The Only Thing Getting Paid Should Be Respect

, , , , | Related | April 22, 2019

(I’m a female grocery store bagger in my early 20s. Whenever parents go through my line with their kids, I talk to the kids about how being a parent is the hardest job in the world. We give free snacks to kids ten and under. I have added a spin on this by telling the kids older than four that the rule with the free treat was that they have to help their parents with the groceries. If they don’t, the parents will tell us and then they won’t get the free snack next time. A sweet older lady and her grandson are getting a few things. I start by telling the kid that I’m glad he is there to help deal with the groceries.)

Kid: *looks at me in confusion* “I’m not going to help.”

(I then start bagging, and the kid walks up to me as his grandmother works on paying. I talk to him about how it wouldn’t be that bad if he helped, and then he replies with something like this:)

Kid: “I only help my grandmother for money.”

(I’m so shocked at how mean the kid’s reply is about helping his sweet grandma that I stare in pure shock for a few seconds.)

Me: “Did you really just say that you’ll only help your grandmother if you get paid? That’s horrible!”

(The kid realized what he’d just said, told me, “No,” and started looking ashamed. I’m glad the kid realized how horrific it was to do that to his grandmother, and I hope he learned his lesson.)

Not Just Grandma Is A Hack

, , , , | Related | April 12, 2019

(I am about 13 in this story. My family and I are at a family reunion. My grandparents, who recently moved to Oregon, will also be there. I went to a cybersecurity week camp a month ago.)

Step-Grandma: “So, what did you do this summer, [My Name]?”

Me: “Mostly stayed at home, but I did go to a cybersecurity week camp a month ago.”

Step-Grandma: “What did you do at the camp?”

Me: “We coded a site, went to the aquarium, and learned about cyber-principles, some basics of hacking, and how to do it legally.”

Step-Grandma: “Good! Now you can hack the Russians back!”

Me: “…”

Doo Hickey 3.0

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(A customer is in the store with her two early-teenaged grandkids.)

Customer: “I need one of those… those thumb things… You know… thumb something.”

Me: “A thumb drive?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

(I grab one and hold it up.)

Me: “We have these promotional ones here, and the rest are in aisle two.”

Customer: “No, that’s not what I want!”

Me: “Oh, sorry, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “A thing for my phone! I want to plug my phone into my computer!”

Me: “Then you need the cord. You should have one already that came with your phone, unless you would like an extra one.”

Customer: “Oh, right, yeah. I have a cord already, but I need the doohickey so I can plug it into my computer.”

Me: “You don’t need anything extra to plug it into your computer; it will just plug into the USB port.”

Customer: “No, it won’t.”

Customer’s Grandkids: “Granny, yes, it will! We told you the same thing!”

Customer: “No, it won’t! I know what I need!”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure what it is you’re looking for, because your cord will plug directly into the computer.”

Customer: “No, I know it won’t!”

Customer’s Grandkids: “Yes, it will!”

Customer: “Just show me what I need to plug it into the computer!”

(The grandkids are sighing and rolling their eyes at this point, looking embarrassed.)

Me: “I assure you, you don’t need anything extra, just the cord.”

Customer: “No! Nope! I know I do!”

Me: *being very firm* “No, you don’t.”

(Her grandkids are now shaking their heads and laughing.)

Me: “Here, I’ll show you.” *grab a cord and walk over to a computer, turning it around so that she can see, and I plug the cord into the computer* “See? This part here goes into the computer, and the other end goes into your phone. That’s all you need to save things from your phone to your computer.”

Customer: “No, I need something extra! A doohickey.”

Customer’s Grandkids: “But she just showed you! It plugs right in!”

Customer: “Well, I’m old! I don’t know anything about technology! What if I want to save it to a thumb drive after? Then I need a doohickey for my phone.”

Me: “No, then you just plug a thumb drive into the computer and copy the files over.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I don’t know how to do that!”

Customer’s Grandkids: “Granny, it’s fine; we’ll show you how to do that.”

(The customer goes off to find a flash drive and one of the grandkids stays up with me.)

Grandkid: “So, how’s your day going?”

Me: “Good, thanks… And yours?”

Grandkid: *pause* “Interesting.”

Cold Thoughts

, , , , , | Related | April 10, 2019

(We take our grandson to lunch. We all get dessert to go, and I eat my sundae a bit fast so I can take over driving and let my husband eat his ice cream before it melts.)

Grandson: “Did you get a brain freeze?”

Me: *trying to be funny* “I never do. My mind is too active for it to freeze.”

(Less than a minute later, my husband grabs his head.)

Husband: *not joking* “Ow! Brain freeze!”

(We began teasing him about his inactive brain.)

Now There’s An Idea…

, , , , , | Related | April 5, 2019

A few years ago my wife’s grandmother passed away. After the funeral, the family started getting her things closed out and moved out of her home, etc. One of the things to do was call all the utility companies and have her accounts closed. Upon calling the first one, and being told that she had a sizable — over $2,000 — credit on her account, we started investigating and found out something funny.

Each month she would get a bill for a utility, and let’s say the amount was $132.40. She would round up to the next $10 dollars and pay it, so $140, ending up with a credit. The next month the bill would be — let’s say, for easy storytelling — the same, but the amount owed would be minus the credit from the previous month. So, $132.40 minus $7.60. But she didn’t care about the balance, only the bill, so she rounded it up and paid $140 again.

Apparently, she did this for years and years and years. Going through all her papers — she kept everything — we found utilities dated back as far as seven or eight years with her doing this. We even saw a letter from one of the utilities that she filed that stated, paraphrasing, that her account had a serious credit and could she please stop sending money for a while to work it down.

When she passed on, she didn’t have much in the way of valuable assets. Most of her household goods were old and worn and not of any value. The house she lived in was an old mobile home, so very little value there.

But after we closed all her utility accounts, we ended up having far more money than everything else put together. Of course, that money went into her estate and the people mentioned in her will got a lot more than they had originally thought. And we all got a good memory to remember Grandma by.

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