(I work as a cashier at a Walmart. On my lunches, I usually pick up something in the store to eat in the break room. I have grabbed my purchase and make my way into my line. In front of me is a friendly elderly customer discussing something on her cellphone. Unlike most rude customers who pretend the cashier is a robot while they’re on their phones, this woman smiles and bounces back and forth between talking to the cashier and whoever is on the phone with her. She pays with a check, and just as she hands it over to the cashier, a customer steps into line behind me. It literally only takes a few seconds for her to start bellowing from behind me to the customer in front of me.)

Customer behind me: Excuse me, LADY!?? Can you hang up your phone and, I dunno, FUNCTION?

Me: (Turns around and gives her a look that silently screams “Can you NOT?”)

Customer on phone: …I’m sorry. (She doesn’t hang up, but she finishes her purchase and apologizes to the cashier, myself, and the customer behind me. Said customer scoffs.)

Customer behind me: Jeez…call couldn’t have been THAT important.

((I honestly could not have wished for my purchase to go any faster, that customer was making me so uncomfortable.))

Customer: “I have a coupon, and I’d like to get a price adjustment for my blanket and pillow I already purchased, please!”

Me: “Sure! Just let me okay it with the manager, first!” *since it’s slow, the manager on duty comes up to the register to observe* “Well, since you purchased this a month ago, it’s outside the window for a price adjustment.”

Customer: “Can’t I just return it and rebuy it?”

Me: “Sure, then you can use your coupon!”

(We go through the return for what she originally paid, and I repurchase the items. Since these were bought on an old sale, the items returned to regular price and ring up for those amounts.)

Me: “Okay, now I’ll enter the coupon code.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s different from what I paid before.”

Me: “That’s because they’re no longer on sale.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then.”

(She gives me her coupon and I scan it. She pays the difference and goes on her way with her items. She ends up paying at least ten dollars more than she originally purchased them for!)

Manager: “Did that really just happen?”

I’m a low-level manager and am getting ready to close the store one night. Part of the evening cleaning and straightening duties includes taking the broom and dustpan outside and sweeping up cigarette butts and small trash around the entrances. I’m sweeping away when I notice an older gentleman approaching me from the parking lot. Before he even gets in range where we can have a conversation, I already know what’s coming. Customers simply cannot resist making comments when they see an employee performing some type of cleaning job, whether it’s mopping, sweeping, straightening, etc. The result is always the same.

I’m sure they think they’ve come up with a hilarious zinger that the employee has never heard before and will roll around on the floor laughing. The reality is that we’ve heard, “Hey, you missed a spot,” “What did you do to tick off the boss?” “’Bout time you got some work done!” or any other variation a million times before, and shake with rage every time we hear it again.

I see the man approaching and decide to initiate contact and get it over with so I can courtesy laugh and get on with my work. I raise my head and say, “Hello, sir, how are you doing this evening?” He doesn’t say a thing, but opens his mouth and gets a look on his face like he’s searching his knee-slapper database for a real jewel. He stops next to me, and I can even hear him making nearly inaudible croaks as he narrows down which cliché he’s going to go with.

At that moment I stop, wipe off my forehead and go, “Man, I wish I hadn’t ticked off the boss to end up out here, and look at that! I missed a spot! Ah, well, ’bout time I got some work done around here.” Words cannot describe the look on this guy’s face as I stole the wind from his sails.

He couldn’t do much more than nod and head into the store!

(I’m an assistant manager. We are targeted a lot by quick-change artists, and scammers. One customer in particular is notorious for this. With almost every item, she will b**** about the price, until finally some of the other managers will cave and give it to her, just to shut her up. I start getting suspicious. One day when she enters the store, I go to the office and watch her pick up a few things and set them in her cart. She goes back to the TVs and puts one in her cart. She goes over to pick up a few things, but then comes back to put the TV back, but on the shelf a few spots over. I think she must have had buyer’s remorse, or something, but at least she didn’t just dump it somewhere like they usually do. I continue to watch her as she picks up a few things, and then, no surprise, goes back and picks up the TV and heads up to the front. I realize now what she’s been doing, so I walk out front, as the cashier will need me to override prices, anyway.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. How are you today?”

Customer: “Fine, thanks.”

(She sets her stuff up on the belt and the cashier starts scanning. She gets to the TV, and it rings up for $479.99.)

Customer: “That’s not the right price; it’s supposed to be $359.99. The tag said it and everything.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’d be glad to look into that for you. But since it’s such a huge price difference, do you mind if I go back and see where you got it from? So I can see if it’s an incorrect tag, or something?”

Customer: “I mean, it’s all the way in the back. But the tag said $359.99.”

Me: *pausing for a second* “Was that the first time, or the second time you put it in your cart?”

(She still doesn’t know I was watching her the entire time.)

Customer: *now defensive* “Look, can I have the TV for $359.99 or not? I’m the customer; I’m right. If you don’t give me it for the right price, I’ll make sure you get fired.”

(I look the lady dead in the eyes.)

Me: “Look, ma’am. I watched you move the TV. The price is $479.99. If you want it, you’d best buy it now, because after today you are no longer welcome in my store.”

(The lady gets mad, and knocks the TV off the belt. Of course the whole store hears it shatter.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $479.99.” *walks away*

(The lady pays for her things and leaves in a pissed-off mood. I let the store manager, as well as corporate, know what happened, and everything is fine. A few days later, my store manager and I are talking.)

Manager: “Hey, you know that lady you banned? Guess who tried to come back to return the TV, saying it was broken when she got it home? And guess who got turned away at the door?”

(We haven’t seen her since.)

(I am working at the service desk when a man who looks old enough to be my father comes up. I am the only one working at the desk, and he is the only customer around. He throws a reloadable money card on the countertop.)

Me: “Hello there. Reloading?”

Customer: “Withdrawing.”

Me: “How much?”

Customer: “$20.”

Me: “Thank you. The screen out there will ask you to enter your PIN.”

Customer: “Why does it ask for the PIN when I’m putting money on?”

Me: “For security purposes, I suppose.”

Customer: “Who’s going to put money on someone else’s card?”

Me: *small laugh* “That’s a good point. If someone wants to give me money, I’m okay with it!”

Customer: *grins* “Yeah? What would you do for that money?”

Me: “Uh. I… I…”

Customer: “Because I can give you some money, but you’ll have to earn it.”

(The printer starts printing, so I automatically reach out for the paper. The man grabs my wrist and holds on. I feel a moment of panic quickly replaced by anger.)

Me: “Let go.”

Customer: “Don’t you want to earn some more money?”

(I take a deep breath and pull my wrist out of his hand, bringing the receipt with me. I look down at the paper and a small laugh escapes.)

Customer: “What?”

Me: “After depositing your $20, your current balance is -$74.”

(I slide his receipt and card across the counter. The man turns bright red and snatches his belongings, accidentally flinging his card across the floor in the process.)

Customer: “That was rude. You need to learn how to talk to customers.”

Me: “You need to have money before you offer it to someone else. Have a nice day, sir.”