*Phone rings*.

Me: “[store], [my name] speaking.”

Customer: “Sorry, I wanted [competitor].” *Hangs up*

About a minute later. *Phone rings*

Me: “[store], [my name] speaking.”

Customer: “Aargh, I wanted [competitor]!” *Hangs up*

Less than a minute later *Phone rings*

Me: Sigh “[store], [my name] speaking.”

Customer: “[expletive deleted], why can’t I get [competitor]?”

Me: “Well, if you keep calling the same number, you’re going to keep getting the same store.”

Customer: “But this is the number I was given!” *Hangs up*

Seconds later *Phone rings*

Me: “[store] -”

Customer: *Cuts me off* “[expletive deleted] if you say you’re [store] again, I’m going to come down there and kill you.”

Me: “…yeah, I still work for [store], and I should tell you that as soon as we are done here, I will be forwarding your phone number to the police. Have a nice day.”

*Hangs up*

I called the police immediately after. It turns out he has a long history of making threats, and was currently out on bail for a similar charge. I’m guessing it was revoked.

(It’s a remarkably slow Thursday at our store. I’m working the counter when a kid and his dad walk in. His dad doesn’t speak great English, and he doesn’t know exactly what his kid wants, but he knows he doesn’t want to spend TOO much!)

Kid: “Hi, I’m looking for [Product]? Do you have it?”

Me: “Of course! It’s right over here.”

Kid: “Dad! I told you they had them! How much?”

Me: “Well, because this is a booster box, it’s going to be [price over a hundred dollars].”

Kid: “Dad, where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket*

Dad: “Hold on, hold on; it’s over a hundred? Really? What’s in this box? I don’t know.”

Kid: “Never mind. Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket; his dad waves him off*

(Because the box is smaller than a lot of our other boxes of the same product, it looks like you’re getting less. The thing is, the bigger boxes have less — they just have other stuff in them. For instance, a booster box has thirty-six booster packs of cards, but it’s all contained in a small box; a bundle/elite trainer box is a bigger box, but it only has eight to ten booster packs of cards, a card box, and some other things, but the box containing it all is so much bigge r it looks like you’re getting more. I explain this to the dad, and show him the difference between the products. Yes, the bundle/elite trainer boxes are cheaper by a VERY large amount.)

Me: “So this is a booster. It has ten cards. This is a booster box, it has 36 boosters. This is an Elite Trainer box. It only has eight booster packs, a card box, some dice, and sleeves for the cards to keep them safer if your son is playing the game.”

Dad: “Ugh, I’m too old for this!” *to his son* “Are you sure you don’t want the Elite Trainer box? It’s only [price]!”

Kid: “No, Dad, I want a booster box! I already have the Elite Trainer box! Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket again; his dad waves him off again*

Dad: “But what’s the difference again? I’m too old for this.”

(I patiently explain it again. The kid is getting annoyed. Please note, I’m not getting frustrated at all. I actually find it kind of funny when the kids just tell their parents to get something, especially when the parents don’t speak English very well. I’m trying to help the parent but I’m also trying to play devil’s advocate.)

Me: “If you weren’t looking for the entire box, you could always get packs. The thing is, the booster box is the cheapest way to get a lot of packs; they go down to about $3 apiece.”

Dad: “Hmm… I think I’m just too old for this… What is this again?”

Kid: “Where’s your wallet!” *goes for his dad’s pocket AGAIN*

Me: “Okay, okay, look. Hon, put your hands up here on the counter.” *Kid does so* “Now you’ve got to promise me: you’re going to do your chores. You’re going to make your bed. You’re going to eat ALL your vegetables. For the NEXT. WEEK. You got that? And THEN you can MAYBE buy the box, IF your dad lets you! AND you’re going to explain this ENTIRE GAME to your dad. You got that?”

(The dad is cracking up and the kid just looks frustrated. It’s adorable.)

Dad: “How much was it again?”

Me: “It’s [price over a hundred dollars].”

Dad: “All right, we’ll get the booster box.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

Customer: “I have this five dollar off coupon.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, as it says on the coupon, the five dollars off are only for purchases of $25.00 or above, excluding tax.”

Customer: “But I have $25.00.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s including the tax. Your total before tax is $24.90 which is what the coupon counts. You can grab a candy or something to make it enough.”

(The lady stands there for ages angrily reading all the exclusions on the coupon.)

Me: “Uh… so did you want to grab a candy or…?”

Customer: “IT DOESN’T SAY THAT ABOUT THE TAX ON THIS COUPON!”

Me: “It’s a law that coupons can’t be used on tax, not store policy, so they wouldn’t write it on the coupon—”

Customer: “IT DOESN’T SAY THAT ABOUT THE TAX ON THIS COUPON. I’M CALLING THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU.”

(She then throws the coupon and storms out, leaving her purchases. All right, lady. If they printed every single consumer and business law on a coupon, it would go out the door!)

(I’m working in a small thrift store where we sell items for generally pretty cheap when a middle-aged man walks in and starts shopping.)

Customer: *puts a jacket on the counter* “I need you to check the price of this now.”

Me: *after scanning the item* “Okay, sir, this jacket comes up to 19.99.”

Customer: “19.99? The rack says 3.99, though.”

Me: “It’s a 3.99 and up rack so the prices could vary.”

Customer: “It says 3.99, though.”

Me: “It’s a 3.99 and up rack, sir.”

Customer: *walks over and grabs five more identical jackets* “Price check these.”

Me: “These are all of the same jacket they’ll all be the same price.”

Customer: “But it says 3.99.”

Me: “It’s an ‘and-up’ rack; the prices vary.”

Customer: “So it’s now 3.99?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay…” *dumps everything on the counter and walks out*

Customer: “I would like to return these pants.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.” *hands the receipt to me* “I’m returning them because the girl blew her nose and picked up a receipt off the floor and didn’t wash her hands. I think they are contaminated.  They are dirty now. You need to train your employees to be sanitary.”

Me: “Aren’t you the woman who used to come in the dry cleaners I used to work at and always complain and try to get a free order? Then I went to working at [Local Drug Store] and you had issues there, too. Let me tell you something. We are sales associates who try to do our jobs and make other people happy. But you are one customer who I know well, and nothing satisfies you.”

Customer: “I want to see a manager.”

(Manager comes up to the register.)

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “This employee is back-talking me.”

Manager: *holding up the pants* “What is your reason for returning this now? Let me tell you something, miss. Every week, you are in here returning something, sometimes more than once a week.”

Customer: “Well, your sales associates are disrespectful and this item was touched by someone who didn’t wash their hands after they rang me up and they blew their nose. They also picked up a slip off the floor. I can’t shop in a store so dirty.”

Manager: “I can return the pants, but honestly, I don’t like to lose customers. In your case, however, your returns are far outweighing your purchases and we feel you are abusing our return policy. This is the last return we are processing for you. I am asking you to not come back in this store, as you’ve had a history of harassing associates.”

(The customer took the completed return and left, clearly in shock. That’s the last time I saw the Watertown Retail Bully ever around my area.)