twelve.”

Me: “What?”

Kid: “What?”

Me: “What?”

Kid: “Twelve!”

Me: “…”

Kid: “You asked how old I was, right?”

Me: “No, I said, ‘Hi, welcome to [Movie Theatre].’”

Kid: “Oh, well, I’m twelve. I have my ID if you want to see it.”

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You’d Have To Be Blind To Call Again

, , , , , | Legal | May 22, 2020

I have been getting many, many calls over the past several months telling me my vehicle warranty is about to expire. Usually, I just hang up, but last week I had enough and decided to call their bluff. 

Me: “Hello?”

Robotic Voice: “Hi, this is [Name] with the vehicle warranty department. Our records show your car’s warranty will expire soon. Press one to speak to an agent.”

I press one.

Scammer: “Hello, can you please verify the make and model of your vehicle?” 

Me: “A 2019 white cane.” 

Scammer: *Confused* “What, miss?”

Me: *Repeating* “A 2019 white cane.”

Scammer: “Uh, what was that?”

Me: “Let me help you out. I know this is a scam. I do not own a vehicle. In fact, I am completely blind and have been my whole life. Therefore, I am not able to obtain a driver’s license, let alone buy a car.”

Scammer: *Absolutely shocked* “Uh… Um… Really?”

Me: “This is the fourth call from you I have received this week, and I have all the different numbers you use in my phone’s history. I will ask you once to remove me from your list. If you contact me again, I will file a complaint with the FCC.”

Scammer: *Click* 

The next day, they called me again! As promised, I hung up and filed a report with the FCC. I wonder if they would actually give me a warranty on my cane, though!

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