The Tail End Of Repairs

| Portland, OR, USA | Working | January 31, 2017

(I just got my car repaired after getting rear-ended, and after getting home I notice that the rear windshield-wiper is installed upside down, so instead of swinging up over the windshield it swings down over the license plate. I take it back to the shop.)

Repairman: “Sorry about that error, but fortunately I can fix it in two shakes of… well, of the car’s tail.”

I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

| SA, Australia | Right | December 2, 2015

(I work in a shoe repair shop, not far from our watch repair shop.)

Customer: “Excuse, are you the same as him?”

Me: “I don’t understand the question. Are you asking if I am him?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you him?”

Me: “You’re asking me if I am that person over there?”

Customer: “Yes, are you him?”

Me: “No, I am not him. I am me.”

(The customer walked away looking sad.)

The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

| Malaysia | Working | February 22, 2015

(The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

Me: “Huh?”

Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”

Beat The Clock

| OH, USA | Right | July 29, 2014

(I work as a clockmaker. I phone a customer while standing at their front door after no response to the door bell:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m here for your service call.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not home. I waited until 4:15 and you never showed up, so I left.”

Me: “You waited until 4:15 today?”

Customer: “Yes. You were supposed to be here at 3 and I waited until 4:15.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your appointment was set for between 3 and 5, not at 3. Also, it’s only just now 3:20.”

Customer: “What do you mean 3:20?”

Me: “The time. It is currently only 3:20 pm.”

Customer: “When I looked at the clock it said 4:15!”

Me: “By chance, would that be the clock I was coming to fix?”

Customer: “… Yes.”

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Not Getting The Message

| ON, Canada | Right | October 23, 2012

(We are a small store that repairs watches. Upon the completion of a repair job, we call the customer to alert them that there product is ready.)

Customer: “I am here to pick up my watch.”

Me: “Okay, sure! Did you receive a call that it was ready?”

(Asking this allows me a better idea of where to look for the bag, in the completed drawer, in progress drawer, or intake drawer.)

Customer: “No! I had to call you and ask if it was ready. That is outrageous!”

(I am confused, because the job has three notes of us calling her, but no one answered.)

Me: “That’s strange. It says here that we did call you, but there was no answer. Perhaps your answering machine was broken? Or maybe we misread your number?”

Customer: “No, that is my number, and I don’t have an answering machine! You should have left me a message, at least! You have terrible customer service!”

Me: “You expected us to leave a message for you even though there was no person nor machine there to hear or record it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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