Pizzas And Hotels, That Great Double Act

, , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “[Pizza Place]? I was trying to reach [Local Hotel]!”

Me: “Oh, well, sorry, but you called us.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well, can you transfer me?”

Me: “No, because we’re [Pizza Place] and they’re [Hotel].”

Customer: “Well, give me the number, then!”

Me: “I don’t have it.”

Customer: “You don’t have it?! Why not?”

Me: *pause* “Because I don’t?”


Me: “Because people at the hotel like pizza, I would guess.”

Customer: *click*

Anchovy Versus Pineapple: Why Not Work Together?

, , , , , , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

(I am ordering a pizza from the local pizzeria. I am over seven months pregnant with weird cravings, and I’m moody after a tough day at work, not to mention very hungry. None of these are good excuses for my behavior.)

Me: “Yes, I would like to order a large mushroom, anchovy, and pineapple for delivery.”

Pizza Guy: “Umm, could you repeat that, please?”

Me: “Yes, I would like to order a large mushroom, anchovy, and pineapple for delivery.”

Pizza Guy: “Seriously?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Pizza Guy: *says with a laugh* “What are you, pregnant?”


Pizza Guy: “Yes, ma’am!” *hangs up*

(Of course, I feel bad about yelling almost immediately. By the time the delivery guy shows up, I have my apology ready and a good tip. As I am trying to apologize through tears, he stops me and asks me to eat a slice in front of him. I am so hungry that I do as he asks.)

Delivery Guy: “Lady, we had a bet that this was a prank call. None of us thought anyone would eat it. The pizza is free.”

(I tried to insist he take the money and he even refused the tip. I ordered — and paid — for several more of these pizzas about twice a week. Even now that my kids are in their teens, I still love mushroom, anchovy, and pineapple pizza.)

The Only Thing Meat-Free About Her Is Her Brain

, , , , | | Right | July 16, 2019

(I stop into the local pizza joint to order a pizza. While I’m waiting for it, talking to the girl behind the counter, a woman walks in and the girl behind the counter greets her and ask what she would like. The woman takes a step back to look up at the menu and goes:)

Customer: “Hmm… I’m not sure what I want. I’m a vegetarian so I don’t eat meat, so I am trying to think of a good combo that would be delish!”

(The girl behind the counter, who is also a vegetarian, rattles off her favorite toppings.)

Cashier: “Well, I personally like green peppers and olives on mine.”

Customer: “Nah, I think I’m in the mood for something spicy, so I’ll have the Buffalo chicken pizza.”

Cashier: “Um, ma’am, didn’t you say you didn’t eat meat?”

Customer: “Yes, I did, why?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, the Buffalo chicken pizza has chicken on it, and chicken is considered a ‘meat.’” *actually uses air quotes for “meat”*

Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly. Chicken is poultry, not meat like beef and pork.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I can assure you that chicken is indeed ‘meat.’ Chickens are live animals, right?”

Customer: “Right.”

Cashier: “You don’t eat animals, right?”

Customer: “Right.”

Cashier: “You see where I’m going with this?”

Customer: *blinks, and then in a condescending voice* “Look, young lady! I am almost seventy years old! I’ve been a vegetarian longer than you’ve been alive, so I think I would know what is considered a ‘meat’ or not and chicken is not meat. It’s poultry! Now give me a buffalo chicken pizza to go!”

Cashier: “Whatever you say, ma’am. What size pizza would you like? Is there anything else you’d like to add to your order?”

Customer: “A large, and yeah, give me a piece of your pepperoni bread to snack on while I wait. I’m starving!”

(The cashier then looks over to see me trying to hold in my laughter and says to me:)

Cashier: “I’m not even going to try and explain to her what pepperoni is made of.”

Getting Between A Man And His Pizza

, , , , | | Friendly | July 16, 2019

(A group of people from work tend to go together and grab pizza for lunch every Wednesday. The pizza place happens to be right next to a [Thrift Shop] and on this particular day I have a bunch of stuff to donate, so I offer to drive everyone so that I can stop and donate the items in my trunk. To avoid delaying everyone else, I drop the other three off at the front door before stopping next door and dropping off my stuff. When I get back to the pizza place, I find that my coworkers are halfway through the line, so I walk up to them and join the conversation again. As we finish waiting, I notice the guy right behind us in line is looking upset. I try to ignore him, but he seems to be staring at me angrily. I figure the best option is to just look elsewhere and pretend he doesn’t exist. After two of my coworkers go order, I head up to the counter. I order my pizza, and then feel someone next to me and turn to find that instead of my last coworker, the angry guy is right beside me and in my face.)

Angry Guy: “Think you’re better than us?”

Me: “What?”

Angry Guy: “Think you don’t have to wait in line? That you’re better than everyone else?”

(He’s getting aggressive and in my face enough I’m actually worried he might get violent, so I restrain myself from making any “what is this, kindergarten?” comments and try to defuse the situation.)

Me: *slowly* “No, I was just joining my friends.”

Angry Guy: “Think you can just skip past everyone else? That you’re better than them?”

Me: “No, I just thought I was joining my friends after dropping them off.”

(Then, my pizza was ready, so I grabbed it and left while he continued to glare at me. Thankfully, he didn’t follow me, and his food was to-go so he was out of the restaurant quickly. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, starting with pointing out he skipped past my last coworker. However, I didn’t feel getting punched was worth it, and he absolutely looked unhinged enough to do so if I gave him any provocation whatsoever. I’m still not entirely clear on what the proper etiquette is for whether you can join people in line that you dropped off; it’s possible I might have been in the wrong on that one. But I still wonder if he was on steroids or other aggression-causing drugs, because his response was so over-the-top. I have no idea why he was obsessed with people thinking they were better than him, but I kind of suspect that they are.)

Not In Receipt Of The Receipt

, , , , , | | Working | July 15, 2019

(My family and I have ordered pizza online from a local pizza chain down the road. It is normally easier than calling our order in and having to deal with a poor employee trying to hear us over the roar of the rest of the pizza place conducting business, along with dealing with other customers. The online order comes to $24.53 total for two medium pizzas and a cookie, thanks to a deal they are running. Our order ends up being a half-hour later than what is expected, and as we are about to call the store, the driver shows up with our order. However, she has accidentally lost the receipt I was supposed to sign, since we have paid by credit card. With that, she says she guesses the order is on her and we leave it at that. Fast forward two days: I find, instead of a $24.53 transaction that shouldn’t have been claimed without my signature, I am charged $30.00 by the store, so an additional $5.57. It is too late to call the store itself, so I call the customer service hotline.)

Customer Service: “Thank you for contacting [Pizza Chain] customer care. How may I help you today?”

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name]. I placed an order with one of the local stores two days ago but there is a problem; I was charged more than what I was supposed to be. My order was only supposed to cost $24.53 but an additional $5.57 was added.”

(I proceed to explain that the driver showed up late with the food, and that we were not given a receipt to sign, and how confused I am about the additional fee being added to my order total.)

Customer Service: *in a very serious and nervous tone* “I am very sorry to hear about your experience, Mr. [My Surname]. Normally, we are not able to claim the charge without having your signature on the receipt, so the charge should have dropped off your account after thirty days. However, as you have stated, this is not the case. I am not able to view order details or payment information, but I will escalate this to upper management so they can pull the order and take a review.”

(The representative verifies my account information, email, address, phone number, and the date of the order, and promises me that a manager will be in touch with me ASAP. I get a call the following morning from the district manager.)

Manager: “Hello, I am looking for Mr. [My Name], regarding an order dispute.”

Me: “That is me. As I explained to customer service, I am not disputing that I made the order, just how much I was charged. The driver showed up and told me she had lost the receipt that I was supposed to sign, and to be honest, I thought nothing about it. Then, I saw that I was charged $30, instead of the $24.53 that I was supposed to pay. My understanding was that you wouldn’t be able to claim the charge without my signature, but the only problem is I paid more than what I should have.”

(Up until this point, the manager has had a rude tone, and clearly has not understood what the actual issue was. After I explain that it seems like the driver added a tip to my order and may have signed my name without my permission, the manager becomes very nervous and worried.)

Manager: “I am sorry for my misunderstanding, Mr. [My Surname]. Sometimes our drivers may misplace a receipt and we will just do a reprint, but obviously, it won’t have your signature on it. I will need to take a look at the order and the paperwork when I get to the store in a couple of hours, but it does sound like someone may have added a tip to your order. Can you tell me what the driver looks like? Or what car they were driving?”

(I give the manager my best description of the driver and explain that since we live in an apartment complex and our apartment is in the back of the building, I wasn’t able to see the car.)

Manager: “I see. I am pretty sure I know who you are talking about. We had other problems with her that night and had to let her go. When I get to the store, I will make sure to double-check your order and we can process a refund. Would you like that as a cash refund or does it need to go back to your credit card?”

Me: “It would be better if it could go back to my credit card, but if it is too much hassle the cash refund will be fine. Would somebody be able to drop it by my apartment? I don’t have transportation to the store.”

Manager: “We would be able to do that; I will have a driver drop it by later today. I am very sorry that this has happened to you, and I want to personally thank you for being so kind about the matter.”

(I did not start the call screaming and shouting, nor did I use a rude tone throughout the conversation. I just wanted the issue corrected, and I have been in the manager’s shoes before.)

Me: “I understand; I have had to deal with things like this before. Please have a wonderful day.”

(A driver popped by shortly after that with the refund for our order, and a note from the manager telling us that we had a credit on our account for free food to use the next time we placed an order, as a thank-you for our continued service. We still order from them, but if a driver shows up without a receipt again we call the store while the driver is at the door.)

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