Pee-ple Are The Worst

| USA | Right | July 27, 2017

(I work as the late teacher at a daycare, meaning I am the last one to leave. It is Halloween and most of the kids are picked up early to avoid traffic due to some of the roads being closed around the daycare for trick-or-treating. All the other teachers got to leave about 30 minutes early, but of course I have one late kid. Finally the kid gets picked up and I’m actually going to get to leave about five minutes early. As I am walking out the card access-only door, a woman and child rush in.)

Woman: “He needs to go to the bathroom!”

Me: “Um, sorry, we don’t—”

Woman: *cuts me off and rushes through the door before I can close it* “It’s okay, he knows where it is!”

Me: *now to no one* “—have public bathrooms.”

(I ended up having to wait an extra ten minutes to make sure they did not get into anything in the daycare.)

How To Kill A Conversation

| NY, USA | Learning | July 9, 2017

(Near the end of naptime I am chatting quietly with one of my three-year-old early-wakers about his recent vacation. There is a lull in the conversation, and then this happens:)

Kid: *completely matter-of-factly* “Miss [My Name], you know what? When you get older? You’re gonna die.”

It’s Not Your Imagination

, , , | Learning | June 19, 2017

(I work for a daycare centre. I am saying goodbye to the children before we close, when a young boy asks me a question.)

Boy: “Can I bring my dog tomorrow?”

Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t allowed pets.”

Boy: “What about imaginary?”

Me: “Oh, imaginary is fine!”

(His face lights up and I say I’m looking forward to meeting his dog. The morning after, the owner comes into the office where I am printing the register for the day.)

Owner: “Did you tell the kids yesterday that they could bring pets?”

Me: “No— Oh, there was one boy who wanted to bring an imaginary dog.”

Owner: “[Boy]? Well he’s brought a REAL dog.”

(I follow the owner out and see a bunch of children playing with a border terrier puppy.)

Boy: “Miss, come see!”

(I walk over and pet the pup. It’s seems perfectly content.)

Me: “I thought you said you had an imaginary dog?”

Boy: “I do!”

(I look at him and then his father, who looks rather amused. The owner then tries to convince the boy that he’s wrong, with the boy adamant that he’s right. Then the thought hits me.)

Me: “May I?”

(I pick up the pup and check its nametag. I’m actually silenced by the revelation and show the owner. She looks equally as stunned before laughing hysterically. The dad then owns up and admits he wanted to see our reaction before taking the dog home. The owner was impressed enough that she decided to let it stay as long as the other parents were ok with it. A couple weren’t pleased, but after seeing how happy their children were, decided to go with it. So Imaginary the dog got to spend the day with us.)

The Cake Is A Cry

, , , , , , | Learning | May 29, 2017

(I am a head teacher for the two- to three-year-old room of a daycare center. This age is known for tantrums, but this particular child takes the cake. Literally. We are having a little party in our room and parents have brought us treats.)

Me: “Who’s excited for our party?”

Children: “We are!”

Me: “Me, too. Now your parents have brought us yummy things like cookies, cupcakes, fruit, and popcorn. Should we eat only cookies and cupcakes?”

Children: “No!”

Me: “How come? I love cupcakes; they’re yummy!”

Children: “You’ll get a tummy ache!”

Me: “That’s right. So since we don’t want any tummy aches, I am going to give each of you only one cookie and one cupcake. Once you finish those you can’t have anymore, ok? But you can have more fruit and popcorn.”

Children: “Okay, Miss [My Name]!”

(My assistant teacher and I pass out the food and everyone is happy until one asks for more.)

Child: “I want another cupcake.”

Me: “Do you remember what I said before we started, [Child]? I said that everyone was only going to get one cookie and one cupcake. No more because you will get a tummy ache. But you can have some more fruit or popcorn.”

Child: “I WANT ANOTHER CUPCAKE!”

Me: “I understand that but no one else is getting more cupcakes. You’ve already had yours. Do you want anymore popcorn?”

(The child is upset and starts screaming loudly at me and my coworker. He pushes his plate off the table and falls to the ground. I am trying to calm him down when his grandma shows up to pick him up. She walks in, sees him screaming and having a fit, and me kneeling next to him.)

Grandma: “What’s going on?”

Me: “I explained to [Child] that before we started our party I would only give each child one cookie and one cupcake. He asked for another one and I reminded him what I said.”

Grandma: *grabbing the child’s hand* “Stop crying and we’ll get a treat at home.”

(Thanks, grandma. Unfortunately, my boss and other teachers also did this when the child didn’t like my answer. He quickly learned that he just had to scream loud enough to get someone else’s attention and whoever it was would tell him that they would get him whatever he wanted if he stopped crying. I quit shortly after.)

Are You In-Zayn?

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | January 20, 2017

(I work in a daycare. One day, I’m supervising some kids and one of them comes up to me and starts a conversation.)

Boy: “Do you like music?”

Me: “Yes, I love music.”

Boy: “What’s your favorite band?”

Me: *lists a few*

Boy: “So, not One Direction, then? I like them. Especially the one song that goes ‘best night ever!’”

Me: “Oh, I do like that one.”

Boy: “I watched the music video for that song. It had a boy dressed like a girl in it.”

(At this point, I’m not sure where the conversation is going, but I decide to proceed with caution just in case…)

Boy: “And you look like the girl!”

(I sit speechless for a moment as he wanders away, having told me I look like Zayn Malik dressed in drag.)

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