Your Age Has Little To Do With It

, , , , | Learning | March 29, 2019

(I’m a nineteen-year-old student going to college for a music education degree. Two days a week, I go to a kindergarten daycare class to observe and gain field experience. I always sit with the kids at lunch to get to know them better. Today, they are talking about their siblings.)

Me: “I don’t have any brothers; I just have a little sister.”

Student #1: “How old is your sister?”

Me: “She’s sixteen.”

([Student #2] glares at me)

Student #2: “You said you had a little sister. Sixteen isn’t little!”

Me: “Well, I’m older than her, so compared to me she’s little.”

Student #2: “But sixteen isn’t little!”

Student #1: “My big sister is sixteen.”

Student #2: “See?! Sixteen is big!”

Me: “Well, that’s because you’re little. I’m big, so sixteen is smaller. Remember, I told you I’m nineteen. Is sixteen bigger than nineteen?”

Student #2: “No, it’s smaller.”

Me: “So, my age is bigger than my sister’s age, making her the little sister.”

Student #2: “But sixteen isn’t little!”

(I was not able to convince [Student #2] that it was my age that determined whether my sister was little or not, not their ages. She still thinks I’m lying when I call my sister “my little sister.”)

“Just Say No” In The Adult World

, , , , | Friendly | March 2, 2019

(Where I work, when someone on staff has a birthday, we get all the kids together and share a cake. A coworker is a coeliac, while I am just gluten intolerant, so we generally never get any; even on my own birthday they forgot. But this is the worst.)

Coworker: “Hey, did you get any cake?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you.”

Coworker: “You sure? We have heaps left! A little won’t hurt you!”

Me: “It will actually… I’m gluten intolerant, remember?”

Coworker: “It can’t be that bad! Just a little piece. I don’t want to throw it out.”

Me: “Well, it’s nice going in, but when it comes back out through both ends I really don’t enjoy it that much.”

Coworker: “Wow, that’s too much information. Geeze! I didn’t need to know that.”

Me: “I’m hoping it will get you to stop asking. I am easily tempted by food and it’s hard to say no.”

Coworker: “Then don’t say no!”

Me: “Please go away now.”

Eye’ll Tell You

, , , , | | Friendly | May 19, 2018

(During college I work at the associated daycare centre. Due to a genetic disorder, my right eye is puffy and closed. At the end of fall semester my freshman year, it is decided I need to have the eye removed. I have the surgery during the three-week term during January. I start working again spring semester. A child is sitting in my lap while I read to him. A second child comes and stands in front of me.)

Child: “Did your eyeball fall out?”

(I am shocked and have to frantically find an answer that will be accepted by him while not freaking him out.)

Me: “Um, no, the doctors decided that to make me better they needed to take it out.”

Child: “Okay.”

(I love the honesty of children, and how much they want to learn about the world around them. I do not like when parents shush them, because it teaches them it is not okay to politely ask questions of people.)

Eleventh-Hour Decision On The Twelve-Hour Job

, , , , | Working | May 7, 2018

(I graduate as an elementary school teacher, but after college I remain with my “college job” because of the great pay, good hours, and low stress. However, they unexpectedly fire me without a good reason, and I need to look for a job when the economy is quite bad. Luckily, my lawyer manages to cut a deal with my old job, giving me some breathing space for a month or two. I send out many applications, for schools and other jobs. I finally get an interview with a daycare, for a position I am quite overqualified for. The daycare offers a decent pay, which would allow me to make ends meet, but have no more money left for saving up or fun things. Still, it’s better than nothing.)

Manager: “Thank you so much for coming! I was very impressed by your resume and qualifications!” *goes off in a standard spiel, I answer whatever she asks* “Now, let me show you around!”

(She shows me the daycare, from the little ones’ area to the after school program with the bigger ones. Since it’s during school hours, there is no one here.)

Manager: “The kids usually just play, but we expect you to think of fun projects for them to do, once in a while.”

(It dawns on me that she expects me to be in the after school program, which is pretty much from three pm until six pm, for four days a week: only twelve hours. The position offered, however, was for 36 hours. I ask her about this.)

Manager: “Oh, no, no, no, that’s what we offer full-fledged daycare employees, and that’s not what we’re looking for right now. But this position is open.”

(After the interview, I have a long train ride home and do my calculations. With the pay they offer, with no travel expenses covered, I could only pay half of my current rent, with no money left for anything else. I think about a second job, but the hours this job offers — I would need to come in early but only get paid the hours the kids are there, and leave late — give me little options. When I get home, my phone rings:)

Manager: “Hello! We talked about it and you are just perfect for the job!”

Me: “I am sorry, I thought about it, but I don’t think the job is something for me. I thank you, though.”

Manager: “But, but… you are perfect!”

Me: “Yes, but I thought things through, and I realized I won’t be able to pay my rent.”

Manager: *angry* “Then why did you apply?!”

Me: “I thought the position held more hours. Again, I am very sorry but I can’t take this position.”

Manager: “Well, thanks for nothing!”

(The manager hung up. I now understand why they were so eager to get me: a full-fledged teacher on a pay barely more than what you’d give a babysitter.)

Pre-School Poet’s Society

, , , , , | Learning | April 20, 2018

(I work at a daycare and am filling in for the teacher in charge of the two-year-olds. While I am pouring paint to do their art project, they get impatient. I look up and see five two-year-olds standing on their chairs.)

Me: “Get down! OH! Wait… Can you say, ‘O captain, my captain’?”

Two-Year-Olds: “O captain, my captain!”

Me: *dying*

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