When Speeding Saves Lives

, , , , , | Legal | April 4, 2019

(I work as an x-ray tech. While at home, I get a call that there’s a teenager with a gunshot wound being rushed to the hospital, and I need to beat the ambulance there so I can help prep him for surgery by x-raying to see where the bullets are lodged. I hang up the phone, grab my stuff, and get in my car. I don’t have a light or siren, so I can’t just blast through intersections, but I am legally allowed to ignore posted speed limits, so long as I don’t cause an accident. There’s one stretch of road where the speed limit drops by ten miles per hour for a single block; it’s clearly a speed trap, as there’s nothing to differentiate the block from the rest of the street. And that day, there happens to be a cop hiding out at the speed trap, who sees me rush by and immediately flips on his lights and siren and pulls out behind me. I see the cop and groan, but I don’t stop, as I don’t have the time for this. Instead, I continue all the way to the hospital, pull right up to the ER doors, and run inside, throwing my keys and wallet to the receptionist.)

Me: “I’ve got a cop on my tail! Tell him I’ll be with him as soon as I’m out of surgery! Or he can just leave the ticket with you!”

Receptionist: “The ambulance just pulled into the bay. GO! I’ll handle the cop.”

Me: “Registration is in the glove box!”

(I run off to do my work, but I am told about the following when I come back to pick up my wallet and keys later.)

Cop: *comes running inside* “Where did she go?! Does she honestly think hiding in a hospital means I won’t arrest her for failing to pull over?”

Receptionist: “Sir? Sir! The woman you’re looking was just called into surgery. But she left me her wallet so I could help you sort this out.”

Cop: “Surgery? She didn’t look injured to me!”

Receptionist: “No, sir. She’s our x-ray tech. We just had a boy brought it with gunshot wounds, and she was called in to prep him for surgery.”

Cop: “A kid?”

Receptionist: “Yes, sir. And it’s a good thing she got here so fast, because his ambulance is already here, and the surgeon can’t start to operate until he knows where the bullets are. He needs an x-ray to guide him.”

Cop: *deflates* “Oh.” *turns and starts to walk out*

Receptionist: “Don’t you need to see her license and registration?”

Cop: “I’m not giving her a ticket for saving a kid’s life! Just tell her to be careful.”

Teenage Dream Turns Into A Nightmare

, , , , , , | Legal | April 3, 2019

(I’m working third shift in the control room at a police department, and it’s currently one in the morning. I have my main screen fixed on my sergeant, who is outside in the dimly-lit parking lot taking a smoke break. The parking lot is completely empty except for the cars belonging to the jail staff. She’s about to come back in when two teenage girls walk across the parking lot and ask her something. The sergeant shakes her head but leads them towards the main lobby door. They take a seat as the sergeant radios me.)

Sergeant: “[My Name], call Communications and have them dispatch [Patrol Sergeant] here. Those juveniles he’s been searching for have shown up.”

(I see the girls look at each other uneasily on the camera as the sergeant takes a seat between them and the door.)

Me: “Roger that.”

(I make the call, and not a minute later I see two patrol cars come flying into the parking lot. One officer jumps out of his car before it’s even parked. I turn on a speaker in the lobby just in time to hear:)

Patrol Sergeant:Where have you two been? And who have you been with?”

(The girls pretend to ignore him before the other deputy gets in their face.)

Deputy: “HE ASKED WHERE THE H*** HAVE YOU TWO BEEN? DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED YOUR PARENTS ARE? WHAT THE H*** WERE YOU THINKING?”

(Two more cars come flying into the parking lot, and an older couple, a young man, and a middle-aged woman come storming into the lobby. The sergeant takes that as her cue and comes back into the jail, shaking her head.)

Sergeant: “Stupid idiots. What the h*** were they thinking?”

Me: “Is everything okay, Sergeant?”

Sergeant: “Those two were the fifteen-year-olds that the deputies have been looking for all night. They decided to skip school but realized they missed their ride back afterward.”

Me: “But the high school dismisses at three pm! What were they doing? Just wandering around for the last ten hours?”

Sergeant: “I don’t know. What’s it looking like out there?”

(I look at the camera just in time to see the mother of [Girl #1] throw a book bag across the lobby while the other woman and the father are shouting and waving around a cell phone. The young man is turning red, and he yells at the girls before walking back outside. Meanwhile, the deputies are standing back shaking their heads.)

Me: “I think there is more to the story, Sergeant. The families look pissed off right now.”

(The next morning we got the full story from the deputies. The girls had skipped school to spend the day fooling around with their secret twenty-some-year-old boyfriends in the next county over. The plan had been for them to get back in time to catch the bus so no would know they were gone. Unfortunately, [Girl #1]’s mother had gone to pick her up early, and when they found out she had never shown up to school, they asked about [Girl #2], who is their neighbor. That’s when they realized that BOTH of them had not shown up for school at all and were reported missing. The young man was [Girl #2] brother, who had driven up from South Carolina to help their mom look for her, during his finals week, no less. The girls did end up missing their buses back, but it was because their boyfriends got them back late. Instead of owning up to it, they tried to find someone who could give them a ride and eventually gave up. After wandering around for hours, they saw the sergeant smoking in the parking lot and decided it was time to ask for help. When the parents arrived, everyone was already stressed out and pissed off. That’s when [Girl #1]’s mother — who is very conservative — saw hickeys on her daughter, and she lost it, throwing her book bag across the lobby. The dad was screaming because [Girl #2]’s mom had unlocked her daughter’s phone and found explicit photos of them with their boyfriends. The brother, realizing he missed an important final because of his sister’s booty call, snapped and walked out before he hit her. Last I heard, the boyfriends had been criminally charged and one of the girls had been sent to a private school.)

Disappearing Common Sense

, , | Legal | March 27, 2019

(A car is dumped outside my home, something normally reportable to the council. However, when it starts disappearing a bonnet or headlight at a time, I suspect it’s stolen and report it to the non-emergency police line, as they recommend. During the phone call, the rep says they’ll send someone out to look at it and that in the meantime, “if anything changes,” can I please update them. This happens a few days later, on another call.)

Me: “…so I am just letting you know that it has gone now.”

Rep: “The police probably found the owner and made them move it. You don’t need to update us for that.”

Me: “Okay, no worries, sorry. I only called because the lady I spoke to asked me to call if anything changes.”

Rep: “Oh, no. If the car disappeared, it’s probably because the owner moved it. We don’t need an update for that. It’s just if anything changes, like if it’s still there.”

Me: “So… if it stays there and nothing happens, then it counts as a change that I should report. But if it disappears, then it’s probably not suspicious. so therefore. I should not report it.”

Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

Ego Boost, Or You Looked Teenage-Girl Wasted

, , , , | Legal | March 26, 2019

(I live near a high tourist area in Florida. It’s an event week and several local colleges and universities are on spring break. The local county school high schools do not have spring break until the following week. I am out shopping when I am stopped by an officer.)

Officer: “Miss, I need to see some ID. You need to get back to class before you get into trouble for truancy.”

Me: “Officer, I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I go to the local college and we are on spring break. Also, I graduated high school in 1998, but thanks for the ego boost.”

(I did show him my ID. He looked back and forth between it and me rather incredulously several times. I’m not sure how old he thought I was, but over 35 was obviously not the answer.)

The Alarm Has Been Terminated

, , , , , | Legal | March 25, 2019

(A call about a burglar alarm going off at three am comes over the radio for my partner and me to respond to. We coordinate our approach and arrival together and check the outside of the house. We notice the back door is cracked open, but both locks have been set and are still in the “locked” position. There is no sign of force, so we radio in that we are making entry. We work each room together, and as we come to one of the back bedrooms, my partner is going in first and hasn’t even broken the threshold when we hear a voice shout out.)

Voice: “GET YOUR HANDS UP!”

(The next thing I know, my partner fires off three rounds, with me dropping to a knee and coming around the side of him)

Partner: “GET DOWN! GET DOWN! Ge– Oh, s***.”

(That’s when I noticed he had just shot a stand-up cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator holding a shotgun and, after my ears stopped ringing completely, I heard a lot of squawking and crashing. Turns out it was the home of a retired police officer from another state and his parrot was taught to say police terms. He and the wife were on vacation and they hadn’t shut the back door completely, which set off the alarm that night. The house was cleared with no one in it, and the PD paid to patch the holes in the wall. From then on, anytime we saw him we’d say, “SQUAWK! DON’T SHOOT!”)

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