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You Keep Using That Word…

, , , , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2022

My three-year-old car has decided that it needs a new engine block, something not covered by warranty.

Mechanic: “We have found a secondhand engine for $6,328.00. We just need a deposit put down in order for us to order it in.”

Me: “Oh, okay, sure. How much are we talking for a deposit?”

Mechanic: “We need a deposit of $4,500.00.”

Me: “Um, that’s not a deposit; that’s basically paying the whole lot up front. A deposit for something is usually 10% to 20% of the cost of the item. Are you sure you know what ‘deposit’ means?”

Mechanic: “I know what ‘deposit’ means. This is our policy.”

Me: “I really think you need to look at the definition of a deposit.”

Where “Fast & Furious” Should Have Been Set

, , , , , | Right | November 4, 2021

My mom has just moved to New Jersey and takes her car to the mechanic because she thinks there is an issue.

Mom: “I think my speedometer is broken. It says I’m going seventy-five but cars are just zooming by me.”

Mechanic: “This is New Jersey, ma’am. Your speedometer’s fine.”

For reference, the highest speed limit in New Jersey is sixty-five mph.

Conditional Air Conditioning

, , , , , , | Working | October 25, 2021

I have a 2007 car. The air conditioner randomly decided to stop working and only started up again as I started planning to take it to the mechanic to have it looked at. I’d been fighting it for about five years by the time this all started.

At the start of the second summer of the global health crisis, it finally died for good. Because I hadn’t been driving much since the crisis started, I ignored it for two weeks to see if it would start up on its own. It never did, so I set an appointment at my local dealership to have them check it out and prepared myself for the cost.

The first one they put in that day all but caught on fire; it smelled like burning plastic when they ran the air. The second one I had to wait until the following week to install since it would come in after they closed. The advisor was very apologetic but I told him that was fine. They put in a temporary unit with no promises it would get me through my next appointment — still no issue for me as I’d been driving around with no air conditioner in my car for two weeks at that point.

The second one they put in basically broke straight out of the box, so this time, I let them keep the car until they got the third replacement in at the end of the week. That one broke, too! It sounded like a death rattle regardless of how high we ran the air.

The advisor was all but falling over backward, clearly mad and embarrassed at the three broken fans. I let him know I was in no way mad at him and actually found the whole thing quite funny. He said that they had been using after-market parts since they’re cheaper but was going to order me a brand-new part from their warehouse three states over and waive the cost for me. He apologized that it was going to take a few days and said it would be best for me to drive with my windows down.

Five days later, it came in… and it worked! The advisor was still upset and embarrassed at the other parts but was happy to see I was pleased with his work.

They Don’t Really Have A Handle On This

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2021

The inside door handle is broken on my two-and-a-half-year-old car. I know it should be covered by the warranty, so I call the dealer and explain the situation to the receptionist.

Me: “Can I please talk to the service department to schedule a repair?”

Receptionist: “Actually, let me transfer you to the parts department so we can make sure we have the part you need.”

Of course, I have no idea what part it needs, so I ask the parts department to transfer me to service. The parts guy makes a scoffing sound at the receptionist’s idiocy and transfers me to service.

The service guy stammers a bit.

Service Guy: “Can you just stop in so I can look at it? We’ll see what part it needs so we can be sure we have the right part.”

It’s on my way home anyway, so I stop in. He takes a minute to look at the handle.

Service Guy: “Oh, yeah, we can do that. We have the part in stock.”

Then, he hands me his card, and as he walks away, he says:

Service Guy: “Just give me a call to schedule an appointment when you want to get it fixed.”

Really? What was I doing there if I didn’t want to get it fixed? I wonder if he was just hoping I’d procrastinate until the three-year warranty ran out.

A Battery Of Scams

, , , , | Working | August 18, 2021

I have taken my car in for service because the electrical system keeps resetting in weird ways every time I turn the car off. Once the technicians have looked at my car, I get this call.

Tech: “Hi. We’ve taken a look at your car and it seems like the battery is faulty. You need a new battery.”

Me: “Okay, but you just installed a new battery in this car less than a month ago.”

Tech: “Oh, ummm…”

Me: “And that battery was a replacement for the battery you installed two months before that.”

Tech: “Oh, yes, I see that in the system.”

Me: “Maybe worth another look, eh?”

Tech: “I’ll take this off your bill right now. Can I call you back?”