The store I used to work at has a front that faces west, and it’s all windows. We’re in Texas, so it’s always hot with the sun streaming in and, of course, the sun glares in our eyes and the register screens, etc.

Customer: “You should have blinds or something!”

Me: “We agree, but we’re not allowed to put blinds up.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Some time before I worked here, when there were still blinds on the windows, a customer drove by through the parking lot, saw the blinds were closed, and instead of reasoning that it’s very sunny hence the blinds, parking and going up to see if the store was open, or calling the store to ask if it’s open, she called customer care to complain that the store was apparently closed in the middle of the day because blinds down equals store closed. Corporate responded by taking the blinds away and banning them.”

Customer: “…oh.”

Me: “Of course, you could call corporate yourself and say you’d like the blinds put back.”

Customer: “Hmm… nah, that sounds like a lot of work.”

I’m the author of this story. One of the classes I taught was defensive driving. In Texas, it is a felony to give someone credit for the class if they are not present for 100% of the class. This was emphasized strongly when getting licensed to teach.

The facility’s nurse was thirty minutes late; I apologized to her while telling her she’d have to reschedule.

Facility Nurse: “But I had car trouble!”

Me: “I understand, but I can’t let you in for this session.”

Facility Nurse: “It’s not my fault.

Me: “I believe you; I’m not doing it to punish you. It’s a felony for me to give you credit if you’re not here for the entire six hours. I’m really sorry, but I’m not going to risk it.”

She stomped off, yelling that I hadn’t heard the end of it.

The next day, I got a call from the executive director.

Executive Director: “I understand you kicked the nurse out of class yesterday.”

Me: “She was thirty minutes late. It’s a felony for me to let her in. I didn’t do it to punish her, but I’m not committing a crime for her.”

Executive Director: “What if it were me?”

Me: “I wouldn’t let you in either.”

Executive Director: “Okay then.”

Nothing more was said about it, but boy, did the nurse glare at me during the next class!

A customer comes in and asks me for the battery back-ups for his computer. Now, it’s important that he specified that he wanted it for his computer, because I work in TVs, on the literal opposite side of the store. No big deal, it’s cool, people don’t pay attention to big signs that say things like “Computer Accessories” or “Home Theater.”

The storm of the millennium is about to roll through (Hurricane Harvey), so basically everything related to power protection is sold out, but I take him over to the aisle anyway, just to check. We have two left. They are pretty small ones that don’t provide much backup time.

Customer: “Well, where are the rest of them?”

Me: “Well, sir, these are the last that we have left, but if you’re looking for a specific one, then I can check if another nearby store has one.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just go grab more from the back? I know you sell more than these models.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have any in the back. If it’s not on the shelf, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean, we don’t have any more of them.”

Customer: “But you sell them. Go get more.”

Me: “There aren’t any more until the next shipment of items arrives.”

Customer: “Well, what happened to the ones that you had?”

Me: “…we sold them.”

Customer: “Right, so sell one to me, too.”

Me: “But there aren’t anymore.”

Customer: “Why won’t you sell me a d*** back up!? All I want is a backup for my computer, how hard is that?!”

At this point, I’m not sure if this guy is just a masterful troll or an absolute idiot. I’ve never had to explain the concept of the “sold out” before.

Me: “Sir, we literally have none in the building. I have nowhere inside this building where I can go to get what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “Well, this is why Amazon is putting you out of business!”

Me: “Sir, you’re free to order from them.”

Customer: “There’s a storm coming in! I won’t get them in time! Why don’t you have any?”

Me: “Because… there’s a storm coming in.”

Customer: *Throws his hands up in the air.* “What does that have to do with anything!?”

He “stormed” out (sorry). 

The storm destroyed my store the next day, and I did not mourn the loss.

CORRECTION: A typo has been corrected.

I conducted training for a facility that provided services for people with learning disabilities and mental health issues. New hires were required to undergo a two-week orientation before moving on to their assigned position. Classes included CPR/First Aid, infection control, prevention and management of aggressive behavior, etc.

One new employee was constantly late to class, and not by five minutes, but sometimes an hour or more, missing vital information. I went to his supervisor.

Me: “You need to fire this guy. He is ALWAYS late and is not getting the information he needs. He’s going to be a problem for you and a danger to our clients.”

Supervisor: “No, we need him; we’re short-staffed.”

Me: “Well, you’re not going to have him anyway at this rate. The quicker he’s gone, the sooner you can get a replacement.”

Supervisor: “No, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

One month goes by.

Me: “How’s [New Hire] doing?”

Supervisor: “Oh, we had to let him go; he was late for every shift.”

Wow, who’d thunk it?

I work in a large hardware store. I’m stationed at a key cutting station, which, as you can imagine, is quite loud, so I usually have to speak up. I’m asking an older guy what he wants cut when he interrupts me and says:

Customer: “You’re too loud for a woman!”

Me: “Sir, I am talking to you at a very busy key-cutting station. If I don’t shout, like you are right now, you won’t hear me.”

Customer: “You’re a woman! You should speak softly and demurely.”

Me: *Speaking at a normal volume.* “You’re a sexist pig, and your mother regrets having made you, you human root canal.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *Shouting again.* “See, sir, you can’t hear me at a normal volume.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine, I’ll allow it. They shouldn’t have women working so close to the machines anyway.”

Me: *Speaking at a normal volume.* “You’re lucky there are cameras here, or I’d show you what happens when a man gets too close to one of the machines.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *Shouting again.* “So, what keys did you need cut?”