The Crap That Comes Out Of Your Mouth

, , , , , | Healthy | January 24, 2018

(We have just finished working with a cat who was so scared of being at the vet that she soiled herself, and then got it everywhere. I have finished cleaning the treatment area but have yet to wash my hands. As with all health fields, it’s common knowledge that anything on your hands will eventually end up in your mouth if you don’t wash them.)

Vet: “Would you like to look at her ear slide?”

Me: “Sure. Let me just wash my hands first.”

Vet: *jokingly* “You mean you don’t want to end up eating poop?”

(I start giggling.)

Me: “It’s not that I don’t want to ingest poop; I just don’t want to smell it on my hands!”

The Pinky Makes You Red

, , , , , , | Working | January 23, 2018

I am 15, so my dad always comes with me when I go to the pet store to buy food for my pets. I need to get a few dozen crickets for my two lizards, and two pinky mice for my adolescent corn snake hybrid.

Unfortunately, it can be a little confusing for some of the employees because they use the same boxes for the rodents sold as food as they do for rodents sold as pets.

A cheery clerk, who looks about 16, serves me, notices the box, and asks, “And what are you going to name this little cutie?”

My dad says, “Breakfast and lunch.”

The poor girl looks like she’s just seen someone kick a puppy when she realizes what they are!

Don’t Unleash The Angry Green… Lizard?

, , , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(We often have professional athletes come into our store, mostly just to look, but occasionally they buy from us. A professional football player adopts a lizard from us. He is very polite and pleasant all the times we do business with him. He lives in California, but is in Massachusetts during the season. When he returns to California, he has trouble bringing the lizard with him, so we board her for him, even reducing the typical price since it is likely going to be for a while. He pays us up-front for the entire first month. However, when we call after the second month, hoping he can pay us what he owes us, things aren’t as pleasant.)

Coworker: “We were hoping you could pay us at least some of what you owe us.”

Customer: “There’s a problem there. I can’t keep the lizard. My dog will kill it.”

Coworker: “Are you sure you don’t want to at least try? You really loved this lizard. We feel bad.”

Customer: “It’s just not going to work.”

Coworker: “Well, we’re sorry to hear that. We can place her in a new home. We just need you to pay what you owe us up until now.”

Customer: “That’s a problem.”

Coworker: “Why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay it.”

Coworker: *pause* “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t want to.”

Coworker: “But we’ve spent all this time caring for her and feeding her. And the lights we use for the set-up cost us money in electric bills.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I should pay. I don’t want the lizard anymore.”

Coworker: “We can reduce the price, if you could just pay us at least [price].”

Customer: “I’m not happy with this. You’ve only seen my nice side up until now. You don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”

(He really couldn’t seem to understand why he should have to pay us for the services we provided. He argued with the owner, who threatened legal action. Eventually, he paid what we asked, still giving us major attitude and arrogance. We haven’t heard from him since.)

The Only Floor That Should Be Discussed Is The Sales Floor

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(I work in the animal department of a big pet store chain. My job is to take care of all the animals in the store, answer customers’ questions, and sell the animals. I tend to lurk around the rodent department because it’s what I know best, and I help customers when I see them browsing. This day there is a young couple eyeing the hamsters, and I speak with the woman.)

Me: “They’re cute, right? Were you looking at getting a hamster today?”

Customer: “Yeah, they are cute. We’ve never had a pet before, and we both work full time, so we thought it was time for one.”

Me: *already getting the gut feeling* “Okay, well, let me walk you through a bit about hamsters.”

(I explain their nesting habits, their personalities, everything. I show the cages, the food, and everything they could need, give a rough price estimate, explain how often they need to clean the cage, tell them to find an exotic/small animal vet, etc.)

Customer: “Hmm. Well, don’t the cages stink?”

Me: “Not if you take care to clean them often enough.”

Customer: “Can’t we just let it run around on the floor?”

(Needless to say, I pointed at the aisle with the animal books and told them they should probably do a bit more research before they bring an animal home. I’ve since quit working there.)

Very A-Mew-sing

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(One day I get a call from a telemarketer. I’m alone in the house, aside from the family pets.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I am calling from [Company] about [something we don’t need]. I need to speak with Timothy.”

Me: “Um, well, there is a Timothy here, but I’m pretty sure he’s not the one you want to talk to.”

Telemarketer: “If Timothy is there, put him on the line! This is extremely important!”

Me: “All right. If you say so.” *holding the phone towards Timothy* “Timothy, you have a phone call.”

Timothy: “Meow!”

(My dad and my cat are both named Timothy.)

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