A friend and I are waiting for a midnight showing of a Star Wars movie. We’re telling jokes to pass the time.
Friend: “If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, then what is Luke short for?”
Me: “Uhm…”
Friend: “A stormtrooper!”
Me: “Well, great. I’m never going to be able to beat that, so now we have to stand here in silence for the next hour.”
My friend and I are at a movie theater at the midnight opening night release of ‘The Force Awakens’, so the atmosphere is buzzing. We’re buying some concessions, and I spot my friend talking to an older guy. They have a friendly chat for a few minutes before saying ‘bye’, when my friend then walks back over to me, smiling.
Me: “Who was that?”
Friend: “That’s my college professor.”
Me: “Oh, cool. Why are you smiling so much?”
Friend: “Yeah, I have a class with him tomorrow morning. He told me he better not have to ‘force awaken’ me due to my lack of sleep.”
Me: “That’s… a terrible dad joke.”
Friend: “That’s what I said, but terrible dads are kinda par for the course for Star Wars, so it fits.” *Shrugs.*
We laughed and enjoyed the movie. We saw his professor again on the way out, and he said, “Goodnight, younglings!”
I work at a movie theatre that serves alcohol.
Customer: “A beer for my wife and me.”
Me: “Sir, in compliance with our minor control plan, I can only serve one drink per person.”
Customer: “But my wife is already settled in her seat!”
Me: “We have in-seat ordering—”
Customer: “—No, I’m here now, and I am getting a drink for my wife and me!”
Me: “Sir, the plan is in place to ensure our safety, to protect from lawsuits and potential minors getting alcohol.”
Customer: “And what if I never come back to this theater again?!”
Me: “That’s your choice, sir. Better to play it safe.”
Customer: “So you’d rather be safe than have a sale?”
Me: “Sir, you’re asking if I’m willing to risk a multi-thousand-dollar fine and a lawsuit, rather than serve you two $8 beers at once. What do you think?”
I’m working in the cinema with a colleague who has been there far longer than I:
Colleague: “Oh, watch out. This guy coming in, he’s always got something golden to say.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Colleague: “Just wait.”
This regular customer walks over to us both and asks:
Regular: “If I’m late to the movie, do I get a discount?”
Colleague: “No, sir. You’re charged for the whole movie regardless of how much of it you watch.”
Regular: *Looks at watch.* “So I just waited outside for half an hour for nothing?!”
Colleague: “Enjoy the rest of your movie, sir.”
The regular mutters and grumbles and walks into the cinema, where his film had started a half hour earlier.
Colleague: “Every week, he always tries something. Last time he tried to get a discount after the film for all the popcorn kernels that hadn’t popped. I told him he could take them home and give them another go in the microwave at no extra cost.”
I’m a seventeen-year-old guy, working the concessions counter in a movie theater. I also had to sell tickets because we didn’t have a box office worker scheduled.
We had a special running that day, where you could get two tickets, two small drinks, and a medium popcorn for a discounted price (it was a surprisingly good deal for a theater).
Two girls come in, probably around fifteen to sixteen, and order their tickets together. I offer them the special.
Customer #1: “What’s that?”
Me: “You get two small sodas, a medium popcorn, and your tickets for [low amount of dollars].”
Customer #1: “Oh, no thanks.”
Customer #2: “Yeah, we don’t… need that from you.”
Me: “Alright, here are your tickets. Would you like any concessions?”
They proceeded to order a medium popcorn and two small sodas.
Me: “So… that’s basically the deal I just tried to sell you.”
Customer #1: “Wait, that was real?”
Customer #2: “Oh! We thought you were like… hitting on us or something.”
Me: “How would my offering you a special deal be me hitting on you?”
Customer #2: “I mean, look at us. Guys like you are giving girls like us discounts all the time.”
Customer #1: “So, we’ll take that deal?”
Me: “Sorry, you already got your tickets. It only counts when tickets are purchased together with the concessions. It’s a shame, girls like you miss out on this deal all the time.”
They don’t, but it was nice to get that jab in. They wanted to speak to a manager, but since we were so understaffed that afternoon, they wouldn’t have been able to speak to him before their movie started, so they dropped it and went to see their movie.
