Much Too Chicken To Demand Too Much Chicken

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I work in the hot foods section of a deli in a busy mall. I make the pizzas. I get an order from a customer who is notorious for returning and complaining about pizzas, in order to get free food. Towards the end of this night, our pizza oven isn’t working properly and it is cooking pizzas a little bit slower. After giving the customer his pizza and checking with him that it is all right, he returns no more than five minutes later.)

Me: “Did you need something, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh.. I don’t think the chicken on my pizza is cooked. I think it’s raw.”

Me: “That’s impossible; our chicken is actually precooked before we put it on the pizza. In fact, all of our meats are precooked.”

Customer: “No, no… It’s definitely raw.”

(I open the pizza box to have a look and the pizza is perfectly cooked.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but your pizza looks perfectly fine to me. I’d be happy to remake one for you, but unfortunately our oven isn’t working properly tonight and it may take 30 to 40 minutes for your pizza to cook. Would you mind waiting?”

Customer: “No, that’s too long. My kids are hungry. [Grocery Store] is supposed to be one of the best in Canada! This is ridiculous; I just want my pizza!”

Me: “Well, sir, your pizza is perfectly safe to eat. The chicken is cooked, if that’s all your concern is about. You can either take this pizza, wait half an hour for another one, or you can go to customer service and get refunded. Which would you prefer?”

Customer: “I just want a pizza.”

Me: *internally screaming* “Yes. Are you taking this one, or would you like to wait? Or would you prefer to speak with a manager?” *hoping the manager will get him to make a decision*

Customer: “I just want a pizza!” *stares at me for a moment* “Actually, get your manager.”

(I page for the store manager to come to my department. The manager comes up to me first to see what’s up, and I tell him what happened.)

Manager: *to the customer* “So, what’s the problem here?”

Customer: “My chicken isn’t cooked. I want a new pizza and she says it will take half an hour! I can’t wait that long!”

Manager: “Well, I can tell you right now that your chicken is, in fact, cooked. It comes to us already cooked. It comes from a bag, and they top your pizza with it.”

Customer: “Well, it’s raw!”

(I’m holding his pizza box and open it to show the manager.)

Manager: “There’s nothing wrong with your pizza; it looks perfect! In fact, there’s almost too much chicken.” *winks at me*

Customer: “Well, I don’t like the chicken. My kids wanted [Grocery Store]’s pizza.” *gestures towards the food court behind us* “They could have picked anything out there. What are you going to do to fix this?”

Manager: “Look, you can take this perfectly fine pizza, you can wait 30 minutes for another one, or we can refund you and you guys can eat elsewhere. Those are the only options; which would you like?”

Customer: “Well, the pizza is cold now!”

Manager: “[My Name], you can stick this pizza back in the oven for him, can’t you?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem! Five minutes and it will be nice and warm! Is that okay, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah… I guess. I’ll be back in five minutes.” *walks away*

Manager: “It’s one of those nights. He just wants free food. Your pizza looks amazing; I’ll actually take a slice of pepperoni!”

Me: “Yeah, we all know him over here. He’s notorious for returning and complaining.”

Manager: “Well, I know him now. He won’t be getting away with it anymore!”

(He ended up taking the pizza. I can’t wait until he comes back to complain!)

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She’s A Real Tie Fighter

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2018

(At my store, when an item is on clearance, each individual item is tagged with a sticker that says, “Clearance,” the original price, the current price, and the percentage reduced. The label of the shelf where it sits is also covered with a label that only says, “Clearance.” Our policy is that when an item is entirely stocked in the wrong location, we will honor the listed price, but if a single item is set in the wrong spot, that’s likely an accident from people looking at stock and putting it back in the wrong place, so it generally won’t be honored.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are your men’s ties?”

Me: “Just over there.”

(She goes to look, and a moment later calls me over.)

Customer: “How much is this one?” *hands me a black tie*

Me: *checking it with my scanner* “It’s $19.99.”

Customer: *instantly irate* “What?! But it was in that clearance spot.”

(I look at the display. Out of about a dozen pegs with ties hanging on them, there is a single peg marked clearance. The peg is empty, but right next to it is a full peg with identical black ties, with a correct label of $19.99. I politely point this out, and explain that it’s very likely that someone simply set the tie back down on the wrong peg. As I do so, I happen to notice a completely different tie has also been put on a completely different wrong peg, and I fix its location.)

Customer: *completely ignoring my explanation* “NO! You have to honor the listed price. Federal law says so!”

Me: “All due respect, ma’am, there is no listed price on that peg. When we have items go on clearance, we put a sticker on each individual item. This tie has no sticker on its tag, it was the only one on that peg, and it’s right next to a peg of identical ties, where it clearly belongs.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! The listed price says clearance. I want the listed price!”

Me: “I don’t know what listed price you’re asking for. The sign has no price or percentage of reduction. When I scan the item, the price shows $19.99, which is also the listed price on the tie’s correct location.”

Customer: “You know, I could get a Michael Kors tie from Nordstrom for $19.99! I don’t know why you’re trying to sell an inferior product for the same price. My daughter and son-in-law are coming to town for a wedding, and he needs a black tie. I already texted my daughter and told her this one is on clearance, so I need to buy this one! I want your manager!”

(I go to fetch a manager and explain the situation, then we go back to where the customer is.)

Customer: “You have to give me this tie at the listed price! It’s federal law!”

Manager: “Ma’am, it looks to me like a single tie was set in the wrong place–“

Customer: *interrupting* “Plus she—” *gestures at me*—completely rearranged the shelf while I was standing here! I need this tie at the clearance price! The only reason I came here was because my daughter told me your store had black ties on clearance, and my son-in-law needs one! He’s very sick, you know!”

(At this point, there was nothing further I could contribute, so I walked away and went back to my work. Later the manager told me that the woman ranted at her for a good fifteen minutes and refused to leave her alone, so she finally gave her a 30% discount just to shut her up and stop her from leaving a complaint about me.)

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The Nightmare Before Halloween

, , , , , , | Working | October 31, 2018

(I am dressing as Mrs. Peacock from “Clue” for Halloween, and my costume isn’t complete without a small toy revolver, so I search online and find one at a good price from a seller only about 100 miles from me. Per the seller’s policies, he usually ships items within three business days of order placement, but sometimes needs up to seven days to ship the item. In either case, the package should take only two or three days to arrive, even by basic postal service. On the 19th, I receive an email from the seller with the package tracking code and the following note:)

Seller: “Your package was shipped a few days back. Here is the tracking information. Have a great day!”

(“A few days back” is ambiguous, but it sounds well within his policy and therefore “on time.” However, when I get home that afternoon, the package has not arrived, nor does it arrive the following day. Or the next. OR the next. The whole time, the package tracking shows the same status message:)

Status Message: “Pre-Shipment Info Sent to USPS, USPS Awaiting Item”

(It seems the seller has created the package profile with the post office, but hasn’t yet given the package to a postal worker to begin processing. On Sunday the 23rd, one week after I ordered the item, I contact the seller:)

Me: “Please send out ASAP. I ordered this well enough in advance to accompany a Halloween costume for a party this coming Friday, October 28th. Columbus to Cincy isn’t far; it should take no more than two to three days to arrive, but I’ll get it in time only if you ship it by tomorrow, Monday, October 24th. If you cannot manage to get it in the mail by close of business tomorrow, please let me know by canceling the order and issuing a full refund so that I can seek an alternative that will deliver in a timely fashion.”

Seller: “Hello, your package is indeed in the US mail system and on the way to you. The post office is always a day or more behind scanning updates. Some updates are as late as five days. Thank you for your patience. Have a good day!”

(Yes, he is placing the blame for the package’s delay on the post office! Magically, the very next day, the tracking status changes:)

Status Message: “Accepted at USPS Origin Facility.”

(Two days later, on the 26th, I finally had my costume accessory. However, the seller got his very-well-deserved negative feedback posted to his account about his slow service and blatant lies!)

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Surveyed And Dismayed

, , , | Learning | October 31, 2018

(Near the end of my freshman year in college, longer ago than I care to remember, I received a questionnaire in the mail. It was long — eight pages, each with two columns of questions — and intrusive — asking about drug use, sexual habits, parents’ income, number of toilets in my home, and more — and despite assurances of anonymity there was an embossed unique serial number on the sheet to record answers. After about two minutes of looking at it, I set the whole thing on fire and forgot about. The next fall, I get a call from the Dean of Students’ secretary.)

Secretary: “[My Name], I’m calling about the survey you received from [Company] last spring. It’s important that it be completed, as the college gets a significant amount of money for it.”

Me: “I did get it and took care of it. I must say I was quite concerned about the personal nature of the questions, some of which could potentially leave me open to criminal charges if I had actually done them and answered honestly.”

Secretary: “[My Name], it’s anonymous, and they don’t have your response.”

Me: “If you know they don’t have my answers, then it’s not anonymous, is it? When I said I took care of it, I meant that I destroyed it immediately.”

Secretary: *click*

(I expected another call from the Dean himself, but no. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to trash the survey.)

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A Debit Card Company That Only Debits You

, , , , , , | Working | October 29, 2018

(I own a small business that I myself operate solely. I have a debit machine through a company that shuts down with very little notice, leaving me scrambling to find a new one. The day I learn of the shutdown, I get a call from another processor company.)

Man: “Hi there! We are calling all customers of [Previous Company] to offer a great deal during this stressful time. Do you have a few minutes?”

Me: “Oh, that’s so convenient! I do, but I will tell you the features I need and we can go from there; that way we don’t waste each other’s time. I need a machine that is portable either by Bluetooth or 3G, supports a tip option, and has an app or ability to be connected to a catalogue system rather than manually writing an invoice and punching in the total.”

Man: “We definitely have that!” *rambles on about one machine*

Me: “What’s the cost per month, and are there sign-up fees?”

Man: “It is $9.95 per month, plus 1.1% for credit purchases and ten cents flat for debit purchases. There is usually a sign-up fee, but for customers of [Previous Company] we are waiving it for all new setups.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind!”

(Two weeks go by, and I’m running out of time for a new machine. Every other company is either too expensive — $150+ per month — or doesn’t answer their phone. I get a call back from the same man.)

Man: “Have you found a provider, or would you like to go ahead?”

Me: “I guess we will go ahead with it, thank you!”

(Cue two weeks of frustrating emails back and forth about the paperwork they need. They ask for one form, I send it, then they say, “Whoops, we need this one, instead.” “Do you have anything that says this?” “Can you print this and drive twenty minutes to your bank to write three numbers on it and then send it back?” Finally I receive my machine. There is no tip option and no catalogue, even though he assured me multiple times both on the phone and on email that it had them! I call back.)

Me: “You told me many times it supported a tip option and had a built-in catalogue on the app! It doesn’t!”

Man: “No, ma’am, I didn’t say that. None of our machines offer that.”

Me: “Then I’d like to send it back. I was lied to, and I don’t want a machine that doesn’t work for me.”

Man: “I will see if you can cancel your contract early.”

Me: “I did not sign a contract. It’s monthly.”

Man: “My mistake. There is a cancellation fee of $399 to buy out the machine.”

Me: “I haven’t used the machine yet. I’m not paying anything. I signed nothing.”

Man: “Let me call you back; I have to talk with my manager.”

(Two weeks go by with no call back. I leave multiple voicemails and send multiple emails. Nothing. I’m doing some shopping for my business one day and my business debit card gets declined. I know there was plenty of money in there for my supplies, so I stop at the bank and see that there is $9.12 left! A charge for $399, another for $224, and another for $1,165 have come out, all bearing the name of that debit machine provider. Frantically, I call my bank and ask for the charges to be reversed as they are fraudulent, but there is a two- to three-business-day wait and it is a Friday night. I call the machine provider.)

Woman: “The sales rep you were dealing with isn’t in the office at the moment, but I’ve looked over your account and those charges are legitimate. You cancelled your contract, and the charges are $399 for the machine, $224 for the application and paperwork, and $1,165 for early termination.”

Me:I. Signed. Nothing! You can’t just steal people’s money like that! Refund the charges now! I’m a small-time business with just me, myself, and I, and you’ve left my bank account empty! I have to pay rent for my office! I have orders to pay for!”

Woman: “He just came back in. One moment.”

Man: “Hi, [My Name], we processed your cancellation as you requested, so you’re good to go.”

Me: “No, I told you I wasn’t paying that. I didn’t sign a contract.”

Man: “Yes, you did. That electronic document I sent to you that you electronically signed is your contract.”

Me: “You mean the one that says I agree to pay the percentage and 10 cents per transaction, and that my fees for the start-up were waived as part of the deal for [Previous Company]’s shut down?”

Man: “On page two. That is the contract. You signed a two-year contract and agreed to pay the cancellation fees of [amount] per month if cancelled early.”

Me: “There was only one page.”

Man: “No, there were two. You’re telling me you sign things without reading them?”

Me: “No, a**hole, there’s only one page. I’m staring at the email right now.”

Man: “You must be blind. You’re trying to scam us. Learn to read! I’m forwarding it to you now!”

Me: “Got it. Still only one page!”

Man:No, there are— Wait… F***, I forgot to send the other one.” *click*

(I still haven’t been refunded. This isn’t a scam company, either; they’re a multi-billion-dollar company that serves more than 50% of businesses in my town!)

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