This Lesson Really Stings

, , , , , , , | Working | December 22, 2020

My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction. The company he has worked for for several decades really values him and has offered him numerous promotions but he won’t take them. He prefers running the big equipment and not being responsible for idiots — his words. Unfortunately, every so often they hire some new young supervisor for a job who thinks that, because they have some fancy college education and an expensive shirt and tie, they know more than anyone else.

One day, they are clearing land for a road. My father-in-law is operating a closed cab backhoe. It’s not common to see a closed cab but it essentially surrounds the operator in glass to protect them from brush and such as they are moving through an undeveloped area.

He comes upon a tree that needs to be knocked down and realizes that it is hollow. Looking upward, he sees what looks to be liquid flowing down. My father-in-law knows that means a mighty big beehive. He also knows what will happen if anyone so much as touches that tree. He shuts down the backhoe and climbs out to take a better look to decide the best course of action.

The new supervisor comes stomping over.

Supervisor: *Shouting* “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”

Father-In-Law: “The tree is hollow. You can see up there…”

Supervisor: *Cutting him off* “I don’t give a d***. Get in there and get to it!”

Father-In-Law: “But you don’t understand. If I touch that tree…”

Supervisor: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I DON’T UNDERSTAND?! I will have you know that I have far more education than you! Now get your stupid, uneducated a** back in that cab, you old f***, and KNOCK DOWN THAT TREE!”

Big mistake. Now he has ticked my father-in-law off. So, my father-in-law climbs back into the cab and starts up the machine. The supervisor stomps off to a group of big shots, inspectors, and such that are standing nearby, talking about how sometimes you just have to crack the whip on these stupid laborers, and they all chuckle.

With the biggest smile he can muster, my father-in-law begins hitting that tree. And, like an explosion, a solid mass of bees pour out of a hole at the bottom of the tree. They immediately attack the backhoe, but my father-in-law is perfectly safe. At that point, the bees turn their attention to the supervisor and the others standing nearby. It is not pretty. The bees swarm them. But my father-in-law just keeps hitting the tree. With every hit, more bees pour out, even angrier than the last ones.

The supervisor starts screaming for my father-in-law to stop, but being in the enclosed glass cab and with the engine running, there is no way he can hear him. At least, that is his story later on and he sticks to it. My father-in-law does not stop until that tree is knocked down, and hundreds of angry bees chase the supervisor and all the others for about a mile.

After the supervisor and others got out of the hospital, they had a meeting with the company owner — who thought of my father-in-law as a brother — and all the higher-ups. The supervisor, of course, tried to blame my father-in-law. The owner and others who knew my father-in-law well could barely keep a straight face when my father-in-law said, “Well, I am just a stupid, old laborer and was just doing what the highly-educated man told me to do.”

Of course, my father-in-law didn’t get in trouble and there is a happy ending. My father-in-law said that the supervisor became a much more humble man after that, never mistreated any of his employees again, and learned to listen to the more experienced people under him. Every so often, the two of them still treat each other to a beer.

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Anti-Vaxxers Are Dumber Than Cats

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

(I work as a veterinary technician at a vet’s office. I’m the first one to greet the clients and get some background before the doctor comes in.)

Me: “So, it looks like both your cats are due for the Feline Distemper Vaccine, so we can take care of that today.”

Client: “That’s great! Are the vaccines safe?”

Me: “Well, with all vaccines there is always a risk of an allergic reaction. If you’d like, we can pre-treat both of them with Benadryl before they get the shots.”

Client: “That’s all right. They’ll be fine. But that’s not what I meant.”

Me: “Do you have other concerns with the vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, I’m concerned that the vaccine might mess up their little heads.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Client: “I don’t want my babies getting autism or anything like that.”

Me: *screaming internally* “Well, I can certainly check with the doctor before we give the vaccines to make sure they’re safe.”

Client: “Good. I want to keep my boys healthy!”

This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

Read the next Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup story!

Read the Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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He Motor Boated Himself

, , , , , | Right | September 27, 2019

(My husband and I own a mobile marine repair business. We do not have a shop; we repair boats dockside or in a person’s backyard. I have submitted several stories about things that happened at our business but this one really shows the stubbornness of some people. Keep in mind that we charge a minimum of $100 to even look at a customer’s boat and then give advice, so we are paid many times just for our expertise. We get a call in March from a gentleman about getting his boat ready for spring. My husband sees ice in the motor.)

Husband: “Um, sir. Did you winterize this boat?”

(Winterizing a boat entails several things. The biggest step is making sure all the water is drained out of the boat and motor before cold weather hits.)

Owner: “Winterize?” *laughs* “This is the South. That is why I moved here to get away from all the cold weather. You don’t have to winterize anything down here.”

Husband: “While we don’t normally have the cold weather you see further north, we do get temps below freezing during the winter months; plus, you have stored this in your yard in the shade underneath a tree canopy. This motor is full of ice and I don’t even want to think about the ice that may be under the deck. The only thing I can suggest you do is get a heat lamp out here and put under the boat. Let it warm it up for a couple of days and then we can see if the motor is damaged. I won’t charge you to come back and check on it.”

Owner:What?! That is ridiculous. You have no idea what you are talking about. It didn’t get cold enough for ice to form. You have the keys; just start it up.”

Husband: “No, sir. I will not be responsible for what will happen.” 

(My husband wrote on the invoice what was wrong and that the customer was ignoring advice, and insisted that the owner sign it. Then, he handed the man his boat keys. The owner told him he was being silly, climbed up in the boat, and started it up. The motor roared to life and owner smirked at my husband. A few seconds later, there was a huge boom which jolted the boat partway off the trailer, the motor stopped, and black smoke poured out. He stood in the boat, stunned, for several minutes. Embarrassed, he asked my husband to look at it . My husband told him he wouldn’t even have to. The motor was blown and the guy ended up doing over $20K worth of damage to the motor and boat. Why pay us for our expertise and advice if you aren’t going to listen to it?)

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Unfiltered Story #159849

, , , | Unfiltered | August 1, 2019

(Backstory: A few years ago, about a mile from where this takes place but on the same road, I was nearly knocked off my bike by a Fedex driver who came onto the sidewalk. Half of my body was bruised, and in addition to scratching the paint, they had rolled over my front tire, bending the rim, which I had to replace myself, as I never thought to grab a license plate number. This took place in fall 2012, and the following takes place in spring 2015.)

(I am crossing the road to return to my dorm, after having picked up some items like cleaning supplies needed to move out of my dorm the next day. I am on foot, as it is faster than biking to this location. I see something and call my dad to tell him an idea I had; my cell phone has stopped working properly and I am fooling with it. I see the light has changed.)

Me: *Steps out into road*
(A screech is heard and I remember falling backwards. I do not go unconscious, but scramble up and collect my shopping, before hiding behind the light post on the opposite corner. I am autistic, and a panic attack ensues.)
(While there, many people stop, and an ambulance is called.)
Man: Are you okay? You stepped out in front of me!
College RA: [My nickname], what happened?? Did you get hit??
Other College RA: [College higher up] just called an ambulance. Are you sure you’re okay?
Me: I got hit! I got hit!
(Only the first RA is aware of my autism, and warns people to stay back. Police from campus arrive and she quickly answers their questions, as she was a witness and I am still recovering and am incoherent.)
(Shortly after, an RAA [RA supervisor] and the police question me. It turns out the man there asking me if I was okay was the one who had hit me.)
Me, to police: I was trying to call my dad, and I forgot the light was messed up. I walked in front of him.

(We eventually get it sorted out. I refuse to be taken to the hospital, as my only visible wounds are road rash, that have ceased bleeding before the ambulance arrived. I take full responsibility for the crash–I had not been paying to attention, and knew the light was messed up. I insist that the man is not at fault, since I know for sure I was the cause and cannot blame the driver. It turns out the man was a church pastor, and he invited me to his church this fall.)

Me, after the cupcake party at school and showing off my new “battle scars”: I should do this more often!
RAs, all at once: NO!!

(Because my arm is sore, I had to change my move-out inspection to the next day. Only hours later did I realize that the poor pastor was probably on his way to Wednesday chapel! I felt really horrid then!)

Rental Mental

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2019

(My husband gets a great promotion but it requires us to move to another state. I begin the process of selling our old home while my husband is looking for a new home. We both know a lot about buying and selling a home and have done so multiple times, so I know where and how to advertise. I have just listed our house for sale on the real estate websites when I get an email from a gentleman.)

Client: “Saw the pics and it looks beautiful.”

(He asks about the school district and the age of the appliances, condition of the roof, etc. Everything looks great.)

Me: “Would you like to schedule a time to come to see it?”

Client: “Yes, I would also like to know if you would be interested in renting it to me.”

Me: “No, I am not a landlord nor do I have any desire to be. The house is for sale only, as clearly stated in the listing.”

Client: “Well, I really need a place I can rent. I am a single father of three girls and we really need a place to live. I can pay about $900 a month. I really want them to stay in this school district.”

Me: “I sympathize with you, but I cannot rent it or I would be homeless. I need the money for the sale of this house to pay off the mortgage and then use the excess as the down payment to get a mortgage on the house I am buying in the state I am moving to.”

Client: “Please, my kids and I really need a nice home.”

Me: “So do my kids. I will not move them into a car so that you can have a nice home.”

(A few days later I get another email from him.)

Client: “I have a relative that can help; would you take payments?”

Me: “I will take one payment. If you want to do multiple ones, call a bank.”

(I blocked his email after that. What is sad and annoying is that he wasn’t the only one contacting me wanting to know if I would rent to them. If I have a house up for sale, it’s obvious that I am trying to sell it, else I would advertise it as a rental.)

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