All They Can Hear Is Spatula-la-la

| Newark, DE, USA | Working | November 29, 2016

(I have the combination of a love of pizza and an unusual allergy to an ingredient used in pepperoni. As such, whenever I end up at the local mall’s food court and get pizza I ask them to use a clean spatula to get my slices to avoid contamination. I’ve literally just watched the employee pick up pepperoni pizza, and the slices of pepperoni that had started to slide off, when he asks for my order.)

Me: “Could I get two slices of cheese please? And I don’t want to sound difficult but I have a food allergy. Could you use a clean spatula?”

Employee: “Sure!” *uses the same spatula he had JUST used to pick up one of my slices*

Me: “Sir, I just saw you use that on the pepperoni. I can’t eat that now.”

Employee: “It didn’t touch it!”

Me: “I LITERALLY just WATCHED you!”

Employee: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “Get a CLEAN spatula, and use THAT for my slices, PLEASE.”

(The employee makes a big huff about having to get a new spatula, while he’s gone another employee asks if I’ve been helped and I explain the situation, the customer next in the line backing up my story. The second apologizes and after I get to the register where a third employee is, this happens.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but do you know if they swapped both slices out or just the one?”

Employee #3: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I have an allergy to the pepperoni, the first guy tried to use the contaminated spatula to get my slices. I just wanted to know if he used a clean spatula so I can actually EAT this.”

Employee #2: *races over* “We used the green one.”

Me: “That’s not what I’m asking.”

Employee #2: “We have the normal one we use for all pizza, and then the green one for the vegetarian.”

Me: “Okay, but was my CONTAMINATED slice swapped out or do I need to worry about getting hives all over my d*** body?”

Employee #1: *racing over as well* “WE USED THE GREEN ONE.”

(At this point I gave up since I’ve already paid, so I just take my pizza and eat. Thankfully, they’d replaced the contaminated slice.)

The Joke Is On Him

| WI, USA | Friendly | March 18, 2014

(I’m at the mall food court debating what to eat after work. I’ve changed out of my uniform and am wearing a Joker and Harley Quinn shirt. Note: I’m a girl.)

Guy: “Tch, nice shirt.”

Me: “Um… thanks?”

Guy: “Do you even KNOW who they are?”

Me: “The Joker and Harley Quinn from the Batman franchise.”

Guy: “WRONG! Comics! Not franchise! Stupid fake geek girl!”

Me: “Um, no. Harley Quinn first appeared in the Batman animated series. Created by Paul Dini.”

Guy: *blinks and sputters*

Me: “So I say franchise because Harley was from another media.”

(I turn and leave and get my food. I take a seat in the food court, then the same guy with two more guys approach me.)

Guy: “You think you’re hot stuff, huh!?”

Me: “Not at all, but I know I’m not a fake geek girl.”

Guy: “Oh, yeah!?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guy: *smirks* “Name his real name!” *pointing to the Joker on my shirt*

Me: “I can’t—”

Guy: “See! FAKE GEEK—”

Me: “Let me f***ing finish, a**hole! I can’t because we don’t know. It’s common knowledge that he’s referred to as ‘Jack,’ sometimes by the full name ‘Jack Napier.’ But he’s also been known as ‘Joseph Kerr’ AND most recently ‘Oberon Sexton.’”

Guy: “Uh—”

Me: “Also, he has several apparent back stories. One story has him as a sad starting comedian who couldn’t get a decent gig. This one sometimes leads him getting into mob and gang relations and has him be the Red Hood. Other stories just have him as the Red Hood from the beginning. The last is that he is a gangster known as Jack Napier, who, once again dons the Red Hood identity. Now, will you leave me alone so I can eat or do you want me to give you the brief history of Harley Quinn PRE-new 52?”

Guy’s Friend: “Dude… you’re an a**.”

Guy: “But girls aren’t supposed to know that!”

Guy’s Friend: “Shut up, man. She’s a geek. Leave her alone.”

(The guy continues to sputter and claim that since I’m a girl I couldn’t know all of that stuff and still say I have to be fake, some how. After they leave, a cashier from the place I ordered my food comes over and gives me one of the desserts.)

Me: “I didn’t order this…”

Cashier: “On the house. Our manager insisted, for a fellow comic fan, and to tell you the Joseph Kerr story line was her favorite.”

Me: *smiles* “Mine, too.”

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This Isn’t Panning Out Well

| Columbus, OH, USA | Working | September 28, 2013

(I have ordered a large cheese pizza for my family, and after getting everyone settled at our table, I return to the counter to pick it up.)

Me: “Is the cheese pizza ready?”

Cashier: *asking the cook* “Hey, is that cheese ready to go?”

Cook: “Yeah, there’s a pepperoni already out. I just need to cut the cheese.”

(Both the cashier and I stare at the cook blankly.)

Cook: “Did I just say that?”

The Booger-inning Of A Beautiful Friendship

| Hurst, TX, USA | Right | April 20, 2013

(I’m a customer in line at a pizza place. Most of the employees are Spanish speakers, but for the most part are bilingual. The cashier speaks in heavily accented, broken English, but is very sweet.)

Me: “I’d like a slice of chee—”

(A customer storms up to the counter, and begins screaming.)

Customer: “I ordered my pizza five minutes ago! Why isn’t it ready?!”

Cashier: “It is cooking.”

Customer: “It doesn’t take five minutes to heat up a pizza! I want my money back, and I want my pizza right now!”

Cashier: “It is in the oven; it will be soon.”

Customer: “I can’t understand a word you’re saying! Get me your manager!”

Cashier: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! Are you even legal? I can’t believe this place hires w******s like you!”

(I have had enough, and decide to intervene.)

Me: “Ma’am, your pizza is still cooking. They prepare them totally from scratch when you order. Her race has nothing to do with how long it takes to cook pizza, and you owe her an apology!”

Customer: “I don’t have to listen to you, you… you… booger face!”

(She storms off without her pizza, and I got mine for free. The cashier calls me ‘booger-face’ every time I eat there now!)

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