Trying To Seize Some Sympathy

, , , , , | Healthy | March 11, 2018

(I am in high school, and I come home to one of my two dogs having had a severe stroke. I hold her the entire way to the vet and stay at the office while they put her down. My remaining dog is my favorite dog of all time. One day, around five am, I go downstairs to find him having a seizure. I can’t drive, my parents are at work an hour away, and no vet offices are open around me. I am panicking so badly that I decide to call 911.)

Operator: “You have reached a 911 operator. What is your emergency?”

Me: *through panic and tears* “My dog is having a seizure and I don’t know what to do!”

Operator: “You will have to dial a vet. This is for emergencies.”

Me: “There are no vets open around me! Please tell me what I should do. Is there anywhere I can call? Anyone who can help me?”

Operator: “Look. You need to calm down and just call a vet. This is an emergency service.”

(I ended up hanging up and repeatedly calling my parents until one of them answered. Eventually an adult arrived and comforted my dog for the three hours until a vet opened. My dog died that day. People still joke about me calling 911 over a dog having a seizure.)

All I’m Getting Is Snake-Eyes

, , , , | Healthy | March 9, 2018

(I come home to find that one of my pet snake’s eyes appears to be injured in some way. Since this is my first pet reptile, and I am not sure if this is something that needs immediate attention, I call the veterinary hospital of a very prestigious vet school nearby. Since it’s relatively late in the day, all the vets have left, but there are receptionists on call 24 hours a day.)

Receptionist: “Hi, you’ve called [Vet Hospital]. How can I help you?”

Me: *explains problem with my snake’s eye*

Receptionist: “I see. Is he blinking normally?”

Me: “Um… It’s a snake. It doesn’t have eyelids.”

The Lizard Part Of Her Brain Is Active

, , , , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

I am a maintenance electrician at a zoo. I’m working in the reptile house installing a new outlet in a tight space between two cages. One of the keepers comes in and squeezes past me, so now there are two of us in this little space. Right as I bend over to pick something up, she starts singing, “We just need to check out your butt; gonna look at your butt.”

Now, I’ve worked with this keeper before, and this is totally out of character for her. I stand up and turn around. She’s singing to the lizard she is doing an examination on.

Putting A Negative Image On Breeders

, , , | Healthy | March 6, 2018

(I work as a veterinary technician. We are preparing to perform a blood draw on a dog to test for a specific disease that affects the production of hormones from the adrenal glands. The dog in question is not neutered and is likely used as a show dog.)

Owner: “So, this disease you’re testing for, is it hereditary?”

Me: “Yes, the factors that cause this disease can be passed on in a dog’s genes.”

Owner: “So, like… If he tests positive, would you recommend not breeding him?”

Me: “If he does test positive, then we don’t recommend that you breed him, as there is a chance he could pass the gene onto his offspring.”

Owner: “But it’s only a recommendation, right? I could still breed him, regardless of the results?”

Me: “Sir, as a medical professional, it’s a very, very strong recommendation that you should not breed a dog if it is certain that he has a specific hereditary disease. There is a very high chance he would produce more dogs predisposed to developing the disease. It would also ruin your reputation as a breeder if you did this knowingly. So, let’s just hope he comes back negative.”

(The owner seemed satisfied with the answer, but it troubles me that he was still considering breeding the dog if the test came back positive.)

A New Definition Of Puppy Love, Part 2

, , , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(We’ve had several large meetings scheduled in the building’s biggest conference room for today. Unfortunately, the projector and the screens in said conference room have also both chosen today to break down, so we’ve been frantically trying to find other venues for everyone. After five hours of scouring calendars, booking new rooms, and redirecting people to the alternate locations, I’m feeling pretty burned out. At this point, one of the regular employees comes in pushing an animal carrier.)

Worker: “Afternoon, [My Name]… Wow. You’re not looking well.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s been… a trying day. I’ve had to relocate most of the staff here, forcing them to waste time and, in some cases, gas, to get to other locations, while the technicians are busy making that lovely racket you’re hearing, trying to figure out why nothing wants to work in our conference rooms.”

Worker: “D***… Sounds like you could use a pick-me-up. Hmm…” *he looks down at the animal carrier* “Technically, pets aren’t allowed in the building, right?”

Me: “Uh… Well, technically, yes… but the owners really don’t care if anyone does bring one in. Why?”

(The worker opens the case and takes out a sleepy newborn puppy.)

Worker: “I was going to bring this fella up to say hello to the office while I grabbed some files, but I think he’d do more good for you right now.”

(He reaches over the reception desk and plops the puppy in my lap. It looks up at me, licks my hand, then curls up and goes back to sleep.)

Worker: “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(He goes up to his floor, leaving me with a warm, adorable ball of fluff to pet until he returns a while later.)

Worker: “Feeling better now?”

(I’m so absorbed in cooing over the puppy I almost jump at his voice.)

Me: “Uh… Surprisingly, yes. So much so, I’m almost annoyed I have to hand him over now.”

Worker: *laughs* “Obviously, it worked, then. I’ll make sure to bring him back soon, so you can remain acquainted.”

(I reluctantly handed the puppy back over; however, I also spent the rest of the day feeling so much happier than before. I make sure to let that worker know how much I appreciate little gestures like that every time I see him, and I also keep a small bag of doggie treats on hand for when he brings his pet in with him.)

A New Definition Of Puppy Love

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