Inappropriateness Has Hit The Roof

| CT, USA | Right | July 21, 2017

(I’m closing alone with my manager when three guys who are very obviously drunk come up to us where we are talking, waiting to shut everything down and leave.)

Drunk Guy #1: “Hi there, guys, how are you?”

Manager: “I’m good, how are you?”

Drunk Guy #2: *slurring his speech* “I’m fantastic. Did you know I was the GM here before it changed to a [Theater Company]?”

Manager: “I didn’t know that, no.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Yeah, I miss this place. Do you still have access to the roof?”

Manager: “Well, yes, we do.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Would it be ok if my wife and I go have sex on the roof? You know, for old time’s sake?”

(I look over to my manager trying not to laugh and he’s visibly trying hard not to crack up.)

Manager: “I’m sorry but I can’t let you up to the balcony if you aren’t staff and that’s the only way up.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Come on, man. I was the GM. You know why you guys have a [Armored Money Pickup/Delivery Service] truck pick up and deliver money for the theater?”

Manager: “Because it’s safer?”

Drunk Guy #2: “No, it’s because I used to drive to the bank with thousands of dollars in my glove box to make the deposit and they realized it wasn’t a good idea when I was almost robbed.”

Manager: “Well, that makes sense.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Exactly! Now can I go up on the roof to f*** my wife since you know I used to work here?”

Manager: “No, I still can’t let you go up.”

(This goes on for a few minutes until the drunk guy’s wife comes over.)

Drunk Guy #2’s Wife: “Good lord, what have you three been doing out here?”

Drunk Guy #2: “I was trying to see if we could go f*** on the roof.”

Drunk Guy #2’s Wife: “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry about him. We’re going to go now.”

(She grabbed him and ran out the door as her face got redder and redder, and my manager and I just burst out laughing.)

The Mannequin Challenge Takes Hollywood

, , , , , | Friendly | July 17, 2017

I am meeting a friend at the movies and arrive before she does. Since I’m early, I buy my ticket but just wait in the lobby so we can go into the theater together. I’m not a very “fidgety” person, so I tend to sit or stand very still whenever I’m not actually doing anything. I have been sitting for a while in my car and know I will be sitting in a movie for a couple of hours, so I just stand to the side instead of sitting on one of the available chairs.

I watch other customers coming in, and eventually a mom and her two little girls come inside. They are waiting on someone as well, and one of the girls, who is probably six or seven, is running around while waiting. She’s not being wild or causing trouble, just very energetic. She stops and looks at the various cardboard cutouts of movie characters that are positioned around the lobby, and then she comes up to me and pauses.

I smile and give her a little wave, and she gasps and runs back to her mom. Just then, a man walks inside and over to join them, and the girl exclaims, “Daddy, I thought that lady over there was a poster!”

I’m flattered she thought I looked good enough to be an actress!

Maybe It’s Best That One Doesn’t Learn To Drive

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Related | July 7, 2017

(I am watching the movie ‘Frankenweenie’ in the local cinema. There is only one other group watching, a woman with two young children. The smallest one is too young to follow the plot on his own so every so often he whispers to his mother about what’s going on in the film. Then it reaches the scene where Sparky is killed:)

Boy: *confused* “What’s happened to the doggie?”

Mum: *hesitantly* “He got hit by a car… and he died.”

Boy: *cheerfully* “Oh, noooooo!”

(He watches quietly up until the scene where the undead Sparky runs away from the protagonist’s house.)

Boy: *sits up eagerly* “Ohhhh, is he going into the road again?”

The Sauce Of Your Frustration Is The Cheese

, , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’m at a movie theater which has a large concessions stand with a coffee bar, hot foods counter, and coolers and racks to get pre-packaged items. At the end are two cash registers to cash out. I go up to the hot foods counter to order.)

Me: “Hi, could I get an order of pretzel bites with butter and salt, please? Oh, and I don’t need any cheese sauce with them.”

Employee #1: “The pretzels will be around a minute, but the cheese sauce is free.”

Me: “I know it’s free, but I don’t like it, and won’t eat it, so there’s no point.”

(I smile at him. He stares back at me like I’ve sprouted antenna for a moment.)

Employee #1: “Uh… sure.”

(While the pretzel bites are being made I pick up a bottled drink from one of the coolers. When I come back to the hot counter, Employee #2 is making my pretzel bites. When they are ready, he reaches into a warming rack with the cheese sauce cups among other things.)

Me: “Oh, is that for me? I don’t want the cheese sauce, so I’ll just take the pretzel bites. Thanks.”

Employee #2: *with a blank look* “The cheese sauce is free.”

Me: “I know, but I won’t eat it, so…”

Employee #2: “But… it’s free…”

Me: “I know it’s free, but I don’t want it.”

(At this point he is trying to hand me the pretzel bites with the sauce. Giving up, I just take them.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(The warming rack where the cheese came from is actually open to both the employees behind the counter, and the customers because there are pre-packaged hot dogs and nachos in them along with the sealed cups of cheese sauce. So I put the cheese sauce back, and go to check out around the corner.)

Cashier: “You know that the pretzel bites come with cheese sauce, right?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t like and won’t eat it so I requested the pretzel bites without it.”

Cashier: “Oh, ok, I just wanted to make sure you knew. Enjoy your movie.”

(At least the cashier listened to me, but really is not wanting nacho cheese sauce on buttered and salted pretzel bites that weird?)

Trying To Make A Clean Break

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(I work at a movie theater as an usher and part of my job is cleaning after the movie is out. There are only three boys of around 10-13 years in one of the screens and we’re all already pretty suspicious, as all of them bought our jumbo buckets of popcorn.)

Coworker: “I bet they’re gonna throw the popcorn.”

Me: “Yep, definitely.”

(As we keep an eye on the monitors behind our tills, we see some popcorn flying.)

Me: “Knew it.”

(I rush to the screen, enter the room, and watch the boys throw their popcorn at the screen. As the movie finishes I stand in front of the closed door, two vacuums beside me.)

Me: *sweetly* “Well, since you’re having so much fun, would you mind helping me clean the mess you made?”

Boy #1: “Are you f****** insane?”

Boy #2: “Yeah. It’s your job to clean, b****!”

(The third boy keeps nodding and empties the rest of his bucket in front of my feet.)

Me: “Well… it is my job indeed. But you know, I was kind enough to watch you throw that popcorn for almost two hours, when I could have kicked you out immediately. So either you start cleaning now, or you will never ever step into our theater again. I don’t know you or your parents, but since I’ve seen you coming here pretty often, I think you would want to use our service again, am I right?”

Boy #1: “I’m gonna complain to your boss! I’ll get you fired! You are just too stupid to do your own job, b****!”

(They start vacuuming the whole screen. I let them do every row and follow them back out. They rush towards a woman who seems to be one of the boy’s mother.)

Boy #3: “She made us clean the entire screen! Get her fired now, Mom! She’s crazy! She made me f****** clean everything!”

Me: “Excuse me, miss. Those boys were alone and started throwing popcorn everywhere. I’m wondering if they ate anything out of their 21€ purchase. I made them vacuum everything since the theater was clean before and I do not clean after such rude customers if I see what’s happening.”

Boy #3: “See! This b**** made us do her f****** job!”

Mother: “Oh, really?” *looking at me* “Thank you. I guess they needed that. Boys, shut up or you’ll never go to the movies again!”

(This mother’s reaction really made my day and I saw her get back at the still-pissed boys outside of the cinema. Never felt so good to see a kid put back in its place.)

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