Cards And Cards Are On The Cards

, , , | Right | November 12, 2017

(It’s already been a long day at work, in addition to being a Monday, and I’m grumpy when I go to the big shop in our city for some late-night grocery shopping. Once I’m done, I find that all of the lines are backed up. I get behind a woman with her four kids, one of whom is conked out in one of the two buggies she has with her, and wait for the cashier to check her out. He seems to have problems with both speed and picking items up, because he fumbles with every object he picks up as if he doesn’t know what to do with it. Finally, twenty minutes later, he has scanned her objects and tells her the amount is $384.)

Customer: “Oh, hold on. Try this card.” *hands him a gift card* “Can you tell me how much is on that?”

Cashier: “I don’t know how to do that. All I can do is swipe it and it will deduct the amount. Would you rather not use it?”

Customer: “No. Use it, but don’t take off the amount.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand.”

Customer: “Swipe it, but don’t let it take anything off the card. Keep the same amount on the card. That way I can see how much is on it.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. It will automatically take it off.”

Customer: “You can’t just swipe it and then cancel it?”

Cashier: “No. I would have to scan everything all over again.”

Customer: *looks at me, then at the three people behind me that are impatiently waiting* “I guess go ahead and use the card.”

Cashier: “Okay, that takes your amount down to $352.”

(She swipes five credit cards and uses $140 in cash, just so she can use her bank card for the final amount, which is under $20. By that point, the rest of us are glaring at her. When it comes my turn, I pull out three cards and the cashier looks terrified.)

Me: “Don’t worry; I’m only using my bank card. I just tucked it behind the other cards.”

(I think he and the rest of the line were as relieved as I was that my check-out was quick.)

The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On, Part 2

| NY, USA | Right | November 11, 2017

(Editor’s Note: To commemorate Veteran’s Day, we’re resurfacing this story. It was originally posted on June 11, 2015.)

(The store where I work just hired a new employee. I am training her. We have a huge sale going on so she is running the second register next to me. A man steps up to her station, tossing a few car parts and a set of cards of the table.)

Trainee: “Hi there, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Fine. How much?”

Trainee: *rings it all quickly* “$82.69”

Customer: “What? Where is my military discount!” *he picks up one of the cards and waves it at her*

Trainee: “I’m sorry, because of the sale we can’t add more discounts.”

Customer: “I fought for this country. I got f****** shot at. I am not paying full price.”

Me: “Sir, that isn’t full price. You can either have the 20% Military discount or the 40% sale discount. We gave you the larger discount.”

Customer: “Have you ever been shot at? No. The hardest part of your day is counting change. And you probably get paid almost as much as I do. I nearly died to protect your stupid a** so I deserve my discount. My money is worth more than yours. This dumb b**** is going to give me what I earned!”

Trainee: *casually removes prosthetic leg* “This dumb b**** disarmed bombs. What’s my money worth?”

Customer: *goes red and silently hands over card*

Trainee: “Would you like to donate to [Disabled Veteran’s Charity] today?”

Customer: “Twenty, ma’am.”

(The line set a new hourly record for donations.)


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Bagged Himself A Steal

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Right | November 11, 2017

(Editor’s Note: To commemorate Veteran’s Day, we’re resurfacing this story. It was originally posted on August 13, 2013.)

(I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

(The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

(Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

Elderly Man: “I got him!”

(All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

(It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

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Logical Arguments Can Be A Drag

, , , , , | Related | November 10, 2017

(I am with my precocious toddler in a store. He really doesn’t want to be there, and in a sign of protest, he decides to sit down on the spot. I have to resort to dragging him through the store, literally.)

Me: *gesturing to the other well-behaved children in the store* “You do realize that you’re the only child that has to be dragged through the store?”

Child: “You do realize that you’re the only parent that has to drag their child?”

Deaf Jam

, , , , , , | Working | November 10, 2017

(At the store where I work, one of our overnight stockers is profoundly deaf. He usually works with another stocker who is partially deaf and can sign for him. One day, the other stocker is out sick, and the delivery that day is very large so the stockers are kept late and  are therefore still in the store when it opens. I’m working one aisle over from the deaf stocker when I hear a customer making a commotion.)


(I hurry over to see her standing behind the stocker, who is working on something and hasn’t noticed her there.)

Me: “Excuse me, can I help you?”

Customer: “No! This jerk is ignoring me! I want him to show me where the jam is and he won’t answer me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can show you. It’s right over this way.”

Customer: “No! I want him to do it! Make him do it! Why is he ignoring me!?”

Me: “Ma’am, he is deaf. He can’t hear you and hasn’t seen you.”

(At this point, the stocker finally turns around. He waves hello and tries to go about his work, but the customer jumps in front of him and starts speaking in a very loud, exaggerated manner.)

Customer: “Where! Is! Jam! Show! Me! Jaaaam!”

Me:Ma’am. He cannot understand you. I can show you where the jam is.”

Customer: “No! I want him to do it. It’s the principle of the thing! He spent so long ignoring me, and now I will make him acknowledge me! He’s deaf, so he can read lips, so of course he can understand me!”

Me: “No, ma’am, he can’t read lips. Please, let me show you to the jam.”

(The customer keeps insisting that the deaf stocker be the one who helps her, so I give up and call over the manager, who knows some very limited sign language. He comes over, listens to what the customer has to say, and signs a short phrase to the stocker. The stocker signs something simple back, and walks off.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he says he didn’t mean to ignore you, and he’s very sorry he couldn’t understand you, but he only lip-reads in Spanish. Now, I’ll show you where the jam is.”

(After the customer has left I ask what he really signed.)

Manager: “I just told him to go work in another aisle. To the best of my knowledge, [Stocker] doesn’t understand a word of Spanish, either lip-read or written. I just figured that would be the best way to get the customer to let someone else help her without more of a scene. But d***, do I wish I could ban people like her from the store.”

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