Now We’re In Business-ish!

, , , | Learning | February 14, 2020

(I work in a daycare centre where children from the ages of 4 to 12 are taken care of after school if their parents still have to work. Since they’re children, and we have a wonderful outside area for them to play in, and because most of them have a high daily need for cuddles, I usually wear ragged old jeans and some sweatshirt that has lost all shape and colour. I know that by the end of the day my clothes will have stains of apple syrup, mud, snot, blood, and grass on them. I love my job but I never look good doing it! Today is a holiday and only three children will attend: three clean and well-behaved boys of about nine years old. Because of this, I decide to go to work looking nice for a change: well-fitting jeans, a blouse, and some earrings, I don’t even braid my hair; I just let it hang loose. The boys immediately notice.)

Boy #1: “Hmm. Something’s different about you today.”

Boy #2: “You don’t look anything like usual! You look all… all…”

(They start walking around me and inspecting me like I’m on display.)

Boy #3: “Got it! Business-ish. You look business-ish.”

Boys #1 & #2: “That’s it! She looks all business-ish today!”

(I almost died of laughter. They liked the ragged version of me better.)

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Unfiltered Story #181195

, | Unfiltered | January 1, 2020

(I work at a free 24 hour nursery for emergencies and crises. We often give tours and do new client paperwork during business hours. This happens as I come in to start my overnight shift and a parent comes in behind me to pick up their kid. There’s a family in the main entrance, filling out paperwork. Note, I am a pansexual women who doesn’t participate in any religion.)

Client 1: And just to be sure, you don’t employ any of those gays, right?

Coworker: *taken aback* Uh, I’m sorry, what?

Client 1: You only employ straight people, right? We are very religious and don’t want our children exposed to that.

Coworker: Um, well, we can’t discriminate based on sexual orientation. We also can’t force our employees to announce their sexual orientation upon being hired. I can assure you that our employees have been completely vetted and your kids are in safe hands here, though.

Client 1: That doesn’t answer my question! Are there any queers here? We aren’t paying to have our children exposed to their wicked ways!

Client 2: *speaks up before anyone else can* I don’t know what you’ve been told but you ain’t paying for anything here. This is a free service. Don’t like something, don’t use it.

Client 1: *storms out without finishing paperwork*

Me: Oh, please tell me that that’s all the crazy for the night.

Coworker: Sorry, [My Name], we’re booked full. Have fun tonight!

(Amazingly, the night went good.)

The Cats Have Now Gone And Thrown It All Away

, , , , , , | Related | July 28, 2019

(I’m driving my five-year-old daughter to daycare, and on the way, we’re listening to a very popular rock radio morning show. Today, the hosts are comparing “Bohemian Rhapsody” to “Rocketman.” As I pull up to the daycare and I’m walking her inside, she says:)

Daughter: “Mommy! I didn’t know our Freddie Mercury was famous enough to be talked about on the radio!”

Me: “[Daughter], they weren’t talking about our cat. They were talking about the singer he was named after.”

Daughter: “But I like cats better…”

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Grade-A Daycare

, , , , , | Learning | May 27, 2019

(I work at a daycare, and kids say some pretty funny things.)

Four-Year-Old: *holding up his shirt and looking at his chest* “ Miss [My Name]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Four-Year-Old: “I have itty little bitty boobies!”

Me: “Umm…”

Four-Year-Old: “Miss [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Four-Year-Old: “You have great big boobies!”

(I wear an A-cup.)

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That Age-Old Problem

, , , , , , | Learning | May 11, 2019

(I’m talking to a six-year-old student. I’ve told her my age a dozen times but she never remembers it.)

Student: “Ms. [My Name], how old are you?”

Me: “How old do you think I am?”

(She sits quietly for over a full minute.)

Student: “You’re six!”

Me: “Uh… no, I’m not six. You’re six; do you think we’re the same age?”

Student: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how old do you think I am?”

Student: *after thinking again* “You’re six.”

Me: “No. I’m a little older than that; do you want to guess again?”

Student: “You’re ninety-eight.”

Me: “No! Not that much older. I’m only nineteen.”

Student: “Oh, that’s like really old. Even older than ninety-eight!”

(Thanks, [Student]… It wasn’t until working with kindergarten that I was ever called old, but these kids manage to make me feel ancient every time I visit their class.)

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