(I work ocean rescue in Florida, and we wear neon green shirts with red writing all over them loudly stating that we are OCEAN RESCUE, and listing where we are located, etc. I am visiting my friend in Chicago and while shopping at a store, I am wearing the aforementioned brightly-coloured shirt. A very obnoxious woman comes up and hits me with her cart.)

Lady: “Do you work here?”

(I didn’t think someone could be so blind and stupid because the uniform for that store is a black and blue shirt.)

Lady: “I SAID, ‘DO YOU WORK HERE?!’ WHAT ARE YOU? DUMB?”

Me: *finally figuring out she’s serious* “No—”

(She shoves her cart into me again, so angrily I grab the cart and say:)

Me: “Lady! You must be the dumb one! What part of ‘OCEAN RESCUE’ means that I work here? And if you hit me with your cart again, I will find someone who works here and file charges against you!”

(The lady grumbled to herself, and an associate finally walked over and asked if something was wrong. I relayed the entire story to her, and she asked if she could do anything for me. I told her thank you but no, I would just be on my way. It still bewilders me how stupid and unaware people are.)

(I work for a popular children’s jewellery shop that also does ear piercing. Piercings for children can only happen if a parent or legal guardian is present to sign the forms; this is store policy. A customer approaches with two teen girls.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get her ears pierced.” *gestures to one of the girls*

Me: “Of course. I just need to ask what relation you are to her.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, are you her parent or legal guardian?”

Customer: “I’m her guardian for today; I’m looking after her.”

Me: “So, you’re not her mother or adoptive mother?”

Customer: “No, but I’m in charge of her for today.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but a parent or legal guardian has to be here to sign the forms and agree to the piercing; if she comes back with a parent I’d be happy to pierce her ears.”

Customer: *suddenly very irate* “But I am her guardian for today. Why can’t you just do it!?”

Me: “It’s store policy; we can’t pierce a child’s ears without a parent’s permission.”

Customer: *nearly yelling* “Well, that’s stupid! Why can’t I just sign the forms? You’re wasting my time!”

Me: “You can’t sign the forms because you’re not her mother.”

(This conversation goes around for a while, with me trying to keep me cool, saying that the girl’s parent needs to be present, and the woman yelling about how stupid I am, and how stupid the store is.)

Customer: “Well, I’ll just go to another shop and say I’m her mum! You are ridiculous! I won’t shop here again!”

(She then buys several products, all the while muttering about how stupid the store is and how she’ll just go to another shop and lie.)

Me: *as customer leaves* “Have a lovely day!”

(There are two associates on the floor assisting sales, and I am behind the register. An older lady comes into our store and instantly we can tell that she is irritable. My coworker greets her:)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “No! I’m fine! I know what I need!”

(My coworker gives me a terrified look and walks away to help another customer. A few minutes later the lady comes up to the counter with a shopping bag FULL of product and throws it onto the counter.)

Customer: “You know, I love shopping here, I really do, but I simply cannot shop while that lady—” *points at my coworker* “—continuously hovers over me! I cannot shop under these conditions! I love this store, but you are getting none of my business today!”

(The lady then storms out of the store.)

Coworker: “All I said was hi.”

Me: “I guess that’s too much for some people.”

(I am behind a woman in line whose total comes to $37. She painstakingly counts out 37 one-dollar bills. The clerk then follows the same procedure, laboriously counting the bills.)

Customer: *now impatient* “You’d never make it as a stripper!”

(A customer storms in with a pair of boots and slams them down on the counter.)

Customer #1: “Feet wet, boots Gore-Tex, money back, NOW!”

Me: *looking the boots over* “How long have you had them?”

Customer #1: “A year, but that doesn’t matter… Money back, NOW!”

Me: “Actually, it does.”

(I ask him to follow me to the footwear wall where all our boots are displayed, and I begin explaining to him that Gore-Tex is a one-way valve material in between layers of the footwear. It allows your perspiration to escape in the form of water vapor, but Gore-Tex is not what keeps the outer materials dry. That is a repellent called DWR, and it needs to be renewed at least once a year.)

Customer #1: “You have no idea what you’re talking about, and if you don’t give me my money back right now, I’ll have no choice but to talk with your manager.”

(Just then, another customer looking at footwear chimes in. He is older, with grey hair and glasses.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt… but he’s absolutely spot on with his simplified definition.”

Customer #1: “This isn’t any of your business!”

Customer #2: “Actually, it is. You see… I am one of the scientists who originally developed Gore-Tex. Perhaps you should listen to this gentleman; you might learn how to take care of your boots properly.”

Customer #1: “When I bought these boots, no one told me I had to maintain them.”

Me: “That may be so, and if it is, you have my apologies. Other than the DWR having worn off the outer of the boots, it looks like they still have plenty of life in them.”

(I hand him a can of water repellent from the shelf.)

Me: “By the way, I am the manager… and this one’s on me.”