Bad Jokes Have A Cost

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(I’m in line behind a customer who’s purchasing around $50 worth of stuff. He hands over a $50 bill to the cashier.)

Customer: “It’s all right; I just printed it this morning.”

(The cashier pauses as the customer smirks. She then picks up her counterfeit pen, and the smirk vanishes from the customer’s face as she draws a line across the bill which promptly turns black. There is a moment of silence as both of them stare at it.)

Cashier: “Yes, sir, it appears you did. Or someone did, at least. Do you possibly have another form of payment?”

(The customer started stammering excuses that he got the bill from another store, he had no idea it was fake, this was an outrage, etc. as he hands over his card and completes the transaction. Afterwards the cashier sends the now red-faced customer to the service desk to see if they can help him out in some manner. Probably not the most exciting story, but it’s the first time I’ve seen that old joke end with a new twist.)

This Friendship Is Turning Bitter

, , , , | Friendly | June 14, 2017

(My friend and I are at an amusement park. We’re both hungry, so we decide to buy French fries from a restaurant the park is famous for. They offer malt vinegar in small packets, and my friend grabs a few.)

Friend: *opens packets of vinegar, then drinks all of them* “That was a really bad idea. I need water!”

(The park offers souvenir cups that are $1 to refill for the entire season.)

Friend: *returning* “The line was too long. And I don’t have a dollar. I’ll just suffer.”

Me: “Why the h*** would you drink malt vinegar in the first place?!”

Friend: “…shut up. I like the taste.”

Unfiltered Story #88989

, , | Unfiltered | June 1, 2017

This is a story my father was telling us over dinner.

dad: “there was a woman today thay went to [sunglass kiosk] thinking it was customer service (our mall had gotten rid of customer service several years ago) and thought she had recognised a woman thay was working there. So she called some other womans name and the employee wouldn’t turn around, because why would she answer to a call that wasn’t her own name? So the employee finally acknowledged the woman and said “I don’t know who [name woman was yelling] is but I can help you find her.” The woman got mad at the employee for not answering and went to my office (my father is the manager of the entire mall, making his work very stressful and busy) and complained about the employee and how she wouldn’t acknowledge the woman. i asked her if she wanted me ti do anything about it and she said “i don’t know…something!” Once the woman had gone I turned to [co-worker] and said “did she really have to come all the way down her just to complain?”

The Breast Milk Of Human Kindness

, , , | Hopeless | May 24, 2017

I live in a very small town. As a new mother, I had a freezer full of breast-milk I pumped at work. One day, I notice that my freezer doesn’t seem to be keeping food frozen. Unwilling to risk losing all of that precious breast-milk, I load my child into the car and drive to the next town over to a big box store which has in stock the chest (pun not intended) freezer I can afford.

When I get there, and explain what I need, the associate tells me that they have just sold the last one. When I explain why I need it immediately, he calls the store in the next town over. They do have the freezer in stock but can’t deliver it for a week. I do not have the vehicle or strength to pick it up myself. This associate explains to the associate in the other store why I need it quickly. I am hoping he can arrange to get his regular delivery service to make an extra stop the next day.

However, he goes so far above and beyond that I still am having a hard time comprehending it. He says that he lives not too far from my town and that he, himself, will bring my chest freezer to me after he gets off of work. So this complete stranger, whom I have never met, shows up at my door at 9:30 pm with the chest freezer in his truck. He unpacks it and carries it into my home and puts it where I need it! Merely out of the goodness of his heart. How fantastic is this guy?!

I really wanted to sing his praises to his bosses but realized that management might not appreciate being done out of the delivery fee and he might have gotten into trouble. If you are out there, I cannot tell you how very much I appreciate you saving my breast-milk for my child and relieving the anxiety of a new mother. YOU are awesome! Thank you so very much.