(I’m helping a customer to find an item, and we have a bit of small talk. There’s a manager we have who is currently on extended medical leave, as she is pregnant with twins and her doctor is worried about all the physical activity and stress that she would have at the job. She’s been away for several weeks at this point.)

Customer: “By the way, is [pregnant manager] here today?”

Me: “Nope, she’s on maternity leave.”

Customer: “She had a baby? That’s so exciting!”

Me: “Oh, no, not yet. She’s just got twins coming soon.”

Customer: “She adopted twins?”

Me: “…no. She’s pregnant with twins. She’s due in about two months.”

(Perhaps I didn’t word things correctly, but I’m still not sure how talking about maternity leave and mentioning twins doesn’t give the idea that she is/was pregnant with twins, but rather that she’s adopting.)

I am at a bulk retailer using the self-check system. I am scanning my items when the attendant sees me and darts over toward me.

Attendant: “Sir, make sure you—”

And then I beep on a multi-pack of sauce.

Attendant: “Wow, you’re the first person all day to scan that sticker. If you scan the UPC on the jar, it crashes the system and the manager has to reboot it. It takes at least fifteen minutes and it’s why I’m over here.”

As she states that, I see a guy behind her pick up the same jars of sauce and I try to tell him.

Me: “Sir, use the one on the top—”

Beep! He scans the wrong one, crashing that system. The attendant looks crushed as the customer begins to yell at her for the system not working. I interrupt him mid-sentence.

Me: “Stop that. It’s not her fault you couldn’t scan the huge sticker on top that says three-pack. She’s doing a great job and was telling me and I attempted to tell you before you did it. You need to read if you’re going to self-check your items.”

He turned a couple of shades of red and backed down. She guided him to a register that was still working. On my way out, I thanked her again for her help and told her boss she was doing a great job.

Related:
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 2
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout

I’m a cashier at a very cheap retail chain. Despite the prices, we do take coupons, but we are very strict about them and any bad coupons are counted as a till shortage. A customer comes up to my register with peas, detergent, toothpaste, soap, chocolate milk, and a stack of coupons. I ring her up and she picks up her bag of items and holds them away from me.

Me: “Okay, it’s going to be [price].”

Customer: “No, it’s not; I have coupons!”

Me: “Okay, then, I’m going to need to see your coupons and your items.”

Customer: “What? Why? Can’t you just scan them?”

Me: “No, sorry, we have to check the coupons and make sure they apply to the items.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. Fine, just check them.”

She hands me back the bag. I start to check the items against the coupons.

Me: “Right, this one isn’t going to work—”

Customer: “That’s not true!”

Me: “It is; the coupon says right here that it’s for a six-pack of chocolate milk and you have just one.”

Customer: “Fine, I don’t want it, then.”

Me: “Okay, then. This coupon isn’t going to work, either; this is for a bigger soap than we carry.”

Customer: “Ugh!”

Me: “And this one isn’t going to work because this is for a bigger detergent than we carry.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “This last coupon isn’t going to work, either.”

Customer: “Seriously? Why?”

Me: “Because this is for [Unaffiliated Retail Chain].”

Customer: “This is absurd! You always take these coupons! Can’t you just take them and let me have my items?”

Me: “Sorry, no. It’s store policy and they’re strict about coupons.”

Customer: “But it’s only four items and I need them! Just take them!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, this many bad coupons is enough to get me fired and I’m not willing to lose my job over this. Sorry.”

Customer: “Then just give me the peas!”

She threw the money at me and stormed off in a huff.

Some customers are quite a handful to deal with and will not let go of you if you dare listen to their story. It is okay sometimes and those times we will listen and respond and enjoy the conversation, but other times it is a monologue in which we do not understand everything, or some crazy ranting of people that will not let you go back to your job and will stay for hours if you do not put a stop to it. Sometimes there are other customers so we can excuse ourselves and go to the other customers, but more often than not, there are no other customers. We are only two employees and if that kind of situation, after a while, the one who is not caught in the tale has to go in the office and call the one in the front to “save” the other. One day, an elderly man comes in, ask for an information and then go on explaining his whole life (most of the story being probably imagined by him) and how he used to live in our town to my boss that politely listen to him. After about 10 minutes, I go to the office and call her on the phone, amused.

Me: In need of some life saving?

Boss: Yes, of course.

Me, mockinly: Do you have any blue spotted pink elephants?

Boss: Let me go see, I will be right back. (Adressing the customer:) Sorry I must go look for what my client wants.

She excuse herself and proceed to go as far away as she can from the counter to look at ink cartriges for some time. Usually, customers say it’s okay, say their goodbyes and go. This one does not. I can hear my boss trying to keep the act of fake looking, going back and forth between a few places. I, on the other hand, stuggle not to laugh. After a while she goes back to the front and take the phone again.

Boss: I can’t seem to find what you want, I will need to do some more research, is that alright?

Me: It’s quite alright, I enjoy quite a lot to see your efforts, it’s really funny.

Boss: Alright, I will look it up, stay on the line I might need some more information. (Talking to the customer) I’m very sorry, I really need to go search for what they asked me, it will probably take a while…

Customer: Okay, go, don’t worry, I will come back another day. Goodbye!

Boss: Thank you, have a nice day!

He leaves and my boss comes back to the office where I burst out laughing as soon as I see her face.

Me: Got a new friend? He really didn’t want to leave…

Boss: Thanks for the call, I think I would still be there.

After a lot of teasing, we both went back to what we were doing. The customer was actually from out of town and in vacation, so we never saw him again that week, but I’m sure he’ll come back next time he’s in town.

(This happened to me during the first weeks at my new job, the conversation was in French so I translated it. An elderly lady comes in, so I greet her.)

Me: Hi! May I help you?

Customer: Yes, I would like those things for a tablet…

Me: A stylus?

Customer: No, no, those things to touch the tablet with, you use it instead of your finger…

Me: A stylus.

Customer: No, you can use it on a tablet…

Me: … It looks like a pen but to use on a tablet or a phone or anything with a touchscreen?

Customer: YES! Exactly!

(I show her some of the products we have.)

Customer: Yes, that is exactly what I wanted! What is it called?

Me: A stylus.

(As I know she will argue, I show her on the packaging where it is written in both French and English. She looks at it for a moment.)

Customer: Really? That does not sound right, it must be a bad translation, those English people are so weird sometimes. It has to have a real name.

Me: …Who knows…

(I do not want to argue so I just go to the register so she can pay and so I can go back to what I was doing.)

Me: Thank you, have a nice day!

Customer: Thank you, you too. I will go home and try to find out how it is really called. Stylus cannot be right.

(She gets out still going on about it and I look at my boss, telling her what just happened from the beggining.)

Boss: Get used to it, some people will never believe you even if you show them all the proofs in the world.

Me: Seriously?..

(She goes on to tell me some of the stuff she encountered through the years. Since that time, that kind of things happened so often that I just go on as if nothing happens.)