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Pity Anyone This Woman “Helps”

, , , | Working | March 30, 2022

When I become unemployed, the unemployment agency (UWV) tells me I must do an online assessment/test to see which kind of jobs they can recommend to me. It’s a horrible test to me, mostly about seeing patterns in math sequences during a time limit. It honestly brings me to tears.

A week later, on my birthday, I get a call from someone who processed my results. 

Woman: “I am calling because of [test]. Is this a good time?”

Me: “Yeah, but it’s my birthday today and I expect guests to arrive any moment. I don’t know how long this will take.”

Woman: “With that attitude, you’ll never find a job! Anyway, I got your test results and they were wrong.”

Me: “Wrong? Do you mean my answers didn’t come through?”

Woman: “No, they did come through, but I think they were mixed up with someone else’s. It says here you worked at [Huge Dutch Webshop] before.”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Woman: “These are the test results of someone with an academic mindset. Unless you asked someone to help you?”

Me: “No. No, I did not.”

Woman: “So, you are saying you did this test on your own? Then why did you do such a low customer service job?”

Me: “Eh, it was my college side job and I really liked working there.”

Woman: “And what did you do for college?”

Me: “I graduated as an elementary teacher.”

Woman: “Then why didn’t you apply to a school?”

Me: “Because I found out that world was not for me after all.”

Woman: “And high school?”

Me: “I did [academic level of high school]”

Woman: “Then why didn’t you go to university?”

Me: “Because back then, I wanted to become a teacher.”

Woman: “And now you expect me to find you a job in the academic field, with no experience whatsoever?”

Me: “Eh, I was told to take this test because it was obligatory. I didn’t know I would get appointed jobs.”

Woman: “Ugh, well, let’s get this started. So, let me check the information in your file.”

Yes, she’s only checking it now.

Woman: “So, when is your birthday?”

Me: “Eh, today.”

Woman: “Oh, ha, ha. Look, do you want a job or not?”

Me: “[Date], [year].”

Woman: “Finally, some cooperation. Was that so hard?”

I did my best to answer her questions, and I couldn’t relax when the guests arrived. The woman did send me a couple of jobs, all in an academic field I had no experience in.

Eventually, I found another customer service job, which landed me on a permanent contract, and I’ve been working there for almost a decade now. I was very happy to send in my “No longer unemployed, have a nice day!” message.

Customer Service Isn’t For Everyone

, , , | Working | June 7, 2021

I apply for a restaurant job through a temp agency. The agency invites me to come to an application session in Rotterdam, so I take public transport there from my hometown.

As it turns out, the job is not entirely suitable. The agent, however, does not simply want to give up on me.

Agent: “Maybe you could do work in customer service?”

Me: “Like, over the phone, you mean?”

Agent: “Yes, I do. Might suit you?”

Last year, I did some work at a telemarketing company. From that, I learned two things. First, I couldn’t cope with all the negative energy people fired at me. Second, I wasn’t very good at convincing people. So, obviously, customer service is not a field where I want to go. But I decide to be tactful.

Me: “I don’t know. I doubt that I have talent for that.”

Agent: “Well, I thought, you have a university degree, so you won’t let people talk you down easily.”

Me: *Short silence* “No, I’m actually not very good at that.”

So, having a degree automatically makes me steadfast and convincing?

Honesty Is Emergency Route To Success

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2021

I am job hunting. A local temp agency has a job listed, so I apply. They call me that afternoon, and I can smell the desperation through the phone. Apparently, I am the only Excel expert who has replied at all.

I interview the next day. Let the parade of facepalms begin!

The large company needs to update their emergency escape maps so that, in the event of a fire, employees and visitors know where to run and where to gather. Doesn’t sound much like an Excel job yet.

They have hand-drawn maps of some sites, architectural drawings from some sites, and pictures from a helicopter of one. And they had one electronic file! Some gifted employee had drawn a map in Paint, put it in an Excel file (for reasons never explained), and sent it in.

The project manager, a brilliant but non-technical guy, looked at all this and decided that Excel must be the tool to use. And they needed an expert, because, well, experts make them look better.

I have a policy to never visibly facepalm during a job interview. I follow my policy but the temptation is so strong.

Me: “Excel, while an awesome tool, is absolutely the wrong tool for the job. You’re trying to drive nails with a CNC lathe. I recommend that you find somebody who is good with MS Visio.”

We shake hands and I leave.

The temp agency calls while I am driving home.

Temp Agency Rep: “Can you please spell ‘Visio’ for us?”

I do. They call me back again later that afternoon. 

Temp Agency Rep: “Do you know how to use Visio?”

Me: “I do; it is really pretty simple.”

Temp Agency Rep: “The boss you interviewed with was impressed enough with your honestly suggesting he hire someone else that he wants to hire you.”

So, I spent six months tracing Google Earth images of worksites and figuring out which escape routes fit our state’s fairly vague rules for emergency escape maps. Easy work, nice people.

The job could have been done in a fraction of that time by a decent graphic designer, but they wanted me, I wanted the paycheck, and the work got done.

This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of January 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of January 2021 roundup!

Another Day, Another Bullet Dodged

, , , , , | Working | November 7, 2020

This story happens three years ago when I have just graduated from college and am desperate for a full-time job. Besides me, there are two other people involved in this story: a junior HR assistant from a job agency and the branch manager.

Shortly after graduation, [HR Assistant] contacts me via an employment search website regarding an Executive Administrative Assistant position. We have a quick phone call.

HR Assistant: “Based on the courses you took in college and your placement experience, you are an ideal candidate for the position!”

She then schedules me for a screening interview with [Branch Manager]. [HR Assistant] explains to me how things work and emails me the instructions. I am told that [Branch Manager] will be giving me a call the following Monday at 2:00 pm sharp, and if I don’t hear from her after fifteen minutes past the scheduled time, I will have to call the main line and the operator will put me through. This phone conversation with [HR Assistant] goes smoothly.

Monday comes and I don’t hear anything from [Branch Manager]. I call the main line but am not able to get through, so I call [HR Assistant]’s direct line and she transfers me to [Branch Manager] who is very arrogant, rude, and unprofessional toward me.

Branch Manager: “I have an important meeting and don’t have time to deal with you.”

And she transfers me back to [HR Assistant] to reschedule.

When I get connected again with [HR Assistant], she switches from speaking professionally to a very passive-aggressive tone. I can tell that she just wants to get off the phone with me as soon as possible, but I don’t say anything because I want a job so bad. She tells me that she is going to put me on hold so that she can check [Branch Manager]’s calendar and put me on a time slot.

Miss Thang here presses the wrong button and leaves the receiver on her desk, meaning that I can hear the background and all the awful things she is saying about me to her colleagues.

HR Assistant: “Ugh, she’s so annoying! [Branch Manager] thinks she’s incompetent, you know.”

And other things along these lines. When she finds a time slot:

HR Assistant: “Done. Now I’m going to tell this b**** to f*** off.”

When she comes back to the line, I think she realizes that I heard everything.

HR Assistant: “Oh, s***!”

And she just hangs up on me.

I did file a complaint about this incident but never heard anything back. I totally forgot about all this until my nephew — who has just graduated from college — mentioned that he had recently dealt with this employment agency and they were not helpful at all.

Of All The Ways You Try To Get Someone To Pay For Your Ride

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

An employee of a temp service has just been fired from his job. He’s already called once and been directed to the on-call person for the temp agency.

Me: “Good evening, [after hours service]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was jumped by three people at this job and they told me to leave. [Temp Service] told me there’s nothing they can do but my ride won’t be here for another hour. I need to get home; can you call me a taxi?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. I am the answering service; I cannot call you a taxi.”

Caller: “Well… what I am supposed to do, then? I can’t wait here for an hour. I need you to call me a taxi.”

Me: “Sir, I will not call you a taxi. That’s something you need to do yourself.”

Caller: “Okay, well, who would I call then?”

Me: “Call for what, sir?”

Caller: “To get a ride home… Would I call the Department of Treasury?”

Me: *Sighs* “No, sir, you would call the taxi company.”

You can’t fix stupid.