When Do I Get Off? For You? Never.

I’m a female in my mid-twenties working in retail, which means that, very often, sometimes more than once per day, an old and creepy male customer will ask me:

Customer: “So, what time do you get off? Can I get you a coffee?”

I always try to let them down politely.

Me: “Uh, I finish quite late, but I’m okay. Thank you, though.”

Of course, hinteth never getteth:

Customer: “Oh, I don’t mind waiting. You look like you’re worth the wait.” *Stares creepily*

So now, I just jokingly say:

Me: “Oh, actually, I live here. I never get off shift.”

This usually does the trick (i.e., I am never having a coffee with you), but for those who seriously do not get it and press further…

Customer: “Oh, come on now. I’m being serious.”

Me: *Also being serious, suddenly lowering my voice* “No… seriously… My boss is doing me a favor. Rent is insane. I sleep in the back. Please don’t tell anyone!”

Customer: “Are… are you joking?”

Then, I suddenly perk back up and make my “customer service smile” even more sinister than usual.

Me: “What? Joking about what?! Haha, no jokes allowed here! We’d get in trouble, haha! Would you like your receipt?!” *Eyes widen*

Crazy usually scares the last of them off.