The Nightmare Before Halloween

, , , , , , , | | Working | October 31, 2018

(I am dressing as Mrs. Peacock from “Clue” for Halloween, and my costume isn’t complete without a small toy revolver, so I search online and find one at a good price from a seller only about 100 miles from me. Per the seller’s policies, he usually ships items within three business days of order placement, but sometimes needs up to seven days to ship the item. In either case, the package should take only two or three days to arrive, even by basic postal service. On the 19th, I receive an email from the seller with the package tracking code and the following note:)

Seller: “Your package was shipped a few days back. Here is the tracking information. Have a great day!”

(“A few days back” is ambiguous, but it sounds well within his policy and therefore “on time.” However, when I get home that afternoon, the package has not arrived, nor does it arrive the following day. Or the next. OR the next. The whole time, the package tracking shows the same status message:)

Status Message: “Pre-Shipment Info Sent to USPS, USPS Awaiting Item”

(It seems the seller has created the package profile with the post office, but hasn’t yet given the package to a postal worker to begin processing. On Sunday the 23rd, one week after I ordered the item, I contact the seller:)

Me: “Please send out ASAP. I ordered this well enough in advance to accompany a Halloween costume for a party this coming Friday, October 28th. Columbus to Cincy isn’t far; it should take no more than two to three days to arrive, but I’ll get it in time only if you ship it by tomorrow, Monday, October 24th. If you cannot manage to get it in the mail by close of business tomorrow, please let me know by canceling the order and issuing a full refund so that I can seek an alternative that will deliver in a timely fashion.”

Seller: “Hello, your package is indeed in the US mail system and on the way to you. The post office is always a day or more behind scanning updates. Some updates are as late as five days. Thank you for your patience. Have a good day!”

(Yes, he is placing the blame for the package’s delay on the post office! Magically, the very next day, the tracking status changes:)

Status Message: “Accepted at USPS Origin Facility.”

(Two days later, on the 26th, I finally had my costume accessory. However, the seller got his very-well-deserved negative feedback posted to his account about his slow service and blatant lies!)

The Nightmare Customer Before Halloween

, , , , , | Right | October 30, 2018

(The shopping center my store is located in is doing a special Halloween event for children where they can go trick-or-treating in the different stores. I am manning the bowl of candy, which my manager has taped a sign to asking customers to please leave the candy for the children. An older customer has come up to me.)

Customer: “Oh, candy!” *she reaches in to grab a piece*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but would you mind leaving it for the children? We’re running low ,and the event’s supposed to last another couple hours.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s all right. I’m just going to look around for a bit.”

(She moves away, and I turn back to giving out candy to a group of children who’ve just entered. A few minutes later, I hear a rustling sound behind me and turn to find the customer from before reaching in and grabbing a huge handful of candy.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you put that back, please?”

Customer: “No!” *smiles, shoves the candy into her bag, and leaves*

Me: *speechless*


Hit Their Tea-Light Total Super Fast

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2018

(At the store where I work, we are currently selling black LED tea-lights for Halloween. They are fairly small and come packaged in boxes of four.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager], I found this sitting in one of the aisles.”

(She comes to the register carrying a shopping basket with a box of Halloween tea-lights. The box has clearly been tampered with and one of the lights is missing.)

Manager: “You found it like this? Did you see the missing light nearby?”

Coworker: “No, I checked the shelves, though. No loose lights.”

(We ponder this for a moment, inspecting the box. The packaging has been torn open and the cardboard tray the lights sit in has been pulled apart; someone clearly yanked the tray out and stuffed it back in.)

Me: “So, you’re telling me this person went to all this trouble to steal just the one tea-light?”

Manager: “Looks that way.”

Bounce Them Right On Out Of There

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(I work at a fairly high-end home furnishings chain. A woman comes into the store and I go to greet her.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you would replace a chair I bought here. I got it home, and two weeks later, it broke.”

Me: “All right, which chair was it?”

(She describes a popular chair style, which is made of highly durable reeds, loosely woven into the bowl-shaped seat.)

Customer: “Yeah, my kids were jumping on it, and then it broke.”

Me: “…”

(Here’s a tip: if you want the store to replace your expensive chair, maybe don’t let slip that it only broke when your children were using it as a trampoline.)

Paper Towels Are One Thing, But Tater Chips Mean War!

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(We are changing the layout of our store.)

Old Woman: *sweetly* “Excuse me, dear. Do you know where the paper towels are? These changes are really confusing.”

Me: “I fully understand. Aisle eight, two down from here.”

Old Woman: “Thanks.”

(A few minutes later, I see her wandering around, looking ticked off. Suddenly…)

Old Woman: *tilts head back, screaming to the ceiling* “WHERE IN H***’D THEY HIDE THE TATER CHIPS?!”

(I backed into an aisle and couldn’t breathe for several minutes, I was laughing so hard.)

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