Falling Into The Upside Down

, , , , , | Friendly | July 19, 2019

(My friends and I have gotten together for the weekend and my friend whose house we’re staying at can’t find her corkscrew. Since her parents live in the same complex, we go over to get their corkscrew. While we’re there, the weather starts getting nasty and raining hard, so the topic comes up about how we’d weather the storm if there was a tornado since the houses don’t have basements.)

Friend’s Mom: “I’d go hide in the crawl space.”

Friend #1: “We’d be safe in the bathtubs.”

Friend #2: “When it came up at school, I told my students I’d jump out the window and hope I didn’t crash through the grate below.”

Me: *mishearing* “What’s the Great Below?”

Friend #2: *laughing* “You know, grate? Like a piece of metal?”

Me: *laughing* “Yay for homonyms!”

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Unfiltered Story #155576

, , , | Unfiltered | June 29, 2019

(So for some reason I’m the only one who ever interacts with the weird teenage girls. Granted we have a small staff and while I doubt the fact that I was the only male on staff at the time, I really think I’m just this unlucky. So one of those teen romance movies ends and the girl and her friend walk over to one of the benches we have in the lobby. The girl sits down on the floor and begins rolling around while her friend sits on the bench. As its getting close to closing time and I want to pretend there isn’t a girl rolling around on the floor I decide to start putting some of the things away and begin counting inventory. I’m currently squatting behind the counter looking in a cabinet.)

Girl: *In a concerned voice* “[My nnaaaammmmeeeeee]?? [My nnnnnnaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee]????”

*Confused I poke my head over the counter*

Girl: “Oh good, you’re still here”

Me: “Yeah. I’m just taking care of a few things”

Girl: “Oh okay” *She continues rolling around on the floor*

(So several months later a group of girls came into the theater asking for me. Fortunately for me I wasn’t there at the time they asked but my shift was starting later that night. So when I showed up one of my co-workers quickly brought me up to speed on the situation.)

Co-Worker: “So theres a group of girls asking for you…”

Me: “Like annoying teenage girls?”

Co-Worker: “…Yeah…”

Me: “Right. So I’ll be in the backroom. Call me after they leave or if you need me. But it better be an emergency.”

*I quickly hid in the backroom to re-organize some things since I’ll probably be there awhile*

(After about 10 minutes my co-worker comes back to let me know they left)

Me: *Looking at my co-workers* “I hate my life so much”

Co-Worker 2: “Why was there a group of girls here to see you?”

Me: “I don’t know. I always interact with the weird ones.”

Co-worker: “Well, I just wanted to let you know that while you were hiding they told us about how they were hiding in a dumpster waiting for people to walk by so they could jump out and scare them.”

Me: *Bangs head against wall* “I literally can’t even right now”

(Several months after that I’m standing at the little stand thing where I rip tickets and let people know which direction to travel in to get to the theater.)

Girl: *Looking excitedly at me* “[My name]!!! Do you remember me?”

Me: “Nope”

Girl: “I came here with [Name of friend] to see that movie!”

Me: “I don’t even know who that is.”

Girl: *Walks closer to me with her phone* “Hold on”

(I assume that she’s going to show my a picture of her friend but I was sorely wrong)

Girl: *Standing beside me, she opens Snapchat, makes a duck face and takes a selfie with me. Giggling she walks away.*

Co-Worker: “What was that?”

Me: “How am I supposed to know?!”

(I have more stories like this but to this day I don’t know if any of the different girls are actually the same girl)

Unfiltered Story #155135

, , , | Unfiltered | June 22, 2019

[I work for an online store that deals in medical equipment, many of our customers are elderly and so I’m use to confused callers or people wanting discounts. I have alot of patience and try to help them the best I can, but some just know how to annoy me in all the right ways]

Me: Hello and thank you for calling [company name], how may I help you?

Customer: Yes I’m looking at [2 different machines but sounds like she thinks they are one machine], and have some questions I’d like answered.

Me: *She sounds like an elderly woman, and when dealing with an elderly sounding customer I use my sweetest voice possible* Okay Ma’am what questions do you have?

Customer: Well I want your best price *as in she hopes she’ll get it cheaper by calling and not ordering online* on [machine]. I want the best bang for my buck.

Me: Well ma’am that machine is actually two different machines by two different companies, and the price is a set [price of machine] since the Manufacturer doesn’t allow us to discount it. *we say since this is true for most of them and it gets most of the ‘Discounters’ to stop asking. I go on to explain the differences between the two machines, trying to talk her into the cheaper one*

Customer: Well I want [More expensive machine] why are you talking to me about the cheaper one?

Me: Well you stated you want the most bang for your buck, so I figured you may be more inclined to this one.

Customer: Well money is not an issue, I want [more expensive machine].

Me: Well okay Ma’am if money is not an issue *begins telling her about the machine and features, she wants the details of what she’ll be getting in the most expensive package for the machine, the machine comes with a USB cord*.

Customer: What is a USB cord?

Me: Well, the cord enables you to connect the machine to your computer and-

Customer: I won’t be lugging that big heavy thing when I’m traveling, can you take the cord off the package and give me a discount?

Me: *A bit putt off by her interruption, since 1. it’s like a $5 3 inch cord, and 2. why ask for a discount when she said she wanted the more expensive one because money wasn’t an issue* W-Well I can’t do that, the Manufacturer sends it to us with the cord in the package so I can’t take out the cord and discount the price.

Customer: Oh, well then.

[We continue talking about the machines]

Customer: okay why don’t you just add the [cheaper machine] to the order? My husband will like that one better

Me: *as doing paperwork while answering her questions, since she said she only had questions, nothing about making an order, one of the things that annoys me most is when they assume I’m taking their order when they told me they just had questions* You… want me to take your order Ma’am?

Customer: Well yes that’s why I called!

Me: Well okay Ma’am… I’ll start making the order right now.

Customer: Do you have discount codes online?

Me: *again she said price wasn’t an issue so I’m a bit put off she’s insisting on these discounts, but I remain pleasant since it’ll be a big order* Well yes we have some codes online. If you allow me to make an account for you and sigh you up for our newsletter I’ll take 10$ off your order.

Customer: Okay do that, but sit on the line with me while I find some more.

Me: … okay Ma’am *I sit there as she asked ‘are you there’ every 5 seconds, getting more annoyed, again she said she didn’t care about money yet she’s making such a fuss over discounts*

Customer: Can I get 50% off a mask?

Me: Do you want to buy a mask Ma’am?

Customer: No but I want the 50%

Me: then I can’t give that to you

Customer: *couple minutes later* Can I get this bulk discount?

Me: Bulk means you’re buying more then one of the same item Ma’am, and here you’re buying two different machines, I’m sorry that’s not applicable.

Customer: well that’s just no help! *2 more minutes go by* I see a code for free shipping. I want that!

Me: *Any order over $99 is free shipping but I decide to indulge her and let her think she’s getting a discount* Okay Ma’am I’ll apply that to your order.

Customer: oh a 5% off coupon too! 5% off such an expensive order will be more then a mere $10… *she sounds so happy with herself*

Me: *I just wanted her off my line at this point* Okay I’ll add that to your order *begins to make account, her e-mail is already in the system* You… already made an account with us Ma’am?

Customer: well yes but I didn’t buy anything!

Me: *I am grateful for my gel wrist rest at this point because I want to smack my head against it* Okay Ma’am I just need your information now…

[We go on with the order and thankfully have no hiccups, I finally get off the line and proceed to bang my head against my wrist rest. At least I got the order right? ]

Unfiltered Story #155125

, , | Unfiltered | June 21, 2019

(I used to work in a small grocery store. One weekend we were having a sale on a particular brand of bulk candy.)

Me: “Alright ma’am, your groceries come to (Total).
Customer: “What? That can’t be right. All I bought was three bags of candy, it should only be six dollars.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I think you must have misunderstood the sale. The candy is two dollars per pound, not two dollars per bag.”
Customer: “You’re wrong! It’s two bucks a bag!”
Me: “I’d be happy to send someone to do a price check for you, or you could walk back to the display yourself, but I am certain that it is two dollars per pound.”
Customer: “No, no, I specifically asked the girl at the customer service desk and she told me it was two dollars per bag!”
(I should note that on weekends it is always the same male employee that works at customer service.)
Me: “Do you know the name of the employee you spoke with? You have more than fifteen pounds of candy, so I’d like to clarify the error with her.”
Customer: “It shouldn’t matter! She told me it was two dollars!”
(At this point she began screaming even louder and I had to call my manager over. To get her to leave my manager gave her the discount! I couldn’t believe it. On another note though, during all the yelling I noticed that her teeth were very yellow with large brown spots. Maybe from eating all that candy?)

Let It Rip!

, , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2019

I’m the stupid one here. I go to my local library to use the Internet and sort through some paperwork while waiting for my daughter to get out of an after-school activity. Sitting at the nice, long table, I spread my papers out, and when I run across something I no longer need, out of habit, I rip it up and toss it in the trash, completely forgetting I’m in a place where you’re expected to be quiet. For the record, there is no public shredder.

As I’m packing up my belongings, an elderly gentleman starts walking past the table. When he gets right behind me, without stopping, he rips something almost right next to my ear. I nearly jump out of my chair, and he keeps walking, not looking back.

Guess it serves me right for being so clueless.

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