Pizza Parlor Tricks

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(It’s fairly late in the evening, just a couple hours before close, when a guy walks in and I go up to the counter to help him. He kind of mumbles and talks really fast at some points, but otherwise nothing really seems off.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Shop]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hey, I need to pick up some pizzas.”

Me: “Okay.” *starts looking for his order in the computer, but none pop up as awaiting payment* “Have they already been paid for?”

Customer: “Yeah, we paid for ’em yesterday, but we never came and picked ’em up.”

(It’s already weird that someone would order pizza and then come in to try and pick it up the next day, but I figure it’s not a big deal to simply retake his order. Carryout orders get canceled or simply never get picked up for various reasons all the time; if something has been sitting on our heating racks for more than two or three hours, we always cancel the order and just eat it ourselves, since we would have to remake it if they eventually showed up, anyway. Usually this just happens when someone calls ahead or orders online, so if they have already paid for it, it was on a card, and the transaction is canceled, and if they chose cash, we haven’t received it yet, so everything works out.)

Me: “You ordered them yesterday? So, you want to replace the order right now, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, unless you’ve still got them around, but I kind of doubt that.”

Me: “No, I’m sure that we don’t. What did you have?”

(He orders two pizzas using a special that makes them almost half price, and for the second one he has to call someone to get the toppings. While he is on the phone, I call over the manager in charge, an assistant manager, to ask if we can access yesterday’s orders in case I need to prove to him that his previous transaction was voided. He says only the general manager can access that information, but he stays near the counter anyway. The guy comes back and orders his second pizza.)

Me: “All right, your total is $19.02, and I know you said it was paid for yesterday, but don’t worry; we would have canceled the order and the payment, so we’ll just take a new one right now.”

Customer: “But we paid cash.”

Me: “Oh. You paid cash? In the store? And then left, even though we would most likely have quoted you like ten minutes?”

Customer: “Yeah! I had a receipt. I would have brought it, but I don’t have it, unfortunately.”

Me: “Uhh…” *to manager* “Do you know if we were over, like, 19 bucks last night?”

Manager: *to me* “We definitely weren’t. I closed last night.” *to the guy* “Do you remember what time you came in?”

Customer: “Sometime between two and six.”

([Manager] and I look at each other, as that’s not much more helpful than saying he was here yesterday at some point while we were open.)

Customer: “I can call the manager guy! The one who was here yesterday! I can talk to him!”

Manager: “I was here last night. I don’t remember an order like this sitting around. I’m sorry, but if you don’t have a receipt, there’s not really anything we can do.”

Me: “You could pay for it with a card today, and when the GM comes in tomorrow, if we can find your previous order paid in our system, we can cancel the card transaction.”

Customer: “I only have cash, and only… $11! Can you at least make on of the pizzas?”

(Individually, without the special, his pizzas are about $14 or $15 each.)

Manager: “Sorry, but I can’t.”

Customer: “Darn. Okay, I need to go get some more cash; I’ll be right back.” *walks out*

Manager: “That was sketchy. Who pays cash for something and then leaves without it and forgets about it until the next day? Something tells me he’s not coming back.”

(He didn’t.)

That Cut Them Down To Size Quickly

, , , , , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I am waiting for my order in a popular pizza shop. It is late and very busy. A group of rowdy teenagers have just left with a few pizzas, and one of them storms back in to yell at the cashier.)

Customer: “Hey, b****! You didn’t cut my pizza right!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I am so sorry. I can cut it properly for you.”

Customer: “No, just f****** forget it! You guys suck! You better give me some free cheese bread for all the d*** trouble you put me through! Can’t you do anything right?”

(At this point I see the pizza, and it is just a little bit uncut for one of the slices. I know the girl is only doing this to get some free food. I walk up to her.)

Me: “Do you want some bread?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Tell me how many breads you want. Name any number. How many friends do you have with you?”

Customer: “Um, there are eight of us.”

Me: *to cashier* “Please make me four orders of cheese bread and give me two liters of soda.”

(I pay for the food and hand the girl the receipt.)

Me: “Here. I know what your intentions were. How dare you yell at someone for free food? You’re worse than a beggar. Now, apologize to the nice lady, and take your food when it’s ready. I hope you feel guilty eating it.”

(By this time my order had already come out and the whole shop cheered and clapped. The teenager was red in the face and just stared at her feet the whole time her order was being made.)

Your Attempt At Free Food In Freefall

, , , , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I’m working as a pizza delivery driver on a particularly busy night. I’m driving my mom’s minivan for work. On this run, I have to take three deliveries due to the volume of orders. I arrive at my third destination beyond the estimated time.)

Disgruntled Customer: “Well, this pizza’s pretty late. Don’t you think I should get it for free now?”

Me: “I’m not su—”

Disgruntled Customer: *in a voice a five-year-old would use to mock someone* “Ehehehe, I’m not sure.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m not authorized to give out the food for free, so if you’d like to discuss it, I will need you to sign the receipt, and then you can talk with the general manager on the matter.”

Disgruntled Customer: “Yeah, I’ll do that. What took you so long, anyway?”

Me: “We are busy right now, so I had to take three deliveries at once, and yours just happened to be the last in the lineup.”

Disgruntled Customer: “I would think a delivery boy could come up with a better excuse than that. I’m giving you a tip, but I don’t know why, anyway.” *shoves the receipt in my face*

Me: “Thank you, sir. I do appreciate it.”

Disgruntled Customer: *slams door*

(I return to the restaurant and inform my GM that the man was upset and will be calling in to discuss getting a free meal, when my shift leader chimes in.)

Shift Leader: “Was it the guy from [address]?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s him.”

Shift Leader: “That guy’s always trying to get free food from us. He wanted his wings for free because we didn’t give him exactly even wings and drumsticks with his chicken.”

(Apparently, the guy would come up with excuses anytime he ordered to try and get his food for free. Since that instance though, I haven’t heard from him.)

Free To Hear Whatever You Want To Hear

, , , | Working | November 9, 2017

(I decide Wednesday night to buy a pizza on my way home. This place does only pickup or delivery, no tables. I stand looking at the menu and choosing my order when one of the employees answers the phone.)

Employee #1: “[Employee #2]? They want to talk to you. Something about free pizzas.”

(Out of curiosity, I listen as the coworker takes the call. It turns out to be someone ordering in advance for a huge group of kids on Friday night.)

Employee #2: “She said, ‘thirty-THREE’, not, ‘thirty FREE’!”

How To Cheese Off The Demon Horde

, , , , , | Working | November 7, 2017

(I manage a locally-owned pizza shop where we have a “continual sale” on our cheese pizzas. I am chatting with a new hire about normal customer service issues we encounter.)

New Hire: “So, do we actually get people who are angry because pepperoni is not automatically included on their pizza?”

Me: “Oh, my God. You have no idea.”

(I start to give her several examples, but get summoned to the front register by the door chime.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Are you placing an order for here or to go?”

Customer: “Yeah, give me one of those medium cheese pizzas for $6. Oh, and throw some pepperoni on there, too.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Your total for carryout is $7.69.”

Customer: “WHAT? $7.69?! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE $6 PIZZA DEAL?!”

Me: “My apologies, sir. The $6 deal is for the cheese pizza; adding pepperoni also adds the price for one topping, bringing your total to $7.69.”

Customer: “Well, that’s some d*** expensive pepperoni, then! Fine, here’s your money, but it’s highway robbery, I tell you!”

(I give him his change, then carry the ticket back to the pizza kitchen.)

Me: “Hey, [New Hire], f*** you; you summoned them! So, please make this gentleman’s medium cheese pizza, add pepperoni, for me.”

New Hire: “My sincerest apologies, friend; I did not mean to summon the demon hordes. I shall pay for my error by making the best cheese pizza, add pepperoni, that you have ever seen!”

(I think she’ll fit in quite well with us.)

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