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Being A Grandma Is About More Than Blood

, , , , | Related | CREDIT: nerothic | September 13, 2021

I had a friend in high school and it all went well until we were both twenty-five years old. We were the best of friends, but due to several circumstances, we stopped being friends. This friend had and still has a grandmother. She’s ninety-three years old, needs a walker, and smokes a pack a day, but she has a heart of gold. We used to visit her often.

Around the time I was twenty-eight, [Grandma] and I met by chance, and she invited me for a drink. From then on, I visited regularly, about once a month or every other month. I came to her birthday, she came to mine, and I visited around Christmas. I sent her flowers about three times a year and brought them every time I visited. She saw me as an unofficial granddaughter and said so herself. My biological grandparents were sweethearts, but one got dementia when I was in my early teens and my other one lived in another country, who I saw once a year.

[Friend] initially didn’t know about our visits, but two years after I started to visit [Grandma] regularly, she found out. She never said a word to either [Grandma] or me about it.

Now, the health crisis has changed our lives. [Grandma] and I talk on the phone and videocall. I went by her apartment last week to do a socially distanced visit so she could meet my new daughter. Everything went well. [Grandma] was proud. She told me how happy she was to have me as an unofficial granddaughter, and to have her unofficial great-grandchild from time to time. I told her I loved her and that I loved having her as a grandmother.

[Friend] called me yesterday evening. I was exhausted — I have a newborn — and the moment I picked up the phone, she started berating me.

Friend: “You greedy, money-hungry b****!”

She called me a couple of things more.

Me: “What the h***?”

I was so tired that I didn’t even know what to say. I eventually managed to ask what her problem was.

Friend: “My grandma has a copy of her will in her home; she left it out and I saw it. You’re to receive something from [Grandma] as her granddaughter!”

Yep, I am in her will, and she calls me her granddaughter in the will.

Me: “I don’t care what you think. [Grandma] can do with her things whatever she wants. I don’t care what she does.”

Friend: “What pisses me off is that you’re called a granddaughter when you’re not. You’re not entitled to anything! You need to stop calling [Grandma] your grandmother, because she’s not!”

Me: “It is up to [Grandma] to do what she likes. She calls me a granddaughter because, to her, I am just that. I call her my grandmother because that’s how she feels to me.”

After going back and forth for a while, I simply hung up.

I called [Grandma] and told her what had happened.

Grandma: “I had a feeling this would happen.”

Me: “How?”

Grandma: “[Friend] called me right before she called you and basically told me the same thing. I tried to call and warn you, but she was already on the phone with you.”

We talked with her son, who apparently already knew I’m in the will along with her sentiment. He expects there will be a storm when [Grandma] passes — hopefully not for a long time — but that will be our concern and not hers.

I told [Grandma] and her son that I don’t want to stir up trouble.

Grandma: “What I’m leaving you is something that suits you, and it’s my right and my wish to leave it for you when I pass. [Friend] can b**** and moan all she likes; it’s not hers to demand what happens with it.”

I don’t know what it is, although I have my suspicions. I hope not to find out for quite some time.

[Friend] has not called back yet. I hope it stays that way.

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We’ll Bet That Was The Cleanest Trailer EVER

, , , , | Related | September 2, 2021

My grandparents own a very nice camping trailer. One weekend, my grandpa takes it up north to spend some time with his hunting and fishing buddies. He gives my grandma a phone call before they leave and they exchange the normal I-love-yous and I’ll-miss-yous.

Grandma: “And tell you friends that I’ll skin them alive if they mess up my trailer.”

There’s dead silence on the other end.

Grandpa: “You’re on speakerphone.”

None of my grandpa’s friends made a mess in the trailer. My grandma still likes to brag about how she scared a half-dozen men with a single sentence.

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Aren’t There More Important Things To Worry About?!

, , , | Related | August 21, 2021

My grandma is notorious for judging how we look and what we wear. She doesn’t get outright confrontational, but she comments all the time in a way which is sometimes “funny” — which it really isn’t — or “questioning” why we wear something, which is really just supposed to tell us she hates it. I would love to answer wittily, but I can never think of a good comeback fast enough. It has gone so far that my brother wears his most worn-out clothes whenever he is visiting Grandma to show her he won’t give in to her. Some of her comments go like this.

We were wearing camouflage pants.

Grandma: “Oh, you look so funny with your colourful pants!”

This is “Grandma” for “I don’t like that.”

Another time, I got a black piercing in my eyebrow.

Grandma: “Oh, did you get a piercing?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Grandma: “Oh, I was about to say you have a tick on your face.”

Cue me intentionally not reacting.

Grandma: “But you’re taking that back out, right?”

Me: “No, I’m not. I didn’t get this just to get rid of it again.”

The best and most memorable moment was the day of my brother’s wedding. In Germany, if you want to marry in church, you first have to do a legal wedding with a state-issued official. Most people who have their “big day” in church don’t dress up as fancily for the legal wedding as they do for church. My sister-in-law, for example, wore black pants, nice but sporty shoes, and a colourful shirt with flowers in it. Of course, this was not fancy enough for good old Grandma. However, my sister-in-law doesn’t take s***. When Grandma saw her after getting dressed, she tried one of her questions again, looking her up and down.

Grandma: “Oh, are you ready already?”

My sister-in-law was not having it.

Sister-In-Law: “Yes. And [Brother] will marry me like this, too!”

It’s been three years since the wedding and I still draw on that awesome comeback.

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Being Eight Is Really Hard, Okay?!

, , , , , , | Related | August 11, 2021

My husband and I go out to lunch with some of his family members. His grandmother, who is in her nineties and still sharp as a tack, orders a glass of wine. She drinks maybe a third of it before accidentally knocking over the glass. It doesn’t break, but the wine spills into the lap of my cousin-in-law’s daughter, who is about eight.

We flag the server over to alert her. While the server is mopping up the spill, she knocks the wine glass over and the rest of it — you guessed it — splashes the same poor kid AGAIN. We all start laughing at the unfortunate coincidence while the girl sits glumly in her chair, her lap soaking wet.

My cousin-in-law shakes her head.

Cousin-In-Law: “I really hope I don’t get pulled over on the way home. I don’t want to have to explain why my kid smells like booze.”

She didn’t get stopped, thankfully.

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So Much For A Grandma’s Love

, , , , | Related | August 9, 2021

My grandmother has two biological children: my dad and his younger brother. When her sons were in their teens, my grandmother got remarried to a man who also had two sons from his previous marriage that are pretty close in age to my dad and uncle. It’s also important to note here that she has several grandchildren; however, I am her only biological one because I’m an only child and my bio-uncle never had any kids. I was also raised to be very close to the daughter of one of my step-uncles since we’re only a few months apart in age.

When I’m about eight, my grandmother decides to plan a summer trip to visit the Mouse.

Me: “Can we bring [Cousin], too, Maw Maw?

Grandmother: “No, it’s just going to be the two of us.”

Me: “Why not? She’s going to be upset; she’s never been and I’ve already been once. And, wouldn’t it be more fun?”

Grandmother: “Because she’s not really one of us. That’s something you really should start to realize now that you’re getting to be a big boy. I don’t know why [Dad] ever raised you so close to them to begin with. Anyway, I just want to spend some time with my grandson before you stop wanting to spend time with me.”

This was definitely not the last remark she made about my step-cousins, and it wasn’t long after this that she started putting more pressure on me by calling me her “only grandchild,” and she wonders why I never go out of my way to spend time with her anymore. I can’t wait until I can get to a point where I can safely cut her off completely. And, yes, my cousin and I are still very close!

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