Not Feline Your Sense Of Humor

, , , , , | Working | June 12, 2018

(My husband and I have a guy in the house repairing our air conditioner. We also have a cat who is deaf, has little vision, and is probably a little senile at over 20 years old. According to the vet he’s arthritic — treated with daily meds — but happy. He spends his days toddling around the house after us and purring in sunbeams. As the repairman is finishing up, after I’ve paid and he’s talking about what to keep an eye out for, the cat wanders by the room. After observing how slowly he moves, the repairman asks me if he’s sick.)

Me: “Nah, just really old and arthritic.”

Repairman: “Oh, you know, my dad had a home remedy for that.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Repairman: “Yeah.”

(He laughed and made a gun out of his hand and pointed it at my cat, making a shooting sound. He did not seem to get why I didn’t find that funny and told him to get the f*** out of my house.)

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Your Scam Is Cracked

, | Right | June 29, 2017

(I work in a repair centre where we repair phones under the warranty, or charge for repairs if the phone is damaged, e.g. dropped and the screen is cracked, and our out-of-warranty repairs have a 30 day guarantee.)

Customer: “A while ago I paid you a lot of money to fix my phone screen, then it came back, and the screen was still cracked. I now need you to sort this out as you have not done the service I paid for.”

Me: “I’m sorry that has happened. Could you please provide me with the repair reference so I can look into this for you?”

Customer: “Sure. it is [number].”

Me: *sees the repair is from 11 months ago* “I’m just going to check for any other repairs. The reference you gave me was for 11 months ago.”

(That was the only repair.)

Me: “Miss, that repair was 11 months ago, and we did not receive any calls advising us that you received it back with the screen still cracked. This is the first we have been told about it.”

Customer: “I am telling you now, and the other faults are still on there, so I need it to be fixed.”

Me: “You are welcome to book it in for repair again, but I must advise you that if you do, we are going to have to charge again for the screen as this is the first we have heard of it and it was almost a year ago.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I paid you to repair the screen, and you sent it back unrepaired; I am not paying again!”

Me: “I am sorry, but due to the length of time we are unable to do anything. If you had notified us within a month that the phone had been received back with the screen still cracked, we could have rectified it for you. But because you received the phone back so long ago, we have to assume that you have been using it problem free up until now.”

Customer: “You seriously expect me to have been able to call you about this within a month? That is ridiculous; I have never received such awful service. We have not been able to use anything on the phone at all, not even turn it on. We should have been notified in writing that if there are any issues that we need to contact you within 30 days?!”

(Then her mother came on and said that they would be lodging a complaint. As there were engineer notes stating it had been repaired, we suspected this had been damaged in transit, and with most couriers you only get 14 days to report any additional damage. The worst part is, during her long ranting she told me that this was a £40 a month contract, so (including the cost of the original repair and contract they were unable to use for 11 months) have spent close to £600 for a phone they have been unable to use at all and was presumably lying in a drawer somewhere.)

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The Tail End Of Repairs

| Working | January 31, 2017

(I just got my car repaired after getting rear-ended, and after getting home I notice that the rear windshield-wiper is installed upside down, so instead of swinging up over the windshield it swings down over the license plate. I take it back to the shop.)

Repairman: “Sorry about that error, but fortunately I can fix it in two shakes of… well, of the car’s tail.”

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I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

| Right | December 2, 2015

(I work in a shoe repair shop, not far from our watch repair shop.)

Customer: “Excuse, are you the same as him?”

Me: “I don’t understand the question. Are you asking if I am him?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you him?”

Me: “You’re asking me if I am that person over there?”

Customer: “Yes, are you him?”

Me: “No, I am not him. I am me.”

(The customer walked away looking sad.)

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The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

| Working | February 22, 2015

(The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

Me: “Huh?”

Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”

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