Not Even Bordering On Being Close To The Border

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(A lady orders two pepperoni pizzas and her total comes out to $10.82. She hands me a ten and then pulls out Canadian coins for the change.)

Me: “Sorry, I can’t accept those as payment.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because this isn’t Canada?”

Customer: *argues with me saying it shouldn’t matter* “—you should accept them; some b*stard here gave them to me so you should have to take them back!”

(We aren’t allowed to argue with customers so I just stand there and repeat that I can’t accept her coins. Eventually she pulls out 82 cents then takes her order and throws her Canadian coins in our tip jar. My manager looks at me after she leaves and asks:)

Manager: “She does realize Canada is 1500 miles north of here, right?”

Never Before Has So Much Pizza Bought So Much Unhappiness

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I am a shift runner at a popular pizza chain store. A customer comes in to preorder ten pizzas from our $12.99 pizza range. She demands a 50% discount because it is a large order. My manager refuses to give her such a large discount, so the customer storms off in a huff. A few days later, a preorder for ten of our $12.99 pizzas appears in our ordering system with a 50% discount applied to it. My manager freaks out and calls the customer to tell her there has been a mistake. Unsurprisingly, it is the lady who was in earlier demanding a discount. My manager informs her that she cannot give her a 50% discount and that the customer will be charged $12.99 per pizza. The customer begrudgingly agrees to pay the full price. The customer arrives to pick up her order on a Saturday at six pm. This is one of our busiest times, so the store is packed.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up an order for [Customer].”

Coworker: “Fantastic. That comes to $129.90.”

Customer: “What the f***? Are you f****** kidding me? I was told I was getting a 50% discount became it is a large order. Get me your f****** manager, you stupid little b****!”

(My manager appears to talk to the customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I told you in person and over the phone that you would be charged $129.90.”

Customer: “You lying little b****! When I called your store to place this order, I was told I would get a discount! This is fraud! This is false advertising! My daughter is a lawyer and I will sue you! I will close this place down!”

Manager: “Ma’am, please calm down. You’re making a scene in front of all these other customers. Do you want your order, or would you like to leave?”

Customer: “I have a house full of kids for my grandson’s birthday! I don’t have time to get anything else. Give me my f****** order!”

Manager: “That will be $129.90.”

(The customer hands over her credit card and pays, all the while swearing and telling my manager she will sue the company.)

Customer: “I am only paying for these because you didn’t give me a choice. F*** you all! I am going to [Competitor] from now on, and you will be hearing from my daughter!”

Manager: “That’s fantastic. Now get out of my shop and never come back.”

(The lady stormed out with her order. It turns out she had tried the same thing at our sister store and failed. When she called to place the order at our store, she had made sure the manager was not there, and then berated one of my fifteen-year-old coworkers until she gave her the discount. Luckily for us, she is now our competitor’s problem.)

Google What Jabbering Means

, , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I work in a popular restaurant specializing in pizza that is often busy to the point where we have people lining out the door. During one of these rushes a middle-aged woman and three children ages seven to ten walk in. The customer walks up to the counter while her children remain at the entrance fighting and generally causing a ruckus.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I have a pickup for [Customer].”

(I search for the name and ask for a phone number, but can find neither in our system.)

Me: “Do you know what number you called?”

Customer: “I called this store! Isn’t it [number that belongs to a sister location]?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t our number. That is the number for [sister location]. If you look up our location on Google, for some reason Google has their number under our name–“

Customer: *holds up a finger to me* “I’m going to just stop you right there, because I’m in a bad mood, and you jabbering at me isn’t helping!”

Me: *shocked into silence*

(She calls her husband and argues with him on the phone for a bit before demanding a manager. Our manager is out, so our assistant manager takes over, offering to call the sister location and cancel her order so that we can make it, instead, which would take about ten to fifteen minutes. While he’s at it, he also explains to her what I just tried to explain.)

Customer: “That’s not right! You guys should change that!”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We have tried contacting Google multiple times about changing it to the right number, but we haven’t gotten any results.”

Customer: “It’s still not right! Ugh, I’m just going to drive all the way to the other store. I’m not waiting that long just to get my food! You guys need to fix that number!”

(She leaves, yelling at her kids to shut up before exiting.)

Assistant Manager: “Yes, because we have the power to control Google.”

Me: “Honestly, it would’ve taken her longer to drive to the other store than for us to make her food, but I’m glad she decided to leave; I did not want to deal with her anymore. Who says ‘jabbering’ anymore?!”

(I haven’t seen her since.)

Mr. Pizza Man Makes The Best Pizzas!

, , , , | Right | October 3, 2018

(I’m on the phone with a customer.)

Me: “Okay, is there anything else you’d like to add?”

Customer: “Could you throw in an order of breadsticks, and—”

Little Kid: “Hi, Mr. Pizza Man!”

Customer: “Get off the phone!”

(I was laughing through the rest of the order.)

No Pizza Is Worth Drunk Driving For

, , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work at a family-run pizza shop on a busy Saturday night. The owner is helping to take calls and she receives one from a drunk customer complaining. She says she will wait for the customer to come to the store to talk to him. Five hours pass, and he is a no-show, so the owner heads home while we lock up. Ten minutes after she leaves, a car comes screeching into the parking lot and a man steps out. He almost immediately begins to berate our cashier as our remaining customers watch.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is that b****? She said she’d be here for me! G***d*** liar.”

(I step in to save our poor cashier, and I can smell the booze on him from across the counter. The cashier, meanwhile, is calling the cops to tell them about the man driving drunk.)

Me: “You must be [Customer]. She did wait for you, sir, but you told her you were on your way hours ago. She could not wait any longer for you, but I can help if you lower your voice for our other customers.”

Customer: “F*** you, you Nazi piece of s***. You and that b**** are just a couple of [anti-semitic slur] crooks. This whole place is full of Nazis. Give me my money, you [homophobic slur]!”

Me: “That is enough, sir. You can either leave now, wait for the police to come, or have our driver, the former Marine, escort you out physically. Either way, you have been barred from this restaurant.”

(He cursed a few times, called me and everyone else a Nazi again, despite me being Hispanic, then spun out of the parking lot. He was pulled over a block later by the police.)

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