The Only Thing Blaring Is The Neighbor

, , , , , | Learning | December 8, 2019

(It is my first semester of freshman year. I live in a first-year dorm, but it is apartment-style, meaning the door from the hallway opens to a living room and kitchen and there is another door leading to my bedroom. During finals week, “24-hour quiet hours” are enforced, basically meaning that you’re not allowed to blast music or TV loud enough to be heard in the hallway or other rooms. I don’t have any finals, so I am laying in my bedroom with both doors shut watching TV when someone starts pounding on my door.)

Neighbor: “Open up!”

(I look through the peephole and recognize her as my neighbor from across the hall, so I open the door.)

Me: “What’s up?”

Neighbor: “I can’t focus with your music blaring like that!”

Me: “Um, I’m not playing music.”

Neighbor: “Don’t lie! I hear it right now!”

(Standing at the hallway door with my bedroom door open, I can just barely hear my TV playing.)

Me: “Oh, my TV? Sorry, I didn’t think it was that loud. I can turn it down some.” 

Neighbor: “You’d better!”

(She stomps off and I think that is the end of it. Fifteen minutes later:)

Resident Authority: “Campus housing!”

(I open the door, and my neighbor has brought our RA to my apartment.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Resident Authority: “Do you know about the 24-hour quiet hours going on right now?”

Me: “Yes, that’s why I’m watching TV with my bedroom door shut. Could you hear it from the hall?”

Resident Authority: “Was it playing?”

Me: “Um, yes. It’s still playing right now.”

(He pauses and listens.)

Resident Authority: “I can barely hear that.” *turns to neighbor* “Is this really what you bothered me about?”

Neighbor: “I’m trying to study for finals! I can’t focus with her TV blaring!”

Resident Authority: “I have finals, too! And I can’t focus with people knocking on my door making fake complaints! If it really bothers you that bad, campus housing gave you earplugs at the beginning of the year. Dig those out.”

Me: “So, am I good?”

Resident Authority: “Yep, have a good week, and watch TV all you want.”

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Unfiltered Story #162112

, , , | Unfiltered | December 2, 2019

Man: “Do you take a credit card.”

Me: “No, sorry, I don’t have that capability. We’re cash only.”

Man: *blank stare, tries to hand me his credit card*

Me: “Sorry, I can’t accept that.”

Man: “It’s a Visa card. It’s accepted everywhere.”

Me: “I don’t have a machine to run it through, as we’re cash only.”

(The man continues to stare at me for an uncomfortably long time, still holding out his card, then he finally wanders away.)

Your Word Is Mud  

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2019

(The return policy at my shoe store does not accept any shoes that have been worn. A customer and his two children come in to return a pair of shoes. I open the box and see the son’s shoes covered in mud and dirt; they have obviously been worn.)

Me: “I am sorry, but I cannot accept these shoes because they have been worn.”

Customer: “My son has never worn these shoes.”

(I hold up a shoe covered in mud.)

Me: “Sir, these shoes have mud on them. I cannot accept worn shoes.”

Customer: “My son has not worn these shoes!”

(This exchange continues for some time, with him consistently denying his son has worn the shoes. Meanwhile, his son is cheerfully telling all the places he has worn the shoes.)

Son: “Daddy, I wore the shoes to grandma’s house!”

Son: “Daddy, I wore the shoes to the zoo!”

(And so on. The customer completely ignores his son and eventually storms out. He takes his “unworn” shoes with him. However, there are an elderly gentleman and his wife who have heard the entire exchange.)

Gentleman: “If I wore these shoes to the zoo, could I return them?”

(I told him that although it was against the policy, I would let him!)

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When Lemon Fresh Isn’t As Fresh As It Could Be

, , , , | Working | November 25, 2019

(I work in a theme park and we serve fresh-squeezed lemonade in the area where I work. I have just started to clean the lemon squeezer when this happens.)

Coworker: “You don’t need to clean that.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “They’re going to use that tomorrow, anyway.”

Me: “Are you serious?

Coworker: “Yeah…”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t wash your hands; you’re just going to use them later.”

(He didn’t talk for the rest of the day.)

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Scream Until You Get Results

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2019

I live in a very bad neighborhood. Mostly the people are what makes it this way. 

One day, my family decides on having chicken for dinner so I take my young daughter with me to get it. When we get to the restaurant, it’s mostly dead — not a lot of customers. I place our order and we move to the side.

While we’re waiting for the order to be made, my neighbor walks in. She’s screaming and throwing her hands in the air. She tells the cashier it’s the worst food she has ever eaten and throws a receipt at the poor cashier. 

My neighbor continues to scream about how bad her food was burnt, how horrible the sides tasted, and how the cashier had to make it right. She keeps screaming even after the manager agrees to replace her food.

My food is done, so my daughter and I immediately leave; my neighbor is still screaming. We go out to find her car parked next to mine with her eleven-year-old daughter inside. 

I ask, “Hey, what was wrong with the chicken for your mom to scream that bad?”

The daughter replies, “Nothing was wrong with it. Mommy just wanted more but didn’t want to pay for it. So she screams at people to get free food.”

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