(I am working in a department store around the holidays. In the days leading to Christmas, we are slammed with customers every day. Although my name is uncommon, I somehow end up working with two other girls who have the same name. I work registers, one works stock in the back, and another is a shift manager, and we all look very different from each other. I’m checking out customers when my coworker tugs my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: *gestures towards customers in front of her* “Can you explain the return policy to them?”

Me: “Why? You’ve been here longer than me.”

Coworker: “But I don’t speak Spanish.”

(I’m Native American, so it’s a pet peeve of mine when people assume I’m Mexican because it leads to other insults. So, naturally, I get offended.)

Me: “And what? Because I have dark skin, I must speak Spanish?”

Coworker: “What? No!” [Store Manager]—” *who is not working that day* “—told me you spoke Spanish.”

Me: “No. I don’t. Are you sure you have the right [My Name]?”

Coworker: “Hmm.” *speaks into walkie* “Hey, [Assistant Manager], which [My Name] speaks Spanish?”

Assistant Manager: “Uh… Honestly, I don’t know. Page [My Name #2] up. She’s on the floor right now.”

(We page [My Name #2] to come to the register.)

My Name #2: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Do you speak Spanish?”

My Name #2: “No. Why? Who told you that?”

(It turns out that the store manager told the other managers that [My Name] could speak Spanish, but failed to mention which of the three could. Of course, it ended up being the one who worked stock in the back and didn’t have a walkie.)

(Our store’s bathrooms are closed for renovations. However, one of our neighboring stores has allowed our customers to use their restrooms until we are finished. One day, I notice a customer trying to get into our bathrooms, despite signs clearly explaining our current situation.)

Customer: “Why the hell are your bathrooms locked?! I need to take a p**s!”

(I am a bit irritated at her sudden anger, but I try my best to remain calm and polite.)

Me: “Our restrooms are currently being renovated. However, [Store next to us] is allowing our customers to use their restroom.”

Customer: “F*** you! I need to p**s! I’m not walking all the way over there!”

Me: “Ma’am, our bathrooms are being renovated. They do not even have sinks yet. We would be happy to hold your items at the front while you go next door. It is not a very long walk.”

(We argue back and forth for several minutes. I even show her the bathrooms in an attempt to prove my point. After nearly five minutes, I manage to calm her down a bit.)

Me: “Would you like me to hold your stuff at the front?”

Customer: “No. I want to finish shopping first. I’m already over here.”

(She ended up taking some clothes into the dressing room to try a few items on. However, after a minute or two, I saw liquid leaking from under the curtain. Since there was only a curtain, not a locking door, I checked on her just to be sure. Upon opening the curtain, I was greeted by a horrible sight. She had taken off her pants and was squatting over a pile of clothes, including some of our most expensive items, and relieving herself, both #1 and #2. Even after I opened the curtain, she continued peeing at full force for nearly a minute. I was only able to stand there in disgust and horror. Upon finishing, she stood up, wiped herself with yet another article of clothing, and pulled up her pants, all while maintaining eye contact with me. I managed to call security before she left, and she ended up paying for the damage and being banned from our store, but not before she blamed our store for what had happened.)

(There is some really thick fog this night, and I just finished carrying out an order for a customer to their car. I come back in, and a coworker friend from another department is in my department looking around. I walk over, and we go to lunch a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “What were you outside for, by the way?”

Me: “Oh, just bringing out an order to a customer. It was small, so I didn’t mind.”

Coworker: “How bad is the fog out there?”

Me: “It’s like Silent Hill kind of thick, again.”

Coworker: “When it’s thick like that, I try to catch it, but I always mist.”

(I dropped my spoon, and my coworker friend and I burst out laughing. We will both always laugh at even the worst of jokes and puns, and I hadn’t heard that one in a while. When we both walked out that night, we were trying to catch the fog like children, but always mist.)

(I’m walking to the warehouse. Down one aisle I get stopped by a customer wanting some help.)

Customer: “What other dog beds have you got in?”

Me: *I point to the top shelf where our dog beds are stored* “This is our current range. What size bed were you after?”

Customer: “Bigger one for a Labrador.”

Me: “Okay. Well our biggest beds are these here, and they are £7.99.”

Customer: “You had other ones for cheaper on your website.”

Me: “Sorry, but not all stores stock what you see on the website. Have you tried [closest store]?”

Customer: “No I haven’t got time.”

(I wait patiently while he considers the choices.)

Customer: “Have you got any of them with the toys?”

Me: “Yes. This £7.99 bed comes with a free dog toy.”

Customer: “Well if I don’t want the free toy can I have it for cheaper?”

Me: “…sorry, sir, but we cannot reduce this item even if we take the toy off.”

Customer: “I don’t want it!”

Me: “But it’s free. The price will stay the same even without the toy, because the toy doesn’t cost anything.”

Customer: *finally realises his mistake* “I’ll just take it then!”

(I’ve just begun my shift as a cashier for the day. Everything is going all right. Nothing is out of the norm. I am a little rusty, considering I hardly ever cashier anymore, but I am doing pretty well. I have finished ringing up one of my first customers and direct her to swipe her card when she is ready.)

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Okay, you just have to answer a few questions first, and then I’ll hand you the receipt.” *turns to put her bags in her cart*

Customer: “Um, why is it asking for my PIN? I don’t have one.”

Me: *puzzled* “You don’t know your PIN?”

Customer: “No. I said I don’t have a PIN.”

(We stare at each other for a few seconds before the customer tells me to cancel the card, and then she swipes the card again, informs me that she has no PIN, and cancels it for a second time. Meanwhile, the lanes are all filling up with other customers and I’m starting to get nasty looks from people.)

Me: *trying to keep a straight face after about three minutes* “Um, ma’am? Do you have any other way to pay for your purchase? I can take any other card, cash, gift cards, etc.”

Customer: *blinks at me and swipes her card again*

(After about five more minutes of this, and six cancellations, my supervisor finishes ringing up her customers and walks over to see what is going on. Once I tell her the situation, the customer adds that it is a new card and she’s never used it before. My supervisor then informs her that I will have to suspend the transaction and have her step aside to call the number on the card to activate it while I get the line down. My supervisor walks away and I tell her I am suspending the transaction.)

Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t want you to do that. I’ll just swipe my card again.”

(She swiped her card and then keyed in a working PIN. My jaw dropped slightly while she just looked back at me with a big smile. I never said anything after that whole ten-minute charade of nonsense. I just handed her the receipt and let her leave, and then I apologized to the poor people that were waiting behind her.)

Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 2
PIN-Headed