The Value Of Victory

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(I’m a manager at a clothing company that offers a lifetime guarantee on its products. The policy is pretty loose, and to accompany the policy we have the ability to make adjustments for “difficult” customers. It’s two minutes before close when a customer walks in.)

Customer: “Am I too late?”

Me: “No, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I don’t want to return this; I just saw that it’s 50% off now, so I want to get the price adjusted.”

(She hands me a receipt, which I notice is over a year old.)

Me: “Ma’am, our policy for price adjustments is two weeks; this was purchased over a year ago.”

Customer: *snaps* “Yeah, but this is [Company], so I’ll just return it and buy it back.”

(Not in the mood for arguing, I begin to process the adjustment.)

Customer: *in a smart tone* “Are you having a good night?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. So, it looks like it’s the same price today as it was a year ago.”

Customer: “Um, no, I paid [current price plus tax].”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, well, it’s half off of the original.” *pulling out a calculator to show her the math* “So, half of [price] is—”

Customer: “YEAH, I KNOW! I CAN DO MATH IN MY HEAD!”

Me: “Okay, yes, so the extra was for taxes. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about taxes.”

Customer: “YES, I KNOW THAT!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, sorry about that, but just for future reference we do price adjustments for up to two weeks.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I will just return whatever and repurchase it. This has been sitting in my dining room just like this for a year!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, have a great night!”

(Ah, the sweet taste of victory.)

This Will Come As A Surprise To Heineken…

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

Me: *ultra enthusiastic* “Hi, guys–”

Male Diner: *interrupts”* “I want a Corona!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t carry Corona, sir.” *shows him beer list* “I can offer you a Dos Equis, if you’d like?”

Male Diner: “No! I don’t want that; I want Corona! Fine, just give me a Bud Light Lime!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t carry Bud Light Lime. This is the list of beer that I do have. I have Bud or Bud Light, if you’d be interested in one of those?”

Male Diner: “No, I just want a good American beer, like Corona, or Heineken! Or just a Bud Light Platinum, or lime!”

Me: *long pause* “Sir, I’m going to grab you a water and give you a few minutes to look over the menu and decide what beer you’d like.”

Male Diner: “I don’t want water. I want a Corona!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Ma’am, what can I get you to drink?”

Female Diner: “Is there alcohol in a Mojito?”

Me: *sigh*

Blinky Box Bother

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I work in the service department of a large electronics store. We work on consumer electronics. While we traditionally do not do phone support, we do take phone calls, and we usually try to find out if the issue is with their computer — which we can work on if they bring it to us — or something else like their network, in which case they would need to contact their ISP. I have quickly realized the issue is with the caller’s modem and/or router, not with the computer.)

Me: “Sir, from what you are describing, this issue isn’t the computer. I would recommend calling your ISP.”

Caller: “My what?”

Me: “Your Internet provider, the people you pay for Internet access.”

Caller: “How dare you?! I have a bachelor’s degree from [Local University]; I graduated with honors! You have the gall to want to dumb down your speech to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, most people aren’t technically-minded, so we have to use a lot of analogies and break things down.”

Caller: “Well, that is not an excuse. Now, I need my… my…” *almost whiny sounding* “…my blinky box isn’t blinky anymore and I need it working!”

Me: “Um… We don’t work on blinky boxes, only computers. Please call your Internet access provider. Thank you and goodbye.”

(I hung up the phone and immediately burst out laughing.)

Unfiltered Story #131582

, , , | Unfiltered | December 5, 2018

So at my families restaurant,An angry customer comes in and
pays, My dad is dealing with this customer and this is what happens.

Irate Customer: Your food was so disgustin’! You better give me a discount or else I’ll call the Health department on you!

My dad: Well okay then,Heres the phone! *hands him the phone* Ill talk to them to if you want me to!

At this point this point the customer just becomes more mad,and throws the money at him and walked out. For some reason my dad walks out after him. Then the customer enters his car.

Irate Customer:What you got something to say to me? GO BACK TO MEXICO!

Irate Customer: *Realizes my dad is chinese*

Irate customer:Errm,Umm, GO BACK TO CHINA!

My Dad: *Trying to hold back the laughter* Okay sir you better step out of the car now.

Irate customer:Okay,When I will come out of the car,I will punch you.

At this point the wife of this huge doucheball of a man steps in

Customers Wife: HONEY JUST SHUT THE H*LL UP

Irate Customer *Starts to drive away*

Remember people,Dont tick of the people who make your food.

A Needling Suspicion Of What Happened

, , , | Healthy | December 4, 2018

(Thanks to starting a new job, I am finally able to afford to go to a dentist for the first time in five years. After the x-rays, it is determined that I have a cavity in between two molars, so I’ll need to be numbed. My last dentist, who was a pediatric dentist, had a habit of practically stabbing the needle into my gums, so when the hygienist towards me with the syringe, I instinctively grip the chair’s armrests.)

Dentist: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Just fine; I just don’t have good experiences with dentists and needles. But I can deal with it.”

(The dentist and hygienist exchange a concerned look and administer the shot. Instead of a jab, I barely feel a pinch. While we wait for it to take effect, we just make small chat.)

Dentist: “[My Name], you said your last dentist was a pediatric dentist, correct?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I was 15 or 16 when I last saw them. I had to get sealants on my back molars.”

Dentist: “Did they numb you?”

Me: “Yeah, only on one side, though. When they numbed me on the left, I swore the needle nearly hit bone, so I begged them not to numb the other side.”

Dentist: “And they listened?”

Me: “Yup, it hurt less than the needle.”

Dentist: *pause* “Was your dentist, by chance, the one whose practice is at [Location Downtown]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Dentist: “Dear God, no wonder we got so many of his patients when we opened.”

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