Being A Thief Ain’t No Sunshine

, , , , | Legal | January 19, 2019

(I am working third-shift in a convenience store. One night, a somewhat intoxicated woman comes in carrying a handful of sunglasses.)

Woman: “Hi. I need to return these sunglasses.”

Me: “Hello. I can help you with that; I just need to see your receipt to process your refund.”

Woman: “They didn’t give me no receipt! Just give me my money back.”

Me: “No problem; I can reprint your receipt. When did you purchase these items?”

Woman: “Um, Tuesday?”

Me: “Okay, and about what time on Tuesday?”

Woman: “I don’t know; my sister actually bought them… from [another location]. Just give me my money!”

(At this point the customer staggers and knocks over a jerky display.)

Me: *having lost all patience* “Lady, you stole these sunglasses, didn’t you?”

Woman: “Please, just give me my money! I need some money, please!”

Me: *taking the sunglasses and putting them on the back counter* “No, I think I’ll call the police, instead.”

(The woman cussed me out and fled the store. The next day the district manager sent out an email warning about a woman who stole some sunglasses from [other location]. I called him and told him I had them right here with me.)

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Can’t Be Scammed If You Can’t Hear The Scam

, , , , , | Legal | January 18, 2019

(I get a call from a scammer. I realise it because there is a period of dead time when I first answer the call.)

Me: “Hello.” *hears nothing* “Hello? Hello?”

(There’s a click, and instantly there’s a lot of background noise consisting of a number of people talking.)

Scammer: “Hello, is that Mrs. [Surname]?”

Me: “Hello? Hello? I can’t hear anything; is someone there?”

Scammer: “Yes, I’m here, calling you from Microsoft.”

Me: “Is someone there? I can’t hear anything”

Scammer: *louder* “Can you hear me now?”

Me: “No, I can’t hear you.”

(He hung up for some reason.)

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Wanted To Have The Last Bad Word

, , , , | Legal | January 17, 2019

(I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls since I’ve been on maternity leave, with various claims. This call is the third in one morning, and I’ve had enough.)

Scammer: “I’m calling from [Telecom Provider]. Your Internet is about to be cut off.”

Me: “This is ridiculous; it’s obviously a scam. Please stop calling me. Don’t you have anything better to do? Just f*** off and get a life!” *hangs up*

(Two minutes later the phone rings again.)

Scammer: “F*** you, too!” *hangs up*

Me: *laughs*

(The scammer was actually so upset that he rang back just to say that!)

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National Shame

, , , , , | Legal | January 15, 2019

(A drunk man has entered our store and asked a few customers for money.)

Manager: “You can’t do that here; you need to leave.”

Man: “But I lost my wallet and I just need some bus fare. Can you give me some?”

(He walks over to stand in front of the manager where there are shelves and our registers between him and her. He’s so drunk he leans against the shelves.)

Manager: “No, I want you to leave now.”

Man: *on his way out* “Some b****** stole my wallet and I just need a little money to get home.”

(He approaches a few passersby outside the store.)

Manager: “That’s it. I’m calling the police”

(She rings the police and as I’m serving I hear her say that the man threatened staff and customers, and she hangs up the phone.)

Manager: “That will get them here quicker”

(By the time the police arrive, the guy has moved on. I leave the manager to talk to them while I keep serving, but can hear the conversation.)

Policeman: “Can you tell us what happened?”

Manager: “A drunk man came in and wanted money.”

Policeman: “He tried to rob you?”

Manager: “No, he asked customers for money for bus fare, and he asked me, too, because he lost his wallet.”

Policeman: “You specifically said he threatened people. What did he do?”

Manager: “He asked customers for money.”

Policeman: “But did he actually threaten anyone?”

Manager: “Uh, no.”

Policeman: “Well, why did you say he did? You know, you could be in trouble for making false accusations.”

Manager: “Oh… I’m [Nationality] and couldn’t think of the right words in English at the time because I was upset; I meant to say I felt threatened.”

(It was not the first time I’d heard her lying to save her own skin, but this time she realised that she could have been in big trouble, and on the occasions that I’ve heard her calling the police, she’s never tried that one again. She had come to Australia as a small child and had spoken English with an Australian accent for over thirty years.)

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When The Customer Is Not Always Right, Everything Else Is

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(Our old store manager is notorious around our town for caving into abusive customers and giving them whatever they want, no matter how crazy their requests are. Head office recently “redistributed” him to a lower position at another store, so we have a new store manager who, unlike our previous one, stands up for the workers. This takes place during her first week.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “I want to return this and I don’t have a receipt.”

(The customer places a large container of olive oil on the register, but it’s our competitor’s brand.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it looks like you bought this at [Competitor]. We can’t actually do refunds on things purchased from there.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You do price matching, so it’s pretty much the same as that. I paid around $20 for this, so refund it.”

Me: “As I said, it’s not a brand we sell, so I cannot refund it.”

Customer: “Get me [Old Store Manager], now!”

(I call up our new store manager. The customer stands there calling me every four-letter word you can imagine until the manager walks over and I explain the situation to her.)

Manager: “As you purchased this item from our competitor, you will need to go to them for a refund.”

Customer: “Who the h*** are you? Get me [Old Store Manager].”

Manager: “He no longer works in this location, ma’am, and I am the new store manager here.”

Customer: “Well, then do your job, you [long list of swear words]; otherwise, I’ll smash your face in, and his!” *pointing at me*

Manager: “If you think you are going to get away with this BS, you are sadly mistaken.”

(Our manager pulls out her phone and takes a picture of the customer.)

Customer: “What the h***?”

Manager: “As you have just threatened me and my employee, I am taking your picture to show the police when they get here. Furthermore, I will give this picture to all of my staff, including security, to ensure that you are denied service here any longer. Plus, I will send this picture to all our surrounding stores, as well as our competitor, so they are aware of your violent streak.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this.”

(The customer left the store in haste and left her olive oil on the counter. She tried to shop at our store two more times that I know of, but each time was stopped by security. Our new manager, needless to say, has stopped a great majority of abusive customers in the past few weeks. It’s been great.)

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