Sizes Tend To Flip And Flip

, , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I work as an apparel associate. We tend to have specific employees who work the shoe department, but currently they’re both on lunch due to poor scheduling. My coworker gets a call for a customer needing assistance in the shoe department.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you go to shoes?”

(I go to the shoe department and find the customer needing help pretty quickly. He’s a middle-aged man standing in the ladies’ sandal aisle, looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was looking for a pair of flip-flops for my wife, but I’m not sure what to get her.”

(I proceed to show how our flip-flops are sized small, medium, and large, so there’s so leeway in sizing them.)

Me: “Do you know what size shoe she generally wears?”

Customer: “Well, she’s about your height. What size do you wear?”

Me: “Sir, height and shoe size don’t have any real connection.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Of course there is. Now, she’s your height; what size should she wear?”

(Realizing he didn’t get it, I got him a pair of mediums and very carefully explained our store’s return policy to him. I’m guessing he’s never paid attention to how different shoe sizes are between people of the same height!)

Technically Speaking, You’re A Jerk

, , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I work for a cable company in their Internet repair team. When your Internet breaks, I’m the one you call. This customer in particular claims she has called six times in the past week; reading through the memos on her account, it has only been three times. Regardless, she starts the call with an attitude.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *obviously elderly* “What is your name, your employee ID, and where are you located?”

Me: “I’m [My Name], located in Louisville, Kentucky, and my ID is [ID number].”

Customer: “Well, I don’t even know what you think you can do. My Internet is down again, and I just had four technicians out this week!” *she has not*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I’d be very happy to assist you in getting your Internet back up and running.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt you can, but my information is [Name, Address, security code, and phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll be happy to look this up.”

(I pause while I look through her information. I realize that when she was given a new modem the tech didn’t put it in the system that makes it work.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see the issue here; it seems that your technician didn’t—”


Me: *holding headset off of my ears* “Ma’am, maybe it was a mistake—”


Me: “Ma’am, it’s possible that he didn’t—”

Customer: *continues ranting about how she knows all about everything Internet*

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you quite a few times now exactly what I am seeing in front of me—”

(The customer interrupts me again, ranting and raving about how she knows everything about my job. I have given up at this point and just proceed to fix the problem without trying to explain what is wrong anymore.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you restart your computer for me, please?”

Customer: *shuts up finally* “Okay, it’s restarting.”

Me: *waits for her computer to come back up* “Okay. Can you open your browser, please?”

Customer: “Oh, look! I have Internet connection! How did you do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, that provisioning issue I tried to tell you about? I fixed it, and now you’re connected. If you have no further questions for me, thank you for calling [Cable Company]. Please remain on the line for a brief survey.”

(I have never been happier to hang up and go to break, which she also made me 15 minutes late for.)

A Bit Of “Friendly” Advice

, , , | Right | January 3, 2018

(I work as a cashier in a popular grocery store chain. I’m on the express checkout, which is a limited-items register. Since we are so busy most people are way above the limit. An older gentleman who is a frequent customer of mine comes to my line.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]! Glad you’re here today! I could really use your help.”

Me: “No problem! Between you and me, that’s why I’m here. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: *whips out two different types of condoms* “I have a friend coming over, and it’s been so long since I’ve had to buy these. And now there’s so many varieties it’s unreal. Which would you recommend?”

Me: “Uhm… well… I’m not quite sure. Don’t they all have the same effect really? I mean, and I don’t mean to be rude if I am but, aren’t you too old to have kids?” *he’s in his mid 60s*

Customer: “You know, I questioned that myself. BUT you can never be too safe. Now come on, which ones are best?”

Me: ” Mr. [Customer], I really couldn’t tell you. Go with the purple box; it’s pretty.”

Customer: “Are you serious? I How could you not know?! Are you some sort of lesbian or something?!”

Me: “Actually—” *pulls out my phone and shows him my lock-screen, which is in fact a picture of my girlfriend of three years* “I am, Mr. [Customer].”

Customer: “Oh! Well, congratulations. I had no idea. I’ll go with the purple box!”

(I finally finished checking him out, all the while him talking about his “friend.”)

Feeling Used

, , , | Right | December 25, 2017

(I’m working at the mall to pay for my college, I’m at the end of a long shift and it being the week before Christmas, I’ve had multiple customers come in not sure of what they want.)

Customer: “Hello, I’m Christmas shopping for my grandson. He said he will only wear his jeans from here. But do you have any that aren’t used?”

Me: *since all of our jeans are brand new and we’re a higher-end store I’m confused by her question* “I’m sorry, used?”

Customer: “Yes, the tag says used right above the price on his size jean. Do you have any that aren’t used?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but all of our jeans are brand new. Despite some customers trying them on, none of them are used.”


(She takes my arm and drags me to where some jeans are hanging up.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you please let go of my arm?”

Customer: “NO! Not until you see how stupid you are!” *by now we’re at the jeans* “See look! Used!”

Me: *reading the tag that says USD on it — all of our tags have this above the price* “Ma’am, that says USD, meaning U.S. dollars. Our company also has places in Canada; therefore, the tags are marked with U.S. dollars to avoid confusion.”

Customer: “I’m a well-educated woman. I can read, and these jeans say they are USED! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(My manager, having viewed the whole transaction between me and the irate woman, comes over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your stupid employee won’t show me where the new jeans are! These are USED!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, [My Name] isn’t very smart.” *to me* “Go help someone else.”

(My manager then explains to the customer the EXACT same thing I had told her. She finally seems to get it, they have a pleasant interaction, and the woman purchases two pairs of jeans and some shirts. I have the unfortunate pleasure of ringing her up.)

Customer: “You should really be re-trained. Your manager explained how you don’t listen well and don’t understand anything about store policy. Now, be sure you ring me up right.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You should be.”

(The kicker about the whole thing: I got written up for poor work ethic, and my manager had me completely re-trained. I’d been working there for three years at that time. I quit shortly after that.)

Ignorance To Make You Say “Oh, Baby”

, , , , , | Romantic | December 15, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed one day after spending the day together and I am having fairly bad cramps, as my period has just started. I reach over and put his hand on my stomach where I’m cramping to somewhat comfort me.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, that’s where a baby would be!”

Me: “Yeah, well, that’s where it hurts…”

Boyfriend: *with look of confusion on his face* “Oh! Hmm… I guess that makes sense.”

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