The Cats Have Now Gone And Thrown It All Away

, , , , , , | Related | July 28, 2019

(I’m driving my five-year-old daughter to daycare, and on the way, we’re listening to a very popular rock radio morning show. Today, the hosts are comparing “Bohemian Rhapsody” to “Rocketman.” As I pull up to the daycare and I’m walking her inside, she says:)

Daughter: “Mommy! I didn’t know our Freddie Mercury was famous enough to be talked about on the radio!”

Me: “[Daughter], they weren’t talking about our cat. They were talking about the singer he was named after.”

Daughter: “But I like cats better…”

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Grade-A Daycare

, , , , , | Learning | May 27, 2019

(I work at a daycare, and kids say some pretty funny things.)

Four-Year-Old: *holding up his shirt and looking at his chest* “ Miss [My Name]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Four-Year-Old: “I have itty little bitty boobies!”

Me: “Umm…”

Four-Year-Old: “Miss [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Four-Year-Old: “You have great big boobies!”

(I wear an A-cup.)

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That Age-Old Problem

, , , , , , | Learning | May 11, 2019

(I’m talking to a six-year-old student. I’ve told her my age a dozen times but she never remembers it.)

Student: “Ms. [My Name], how old are you?”

Me: “How old do you think I am?”

(She sits quietly for over a full minute.)

Student: “You’re six!”

Me: “Uh… no, I’m not six. You’re six; do you think we’re the same age?”

Student: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how old do you think I am?”

Student: *after thinking again* “You’re six.”

Me: “No. I’m a little older than that; do you want to guess again?”

Student: “You’re ninety-eight.”

Me: “No! Not that much older. I’m only nineteen.”

Student: “Oh, that’s like really old. Even older than ninety-eight!”

(Thanks, [Student]… It wasn’t until working with kindergarten that I was ever called old, but these kids manage to make me feel ancient every time I visit their class.)

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Your Age Has Little To Do With It

, , , , | Learning | March 29, 2019

(I’m a nineteen-year-old student going to college for a music education degree. Two days a week, I go to a kindergarten daycare class to observe and gain field experience. I always sit with the kids at lunch to get to know them better. Today, they are talking about their siblings.)

Me: “I don’t have any brothers; I just have a little sister.”

Student #1: “How old is your sister?”

Me: “She’s sixteen.”

([Student #2] glares at me)

Student #2: “You said you had a little sister. Sixteen isn’t little!”

Me: “Well, I’m older than her, so compared to me she’s little.”

Student #2: “But sixteen isn’t little!”

Student #1: “My big sister is sixteen.”

Student #2: “See?! Sixteen is big!”

Me: “Well, that’s because you’re little. I’m big, so sixteen is smaller. Remember, I told you I’m nineteen. Is sixteen bigger than nineteen?”

Student #2: “No, it’s smaller.”

Me: “So, my age is bigger than my sister’s age, making her the little sister.”

Student #2: “But sixteen isn’t little!”

(I was not able to convince [Student #2] that it was my age that determined whether my sister was little or not, not their ages. She still thinks I’m lying when I call my sister “my little sister.”)

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“Just Say No” In The Adult World

, , , , | Friendly | March 2, 2019

(Where I work, when someone on staff has a birthday, we get all the kids together and share a cake. A coworker is a coeliac, while I am just gluten intolerant, so we generally never get any; even on my own birthday they forgot. But this is the worst.)

Coworker: “Hey, did you get any cake?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you.”

Coworker: “You sure? We have heaps left! A little won’t hurt you!”

Me: “It will actually… I’m gluten intolerant, remember?”

Coworker: “It can’t be that bad! Just a little piece. I don’t want to throw it out.”

Me: “Well, it’s nice going in, but when it comes back out through both ends I really don’t enjoy it that much.”

Coworker: “Wow, that’s too much information. Geeze! I didn’t need to know that.”

Me: “I’m hoping it will get you to stop asking. I am easily tempted by food and it’s hard to say no.”

Coworker: “Then don’t say no!”

Me: “Please go away now.”

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