Chalk And Cheesed Off

, , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I work as an associate for the art supply section of our store. We’re a small business in competition with a chain art store. We have this one regular who everyone in the store dislikes because she breaks art supplies and makes a mess of the displays. We can never make a fuss about her though, because she’s come in every single day this past month and has bought over $50 worth of supplies every day. One day she needed help with the chalk pastels.)

Regular: “Hi, do you know how to mix colors with chalk pastels? I’ve never used them before and I have a tough project to do.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I show her how to mix colors with the sample pastels we have on the floor.)

Regular: “Cool! The people at [Chain Art Store] didn’t know how to do this! I tried mixing colors with their samples for the longest time and I couldn’t do it. You should have seen it. There were broken chalks everywhere and I totally made a mess of it… But now you showed me how!”

Me: “Just tell me if you need anything.”

(Internally, I’m screaming, because I know she’s going to do that to my display. I go up to the third floor to help train a new associate, and about two hours later I hear an odd call on the walkie.)

Coworker #1: “Uh, Art Supply? Can we have our window cleaner back on main?”

Coworker #2: “No… it’s going to be a while. I have a window cleaner emergency on the second floor.”

(I rush downstairs with the new associate to see what’s going on, and there is pastel chalk everywhere. There are broken bits of chalk on the floor. IT’S EVERYWHERE. My coworker has a mountain of paper towels behind her as she tries to clean up the mess.)

Me: “Did the regular leave?”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, like ten minutes ago… She bought $80 worth of chalk pastels and left this mess. I’ve been cleaning it up since she left!”

No Arguments Where Arguments Are Valid

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

(At the store where I work we have a highly controversial return policy. We do not do refunds, and our customers are not huge fans of this.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah, hi, I have a little problem with my purchase. I’m not sure who to talk to about this, and I hope someone can help me.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “I was in your store last week to make a purchase. In the middle of the transaction, I asked the cashier if she could check a price for me. She forgot to take the item off my purchases, and ended up charging me for it. I know that your store has a no refunds policy, but what can be done?”

(Judging from the tone of her voice, she seems really worried, when in reality it’s a problem that can be easily solved.)

Me: “Although you’re right about that, your situation is a little different, ma’am. In this case, it was a genuine mistake made by one of our cashiers. You didn’t actually buy it from us; you were mistakenly charged for it. Our final sale policy only applies to, well, sales.”

Caller: “So, I can get my money back?”

Me: “In this rare and unusual circumstance, yes, you can get your money back.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you so much! You’ve just made my day!”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. Thank you for being such an understanding customer.”

(Imagine that. Almost every day I’ve worked there, I’ve had unhappy customers try to argue with me over our policy, and the one person who would’ve had a valid argument chooses to abide by it!)

Caught You Egg-White Handed

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

(My coworker is handling a return when he calls me over.)

Coworker: “Can you check this? It doesn’t feel right.”

(I pick up the paint tin he is pointing at, and it does indeed feel off. The contents is moving around a lot more freely than expected.)

Me: “Sorry, but do you mind if I check the contents?”

Customer: “I do. You can check it after I have my refund.”

Me: “We won’t be refunding anything until I’m certain of what is inside.”

(I start removing the lid.)

Customer: “I SAID YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED!”

Me: ”This is… I don’t know…”

Coworker: *to the customer and backing away* “What is it?”

Customer: “It’s… it’s egg white.”

Me: “An entire paint tin of egg whites?”

(He fumbled for a bit then made a grab for the tin. He then ran out of the store, spilling the egg white everywhere. The strange thing was, the amount of eggs he would have needed to purchase to fill any entire tin would have cost more than the refund.)

Rage Mop When They Just Won’t Rage Quit

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2017

(I ran a handful of errands before my opening shift at the store. Because I’ve been hustling due to the trains being delayed and I’m carrying four heavy bags AND it’s over 95 degrees out, I am sweaty, red, and frustrated when I arrive. I’ve arrived 45 minutes before we open because I want to mop after an especially busy and dirty weekend. Our store has a more casual policy on customer service — essentially, be polite but don’t suffer fools. I rarely take advantage of this as 20 years of service industry jobs have brainwashed standards into me, but today I am running on no sleep and possible heat exhaustion. A lady is standing outside the gated store when I arrive.)

Lady: “Oh, good, you’re finally here.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Lady: “Are you opening? You’re late!”

Me: “I am opening, ma’am, but the store doesn’t open until 11. You’ve got 45 minutes left.”

Lady: “That’s wrong.”

Me: ”It isn’t. It’s on the sign right here.” *I point*

Lady: “Well, I’m glad you’re here. I need a card.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to let you in 45 minutes before open, certainly not for a $4 card. There’s a CVS up the street and about 11 stationery stores within a 10 block radius. I’m here early because the store needs to be cleaned and this is the ONLY time I can fit it in around my three jobs. Please come back at 11.”

(She huffs and starts to walk off so I go about raising the gate and wrestling the ancient oak door open. Suddenly I feel a shove from behind me, and this lady is trying to shove her way into the store past me!)

Me: *screaming with all of my rage from the morning* “WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LUNATIC!”

(She stops, looking shocked. I am enraged, so I simply hurl my bags through the door, shoulder it closed, and lock it in her face. We stare at each other through the glass for a second, then I turn away and start my tasks while taking deep breaths. The phone rings several times but I can see her pressed against the door window with her cell to her ear so I ignore it. My cell phone rings then and I see it’s my boss, who opens the main store in another neighborhood an hour earlier than this one.)

Me: “Hi, [Boss].”

Boss: “Hey… how’s the mopping going?”

Me: “Just getting started. Had some difficulty getting into the store this morning.”

Boss: “Yeah, uh, a lady called and says you slapped her, kicked her, and called her a b**** this morning?”

Me: “…no.”

Boss: “What happened?”

Me: “She was here when I got here, ignored me when I asked her to come back after open, and then shoved me to try and force her way inside. I screamed at her because she startled me and I was hot and tired, and then I locked the door in her face. She’s outside right now staring at me through the window.”

Boss: “Whoah. That’s nuts. If she is still there at open, call the police. Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah. Just angry.”

Boss: “Yeah, if she comes in after you open refuse her service. Tell her to leave. If you want I can come there for support.”

Me: “Nah, I can handle that. I’m calmer now, after rage-mopping.”

Boss: ”Okay. Hang in there!”

(The lady finally left about 10 minutes before opening. Apparently she had called my boss again and he told her to leave or he’d call the police. Then she called again and screamed at him and he hung up on her. She left eight voice messages on our machine.)

Nevertheless You’re Still Getting The Write Up

, , , , | Working | August 12, 2017

(I am called into the office and issued a write-up. I read it. I seriously think it is a joke.)

Me: “Excuse me, could you please explain this? It states that I’m being written up for using ‘nevertheless’ in a conversation with a customer.”

Boss: “Yes, she complained that you used a word she didn’t know and made her feel stupid.”

Me: “How is it my fault that she’s stupid for not knowing what ‘nevertheless’ means? She’s an affluent forty-year-old and is a native English speaker. There’s no reason for her not to know the meaning of the word.”

Boss: “Well, I didn’t know what it meant, either.”

Me: “Once again, how’s that my fault? It’s a perfectly common word. I’d expect a third grader to be able to infer what it meant, even if they didn’t know the meaning. I refuse to dumb down my vocabulary for idiots.”

Boss: *deer in headlights look* “You may go now.”

(No, I wasn’t fired. My boss pretty much ignored me after that incident. I heard from another coworker that I stumped the boss with my use of “affluent.” I quit shortly after.)

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