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The Machine Doesn’t Speak Stupid

, , , | Right | January 12, 2022

A customer is checking out using the card reader. The first screen says, “Select language.” You can’t move forward until you do this. The customer scans their card, which doesn’t work, and then they scan their card again.

Customer: “Is this thing broken?”

Me: “No, you just need to read the words on the screen first.”

The customer starts blindly tapping the machine.

Customer: *Angry* “It doesn’t work! You should reprogram it!”

H2-Woah, Part 8

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2022

Our water main breaks badly enough to where they have to actually dig out the section of pipe that’s broken and replace it, so that means we have no running water in the store at all. The deli and sandwich shop in the store have to be shut down, and management allows us to carry around water bottles to keep hydrated since the water fountains are out, and they provide us with bottled water in the break room.

I am leaving the front checkout area after helping on the registers and heading back to my department when an older lady approaches me, pointing to the bathrooms.

Customer: “Why are the bathrooms taped off?”

Me: “Oh! Hello! I’m sorry, our water main broke, so we have no running water at the moment, so all of the bathrooms are closed right now.”

She points to my water bottle.

Customer: “If y’all don’t have running water, where did that come from?!”

Me: “Oh, I apologize for the confusion. Management provided us bottled waters back in the break room since the fountains are out.”

Customer: “So, does that mean the bathrooms in the back are working?”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. The whole store has no water at all. But—”

Customer: “No water? At all?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Why isn’t the water working?!”

Me: “The water main broke.”

Customer: “Well, when will it be fixed?!”

Me: *Getting uncomfortable* “Ah, probably at the end of the week. They had to order new parts and break through the concrete and dig the pipes up.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I gotta go! Can you open the bathrooms up for me?”

Me: “I can’t; we have no water.”

Customer: *Screaming now* “YOU WON’T LET ME USE THE BATHROOM!”

Me: “I’m sorry, our water main is broken! Try going over to [Fast Food Chain]; their bathrooms are open. We aren’t on the same water lines as them, so—”


At this point, one of the managers up front mercifully helped me out and politely but firmly told the woman to stop yelling at me for something that I couldn’t control and to either go to one of the other shops nearby or go home. The woman huffed and stomped off, and I thanked my manager for the save and rushed back to my department to finish stocking the cart of merchandise I was working on.

About thirty minutes later, I was called up front to help again with a sudden rush of customers. I was passing the seasonal merchandise at the front of the store when I got a whiff of something absolutely foul. It was like a dirty diaper, which I have found on other occasions, but this was so intense I gagged. I peeked into the aisle, and sure enough, smack in the middle of the aisle was a huge pile of poo.

I flagged down a manager and stopped customers from coming into the entire seasonal area. We had to quarantine the area, disassemble the shelves, and thoroughly scrub down EVERYTHING with bleach.

While the mess was being cleaned, since I was the one who found it, the asset protection guy had to take me to the back to take down my statement of the incident and to see if I may have seen who did it.

We rolled back through the camera footage and found the culprit. I watched in abject horror as the woman I had spoken with earlier stomped into that aisle, dropped her pants, and proceeded to take an angry poop IN BROAD DAYLIGHT at the front of a busy retail store!

Best of all, she was still in the store, shopping! She was immediately detained and arrested for indecent exposure and reckless behavior. She was fined several thousand dollars and received a lifetime ban from this retail establishment because she couldn’t be bothered to walk five minutes to a nearby shop to use the bathroom.

H2-Woah, Part 7
H2-Woah, Part 6
H2-Woah, Part 5
H2-Woah, Part 4
H2-Woah, Part 3

Makes You Wish She’d Phoned It In

, , | Right | January 12, 2022

I work at a mobile phone telco store. We have no capacity to solve problems with devices; the store is set up to only sell sim cards. We’re not device manufacturers or repair technicians. The only time we can do anything is sending a phone away under warranty.

I’m standing at the front booking people in. We have six people in the queue and the wait is thirty to forty minutes to be seen. A lady comes in with a phone.

Customer: “I use this phone for work, and it’s glitchy as h***. All these apps won’t work!”

Me: “We can’t provide support for [Phone Brand] or third-party apps if there’s an issue. How long have you had it for? Is it still in contract?”

Customer: “No, I’ve had it since this model came out.”

So, the warranty is well and truly gone.

Me: “Since it’s out of warranty and it’s a major technical issue, the only thing you can really do is go to [Phone Brand]. Otherwise, the only thing we can do in a telco store is factory reset the device or you can buy a new in-market software supported device.”

Customer: “I’m not doing any of that.”

Me: “Luv, you’re having issues with a four-year-old device that’s out of warranty and no longer supported by software updates. There’s nothing further we can do for you.”

Customer: “Well, you’re going to have to figure it out, aren’t you? I’m not leaving this store until it’s sorted!”

Me: “Can you curb your aggression? It’s unnecessary.”

Customer: “You feel threatened because I’m finally putting my foot down! I’ve worked in retail longer than you’ve been alive.”

My coworker then sits her down and explains the same thing I said and she has a dummy spit (tantrum) at her. Then, as she walks out of the store, she leans over, grabs my arm, speaking with the biggest grin on her face.

Customer: “See ya! Thanks for your help today.”

Customers Ignoring Signs Is Totally In Order

, , , | Right | January 11, 2022

A customer approaches me, clearly upset.

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to complain about the dangerous state of your customer toilet! It was pitch black in there, and there was water on the floor! You put me in a dangerous situation!”

Yes, it was pitch black in there and there was water on the floor. To find this out, she had to push past the chair with the “Out Of Order” sign that had been pushed against the door, open the door with the second “Out Of Order” sign, and walk through the restroom area with the baby change table, etc., where the lights were off, to use the pitch-black toilet room.

But it was our fault that she had been put in a dangerous situation.

Not Getting An Overdose Of Sympathy

, , , , | Working | January 11, 2022

I am sitting in the break room with two of my coworkers. [Coworker #1] is scrolling through Facebook when she drops her phone and starts crying into her hands. 

Me: “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

I rub her back.

[Coworker #2] looks up from his own phone.

Coworker #2: “What happened?”

Coworker #1: “Jesus Christ…”

She turns her phone toward me. It’s a memorial for a man about our age. I recognize him, as he’s been in the store several times.

Me: “Oh, no.”

Coworker #2: “Who’s that?”

Coworker #1: “My ex-husband… He overdosed. I didn’t even know. I just talked to him two days ago.”

Me: “What do you need?”

Coworker #2: “Why are you sad about your dead ex-husband? Most people would rejoice.”

Me: “[Coworker #2]!”

Coworker #2: “I’m just saying, it didn’t work out, so why are you crying?”

Me: “Don’t say—”

[Coworker #1] turns and gives him a face full of rage and sadness.

Coworker #1: “I have to tell my children that their daddy will not be back to pick them up this weekend. And because his family thinks I’m a b**** for kicking him out, I found out on f****** *Facebook*!”

[Coworker #2] looks embarrassed for a moment but doubles down and glares at [Coworker #1]. 

Coworker #2: “Well, that’s what happens when you do drugs! F****** idiot!”

He got up and stormed out before either of us could say anything else. I now avoid [Coworker #2] unless I absolutely have to talk to him, as does [Coworker #1].