Going Mute On The Commute

, , , , , | Working | October 22, 2019

(I am about to be made redundant and so have been searching desperately for a new job. I have posted my CV on several job sites and set up various alerts for jobs in the West Midlands. I’ve had various agencies call me offering me various jobs that either aren’t in the field I currently work in, pay way too little for me to accept, or in one memorable instance, require a little too much travel.)

Agent: “Hi there. I am calling on behalf of [Agency]. I think you would be a perfect match for a six-month contract we have.”

Me: “Great! What’s the job?”

Agent: *describes a pretty good job offer with good pay* “…and it’s based in Watford.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you say Watford?”

Agent: “Yes, is that a problem?”

Me: “Just a bit. You know I live in Birmingham?”

Agent: “Yes… Is it a bit too far for you?”

Me: “It’s over 80 miles away!”

Agent: “Oh! Well, you could always stay in a hotel during the week!”

(I have done this before in a previous job for 18- months and hated it, so I am not willing to even entertain it.)

Me: “What? No way. I doubt the company would pay that expense.”

Agent: “Would you be willing to relocate maybe?”

Me: “No! Why would I leave a city I have grown up in, and move away from immediate family for a contract job? And nothing you have said hints at a relocation payment.”

Agent: “Uh, well, no, you’d have to pay for it yourself. Maybe you could stay with family close by?”

Me: “Okay, no. That is ridiculous. I am not taking a job that means I would never be home.”

Agent: “Well, it would only be for six months. Are you sure it’s a deal-breaker?”

Me: “Yes, I am, and even if distance wasn’t a problem, I have a pet…”

Agent: “Oh! Oh, yeah, I totally get that. Pets are a big responsibility! Thank you for your time anyway!”

(So, the fact that I didn’t want to have an eighty-mile commute, relocate, live out of a hotel, or couch surf for six months was not a valid excuse, but the second I mentioned having a pet it was understandable? Not to mention that this guy hadn’t even thought to check a map before calling me! I am still baffled to this day.)

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PDF = Pretty Darn Flimsy

, , , , | Working | February 18, 2019

(As I’m unemployed, I was assigned to a year-long jobseekers’ assistance program, which is farmed out to a UK-based company. I knew it was going to be awful from the stories I heard from friends who had also been on it, but this is one instance that I will share of how bad their employee training standards are. I have to sign up to a job search website and upload a copy of my CV. The site will only accept it in PDF format for some weird reason. I’m not a tech genius but I’ve learned a lot of basic troubleshooting from my husband and friends in various IT roles, and I manage to figure out how to convert my .doc file on the unfamiliar-to-me word processing program.)

Advisor: “So, how’s it going?”

Me: “Grand, now that I got the PDF converted and uploaded.”

Advisor: *shocked* “How did you do it? We haven’t been able to work it out and it’s made everything so slow! “

Me: “It’s… this button here.” *points to the toolbar on [Word Program] then politely shrugs* “Once I found that it was easy. It’s amazing what you can learn just on Google.”

(She calls over another advisor and tells him about my amazing discovery.)

Advisor: “Oh, my God, we’ve been printing files out and scanning them back in as a PDF! [My Name] should be working here with us! “

Me: *laughing politely along but cringing inside* “Well, if you need tech support, I am looking for a job!”

(I know I have a slightly higher-than-average competence and some office experience, but this was about the second time I’d used this software. They worked with it every day and the solution to their issue was literally staring them in the face. Needless to say, they did not help me find a job. I’m dreading the thought of being called back to that office.)

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When This Jobsworth Isn’t Doing His

, , , , | Working | February 13, 2019

(I’ve been in my field for over ten years, so I have a wide skill set and knowledge base. Every few months, a staffing/contract agency tries to recruit me. Usually, a polite “no, thanks” turns them away, but once a while, I get this guy:)

Agent: “Hello! I have this great opportunity that you’d be perfect for. When would you like to schedule an interview?”

(I read the job description. It’s pretty obvious he just did a keyword search and didn’t read my actual resume.)

Me: “Um, this job is located in Ohio.”

Agent: “Will that be a problem?”

Me: “I live in North Carolina.”

Agent: “Oh, the company does require you to be on-site, so you’ll have to relocate.”

Me: “No, thanks. I have a permanent position I’m happy with.”

Agent: “But this is a fantastic opportunity! Will relocating really be that difficult?”

Me: “Only if I’m seven months pregnant.”

Agent: “Have a nice day.”

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When Job Hunting, Don’t Answer Every Calling

, , , , , , | Working | February 6, 2019

(I am currently between jobs and searching for a new one. I’ve posted my resume up on several job sites, so I’ve been getting the occasional call by recruiters looking to match me with positions. Today, I leave my phone on the charger while going to the bathroom, and when I get back, I find that I’ve gotten four missed calls in the five minutes I’ve been gone. As I am checking the number, another call pops up, and I answer.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

(There is a loud huff before the lady on the other end of the line answers.)

Recruiter: “Well, I’m glad that I fiiiinally got through to you. I’ve been trying to call alllll day, but you haven’t been answering.”

Me: *wanting to call her out on that lie, but refraining* “I’m sorry. Who is this?”

Recruiter: “I’m [Recruiter] with [Company], and I was toooold that you were looking for work, but I’m not sure anymore.”

Me: *gritting my teeth a little at her condescending, sing-song tone* “I am still looking for work, yes.”

(There is another loud huff.)

Recruiter: “Well, then you should probably answer the phone when we call, shouldn’t you? We can’t help you if you ignore our calls.”

Me: *silent*

Recruiter: *after a few moments* “Are you still there?”

Me: “Yes, I’m just waiting for you to give me the details of whatever job you’d like me for.”

Recruiter: *now sounding offended* “Well, no need to be snippy at me. I’m not the one who doesn’t answer phone calls.”

(I still don’t say anything, though I do pull my phone away from my ear for a moment to consider the End Call button. After a moment, she does continue and describe the job, which I recognize as one I’ve already been contacted about the day before.)

Me: “Thank you for your consideration, but I’ve already been submitted to that job by a different company.”

Recruiter: *huffily*Well, I hope you’re happy at wasting my time trying to contact you.”

Me: “Yes, very happy.”

(I then hung up before she could say anything else. Probably won’t be hearing back from that company, but frankly, I don’t think it will be much of a loss.)

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Doesn’t Resume After Factory

, , , | Working | September 19, 2018

(I recently moved to a new state, and I figure I’ll check out the local labor office to see what information they have on employment.)

Representative: “What was your last job?”

Me: “Four years at [Factory]; two as a temp, and two as a full-hire.”

Representative: “This is quite a long resumé.”

Me: “I also had over ten years in the military.”

Representative: “Well, I’ve made you an account on our system and put your information in there. Here’s a list of companies that are hiring, as well.”

Me: “Thanks!”

(Later that day, I logged in to the account, changed the password, and reviewed the “resumé” she’d made for me. Despite having my resumé to look at, [Factory] was misspelled, and the “summary” of my work experience said that I only had four years experience total, when my true work experience is closer to twenty years. I wasn’t expecting her to fill out everything for me, but it just felt odd, like she’d stopped listening after knowing about my factory work.)

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