, , , , | Healthy | October 7, 2019

(I’m pregnant with my daughter and at the hospital to have labor induced. The nurse is going over final checks and running down how the birthing is going to — ideally — go.)

Nurse: “We may need to give you a blood transfusion if you bleed too much. Let me explain the benefits–”

Me: “Approved. B+.” 

Nurse: “Um… Okay… Sign this form.” 

(We go through some other routine stuff and get to treating the baby after she’s born.)

Nurse: “It’s standard to give a Hep B and Vitamin K shot to the baby. You don’t have to, of course, but the benefits are…” 

Me: “Do it. All the shots.” 

Nurse: “Oh, thank God!”

(She caught herself and apologized for her breach of bedside manner. We have a few religious sects in the area that are anti-transfusion and anti-vax, so I can imagine the pushback she got day-to-day. I laughed and explained that we are a “science” family and the awkwardness melted away. The rest of the checks and forms were done relatively quickly now that the nurse knew she didn’t have to sell me on everything. The birth went mostly smoothly and my daughter is now a healthy fifteen-month-old.)

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Customers Like These Become Part Of The Furniture

, , , , , | Right | October 5, 2019

(My mother and I are at a discount store, shopping around in the furniture section. While the rest of the store is the property of [Discount Retailer], the furniture section is actually rented out by a furniture retailer and staffed with [Furniture Retailer]’s employees. My mom is redecorating her house for the first time in 30 years, and I am furnishing my first house, so we have both picked out several items from the furniture section: large area rugs, two sofas, lamps, and coffee tables. A very nice employee has been working with us the whole time and has loaded up a large cart with everything but the sofas.)

Employee: “Okay! The sofas will have to be brought from the back, but I managed to get everything else on here.”

Mother: “Thank you so much. Do we just go up to the front?”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am, I’m just going to go ahead and pull this up there.”

Customer: *a large, sweaty, barefoot, redneck man in a wife-beater with a huge knife strapped to his belt comes barreling up to us* “Hey, I want a vacuum I saw in y’all’s ad, but the lady over there told me y’all sold out. Go check in the back for me and see if she knew what she was talkin’ about or not.”

Employee: “Actually, sir, I work for [Furniture Retailer] and don’t really know anything about the store’s ad or their merchandise.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but I’m pretty much only permitted to stick to my furniture area. I don’t really get to go in [Discount Store]’s back room much, so I wouldn’t even know what I was doing.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s a nice young man working in automotive that should be able to help you—”

Customer: “Nah, you just stay here and talk to these ladies, runnin’ their mouths like y’all were doing. F*** you!”

(The customer stormed off and the three of us were just left standing there, all flabbergasted by the exchange.)

Mother: *very quietly* “What a wack job. I’m sorry you have to deal with customers like that. Would you like to go after him? I don’t want you getting complained about because you were with us.”

Employee: “No, ma’am, I’m helping two paying customers who have been nothing but nice. And… go after him? Did you see the size of that knife?! If I go after him, odds are he’d be coming after me!”

(We all cracked up and the rest of the transaction went well.)

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Okay, But The Fetus Gets A Cut

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2019

(I do custom sewing out of my home. I’m in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, so I’m slowing down operations so I don’t make commitments I won’t be able to keep.)

Customer: “Hi. I want this outfit made for [Event about six weeks from now].” 

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m having a baby at the end of this month, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make your deadline. But here’s a list of local commercial vendors that can accommodate you and alter it, if needed.” 

Customer: “What if I paid you extra? Can you have it done then?”

(Dude, what part of “I’m about to give birth” do you not understand?)

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Unfiltered Story #168471

, , | Unfiltered | October 1, 2019

(I am a hostess at a restaurant with a fairly large bar area that is full dining)
Guest: Hi! We’d like a table for two.
Me: Hi! Unfortunately all of our tables are occupied, but I have two seats at the bar available if that’s alright with you!
Guest: Are the seats together?
Me: … Yes. Yes, they are. (Thinking sarcastically “you mean you came in as a couple and want to sit together?!”)
Guest: Okay!
(Sad to say, this happens at least once a week!!)

Unfiltered Story #168376

, , | Unfiltered | September 26, 2019

Me: Hello! what can I get you?
Guest: A small Icee. How do you cook your french fries?
Me: In an oil fryer.
Guest: yes, but do you cook them with other things?
Me: No, we cook them on their own upon order.
Guest: But do you cook them with other things?
Me: No. We cook them on their own. We do not mix orders.
Guest: …Do you cook them in the same oil as other things?
Me: Oh- yes.
Guest: I’ll have the angus cheeseburger.
Me: Would you like fries or onion rings?
Guest: Neither.
Me: You can’t order the cheeseburger independently of a side. The system is very strict about that.
Guest: Well I don’t want them.
Me: So no cheeseburger?
Me: Okay, so should I put it in as fries?
Guest: I don’t want fries!
Me: I just need to put something in.
Guest: Put in my Icee.
Me: That’s not an option.
Guest: It shows the burger with a drink. Why not?
Me: Because it’s a small Icee, not fries or onion rings.
Me: I know that. I’m just trying to help you get what you want.
Guest: It seems like everyone wants to give me a hard time.
Me: *silently pleading my manager to come help* That’s the last thing I want. I just need to go by what the register lets me do.
Guest: You eat my fries. Put in my burger as a combo. No bun.
Me: *putting in the burger and drink independently because the combos are irrelevant* Okay! Do you want american cheese, pepperjack cheese, or no cheese?
Guest: …. I don’t know… !