You Couldn’t Print This Up

, , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(I am working retail while going through school for computer science. Coming into work one day, however, I notice that the printer isn’t working, which means that I can’t print off the signs I need to print. Keep in mind I’m about 16 at the time.)

Me: “What happened?”

Boss: “The printer stopped working overnight. We phoned IT in earlier today. They took a look and said the parts are completely fried and it’ll need a full replacement.”

Me: “Really? It was working fine yesterday. Give me five minutes with it. I’ll see if I can fix it, and if I can’t I’ll leave it be.”

Boss: “Are you sure? You’re still learning, while IT has their certification.”

Me: “Of course, but it’s very easy to overlook something. Five minutes is all I ask.”

(She gives me the green light and I get to work. After some short troubleshooting, I find out that somebody has unplugged the cord connecting it to the computer. I plug it in, test, and sure enough, the printer is working just fine again, with no sign of damage.)

Me: “I found the problem. Somebody unplugged it.”

(My boss comes to the printer and looks. Sure enough, nothing matches how IT described it.)

Boss: *laughing* “All right, I’m going to have to phone IT and let them know that our printer is fine, and that our un-certified 16-year-old part-time employee fixed what they couldn’t.”

A Raw Sample Of General Customers

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I am working as a sample demonstrator in a popular store, making fish.)

Customer: “I want a sample.”

Me: “They should be finished cooking in about ten minutes! If you want to finish shopping, I will make sure to save you a piece!”

Customer: “Excuse me? I want a sample.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but it’s going to take about ten minutes. As I said, if you would like to finish your shopping, I will save you a piece.”

Customer: “Will you hurry up? I just want to try the fish.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s still ten minutes from finishing.”

Customer: “Why are you not serving me?”

Me: “I have already stated it will take ten more minutes for the fish to be cooked.”

Customer: “Just cut me a piece!”

Me: “Ma’am. I cannot serve raw fish.”

Customer: “I. Want. A. Sample.”

Me: “And in ten minutes, you can get one. I am not serving you frozen, raw fish.”

Customer: “Well, you lost a sale!” *storms off*

Coworker: “Does that happen to you often?”

Me: “Every. Day.”

He Wasn’t In The Upper Sixtieth Percentile Of His Math Class

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a national arts and crafts retailer with an expansive framing department. Because of this, frame sales are run by individual collection, not style. A man and his wife approach the register with a pair of frames.)

Customer: “Now, the sign back there said, ‘Buy one, get one free.’”

(I ring them both, and they come up as on sale, but not BOGO.)

Me: “Actually, sir, these aren’t the collection we’re running buy-one-get-one on. They are on sale, though.”

Customer: “What? Can you double-check?”

(I do a quick price check, and they actually come up at 60% off each.)

Me: “Well, you’re in luck, sir; you’re actually going to get more off this way than if they were BOGO.”

Customer: “But they’re not buy-one-get-one?”

Me: “Well, no, sir, but they’re 60% off.”

Customer: “But that’s not what the sign says.”

Me: “I know, sir, but buy-one-get-one comes out to 50% off each, and these are on sale for 60% off each.”

Customer: “The sign says buy one get one free.”

(The customer’s wife starts to snicker.)

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir.”

Customer: “I just want to pay what the sign says.”

Me: “Sir, you’ll pay more that way. Two 60%-off totals is more off than one full price and one free. There’s a 20% difference—”

Customer: “But the signs says—”

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “[Customer], just pay for them.”

(The man grudgingly paid. His wife, now tearing up from laughing, winked and waved at me on the way out the door. He proceeded to rant loudly about “what the sign said” the whole way to the parking lot. I’m sorry you saved $4?)

This Will Get Weird, Promise

, , , , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(I am working 16 hours a week, which is all I really want, as I have small children and want to contribute to the household finances. I also work every other weekend. The manager calls me into the office.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’m wondering if you could do me a favour?”

Me: “What is it?”

Manager: “Well, I have someone in mind to fill [Coworker]’s position when she leaves next week, but she can’t join us for another month. Would you be interested in working full-time until she can take over?”

Me: “Of course I can, just as long as I go back to 16 hours a week afterwards.”

Manager: “Of course, you will go back to your normal hours.”

(It’s four weeks later, and I get called back into the office.)

Manager: *snapping at me* “I have [Name] starting next week, and I know that you aren’t going to honour our agreement of going back to your job.” *I actually can’t be forced to*

Me: *stunned* “Of course I will; I gave you my word.”

Manager: “Well, I don’t think you will.”

Me: “I made an agreement with you that I intend to stick to; all I want is to go back to 16 hours like you promised.”

Manager: “I stick to my word; I’m not sure about you.”

(The new staff member started, who just happened to be personal friend of the manager. The roster came out and I found I was now working just 12 hours a week and am rostered on every weekend.)

Don’t Waist Your Time On Him

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(A customer on his phone approaches me.)

Me: “Can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m afraid it might be unethical.”

Me: *slightly worried* “Well, what is it I can do for you today?”

Customer: *turns around and pulls down the waistband of his jeans* “So, my wife is next door getting me new pants, and I can’t remember what size I am. Would you mind taking a look at the tag?”

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