Hats Off To Humor

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2020

One day after work, I decide to run a well-known store for groceries and while I’m there, I decide to buy some beer. I’m twenty-six and I usually look at least my age or older because I’m losing my hair from the front rather than the back. Today, I’m wearing my T-shirt from work and a hat.

Cashier: “I need to see your ID. You don’t look twenty-one.”

Me: *Takes off my hat* “Now I do!”

The cashier, the lady behind me in line, and I all burst out laughing.

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Bless Your Heart And Your Hideous Shoes

, , , , | Working | September 21, 2020

When I am a teenager, my grandmother takes me out shoe shopping at a department store. We have been browsing around, seeing if anything catches our eye at a few stores in the mall.

One of the sales ladies greets us as soon as we walked in. That’s not at all unusual. What is unusual is her persistence. 

Sales Lady: “Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Grandmother: “No, thank you. We’re just looking.”

Not a full minute later…

Sales Lady: “Is there something in particular I can help you find today?”

Grandmother: *Much more firmly* “No, thank you. We’re fine.”

Only a few minutes later, when Grandma picks up a shoe to show it to me…

Sales Lady: “Is there a size I can get that in for you to try on?”

Grandmother: *Very curt now* “Honey, I will let you know if we need any help.”

I know my grandma very well, and by her tone, I know that this lady has pushed her much, much further than is wise. For reference, my grandma is one of those little old southern ladies who you never want to get on the wrong side of at the church potluck, you know? I know a “bless your heart” is coming and when it does, d***.

We eventually find a shoe I like.

Grandma: “Want to try this one on?”

Sales Lady: *Appearing instantly* “What size can I get for you?”

Grandma: “Actually, is there someone else here who can help us?”

Sales Lady: *Shocked* “Well, yes, but can I ask why I can’t help you today?”

Grandma: *With a loving smile and a honey-sweet voice* “I’m so sorry, sugar, but I just can’t buy shoes from someone wearing the ugliest pair I’ve ever seen.”

Needless to say, the lady’s coworker helped us with the purchase, and I went home with a new pair of boots and another reason to add to the list of why you don’t push Grandma too far.

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Unfiltered Story #208828

, , | Unfiltered | September 21, 2020

(This particular exchange happens on a fairly busy day, where both myself- a shift manager- and the assistant store manager are stuck on register trying to get everyone in line helped. The line is roughly ten people long and we only have two registers open.)

Customer: (Steps up to my register, cutting in line.) I got a problem.
Me: Ma’am, were you next in line?
Customer: No. (She shoves her phone at my face.) Where the hell are your phone chargers? You sell phones here.
Me: I can tell you what kind of charger you need, but then you will have to get back in line to pay. There are several other people who have been waiting patiently for their turn. (She rolls her eyes while I look at the charge port on the phone. Upon closer inspection, it isn’t one I’ve ever seen before.) Ma’am, we don’t sell a charger like this. All of our chargers work for either an iPhone or for PS4 controllers.
Customer: You mean you sell phones but no chargers? That’s stupid!
Me: Ma’am, the phones we sell use a micro usb, just like our controllers. I have never seen a charge port like yours before. You may have to go to a specialty cell phone store to find it.
Customer: Whatever. Thanks for nothing.
(She wanders off and I call up the next customer. After I help everyone in line I realize there are only two people left: the person my coworker is helping, and the lady with the odd phone. I walk over to remind her that we don’t have what she needs to find that she had ripped a micro usb cable off of the locked wall pegs and is tearing it open in the line.)
Me: (Sternly) Ma’am, you haven’t paid for that yet. It will NOT work on your phone.
Customer: (Rudely) I’m only talking with him. (Points at my coworker.)
(I stood there with my arms crossed and listened to my coworker tell her the exact same thing I just did. She slammed the now ruined box on the counter and stormed out.)

Unfiltered Story #207170

, , | Unfiltered | September 6, 2020

Customer orders a grande almond milk flat white.

I’m on bar and it’s morning rush. I make her drink and fill it 1/4″ to the top per company policy.

She’s watching and tells me that I didn’t fill it up all the way.

I try to add more almond milk to fix it to her standards and it goes everywhere. I make her a second drink and hand it to her.

She rolls her eyes and storms off.

“Have a great day!”

Unfiltered Story #207160

, , | Unfiltered | September 5, 2020

(I currently work for a call center doing tech support for smartphones, tablets and other devices produced by a fruit named company. It is a pretty good job but occasionally we get some weirdos. I thought after the call with the gentlemen wanting to back up the 50+ GB of gay porn was the weirdest. Until the other day.)

Me: Hi, thank you for contacting (Tech Support) my name is (Me). Can I get your name, number and email

Customer: (provides information)

Me: What can I do to assist you today?

Customer: I am calling for my mom, she has a (outdated model smartphone). It won’t turn on and when we charge it it just shows a red battery on the screen. What’s wrong with it?

Me: I can definitely understand how this would be a major issue for you and I will do everything I can to assist you. Do you have the phone with you?

Customer: No, what’s wrong with it?

Me: Well it could be a number of different things, I would say most likely it is an issue with the battery which would be (price) but if it needs to be replaced altogether it would be (price).

Customer: Ok, but what is wrong with?

Me: Well we won’t know without having the actual phone to try troubleshooting.

Customer: Oh… do you guys have any (outdated model smartphone) that you don’t want?

Me: No we just have our replacement models which are (price) if you phone needs to be replaced.

Customer: Can’t you just give me one?

Me: Unfortunately I can’t sir

Customer: Why not?

Me: It doesn’t make a good business model to just give things away for free.

Customer: Oh…. have you ever had (outdated model smartphone)?

Me: Yes, a few years ago, but I dropped it in water. Now I have (most current model).

Customer: Oh… will you sell me your (outdated model smartphone)?

Me: I’m sorry sir, even if I still had the phone I could be that.

Customer: (mumbles incoherently)

Me: What was that sir?

Customer: Will you put you hand on my d**k?

Me: Sir, I am going to have to end this call.

Customer: Wait! What time does the store close?

Me: *click*

(That was my single most bizarre call so far. Sadly I don’t think it will be my last. But I knew this needed to go on Not Always Right!)