Weber grill. The pins that hold the lid in place broke, so when we tried opening the lid, the lid fell off. Called customer service and got sent the parts. When asked, they said they don’t send techs out, the family has to do the work themselves.

We get the parts. Found out you have to take half the bbq apart to replace a part, only to find out the bolts needed to be taken out are rusted in place.

Called up customer service. Here is what I think the best part of the entire conversation:
Customer service: “Is the grill outside?”
Me: “That’s usually where people put their grills, yes.”
Customer service: “Well over time, things are going to get rusty outside.”

There has been a Japanese Hibachi restaurant in our area for decades before it was a trend. It is unique for the time — dinner and a spectacle of service. The food is top-notch and — according to the adults — the drinks are phenomenal. It is my go-to birthday dinner growing up.

I don’t go there for some time due to financial problems limiting “special eating out” to “value meals, once in a long while.” Once things get better, I finally convince my now-husband to come with me and give it a shot.

And things turn bad quickly.

Hostess: “Hello, table for two? Hibachi or no?”

Me: “Actually, this is his first time here, and it’s my first time back in a long time. We were wondering if we could see some menus before we sit down so we know what we’re looking for?”

Hostess: *Instantly turning icy* “You can’t take the menus home, sir.”

Me: “That’s not what I’m asking. We’re just not certain if we do want hibachi-style or not yet. May we please look first, and then sit?”

This goes back and forth a minute before she finally deigns to — GASP — let us look at a menu before sitting and placing a drink order! And I’m glad we did; all their signature dishes are gone, replaced with generic fare you could find at any of the dozen other places that have opened up within a twenty-minute drive, at $10 to $15 more per meal. I know it has been a while, but that is double the price inflation anywhere else. It is the equivalent of seeing a quality steakhouse turn into a Burger King with fancy placemats but charging even more.

Husband: “Ooooh… That’s a little…”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry, but this is kind of way out of our price range at the mo—”

The hostess snatches the menu out of my hand.

Hostess: “You should know what you want before you go out!”

Me: “Yeah, we knew what we wanted, but we just wanted to make sure you offered it; you don’t.”

We left, with the hostess still shouting at our back. The place closed down a year later, and it’s now a funeral home of all things!

I work in a home warranty company, in the authorizations department. I determine if a home repair is or isn’t covered. Our call center is in New Jersey and our after-hours call center is in a South American Country, so even though we have customers on the West Coast, in reality, we “close” around 5 pm local for Texas.

 I’m finishing up my shift but am not allowed to leave until the queue is empty, I’ll spare you the office politics but it’s not supposed to be able to receive incoming calls after 9 pm but in reality, it’s about 9:30 pm and the very last call of the night comes in from Texas.

 The caller is actually the customer’s own technician that they have called in to do a repair on a refrigerator, with the customer on speaker. The authorizations department usually only speaks to technicians, and not customers, so this call is already unorthodox.

Customer: “Hurry up and give us the authorization number! This tech has been on hold for way too long and doesn’t have time for questions.”

Me: “Okay, let’s start with the make model and serial of the unit.”

We use “unit” as a catch-all word for whatever needs to be repaired, washing machine, refrigerator, etc.

Tech: “No, it needs a condensing fan motor, and are you gonna cover it or not?”

Me: “So you are refusing to provide the information on the unit?”

Customer: “I said he doesn’t have time for this, are you gonna cover it or not?”

 Frankly, I don’t have time for this either as I got in the office at 7 am that morning.

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot make a determination of the claim without the basic information on the unit as part of a diagnostic—”

Tech: “It’s a ten-year-old unit and it needs a condensing fan motor; you gonna cover this or not?”

Fine, I’ll humor him.

Me: “Do you have a part number on the fan that you claim this unit requires to have replaced?”

Tech: “No, I have it in my hand, and are you gonna cover this or not?”

Me: “How many horsepower is it?”

Tech: “1/2hp and it needs a new cap, too.”

Me: “And what’s your price on this motor and the cap?”

Tech: “$650 for the part, $200 labor, and I need another $100 for the hour I was on hold.”

Me: “I cannot authorize a repair without a part number or any details on the unit it is needed for. Furthermore, this typical repair costs no more than $375 parts and labor and we do not reimburse for time on hold. I will need to get all the documentation on the unit before we—”

Customer: “Get your boss on the line right now while you still have a job.”

I go over and get my boss, who looks at the diagnosis that is missing 99% of the needed information – at least I put the prices in and the horsepower! My boss enters the call.

Boss: “Hi, I’m the authorizations manager and I’m looking at this diagnosis and I have a few questions about the unit—”

Tech: “I ain’t answering no more questions; are you gonna cover this or not?”

Customer: “We need to know if it’s covered or not right now!”

Boss: “Without the needed information on the un—”

Customer: “Get your boss on the line now while both of you have a job!”

My boss and I exchange looks, and then he goes to find the VP of Operations, who of course left for the day so we get the next best thing and bring in someone who is technically my boss’s boss, but absolutely does not have time for this.

Boss’s Boss: “Hello, I am the head of operations. If you are unwilling to provide the needed information on the unit we will instead require a picture of the failed component to move forward with the claim and determine coverage.”

We get the picture shortly thereafter and wouldn’t you know it, the old motor was dirty. Not THAT dirty but certainly we were not going to pay this tech close to a thousand dollars for so small a job nor were we interested in accommodating or rewarding this customer/tech hybrid which was doing something shady.

I write up the denial and flag it for a level-two tier worker to deliver in the morning. My boss flags the claim with his own task explaining to anyone who looks at it what is really going on and for any over-night call center reps to inform them to call back during normal business hours.

But it is up to me to end the current call. I am giddy and excited to tell them that the gig is up but my boss puts his hand on my shoulder and says I have to play it by the book.

Me: “Hello. We have received the needed information and will be making a determination shortly. The claim is currently under review and the office is now closed for the evening.”

Customer: “NO, NO, NO! That’s not how this works! We got in before the office closed, this line will continue to remain active until we get the determination and I don’t care how long that takes but you will not leave this call!”

Me: “Unfortunately the office is closed. The system is no longer allowing me to input any new information. Our company is not an emergency service and we are contractually obligated to render a decision within 24-48 hours after the diagnosis is received from the technician.”

Customer: “If you hang up this phone I will get you fired and sue you for everything you’re worth you hear me!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Home Warranty Company], I advise you to have a good day.”

Click.

As my boss and I walk out to the parking lot (boss’s boss left once we got the picture in) I ask him if they could actually do that or if it was one of the many empty threats we got all day long.

Boss: “What are they gonna sue you for? Hanging up a phone? Let legal handle that. We did it by the book and wrote it up the way we’re supposed to.”

I looked at the claim the next day and they didn’t even dispute the denial when they got it.

My boyfriend and I decide to have sex one night, so we grab a condom, but it breaks halfway through, and we don’t realize until we finish.

I decide to go to the pharmacy to get a morning-after pill. I don’t look particularly young. When I arrive at the pharmacy, the pharmacist comes right up to the counter. 

Me: “Hi. Can I get the morning-after pill?”

Pharmacist: “Did you speak with your doctor?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Pharmacist: “You need to speak with your doctor, first, sweetheart. And I need your parents’ consent.”

Me: “Um, first of all, no, you don’t. Even if I was underage, you don’t need their consent. And I should get the pill if I ask for it right here; I shouldn’t have to speak to my doctor.”

Pharmacist: “Underage? How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-four.” 

The pharmacist looks surprised before consulting with another pharmacist. They both come over, the first pharmacist watching from behind the second pharmacist. The second pharmacist hands me the package with the pill. 

Second Pharmacist: “Sorry about that. She’s never acted like that before. I’ll have a talk with her.”

My sister and I both work at the same farmer’s market, but our hours don’t usually coincide. On this particular day, I happen to be working the opening shift while my sister is on the closing shift. I had to deal with an unhappy customer for quite a while earlier in the day but thought that the issue had finally been resolved. However, this incident happens shortly after I leave for the day.

Customer: *Complaining to my coworker* “The girl who was here earlier told us we couldn’t pick into bags, but those people there picked into bags!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they weren’t supposed to. It’s against our policy.”

Customer: “But why did you let those people pick into bags? The other girl told us that we couldn’t!”

The customer suddenly spies my sister walking by.

Customer: “That girl there! She was the one who told us that!”

Sister: *Confused* “Sorry, but I don’t remember helping you earlier.”

Customer: “Yes, it was you!”

Sister: “No, I’m sorry, but I don’t think it was me.”

Customer: *Very sarcastically* “Oh, so you have an identical twin or something?”

Sister: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh.”

She kept her mouth shut after that!