Are You In-Zayn?

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | January 20, 2017

(I work in a daycare. One day, I’m supervising some kids and one of them comes up to me and starts a conversation.)

Boy: “Do you like music?”

Me: “Yes, I love music.”

Boy: “What’s your favorite band?”

Me: *lists a few*

Boy: “So, not One Direction, then? I like them. Especially the one song that goes ‘best night ever!’”

Me: “Oh, I do like that one.”

Boy: “I watched the music video for that song. It had a boy dressed like a girl in it.”

(At this point, I’m not sure where the conversation is going, but I decide to proceed with caution just in case…)

Boy: “And you look like the girl!”

(I sit speechless for a moment as he wanders away, having told me I look like Zayn Malik dressed in drag.)

Where The Wild Artistic License Are

| NY, USA | Learning | December 27, 2016

(It’s near the end of the day and the remnants of my class have just come in from the playground. Everyone is hot and tired so we settle the kids in quiet area with me for story reading. A three-year-old brings me a copy of “Where The Wild Things Are”.)

Kid: “Miss [My Name], can you read ‘Max Doesn’t Listen To His Mommy’?”

Dishing Out Just Desserts

| London, England, UK | Working | November 30, 2016

(It’s six o’clock in the evening at the end of a long day. We are short staffed on a normal day, but this morning we had one coworker call in sick and another had to leave due to a personal emergency, leaving only four staff members and the business consultant (B.C.), who has no formal childcare qualifications but does have First Aid. At this point, two of my coworkers have gone home so it is just me, my coworker, and the B.C., with five children left to go home. There are some dirty dishes left over from tea time and everyone is feeling too lazy to do them.)

Coworker: “[My Name], [B.C.], there are still dishes from tea to be washed up. I can’t leave the room because I’m the only qualified practitioner, so…” *gives us a joking/evil grin*

Business Consultant: *laying down in the corner, half asleep* “I’m First Aid, I can’t leave the room either. [My Name] it’s down to you. Have fun!”

Me: “Well, I have a child on my lap, so…” *looks at child and stage-whispers* “Hey, [Child], cough and pretend you’re ill.”

Child: *looks at me and clears his throat a few times* “I can’t do it. I’ll do it later when you wash the dishes.”

Me: *shocked and laughing* “[Child]! I can’t believe you’d dob me in like that!”

(Coworker and B.C. were almost falling over laughing at me being sassed by a three-year-old.)

Phoning In Your Day’s Work

| USA | Learning | November 1, 2016

(I work for a small daycare. Because I don’t wear a watch, I tend to carry my phone around in my back pocket to keep track of the time, as we have to sign the kids in and out on a clipboard. My phone is smaller than the more popular phones that are owned by others. The four-year-olds are fascinated by it, especially by the fact that it has physical buttons and no touch screen. The weather has been hot this week, and my warm-weather clothing tends to have no pockets, so I set the phone down next to the clipboard when we go outside. I am watching a pair of troublemakers across the playground when I hear the faint ringing of an outgoing call. Looking to my right, I see a child with a guilty look on his face and my active phone in his hand. He had hit the right combination of buttons to not only access my contact list, but to call them on speaker-phone!)

Me: *grabbing phone* “[Child #1]! Who did you call?”

(I panic briefly, wondering who on my contact list would not find it funny to get a phone call from a naughty four-year-old. But then I hear a familiar voice.)

Coworker: “[Daycare]. This is [Coworker] speaking.”

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. This is [My Name] out on the playground. [Child #1] is messing with my phone.”

Coworker: *laughing* “Okay.” *hangs up*

(Today is more of the same: out on the playground, phone on the bench, no pockets. [Child #2] picks up my phone.)

Child #2: “Is this your phone? It’s small.”

Me: “Yes. Please don’t call the front desk, like [Child #1] did yesterday.”

(Child #2 gives me a mischievous, toothless grin.)

Child #2: “I AM gonna call someone! I’m gonna call Donald Trump!”

Me: “Don’t call Donald Trump; that sounds expensive!”

(Little bugger took off across the playground with my phone. When I got it back, there were several random photos in the camera section. I am sewing pockets into every article of clothing that I own.)

It’s Early Days Yet

| London, England, UK | Working | October 5, 2016

(I’ve been working at this nursery for a month now, and there have been a lot of problems so far. As the youngest, and least senior member of the team, I always seem to have to take up the slack that my coworkers can’t be bothered to do themselves. At this point it’s about 11:30 am and I’m talking to coworkers about when they’re leaving. I and Coworker #1 should be on late shift together, and we both started work at 11 am.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, no, [Manager] said I could go early because we don’t have many children, so I’m leaving at one.”

Me: “What? Why? You’re on late shift. If you go it’ll just be me and [Manager]. We won’t be in ratio and I’ll have to do everything myself.”

Coworker #1: *shrugs* “Have fun with that.”

(True to her word, she leaves at 1 pm. The other three co-workers leave when their shifts end at 3 and 4 pm, leaving me alone with [Manager] for three hours with seven children. [Manager] spends the entire time complaining about how tired she is and effectively leaves me to care for all seven children until their parents pick them up. As we are not allowed to leave the room unless there are two adults present, I have to wait until quarter to seven when the last child is picked up to empty all the bins, sweep and mop the floors, clean the kitchen, and lock all the doors and windows. At 7:25 pm I finish everything I can do and go upstairs to get my phone from the manager’s office.)

Manager: *looking surprised* “[My Name]! Why are you still here?”

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