(Our store is officially closing for good. This is in September. However, in February or so, someone placed an order for kids shoes, paid for it over the phone by credit card, and has never been in to pick it up, nor has she ever told us to ship the shoes. Said shoes have been sitting in the back of our “hold” shelf — behind a door, behind the registers — and we have all but forgotten about it. Our District Manager is helping us move stuff and destroy it, and since this box of shoes has been out of our inventory for six months, corporate cannot take it back without speaking with the woman who ordered. Luckily, we have the woman’s credit card and phone on file, so our District Manager called her. I can’t remember exactly what was said, but this is basically what happens. Please note our District Manager is from New Jersey, NOT the North Shore of Chicago.)

District Manager: “Hello. My name is [District Manager]. I’m looking for…” *silence* “Yes, hello.”

(The woman on the phone says something.)

District Manager: “Okay, so, we have shoes here that you bought in [Whatever Month]. We are closing this branch of the store, and we were looking to ship them to you—”

(The woman says something else.)

District Manager: “Well, we have them here, and…” *pause* “Well, we are willing to ship them to you free of charge…” *pause* “Yes, I understand you’ve moved to North Carolina, but as you’ve paid for them, we would gladly ship them to you…” *pause* “Yes, but as we are closing, and you’ve already paid for them, we can ship them to you free of charge…” *pause* “Ma’am, we’re closing. I repeat, we will not be here… “ *pause* “We can ship them to you. The store is closing. It will not be here. We will not be open. We will be closed. There…” *pause* “No, ma’am. We can ship them to you. Free of charge. Ma’am. You’ve already paid for them. Ma’am. Yes. I know you’ve moved to North Carolina, but as these shoes are out of our inventory, we cannot take them back.” *pause* “Yes, you can return them, but only on the card ending in [number]…” *pause* “No, ma’am, we cannot put it on another card. Ma’am. I know. We can ship them to you…” *pause* “Ma’am. Yes. We know you’ve moved. Yes. We’ll ship them. Right away. Yes. Thank you. Have a great day. Yes. Thank you.”

(She hangs up and I say:)

Me: “I love that you tried to tell her we could ship.”

District Manager: “That’s not what I was doing, but I wasn’t expecting her to be quite that stupid… considering she spent over a hundred dollars on kids’ shoes.”

(The rest of our closing went without a hitch.)

(My store is running a clearance event with additional markdowns listed on items by way of large stickers showing 33%, 50% off, etc. I notice that several of the items that had been placed on one set of tables do not have an original price listed, so customers would have no way of calculating what the final price would be. I walk an associate over to explain what I want her to do.)

Me: “Grab a clearance sticker gun and go ahead and make sure everything on these tables is ticketed.”

Associate: “Correctly?”

Me: *laughing a little at first, because I think she’s kidding, but then a little sad when I realize she’s not* “Yes, well, that would be the point.”

(I have been shopping for clothes for my daughter, who is very slim, I, on the other hand, am overweight. I am about to enter a shop and for some reason, I take notice of a woman further up the road. I have never been to this shop before and a quick look around was enough to tell me that the clothes aren’t my daughter’s style. As I leave, the woman I notice earlier is passing by the shop.)

Woman: “Hmmph I could have told you that they wouldn’t have anything in there for someone like you.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “You’re too fat for that shop”

Me: “Not that it concerns you, I’m shopping for someone else.”

Woman: “Oh.” *hurries away*

Me: “Hi, I’m looking for a DVD set for a TV series from the 80s.”

Employee: “The 1980s?”

(I work as a head cashier. Basically, it’s my job to help if any one of my cashiers starts to have problems with a customer. I get called over to returns to help.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. This customer would like a refund on this drill set, but it seems to be missing pieces. Can we still do the refund?”

Me: “Depends on what pieces are missing.”

(We can still do the refund if small pieces are missing, but not big ones.)

Customer: “Oh, nothing too important, just some small parts.”

Me: “Okay, did you check to see what’s missing?”

Customer: “Why do they have to check? Don’t you trust me?”

Me: *pause* “Yeah, I trust you. We still have to check the box, though.”

Customer: “Fine.” *puts box on counter*

([Coworker] opens the box that’s supposed to contain two drills, two batteries, and some small parts. This box contains… nothing.)

Coworker: “Um, did you bring in the right box? This one has nothing in it.”

Customer: “No, that’s the right box.”

Coworker: “But there’s nothing in it.”

Customer: “Well, yeah. I told you it was missing parts; that’s why I wanted a refund.”

Me: “Oh, do you mean you bought it, got home, and nothing was in it?”

Customer: “No… There was a pair of drills and batteries. I have them at home.”

Me: “So… If you want to refund the set… you need to bring the drills and batteries back.”

Customer: “But the box said I can get a refund if there’s parts missing from it.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s only if there were originally missing parts from the box.”

Customer: “Well, there are parts missing.”

Me: “Do you know what parts?”

Customer: “Yeah! Two drills and two batteries. Now I want my refund, g**d*** it.”

(This went on for another ten minutes. He ended up asking for the manager and being asked to leave.)