I work in an art store. A woman comes in looking for the biggest bottles of acryl paint we have. She buys two big bottles of our highest quality brand.

She returns a few minutes later, rudely cutting in line at my till, and smashes her purchase down on the counter, followed by two bottles of another brand.

Customer: “These look bigger and cost less! I want an exchange and a refund for the difference immediately!”

I just did it to get her out of the store. In the end, she got TWO CENTS back from me and took it with a super smug look on her face, believing she had beaten the system. She paid less, yes, but she also got less paint.

I went to Germany with my parents while my mum was on sabbatical. I studied German for one year in high school, and I was doing extra studying with a tutor, but I didn’t have many practical language skills. I realized while at the mall that I needed to find the toilet, and I was excited because I had just learned how to ask. I found the nearest attendant.

Me: “Bitte, wo ist die toilette?”

The attendant said something back in very rapid German. I paused, and then said in English:

Me: “Sorry, I knew how to ask where the toilet was, but I didn’t think about whether I would understand the answer. Can you repeat that in English?”

I got a rather dirty look from the attendant, who wasn’t impressed by me wasting her time. The next time I met with my tutor, I insisted we start learning words used in directions so that I would be ready if the situation ever happened again.

I was helping to set up an eCommerce site. This included designing the logo, setting up the site, and making all the necessary visual designs. I finally needed to start adding the products.

Me: “Do you have a list of products and any images to accompany them?”

Client: “Oh, we’re pretty much going to be selling everything on [Retailer]’s site.”

Me: “There are several thousand products. All of them?”

Client: “Yep, just take the photos and descriptions from them and put them on our site.”

Me: “I can’t just carbon copy—”

Client: “Oh, I know! When you copy their verbiage, just replace their name with ours.”

You have to be eighteen to buy tobacco and paraphernalia, but like most shops, we have a “Challenge 25” policy, which means we have to ask anyone who looks under twenty-five for ID, just to be sure.

A young-looking man comes in and asks to buy some filter tips. I ask for his ID.

Customer: “I’m twenty-nine.”

Me: “Okay, but I need to ask anyone who looks under twenty-five. Congratulations!”

Customer: “I’ve got a photo on my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can only accept a physical ID.”

He ignores me and pulls up a photo of a driving licence on his phone, which obviously I can’t accept, but this isn’t the first time someone’s tried this. After five minutes of back and forth, he starts going from quite friendly to clearly irritated.

Customer: “Okay, fine.”

He pulled the physical driving licence from the depths of his pockets, wrapped in a soft cloth. I guess it’s too good for the eyes of a humble retail worker most of the time?

A customer comes up to me holding a pregnancy test.

Customer: “Can I use your toilet to take this test?”

Me: “Our toilets are staff-only, and you’ll have to buy the test before you can use it.”

Customer: “I promise I’ll buy it if only I can use your toilet!”

Me: “Ma’am, buy the test, and then you can go to the public toilets in the mall next door.”

She starts cursing at me as she leaves.

Customer: “If anything happens to the baby, it’ll be your fault!”