That Joke Was Told Solo

, , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I quit my job to return to school. After several months I decide to swing in and see “the guys.” When I show up, the only person there is a guy that was transferred in from another branch not long after I left. I barely know him but he recognizes me. He proceeds to tell me how my old manager is heading a district upstate, how my old assistant manager is managing his own store a state over, how an old coworker got a corporate gig, and so on. As I listen to how everyone is doing well, I see my nerd moment, I praise myself for being SO CLEVER, and I seize the opportunity for a perfect quote:)

Me: “Man, I’m out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!”

Transfer Employee: *just smiles politely and nods* “Yeah. Crazy, huh?”

(My shoulders slouched, I bid him farewell, and I went away and sulked that it went over his head. Or maybe beneath him. I guess it’s all perspective.)

Don’t Put Your Neck Out For Any Customer

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I am working as a cashier at a clothing company. We have just gotten a new scarf in that is more popular than the company anticipated, and we sell out super quickly. I am wearing the scarf while working the register.)

Customer: “That is such a great scarf!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Customer: “Where did you get it?”

Me: “Oh, I got it here, but we sold out, unfortunately!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It was [price], but unfortunately, we sold out. I can maybe see if another store has it in stock?”

Customer: “How much is that one?”

Me: “It’s [price], but again, we’ve sold out. It may be available online.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that you are wearing?”

Me: “Again, it’s [price], but we’ve sold out.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that is literally around your neck? How much can I give you to sell me your scarf?”

Me: “Sir, I will not sell you clothing that I am literally wearing.”

Kid Earns A High Five

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(The young son of one of our regulars is the cutest thing. He goes up to my coworker with a pack of cards that we give away for free, as a promotion for a game his dad plays, and he says, in his tiny voice:)

Kid: “Is it okay I took this? It says ‘thirteen plus.’ I’m five.”

Coworker: “That’s okay; we won’t tell.”

(We both had a good laugh at his seriousness. Ah, the logic of a five-year-old.)

You Couldn’t Print This Up

, , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(I am working retail while going through school for computer science. Coming into work one day, however, I notice that the printer isn’t working, which means that I can’t print off the signs I need to print. Keep in mind I’m about 16 at the time.)

Me: “What happened?”

Boss: “The printer stopped working overnight. We phoned IT in earlier today. They took a look and said the parts are completely fried and it’ll need a full replacement.”

Me: “Really? It was working fine yesterday. Give me five minutes with it. I’ll see if I can fix it, and if I can’t I’ll leave it be.”

Boss: “Are you sure? You’re still learning, while IT has their certification.”

Me: “Of course, but it’s very easy to overlook something. Five minutes is all I ask.”

(She gives me the green light and I get to work. After some short troubleshooting, I find out that somebody has unplugged the cord connecting it to the computer. I plug it in, test, and sure enough, the printer is working just fine again, with no sign of damage.)

Me: “I found the problem. Somebody unplugged it.”

(My boss comes to the printer and looks. Sure enough, nothing matches how IT described it.)

Boss: *laughing* “All right, I’m going to have to phone IT and let them know that our printer is fine, and that our un-certified 16-year-old part-time employee fixed what they couldn’t.”

A Raw Sample Of General Customers

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I am working as a sample demonstrator in a popular store, making fish.)

Customer: “I want a sample.”

Me: “They should be finished cooking in about ten minutes! If you want to finish shopping, I will make sure to save you a piece!”

Customer: “Excuse me? I want a sample.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but it’s going to take about ten minutes. As I said, if you would like to finish your shopping, I will save you a piece.”

Customer: “Will you hurry up? I just want to try the fish.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s still ten minutes from finishing.”

Customer: “Why are you not serving me?”

Me: “I have already stated it will take ten more minutes for the fish to be cooked.”

Customer: “Just cut me a piece!”

Me: “Ma’am. I cannot serve raw fish.”

Customer: “I. Want. A. Sample.”

Me: “And in ten minutes, you can get one. I am not serving you frozen, raw fish.”

Customer: “Well, you lost a sale!” *storms off*

Coworker: “Does that happen to you often?”

Me: “Every. Day.”

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