There Are Anti-Vaxx Moms, And Then There’s This…

, , , , , , | Right | May 4, 2020

I work in a childcare facility offered free to gym members. We have three rooms: one for babies, one for toddlers, and one for school-age kids. The baby room closes at noon so that we can stay within ratio. A mother comes in wanting to register her six-week-old child.

Mom: “So, she’ll be in the baby room, right?”

Me: “Actually, not at this time. We close the baby room at noon, as we have two staffers clocking out and we have to stay in ratio. She will be completely safe, though. A staffer will be with her at all times to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.” 

Mom: “But she can’t be around these older kids! She’s not vaccinated!”

Me: *Pause* “Then why did you bring her to a daycare?”

Mom: “She’s supposed to be in the baby room!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t take her by herself into the baby room; it’s against the rules to have one staff member alone with a child.”

Mom: “Then put two in there! Just open it! I don’t want her getting sick!”

Me: “If we put two staff members in with her that will leave two staff members in the toddler room with over fifty kids. That’s double our required ratio and we can’t do that—”

Mom: “You can and you will! This is unfair to my child!”

Even though the mother has interrupted me I am still talking.

Me: “—and besides, we can’t accept an unvaccinated child. That is in our policies. And if you’re worried about her getting sick from the kids, you shouldn’t want her around adults, or anyone, really.”

Mom: “I’m going to work out! Just take her and do whatever you want!”

She holds the baby out to me.

Me: “No. We cannot take her.”

Mom: “Fine!”

She storms out.

Another Parent: “Why… why would she…?”

Me: *Shrugs* “I’m clocking out.”

I leave, and as I am walking out, I encounter the mom again, this time yelling at the manager on duty about my refusing to take her child. The manager is not the childcare manager and has no idea of our policies, so he grabs me and asks what he should tell her.

Me: “Show her the policies about vaccinations. Have fun! She loves her child enough to put her in danger; I don’t think she cares about what happens to you.”

The mom didn’t hear that, but a coworker and I laughed our way out of work.

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Way Cooler Than Whatever His Real Name Is

, , , , , , | Related | April 30, 2020

One day, my siblings and I go with my mother to pick up my little cousin from daycare. My cousin mispronounces his last name as “Captain,” which my mom finds adorable. When we get to his daycare, a woman announces over a loudspeaker, “[Cousin’s Full Name], dismissal! [Cousin’s Full Name], dismissal!”, and they bring him out.

As we’re walking through the parking lot, my mom, as usual, asks my cousin, “What’s your name?” This time, he answers, “[Cousin] Captain Missile!”

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Now We’re In Business-ish!

, , , | Learning | February 14, 2020

(I work in a daycare centre where children from the ages of 4 to 12 are taken care of after school if their parents still have to work. Since they’re children, and we have a wonderful outside area for them to play in, and because most of them have a high daily need for cuddles, I usually wear ragged old jeans and some sweatshirt that has lost all shape and colour. I know that by the end of the day my clothes will have stains of apple syrup, mud, snot, blood, and grass on them. I love my job but I never look good doing it! Today is a holiday and only three children will attend: three clean and well-behaved boys of about nine years old. Because of this, I decide to go to work looking nice for a change: well-fitting jeans, a blouse, and some earrings, I don’t even braid my hair; I just let it hang loose. The boys immediately notice.)

Boy #1: “Hmm. Something’s different about you today.”

Boy #2: “You don’t look anything like usual! You look all… all…”

(They start walking around me and inspecting me like I’m on display.)

Boy #3: “Got it! Business-ish. You look business-ish.”

Boys #1 & #2: “That’s it! She looks all business-ish today!”

(I almost died of laughter. They liked the ragged version of me better.)

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Unfiltered Story #181195

, | Unfiltered | January 1, 2020

(I work at a free 24 hour nursery for emergencies and crises. We often give tours and do new client paperwork during business hours. This happens as I come in to start my overnight shift and a parent comes in behind me to pick up their kid. There’s a family in the main entrance, filling out paperwork. Note, I am a pansexual women who doesn’t participate in any religion.)

Client 1: And just to be sure, you don’t employ any of those gays, right?

Coworker: *taken aback* Uh, I’m sorry, what?

Client 1: You only employ straight people, right? We are very religious and don’t want our children exposed to that.

Coworker: Um, well, we can’t discriminate based on sexual orientation. We also can’t force our employees to announce their sexual orientation upon being hired. I can assure you that our employees have been completely vetted and your kids are in safe hands here, though.

Client 1: That doesn’t answer my question! Are there any queers here? We aren’t paying to have our children exposed to their wicked ways!

Client 2: *speaks up before anyone else can* I don’t know what you’ve been told but you ain’t paying for anything here. This is a free service. Don’t like something, don’t use it.

Client 1: *storms out without finishing paperwork*

Me: Oh, please tell me that that’s all the crazy for the night.

Coworker: Sorry, [My Name], we’re booked full. Have fun tonight!

(Amazingly, the night went good.)

A Sick Fantasy

, , , , , | Healthy | October 1, 2019

(I work in a childcare centre. Every ten minutes we have to check on the sleeping children in the nursery to make sure they are still alive and breathing. A coworker who is quiet, sweet, and very unsure of herself does the check and comes out of one of the cot rooms to say:)

Coworker: “[Child] has thrown up a little.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you want to clean it up, or do the washing up I was about to do and let me clean it up?”

Coworker: “Ah, I’d like to do the washing up if you don’t mind.”

Me: “Sure thing.” 

(I go grab what I will need –gloves, washcloths, bag for clothes, etc. — and walk into the room. The child has projectile vomited in her sleep; it is EVERYWHERE and the child is still asleep. The sheets need to be thrown out, the cot has to be disinfected, and the child needs a bath — it is in her hair and in her socks. I walk up to that coworker later.)

Me: “Um, [Coworker]…”

Coworker: “Yes?”

Me: “You led me down a bit of a fantasy there by saying it was a little bit of vomit.”

(She and the other coworkers in the staff room lost it with laughter.)

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