Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Some Accents Are The Pitts

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2023

My family is on vacation in Florida from Pennsylvania. We are eating breakfast one morning at a nationwide diner chain.

Waitress: “How do you want your eggs?”

Sister: “Dippy.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry what?”

Sister: “Dippy.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what that is. Can you explain?”

Me: “Sorry, she wants them over-easy.”

The waitress leaves and my sister turns to me.

Sister: “How did she not know what I meant? I order them all the time at home, and they always know what I mean.”

Me: “That’s just a Pittsburgh term. Like how only Pittsburgh uses the word ‘jaggerbush’.”

Sister: “‘Jaggerbush’ isn’t used all over the US? I’m learning so many things about our accent today.”

We’re Over The Moon About This Coming To An End

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2023

I was a server at a chain diner in the early 2000s. I had this lady come in to have dinner. I can’t remember if she was with other people or not because of how weirdly the argument played out.

Me: “What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I want the Moons Over My-Hammy without the ham.”

That’s an egg and cheese sandwich with ham on it.

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we do have an egg and cheese sandwich that doesn’t come with ham on it, and it’s cheaper.”

She was not having it.

Customer: “No, you’re wrong! I want the Moons Over My-Hammy without the ham!”

We literally go back and forth over this sandwich for like five minutes until my manager comes over to see what’s going on.

The woman tells her side, I tell mine, and the manager just gets this completely exhausted look on her face.

Manager: *To the customer* “He’s right, you’re wrong. Do you want an egg and cheese sandwich or do you want the Moons?”

The woman just glared at me and ordered the egg and cheese sandwich. It was a nice win.

A Cents-less Complaint

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2023

Our diner gets a lot of old people. I’m taking orders at a table.

Customer: “I’ll have liver with bacon and onions.”

Me: “We serve it with bacon or onions; if you want both, you have to pay fifty cents extra.”

Customer: *Shocked* “When my son cooks it for me, he cooks it with both bacon and onions and doesn’t make me pay anything.”

Me: “…then go to your son’s house, please?”

I admit I answered without thinking — long day — but she only “harrumphed” and ended up paying.

The Littlest Things That Bring The Biggest Smiles

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2023

It is the morning of July Fourth, and I am serving breakfast in my little diner before closing up at midday. A regular comes in with her little boy. He is about seven and has some behavioral issues but is an absolutely wonderful little character. He usually comes in on a Saturday morning with his mom and always orders the exact same pancakes.

I am taking their order.

Me: “Good morning, [Boy’s Name]! I’m so happy to see you for breakfast today! Normally I only see you on the weekends!”

Boy: “Yes because today is a holiday and on holidays school is closed.”

Me: “I see! What will you be doing today?”

Boy: “I will be eating pancakes and then after pancakes I will…”

He suddenly looks a little mischievous, which is an amazing thing as one of the things his parents are trying to work on with him are getting him to realize his emotions more.

Me: “And after that, you will…”

Boy: “…eat more pancakes!”

I giggle and look at his mom.

Mother: “I guess that’s his way of saying he’d like double pancakes!”

Me: “Well since it’s a holiday, double pancakes it is!”

This might seem like a nothing story to some, but after several years of seeing this boy go from mute, not emoting, and only ordering the same thing over and over because a change in routine could cause a major upset, to suddenly conversing, smiling, and being cheeky and ordering a double portion, it put a smile on my face the entire day!

The Latest (And Possibly Last) Adventure Of Clive

, , , | Working | CREDIT: LazerMoonCentaur | June 27, 2023

We have a new guy who was an hour and a half late the first day. He was brought in by his mum, which I thought was kinda odd for a grown man (he’s twenty-six). I let that slide but then things just got worse.

We work in a small roadside cafe/eatery, so I thought I’d get him started on small duties to ease him into the way of the place.

Me: “Can you put new toilet paper in the toilets?”

A minute or so later I hear him yelling:

New Starter: “[My Naaaaaame!], it won’t fit on the toilet roll holder!”

I tell him to bring it to me so I can show him; he’s carrying a roll of paper towel; it’s almost three times the length of the toilet roll holder.

Me: “Clive, that is a paper towel.”

New Starter: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, it is! Have you ever seen toilet paper that big in your life?”

New Starter: “Uh… no.”

Me: “Right, furthermore, and probably more perplexing – can you not see that this massive roll couldn’t possibly fit on this small bar?”

New Starter: “Yeah, I thought that was odd.”

Oh boy…

The day goes on and after the kitchen is pretty much closed except for pre-cooked baked goods, I get him to give it a general clean and ask to make sure he wipes down all the benches. I leave him to it as I assume he’s doing fine.

One of the other staff comes out.

Other Staff: “We’ve run out of toilet paper.”

Me: “What? That’s not possible.”

Sure enough, all the packs are torn open and empty except for the rolls on the holders. At this stage, I realize there can only be one culprit, and call Clive over.

Me: “Did you do something with the toilet paper?”

What is with this guy and toilet paper?

New Starter: “Yes, I used it to wipe down the benches in the kitchen.”

Me: “You used eight rolls of toilet paper to wipe down the benches in the kitchen?! Why are you using toilet paper to wipe down benches?”

New Starter: “I don’t like using the dishcloth.”

Me:Who taught you to wipe down benches with toilet paper? Have you ever seen anyone wipe down benches with toilet paper?”

New Starter: “The cloth was dirty, and I didn’t want to clean it out.”

By this stage I’m thinking, the day is nearly over, just let it go and I’m sure it will work out fine…

I get him on serving customers pastries and the like because all you have to do is take it out of the glass bay, put it on a plate, and give it to them – he doesn’t even have to ring it up – just pop on the plate and give it out.

One of the customers orders three scones with jam and cream. He’s behind the counter doing his thing and I have a little peek and see, yes, he’s cut them in half and managed to put jam and cream on them. About a minute later the customer brings the scones back up to the counter:

Customer: “There’s something really hard in these scones, I bit down and it was like crunching on a rock or something.”

Me: *Puzzled.* “Oh, I’m really sorry about that—”

New Starter: *Cutting in.* “It’s probably just the seeds in the jam.”

Now there’s something about the way he says this that makes my alarm bells ring.

Me: “Show me what you put on these scones.”

I start marching toward the prep bench. Sitting on the bench is the bowl of whipped cream, and next to it, in a plastic bag, is a broken glass jar which contains the jam – this guy is FEEDING THE CUSTOMER BROKEN GLASS.

New Starter: “I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Me: “Are you f****** insane?!”

I grab the plate of mostly uneaten glass-infused scones.

Me: “How is anyone supposed to eat this?!”

To my utter… UTTER amazement he proceeds to EAT THEM, in front of me, all the while crunching on glass and flinching every time he does. I’m paralyzed dumbfounded. When he finishes eating them, he says:

New Starter: “Do you think I should go to the hospital?”

Me: “You’re fired.”

Clive Strikes Again!
Some Problems Tend To Stick Around