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This… Is… Spyware!

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2008

Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have Spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.”

Me: “Ma’am? Spartans?”

Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have Spartans.”

Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.”

Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has Spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.”

Me: “You’re right, ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t Spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.”

Customer: “300?! Is that bad?”

Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.”

Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I think that would be best.”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2008

(I am helping a customer sign into their email.)

Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple.'”

Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”


This story is part of the Still-Not-Getting-It roundup!

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A Bozo By Any Other Name

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2008

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

(The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.)

Client: “Your name is so stupid.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ”

Client: “Your parents must really hate you.”

Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?”

Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.”

Me: *stifles giggle*

Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!”

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Caller: “My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”

Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”

Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”

Caller: “WHY NOT?!”


This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup!

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PB&Js In My PJs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Hello?”

Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Male caller: “That was a #9.”

Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”

Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”

Me: “My… house?”

Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”