I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here, Part 2

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Working | October 14, 2015

(In the communications center, we have some new hires on the floor in their first phase of training. I’m talking to one for the first time. We’re trying to see if we have any mutual interests.)

Me: “I have a tendency to spend a lot of money on books.”

Trainee: “I don’t read much.”

Me: “Not even Harry Potter?” *this is usually my go-to series with people, with it being so popular*

Trainee: “I never really liked Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “We can’t be friends then.”

Trainee: “But I do like Twilight!”

Me: *after a pause* “We REALLY can’t be friends then.”

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I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here

Bringing You Up To Speed About Your State

| ID, USA | Right | February 18, 2015

(I am stopped while driving cross-country, going about 95.)

Highway Patrol: “Do you know how fast you were going, Ma’am?”

Me: “About 95. I thought there was no speed limit in Montana.”

Highway Patrol: “Yes, there is, Ma’am. And you’re in Idaho.”

(I got the ticket.)

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Quebec To The Drawing Board

| NB, Canada | Working | February 10, 2015

(In Quebec, there is no law stating that a car needs to be inspected every year, or that a car needs a license plate in the front. These are required in a car from New Brunswick. The police have set up a checkpoint to see if people have had their car inspected.)

Me: *stopping* “Everything all right, officer?”

Officer: *looking at my dash, and taps where the inspection sticker usually goes* “Not for you! You don’t have an inspection sticker!”

Me: “The car is from Quebec. We don’t need one.”

Officer: *looks at front bumper then sing-songs* “We don’t have a license plate! I’m going to need your license and registration please.”

Me: “Ma’am, the car is from Quebec. I’m just a student here.”

Officer: *ignores me and goes to see my rear bumper and sees the Quebec plate, then comes back to my window* “License and registration.”

Me: “Okay. Here is my French license and here is my French registration.”

Officer: *looks at them thoroughly then looks at me* “Here. Move along.”

Me: “Okay, have a good day!” *leaves*

Will Have To Twi-Hard To Like You

| Dallas, TX, USA | Working | January 5, 2015

(Several new trainees have come onto the floor after classroom training for our communications department. I’m getting to know one.)

Coworker: “I don’t like Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, we can’t be friends, then.”

Coworker: “But I love Twilight.”

Me: “We really can’t be friends, then!”

Up-Hold-ing The Law

| CA, USA | Working | November 6, 2014

(I work as an evidence tech at a police department. We have one officer that likes to pop in our office from time to time. He is known for being pretty loud and obscene, but in a goofy way. At this time my coworker is assisting a citizen on the phone, when we hear the officer coming down the hallway.)

Coworker: “Okay let me find your case…” *she hears him coming* “I’m sorry, sir, please hold!

(Her eyes go wide and she scrambles to press the hold button just in time.)

Officer: “WHAT’S UP, CHEESE NUGGETS?! Oh, what the f***? It smells like weed in here! You b****** been smoking?! Maaaaan, I’m getting the munchies!”

Me: *giggling* “Do you know we have to put people on hold when you come in the room?”

Officer: “Oh, yeah. I guess we have to be all honorable and professional and s***.”

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