Thou Shalt Not Steal Pizza

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(I work at a pizza buffet restaurant. A family of about five comes in. The father talks to my manager, who is helping them as I’m doing something else.)

Father: “I have already eaten, so I’m only paying for the wife and kids.”

(I also overhear him ask:)

Father: “Is it okay for me to take a bite of salad?”

(My manager doesn’t seem to hear him, and he just goes about paying and they sit down to eat. After a while my manager catches him eating some salad and informs him that he cannot eat unless he pays, and he seems understanding. He is seen doing it again, and my manager informs him again, but this time he gets upset and comes up to the counter. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Father: “Yeah, your manager is being stupid. Let me get a buffet.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Is that with a drink?”

Father: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

(He pulls out a silver metallic card with a Bible scripture on it — being Christian this gets me a bit upset. He tells me to swipe it.)

Me: “Well, sir, this has no chip in it, and I’m sure it won’t go through.”

Father: “No, no, that’s that silver card, bro. Swipe it.”

(I humor him and swipe it. Obviously, it doesn’t work, and I inform him of that.)

Father: “It didn’t go through, right?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Father: “So, I guess I don’t have to pay for it huh?”

(He walked off and went to sit back down at his table. I informed my manager of what happened and asked them to keep on eye on him. A few minutes later he told his family that they were leaving, and he made a scene as they left. He came in a minute later, grabbed two slices of pizza, and walked out. Apparently what he had eaten before didn’t fill him up, but he just didn’t want to pay.)

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You’re One Of The Reasons I Need A Holiday So Badly

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2018

(I work for a major supermarket. Normally, I get along with all my colleagues and am always happy to do them favours, like swapping shifts, provided I am not doing anything. However, one colleague has a habit of seeing last-minute holiday deals and then booking them before she checks she can have the time off. Then, if management tells her too many people are off, she tries to bully other staff into cancelling their holiday. Sadly, many buckle and give in to her. This time around, I have a week off in the same week she wants, and a manager has the other free week off. She knows she can’t bully the manager, so while I am on break she comes up to me.)

Colleague: “Oh, hey, [My Name], you’re on holiday in a few weeks, right?

(I nod, knowing where this is going.)

Colleague: “Oh, well, I just booked this beautiful holiday in the Maldives. Beautiful resort. Great bargain. The kids are so excited. The trouble is, management said they can’t give me the time off because you’re off. Would you cancel your holiday?”

Me: “No.”

Colleague: “No? What do you mean, ‘no’? You’re not going anywhere; you never go anywhere. What difference does it make if you take your holiday time another week?”

Me: “I actually have plans—”

Colleague: “Yeah, probably sleeping! That’s not ‘plans.’ You are so selfish, after all the favours I have done for you.”

Me: “You’ve never done me any favours. I’ve swapped several shifts for you over the years, including New Years because you said you wanted to spend time with your kids, but every time I ask to swap a shift with you, you always refuse.”

Colleague: “Well, you don’t have kids! It doesn’t matter when you take holiday. My kids are so excited about this holiday! You’re going to upset them! And I’ve already paid my deposit; I’ll lose it if I cancel now.”

Me: “Maybe you should have checked you could have the time off before you booked the holiday.”

Colleague: “You are such a selfish b****! What are you doing that is so important that you won’t give up your holiday time?”

Me: “I’m going to my cousin’s wedding.”

Colleague: “What, for a whole week? That’s bulls***!”

Me: “Actually, I’m planning to spend most of the week catching up with my family up there. I haven’t seen them in years.”

Colleague: “Well, it’s just a cousin. They’re not important, and if you haven’t seen them in years, that’s your fault. You could see them anytime. I need that holiday week more than you.”

(She continued to piss and moan, calling me selfish, demanding I cancel my holiday. She tried to guilt me into submission by reminding me her kids were so excited, how upset they would be if they couldn’t go, how I was going to make them cry, and how they hadn’t had a holiday like this in years, which was an utter lie. Having had enough of her, I got up and walked away, because if I didn’t I was going to lose my temper. However, I immediately put in a complaint to HR and to the duty manager. The manager had a word with her and told her she can’t make people cancel their holiday. She claimed she had just asked me nicely and I took it the wrong way and the complaint went no further, though my colleague did at least stop bugging me. Fast forward several weeks. I returned to work after my holiday and found no trace of my colleague. Usually, as soon as anyone who refused to cancel got back from holiday, she would waste no time in trying to make them feel bad. I soon learned that my colleague was fired. Turns out that she called in sick the week I was on holiday. The managers got suspicious, as this was the exact week she wanted off. They did some digging, where they saw pictures on her Facebook account that proved she went ahead and went on holiday, anyway, so she was immediately dismissed.)

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When It’s A Steal, Not A Bargain

, , , , | Related | October 26, 2018

(We are out at a family dinner, and we happen to be near my uncle’s office. He is reminiscing about a sandwich shop he used to visit for lunches.)

Uncle: “They used to have the best bread! Used to have a salad bar, too; I’d use the cucumber slices and make the plate bigger, get twice as much salad. You do that, and get a water glass and fill it with soda, and it’d be a good meal. They used to give out those punch cards, you know, to buy four sandwiches and get the fifth free? I’d take them off my coworkers’ trays and just copy the other punches to fill out the cards. It was such good food. I wonder why they went out of business?”

Cousin: “Because of theft, probably.”

Uncle: “They were robbed? When?”

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Giving The BS-ometer A Real Workout

, , , , , | Right | October 25, 2018

(I work for a debt collection agency. We collect on behalf of other companies who are having no luck. Some of the most common debts we collect are old credit card balances and outstanding gym memberships. It does not matter whether you stop going – if you’re locked into a contract, you have to pay for however long you signed up for, whether you go or not. I’ve heard every excuse in the book. The worst one I ever got was this:)

Me: “Are you calling to make a payment?”

Customer: “I’m going to tell you what I keep telling [Gym]: I’m not paying!”

Me: “Our clients are looking to take legal action if your account cannot be resolved. May I ask why you aren’t paying?”

Customer: “Because they let paedophiles into that gym! I told them I wanted out because I didn’t want to go to a gym full of paedophiles!”

Me: “One moment, sir. I’m going to check the notes our client gave us.”

(I check the notes. The gym in question is members-only, and only accepts members over 18. In the UK, you are no longer a minor at 18; you are classed as a legal adult. The notes left by our client show that he has indeed been disputing the outstanding balance with the client and demanding early release from his contract, but his reasons were not accepted because: a) if there were a registered sex offender attending the gym, they still have the right to use the gym, especially as there are no children there; they are only barred from places with children, such as schools, b) the customer has refused at every opportunity to point out who all these “sex offenders” are, and c) the customer started doing this after six months, and had only attended the gym three times, all of those times in the first month.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as our client has told you on multiple occasions, that is not a valid reason to cancel your membership. If you have reason to believe these sex offenders are picking up children near the gym, or using the premises for illegal activities, you should report it to the police; however, they are legally allowed to use the gym. The debt stands, and you are liable for the remaining balance.”

(The man continued rambling about all the paedophiles in the gym, telling me I was enabling them and that I must be a paedophile myself because I was taking their side. I advised the customer of his options, and of the consequences if he didn’t take them, and when he continued to call me a paedophile, I terminated the call. A few days later a complaint came in. The customer tried to get me fired because he claimed I was a paedophile. This complaint was never upheld because the call was recorded and I could prove he was lying. This didn’t stop him from trying to report me, the company I worked for, and the gym to the police. Nothing ever came of that, either.)

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Should Have Settled Down After The First Time

, , , , , , | Right | October 25, 2018

(I get a call from a woman who hasn’t paid her gas and electric account in twelve months. We are starting the process of taking the account to court to obtain a warrant to forcibly fit a prepayment meter.)

Customer: “Hi. I was calling to make a payment, but I wanted to ask for a settlement. My credit card company offered me a settlement; they took off 50%. If you take that off, I will pay you now in full.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t do settlements.”

Customer: “Don’t lie. Every company does settlements.”

Me: “I’m afraid not, ma’am. You can only get settlements on certain types of debt, and utility bill debt is not one of them. If you can only afford to pay half, I can put the remaining balance on a payment plan.”

Customer: “I’ll have to look at my finances and call you back later.”

(The customer hangs up. Thirty minutes later, she calls back and gets through to me again.)

Customer: “Hi, I was speaking to a young lady a while ago ,and I’m calling to take up her offer of settlement; she said if I paid in full today you would take 50% off.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that’s not possible. We do not do settlements.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not what the young lady I spoke to earlier said. I was promised a settlement. If you promise something you have to do it; now I demand my settlement!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way you were promised a settlement.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re calling me a liar? I know what I was told. The girl I spoke to promised me a settlement if I paid in full today. So, you either give me what you promised, or I never pay a single penny.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the person you spoke to thirty minutes ago, and I know for a fact that I told you several times that you cannot have a settlement on an outstanding utility bill. I am looking at my notes right now.”

Customer: “Liar! You promised a settlement.”

Me: “These calls are recorded. I can prove exactly what I told you.”

(The customer hung up. I made my notes and informed my manager of the call, because I suspected the customer would call back and try and pull a fast one. I was right. The customer called back all day trying to get through to a different advisor, each time claiming somebody promised her a settlement. She paid in full about a week later, but lodged a huge complaint, claiming that everyone was lying to her and that I should be fired for making false promises. She even tried to say one of the advisors called her a b**** when they thought they had put her on hold. Call recordings and extensive notes came to the rescue and we were able to refute every claim she made. Eventually she gave up.)


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