Staying Relatively Calm  

, , , , , | Right | December 31, 2019

(At our store, an employee was recently fired. She left the office the very moment she was told she was fired, and wouldn’t come back to hear anything else. At the end of the night, we discover she left her purse behind! Since she removed all of her contact info, we have no way to reach her or mail her stuff to her. We don’t want to throw her stuff out because we figure she has important things in there like her state ID and bank card, so my boss decides if she doesn’t return by the end of the week, we’ll turn it over to police. Three days pass without her returning, but a coworker has her sister’s phone number, and says she’ll call the sister to get the stuff. Her sister has come into the store before, so we know what she looks like and we won’t have a problem giving it to her. During the evening, about two hours before closing, I pick up a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yeah, hey. I’m [Former Employee’s Sister]. I’m getting ready to leave to come to pick up her stuff. Why didn’t anyone just call her?”

Me: “We no longer have contact info for your sister, so we have no way to reach her.”

Caller: “Yeah, she told me that she took all of it off, but I thought you would have it backed up or something. She figured out later on she left her purse, but she was going to replace everything.”

Me: “Why? We would’ve given it back. If her stuff wasn’t picked up by the end of the week, we were going to turn it over to the police.”

Caller: “I guess you can’t tell me what happened, but she’s really mad at you. You know we live together, right? She came home and slammed the door when she came in. I asked her what was wrong and she just screamed at me and locked herself in her room all day.”

Me: “I see. So, I guess she’s cooled down now?”

Caller: “If she did, she’d be picking up her stuff. No, she said she’d rather lose all her stuff than step foot in your store again. I tried to talk her into going, but she said if I made her come along, she’d give you all absolute h*** for the night. Don’t know what anyone over there said to her, but she’s dying to curse all of you out to h*** and back, so she’s better off staying away. Not kidding. She told me this from her own mouth.”

Me: “Ma’am, forgive me for asking, but you’re talking like this is normal. You’re not upset with her or us?”

Caller: *laughing* “Nah. My sister and I are besties, so I know what she’s like when she’s mad. She’s had a bad temper since we were kids. She was a lot worse when we were younger, so what you’re seeing is better. When she was 13, she trashed a classroom because the teacher accused her of cheating and got her in trouble. She was innocent, though, so can’t blame her. Anyway, I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

(She hung up and I was left stunned for a bit. True to her word, she came about twenty minutes later, picked up her sister’s belongings, and bought a stuffed animal she thought would cheer her sister up. She was beyond polite to us, too. Hard to believe she and the former employee are related.)

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It’s The Time For Giving (Time To Your Family)

, , , , , , | Related | December 25, 2019

It’s Christmas time and my brother flew home to spend the holidays with my son, parents, and me. Or so we thought. 

He flew in on Friday, the 22nd, and it’s currently Christmas Day. He’s been sleeping on my couch and using our cars to go visit a new girl and his friends. We’ve spent a total of three hours with him since he’s been home. He usually leaves before anyone’s awake and gets home after everyone is asleep. We’re all frustrated and upset at his behavior.

My mom decided to talk to him today when they took my niece her gift. Apparently, that didn’t stop him. As soon as they got home, he got changed and took the car and left again. He is here until Sunday. The next time I see him will probably be when it’s time to take him to the airport so he can fly back home. 

Merry Christmas to my family and me. Hope he changes his mind about spending time with us soon.

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Will Pass That Class Kicking And Screaming

, , , , , , | Healthy | December 22, 2019

Many years ago, when I am in high school, I join my local volunteer first aid squad and sign up for EMT training. The classes are largely interesting, and I learn a lot. However, EMTs have a strange sense of humor sometimes.

When we get to the maternity section, the final exam for that part of the course consists of delivering a baby. This is accomplished with a set of special dummies: one which is made to replicate the lower body of a woman, and of course, the infant doll which the instructor pushes out for the person to deliver. The proper procedure is to “catch” the infant as it comes out, clean it gently, and then lay it on the mother’s chest for her to hold.

All is going well in the exam, the students having been broken up into groups and assigned to the dummy on which they will take the exam… until, that is, one of the instructors quietly goes around the room, collecting all of the infant dummies and secreting them away.  

At this point, only one group is still testing, as there are no baby dummies to be had anywhere else. One young man approaches to begin his test, and the instructor who’d been taking the dummies steps up to administer it…   

And proceeds to begin screaming at the top of his lungs.

The instructor is wailing like he’s being murdered, which, of course, causes the entire room to look over at what is going on. Never breaking his cry, he begins to push the infant doll through. The poor student is terrified, but he still follows procedure admirably.

But the instructor doesn’t stop screaming.

Not sure what to do, the boy is standing there when another infant starts to come out. So he catches that one, too. Then, the next one. And the one after that. Each time they come faster and faster. It looks like an “I Love Lucy” routine as the poor boy is struggling to catch the dolls, clean them, and place them before the next one comes. It’s to the point where he is stacking the babies like logs on the “mother” because there is no room for them, and he barely manages to put one down before the next one is out.

All the while, the instructor never stops wailing.

The rest of the class is, of course, cracking up. We’re all laughing so hard we can’t breathe. The poor student is handling it admirably, though, never giving up or getting mad. Finally, about two dozen babies later, the instructor runs out of dummies. The test is allowed to end, and the instructor ceases screaming.

The student does pass the exam, but he is admonished that in the future he probably shouldn’t stack newborn infants like Jenga blocks.

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Unfiltered Story #180400

, , | Unfiltered | December 22, 2019

I’m a customer, shopping for records with my boyfriend. We get in line with our purchases and hear this exchange between the owner and the customer in front of us.

Customer: I want a gift card.
Owner: That’s great. For what amount?
Customer: I don’t know. How much do records cost?
Owner: *patiently* Well, it’s hard to say. They can be as little as a couple of dollars, all the way up to $40 or more.
Customer: *sounding irritated* Well, how much do they cost?
Owner: *still patient* I think $25 is a good average.
Customer: $25 then.
Owner: Great. Let me ask, is that cash or credit card?
Customer: *suspicious* Why?
Owner: I’m so sorry but I’m having a problem with the credit card reader. It’s charging tax on every purchase – even gift certificates. It will be $26.50 if you pay by credit card, but just $25 if you pay by cash.
Customer: *snaps* I DON’T HAVE TWENTY IN CASH! THIS ISN’T RIGHT!
Owner: I know, it’s very frustrating but I can’t change the credit card reader and stop it from charging tax….
Customer: I’M NOT PAYING THE GOVERNMENT MY MONEY FOR A GIFT CARD! *storms out*
Boyfriend: *stepping up to the register* All that over a dollar?
Owner: *smiles tiredly*

Wish We Could Wipe You From Our Memory

, , , | Right | December 20, 2019

(I work at a decently large craft and fabric store. A customer comes in wanting to do a return on an item she purchased by accident and lost the receipt to. Our system is weird and requires a lot of personal information to process a return without a receipt, such as a name and an address. Mind you, this return is on an item that costs literally $1.50; I don’t even know why she’s bothering.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to need your information for this return.”

Customer: “Are you going to send me anything?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is purely for identification purposes. We need you in our system if you are returning an item without a receipt.”

(I input her information, process her return, and give her the merchandise return card. She makes the purchase she was going to make, and then she just stands there for a second.)

Me: *staring inquisitively*

Customer: “Now wipe me from your system.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll see if I can, but I doubt I can do that.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

(There’s a line forming behind her; I just need her out of the way so I can help other customers.)

Me: “How about I’ll just tell a manager about this and they’ll do it?”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll need them to send me proof that they did it.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

(Dumbfounded. Just… dumbfounded.)

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