Accept Jesus – Now With 90% Less Packaging!

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I own a store, where we also sell some of our products without packaging in bulk, so people can bring their own jars and fill them up with nuts or noodles. We just sell SOME products like that; most products are normally packaged. A woman comes in, cuts in line, and yells at me.)

Customer: “I thought all your products were without any packaging! There are still some with plastic!”

Me: “We never said or advertised anywhere that we are 100% plastic-free; we just have a range of packaging-free products.”

Customer: “Have you ever asked God to help you make your store 100% plastic-free?”

(I look at her in disbelief, as do the other customers in line. She then sits on the sofa in our store, pats on the empty place next to her, and waves at me:)

Customer: “Here. Come; sit beside me. We will pray to Jesus Christ for your store to become plastic-free. If you would just open up for Jesus, all your wishes will come true. Even for your store to become packaging-free!”


What Kind Of Goats Has She Been Seeing?

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work in a vegan store, so of course we don’t sell any dairy products.)

Customer: “In which shelf do you have goat milk?”

Me: “We don’t sell any milk from animals, because we’re a vegan store.”

Customer: *thinks for some seconds* “But goat milk is not from cows; it must be vegan!”

Me: *looks at her* “But goats are also animals. And as I said, we don’t have products from any animal.”

Customer: “Ah, you are right. I never thought about that goats that way.”

Politely Shoplifting

, , , , , , | Legal | November 15, 2018

(I live two minutes away from work. I’m pretty close with my coworkers who are in today, so even though I am on my week off, I decide to pop in. I am sitting with [Coworker #1] on his lunch break when [Coworker #2] comes out.)

Coworker #2: “Will one of you two come out here? Got a couple of obvious shoplifters hanging about.”

(I go so that [Coworker #2] can finish his food. I start asking about the moves that they have had to do. One is just finishing, and one is about to start.)

Me: “So, what’s going where with the men’s move?”

([Coworker #2] explains the entire move that I pretty much know about and may not even be in for, but it is an excuse to stand near the pair of shoplifters and look in their direction every now and then.)

Coworker #2: “…and ladies’ steelies on the back of there.”

Me: “Ladies’ steelies? Really? We barely have the stock for half of what they’re expecting us to put out.”

Shoplifter #1: “What did you just say about stealing? We ain’t stealing!”

Me: “Sorry? I said steelies, as in steel-toe caps.”

Shoplifter #1: “You said stealing!”

Shoplifter #2: “What did she say?”

Shoplifter #1: “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Me: “I was talking about steelies, but clearly someone’s paranoid.”

Shoplifter #2: “We ain’t paranoid!”

Shoplifter #1: “Well, maybe I did hear you wrong, so if I did I’m sorry.”

Me: “You genuinely did, so fair enough for apologising. Thank you.”

(The shoplifters started fumbling about, put the three pairs they were messing with back on the shelf, and left, mumbling about how the woman would need a half size, and we don’t do them. I’m sure it shouldn’t have taken three different pairs of the same style to figure that out, but okay.)

Unfiltered Story #126551

, , , | Unfiltered | November 15, 2018

(We have a customer who I see come in to the store about once a month or two. It’s always for the same thing; an order that was cancelled, because they failed to come in and pay within the allotted time. Today is almost no different, but the customer’s attitude is certainly no different this time around. The customer comes up to my register.)

Customer: “Hi, I need to pay an order I made online.”

Me: “Certainly, let me-“ (I skim the page) “Sir, this paper doesn’t have an order number. Do you have one?”

Customer: “What? No, I just made the order and printed it up.”

Me: “Okay, but did you happen to write down the order number? I have nothing to go by here.”

Customer: “No, can’t you look it up under my name?”

Me: “We can’t. Let me try a telephone number.”

Customer: “[Telephone Number].”

Me: “Nope. Still nothing. When did you place the order?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Two days ago!”

Me: “Okay, online may have kicked your order out of the system. Let me check with a manager and then the backroom.”

(I call for a manger, and ring up a few customers while I wait. No one shows up, and I decide to go to the backroom right away to find the order. I cannot locate the customer’s order due to it most likely being cancelled by online. Note: The same exact thing with the same exact customer has happened twice already this year, and even more last year. I consult a manager, find out we have more in back, and the manager allows me to re-ring it for the price. I return to my register and the customer.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. Looks like I will have to re-ring it, because online cancelled the order. Don’t worry though; it won’t take but a minute.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have been waiting here twenty minutes.”

Me: “Sir, I understand-“

Customer: “Every time I come in to pay for an order, it winds up being cancelled. I order online to bypass you sales people.”

(I re-ring the order, ignoring the customer’s whining and grumbling, and walk with them to the waiting area for pickup. I go to the back and tell my coworker the customer’s order is all set.)

Me: (walking back out to the customer) “They will be with you shortly.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

Coworker: (upon my return to the register) “What was all that about?”

Me: “Oh, don’t even ask.”

Unfiltered Story #126546

, , , | Unfiltered | November 15, 2018

Me: Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I was wondering if you carry any pet-safe washer/dryer combos.
Me: (confused) I’m sorry, I don’t follow. Pet-safe?
Customer: (in a matter-of-fact tone throughout) Yes, pet-safe. You see, recently, while I was doing a load of laundry, my cat got into it. I didn’t notice him when I started the laundry, and I found him in there when it was done.
Me: (horrified and speechless)
Customer: Anyways, I wanted to see if he was alive, so I threw him on the floor.
Me: (still horrified) On the floor?
Customer: (still matter-of-fact, no emotion coming through) Yes, it was a game we’d play. I’d throw him down, then he’d run around. So this time when I threw him down, his head popped off.
Me: (nearing a catatonic state of horror)
Customer: It was really sad; I liked that cat. So do you have any pet-safe washer/dryer combos?

(Eventually, I figured out that what she wanted was a laundry machine that somehow had a screen on it that prevented the ingress of pets, yet still allowed her to put clothes in without removing the screen. Since the laws of physics got in the way of that plan, that was the end of that. Pet-safe products are still an in-joke there.)

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