Got Their Brain For Free

, , , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(A customer comes up to the counter with two clearance items, which are on special — buy one, get one half-off — which is clearly signed.)

Me: “Your total is $13.23.”

Customer: *confused* “This isn’t half-off?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The sale is buy one, get one half-off.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll put [more expensive one] back, then.”

Me: “Okay. Your new total is $5.29.”

Customer: “I thought this was half-off.”

Me: “The sale is buy one, get one half-off.”

Customer: *looks at sign* “Oh, I guess I need to learn to read.” *hands me seven ones to pay*

Me: *internally* “Need to learn to count, too.”

Has No Time To Listen To Time Zones

, , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(I work for the food-stamp office. I am calling a client back the next day to finish up an application. I advised her I would be calling about eight in the morning. Our office opens statewide at 8:00 am EST.)

Me: “Hi. This is [Government Office], and I am calling for [Client]. Is she around, by chance?”

Client’s Mother: “She had to go somewhere, but she will be back. You said you would call at eight!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is eight am EST.”


(I explained time zone differences, and she was still irate when the call ended because she thought I was lying.)

Never Had A Mom Like Me

, , , , , , | Related | June 29, 2018

(This takes place shortly after “Aladdin” is released in theaters. A friend calls and invites me to go and see it with him and his parents. My mom is out of the house, but my stepdad allows me to go. When I get back, Mom is home, and she looks a little upset.)

Mom: “So, you went off to see Aladdin with [Friend]?”

Me: “But I got permission. [Stepdad] said I could go.”

Mom: “That’s not the point. I wanted to go see it!”

Me: *confused* “Wait, what?”

Mom: “Well, I hope you enjoyed the movie, because you will be going back.”

(Sure enough, a few days later, she ended up taking me back to the theater just so she could have an excuse to see the movie herself. I certainly wasn’t complaining about having to see it again, though.)

Imagine, If You Will, A Customer Owning Up To Their Mistakes

, , , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(The store I work in is a bulk foods grocery store. We have two types of clientele: general retail and wholesale — customers who order freight deliveries from our warehouse.The customer I’m dealing with fits into the latter category.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! Finding everything you need today?”

Customer: “No… I forgot to order a delivery this week and I’m almost out of a lot of supplies, so here I am.”

Me: “Let’s a take a look at your list and we’ll see what we can come up with, okay?”

(We spend the next half-hour or so going through her shopping list and, as is expected, most of the items she normally orders out of the warehouse are not carried by the store, so I help her find comparable items. The customer is becoming increasingly frazzled as we go on, but is maintaining her composure. Finally, we reach the end of the list.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, looks like you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *obviously holding back anger* “No, but I guess this will have to do, won’t it?!”

(I apologize profusely and again offer some assistance, as I’m expecting her to start screaming at any moment.)

Me: “Again, I’m terribly sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: *takes a breath* “Don’t be. It’s my own d*** fault. This is what I get for not putting in an order in time. I knew I had to do it this weekend, and I put it off. Oh well.”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Oh, uh… Well, hopefully it all works out in the end for you. Have a great day!”

(I head back to the stock room to finish my morning tasks. My shock must be obvious because my coworker gives me a concerned look.)

Coworker: “[My Name], are you okay?”

Me: “No. I think I’m in The Twilight Zone.”

Coworker: “What just happened?”

(I relay the story to my coworker who looks just as shocked as I feel.)

Coworker: “There’s no way that happened.”

Me: “A customer actually owning up to their own mistakes. Hell, I wouldn’t believe if I hadn’t just seen it.”

You Gotta Be McKidding

, , , , | | Right | May 28, 2018

(I’m working drive-thru alone on a relatively slow night.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing McDonald’s. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I’d like an order of McHotcakes with a McMilk, please.”

Me: *trying to conceal laughter* “Okay, one order of McHotcakes and a McMilk. That will be [Total] at your first McWindow!”

(It turned out to be a family from my old marching band who had recognized my voice over the headset! Thank you guys for making a dreary night shift a little bit better! )

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