(I am living back home with my mother after my divorce. Our bedrooms are right next to each other, and we have our own TVs. I’m a horror buff, while she prefers crime dramas — CSI, Law & Order, etc. — and shuns anything remotely gory. This exchange happens as we’re shouting to each other between rooms.)

Character On Crime Drama: “The victim was eviscerated…”

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], what does ‘eviscerated’ mean?”

Me: “Gutted like a fish!”

Mom: “Okay, thanks!” *changes channel quickly*

I just got done a restaurant sized pile of dishes in the back of the store. My manager calls me up to cover one of my co-workers so that they can take a break. I figure why the heck not, I’m tired of dishes anyway.
Once I step foot at front counter there’s this nice looking family wanting to order. I smile and begin to take their order. Somewhere in the middle of this process the mother submerges from the woman’s bathroom. She notifies me that it is disgusting. Taken back by this, as it must have been only an hour since I checked them. Dumbfounded, I say the only thing that comes to my mind. “Oh, ok.” The husband laughs before I could respond further. He then goes “Ha, ha, she doesn’t care.” They then pay and sit at their table.
I wasn’t rude at all, just kind of taken off guard and not as chatty. Right after the incident I do a quick sweep of the bathrooms, unclogging the toilet.  Not long afterwards my manager asks to see me in the office. Of course I follow her. It turns out that very same lady complained how rude I was. What the actual heck? I often get compliments on my service and cheery demeanor. Wow, just wow. Some people just can’t be pleased.

(I stop into a fast food place and order a combo meal that comes with, among other things, a medium drink. I then get handed a cup, and I stare at it for a moment.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me… Isn’t this a small?”

Cashier: “Yeah.”

Me: “Right… but I ordered the [meal] which comes with a medium drink.”

Cashier: “We’re out.”

Me: “You’re… you’re totally out of medium cups?”

Cashier: “Yeah, lots of folks ordered.” *takes a tone like he’s talking to a child* “You really should have come earlier.”

Me: “Right. Then am I getting a refund?”

Cashier: “For what?”

Me: “I ordered a medium drink, and you gave me a small. So, either I get something else to make up the difference, or I get some of my money back.”

Cashier: “Oh, just take the d*** soda!”

Me: “How about you get the d*** manager, instead?”

(The cashier huffs and disappears into the back. Eventually, someone comes up with my tray of food, and I ask if they’re the manager. Nope. The cashier has just up and vanished without telling anyone. Eventually, the actual manager comes up.)

Manager: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Me: “I was told you’re out of medium drink cups after I ordered, and—“

Manager: “What?” *calls to someone in back* “Hey, [Employee], grab another box of medium cups from the supply room!”

Me: “Are you saying he was just too lazy to even ask someone to restock?”

Manager: “Apparently. Sorry about the trouble; this isn’t the first time he’s been lazy.”

(The manager then handed me a large cup and insisted I take it. Honestly, I would have been happy just getting what I ordered, but hey, bonus soda. While I was eating I suddenly heard a lot of shouting in back, and after a minute the cashier went storming out, cursing up a storm and throwing his hat and apron around. Might not have been his first time being lazy, but I guess it was his last!)

(I am a bagger at a grocery store. I overhear the following gem from a customer next to the register I’m working at.)

Customer: *holds up a bag of Doritos* “How much for this bag of air?”

(I’m the dummy in this one. The supermarket I go to most often has a few self-checkout lanes, one of which seems to always have something wrong with it. For the past month, it’s had a sign on it saying, “NO CASH; CARDS ONLY,” which works fine for me since I always use my card. This time, I’m getting errors, so I get one of the workers.)

Me: “Excuse me, this isn’t taking my card like usual.”

Worker: “Sorry, the lane is cash only.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

(I stop and reread the sign; the one I’ve seen about a dozen times now saying, “NO CASH,” now says, “CASH ONLY.”)

Me: “Well, now I feel sheepish. This did say, ‘No cash,’ a week ago and now it’s backward, right?”

Worker: *smiling* “Yes, sir, it did. You’re not the first one to mix that up. I can suspend this and ring you up over at my station.”

Me: “Thank you so much. And please don’t put this up on the Internet; if I’m going to be made a fool of, I’ll do it myself.”

(He laughed, so I figured I had to fulfill my end of the bargain!)