When It’s Them Having The Blonde Moment

, , , , , , | Working | June 18, 2017

(I naturally have very blond hair. It’s been this way since I was a little girl, and I’ve never dyed or bleached it or anything of the sort. I am at a locally well-known grocery store picking up a few things for dinner, and the woman behind the counter strikes up a conversation with me.)

Clerk: “I really do love working here. It’s a lot of fun.”

Me: “I bet it is. I remember applying here a few years ago, but I never really heard back from the manager after the interview.”

Clerk: “Well, that makes sense.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Clerk: “Well, the store doesn’t generally hire anyone with unnatural hair colors.”

Me: *stares*

Clerk: *hands me my bags* “You have a wonderful day, then!”

Me: *walks away, both confused and offended*

Shopping For A Clue

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(While at work on my register, an old man comes through my line.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store] card?”

Man: “A [Store] card? I don’t have anything. My wife died.”

Unfiltered Story #89824

, , | Unfiltered | June 14, 2017

(I am working alone on the evening/night shift in the deli. As I am cleaning up, a customer walks up.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

Customer: *kinda grumpy* “Yeah I want some of your $5.99 Swiss cheese. And give me a sample.”

Me: *thinking she could have asked nicely, and trying to figure out what sign she is reading* “I am sorry, ma’am, the Swiss cheese is $6.99 a pound.”

(I still get it out to give her a sample.)

Customer: “No, it is not. It is $5.99; I am staring right at it. Do not tell me I am wrong.”

(The customer she sees me put the cheese next to the slicer:)

Customer: “What kind of cheese is that?”

Me: “Swiss cheese.”

Customer: *huffs* “I know that. What KIND? You guys have so many different kinds over there.”

(We have only two; our regular squared shipped store brand, and the circular baby swiss from another brand, which had been a new kind.)

Me: “It is our fresh deli [store] brand cheese.”

Customer: *glares at me* “So you do not know what kind it is?”

Me: “I do…” *starts to repeat myself*

Customer: “Just give me a slice.”

Me: *hands her the first slice*

Customer: *angry* “No, you are not suppose to give me the first slice, and you know that! Cut me another.”

(I cut another while thinking on how we are suppose to give the first slice. I hand it to her and walk around to the front of the case to see what she is looking at.)

Customer: “See, it says right there, $5.99. I know what I am talking about. You can see that the sticker says…” *pauses* “…oh, that is hot pepper cheese. Just give me some of that.”

Me: *gives her SECOND slice of the hot pepper cheese and cuts the rest, smiles and asks nicely* “Can I get you anything else, ma’am?”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: *thinks for a second wondering why she asks, and wondering about my name tag that is on my shirt**tells her*

Customer: “Fine!” *walks away.*

Their Brain Is 0.11 Karats

, , , | Right | June 12, 2017

(I work at a precious metals refinery. Like it sounds, we buy precious metals. I get a phone call from a customer who asks me what we will pay for a triple band ring. That being rather vague, I have to ask some follow-up questions:)

Me: “What karat of ring is it?”

Caller: “It’s, uh… I don’t know what karat it is.”

Me: “Okay, we can’t give you a quote without that information, but just as an estimate, if it was 14 karat it would be—”

Caller: “No, it’s not 14 karat. How much for a triple band ring?”

Me: “Again, I can’t give you a quote without knowing what type of metal it is, but if you brought it in, we’d be able to give you an accurate estimate.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks anyway.”

(Ten minutes later he calls back.)

Caller: “How much for a .11 karat ring?”

Me: “I’m afraid there’s no such thing as .11 karat.”

Caller: “But I need to know how much it would be.”

Me: “And I’m still going to need to know what gold karat it is.”

Caller: “It’s not gold.”

Me: “So it’s… silver?”

Caller: “Yeeaaahhh.”

Me: “Okay, well, an average silver band would weigh about 5 grams, which would give you about $4.00.”

Caller: “That doesn’t sound right. It’s not that small! It’s point 11 karats!”

Me: “Wait, you mean weight? As in, .11 carats?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, well, give me a minute.”

(I assume that he has a small jeweler’s scale and has weighed it in diamond weights — carats — because he couldn’t figure out how to change the scale to grams or pennyweights. Not being all that familiar with carats since we don’t do gemstones, I Google the conversion factor. I am sure that something has gone wrong, however, when I see the results of my search.)

Me: “Uh, sir, .11 carats turns out to be less than a thousandth of a gram.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “You can’t have a ring that weighs less than a thousandth of a gram. It’s physically impossible.”

Caller: “That’s what he said.”

Me: “That would mean your ring weighed less than 1/2,000th of a penny.”

Caller: “I called the jeweler I bought it from and that’s what he said.”

Me: “Oh, the stone in your ring weighs .11 carats! Unfortunately, we don’t buy stones of any type. We’d only be able to buy the metal, and I’d need a weight on that to give you an accurate quote.”

Caller: “It’s point 11 carats!”

Me: “Again, that is for your stone. We cannot buy the stone from you. The metal itself has an entirely different weight. Did the jeweler tell you a weight for the metal?”

Caller: *getting really angry* “No. Look, don’t you have any point 11 carat rings around the shop that you could weigh up for me to see how much it would be?”

(I had absolutely no words for this. Apparently this man believes that every ring in the world with a certain stone size has the same weight. At this point, I decided to stop arguing with him.)

Me: “No. We don’t. You’ll just have to come in to get a quote on it.”

Caller: “Fine. Goodbye.”

(20 minutes later, I’m working on another order, so my boss answers the phone. A few minutes later I hear my boss say “Sir, .11 is not a karat.”)

Trying To Get A Foothold On The Performance

, , , , | Learning | June 9, 2017

(I am in an adult improv class. Our first public performance is tomorrow night. The teacher is going over what students need to know about the show.)

Student #1: “Do we have to wear shoes tomorrow night for the performance?”

Teacher: “Yes, you have to wear shoes.”

Student #2: “Do flip-flops count?”

Teacher: “Seriously? Why can’t you just wear normal shoes?”

Student #2: “I don’t wear shoes.”

Teacher: “What if you were going to a wedding?”

Student #2: “I don’t go to weddings.”

Student #3: “What if I henna’d my feet?”

Teacher: “Okay, if you go to the trouble to get your feet henna’d by tomorrow, you can go barefoot.”

Student #2: “I just don’t feel grounded if I’m wearing shoes.”

Teacher: “Remember when I said last week that you can wear anything you want, but to make some effort to look nice?!”

Student #3: “Bare feet look nice.”

(Did I mention that this was a class for ADULTS?)

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