Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Attacked By An Idiom

, , , , , | Working | January 9, 2026

I suffer from terribly dry hands in winter, so bad that without constant lotion, my skin cracks and bleeds. Today I forgot to reapply before heading out, and by mid-afternoon, my knuckles and pinkies are a bloody mess.

I pass by a kiosk that sells high-priced skin care products, and the women there are trying to flag down people with samples of lotion in order to pitch their items. I decide I’m desperate enough for a little relief to deal with their sales pitch so I can get a free sample of lotion on my hands.

Me: “I could use some lotion. My hands are really chapped.”

I hold out my hands, expecting her to tear open the sample dose of lotion she’s holding and squirt it onto my skin. However, she takes a look at my cracked and bloody fingers and gasps in horror.

Woman: “Oh no, sir, we need to use our best product for you.”

She puts the lotion packet down and picks up a wide-mouth jar of something coarse and greasy. 

She has me hold my hands over a metal bowl, scoops some stuff out of the jar, and starts rubbing it on my hands.

Woman: “This is made from salt taken from the Dead Sea. Doesn’t it feel amazing?”

Me: *Calmly but emphatically.* “To be honest, it stings like hell because you are literally rubbing salt into my wounds. Could you please wash that off? Quickly?”

Her eyes go wide when she realizes what she’s doing, and she sprays my hands off with a spray bottle as fast as she can. 

She still tried to get me to buy that overpriced oily salt.

Paying The Displayed Price? How Novel!

, , , | Working | January 5, 2026

I am on vacation and with a friend who takes me to a country store in the backwoods of Virginia. He wanted some of their local honey, but this was your classic country store. They had a shelf of used books, which caught my eye, and there was one I’ve been looking for for several years.

Me: “How much for this?”

In the UK, it’s rare enough to usually go for about $10 or more.

Shop Assistant: “$4.”

So, I opened my wallet and pulled out four one-dollar bills. The shop assistant looked at me in amazement.

Shop Assistant: “Aren’t you going to haggle?”

Me: “In my eyes, $4 is a bargain for a second-hand book which would cost at least $10 in the UK, even if you could find a copy.”

She was still disappointed that I didn’t want to haggle! I’ve never before found such a bargain elsewhere in the US!

Partying With Military Precision

, , , , , , | Right | January 1, 2026

When I moonlighted at a pizza delivery place, I worked at a store where half of the delivery area was for an Army base. This was before computer ordering, and even before caller ID or cell phones.

On New Year’s Day, I was scheduled to work the early shift, since my regular job was closed. We expected a slow day. However, we got an order call right as we opened for business at 11 AM.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Store]. This is [My Name]. May I have your phone number for the order?”

A woman speaks, sounding hungover and talking to someone else.

Caller: “…what’s your phone number?… Um, [number].”

Me: “Okay, thank you. What would you like to order?”

Caller: “Umm… we’d like a… medium pepperoni and black olive pizza. How much is that?”

Me: “With tax, that’ll be $10.44. Is this for delivery or pick-up?”

Caller: “Delivery…”

Me: “Okay, what is your address?”

Caller: *To someone else again.* “…what’s your address? …Huh? …Okay, it’s Building 1601, Apartment A?…”

This is an enlisted soldier’s quarters on the army base.

Me: “Okay, so we have a medium pepperoni and black olive pizza going to 1601-A on [Army Base]. The total again is $10.44.”

Caller: “I’m on [Army Base]?”

Me: “That is the address you gave me. Do you want to verify?”

Caller: *To someone else.* ‘We’re on the army base? You’re in the army? PFC!? Oh, s***!”

Me: “Ma’am? Are you completing the order?”

Caller: “…yes, go ahead and send it.”

I finish the order form and send it to our pizza maker on duty. I am also the first delivery driver, so I end up taking the pizza I just handled.

I am at the door of the barracks, and am answered by a very young, probably nineteen-year-old, PFC.

Me: “Hello, I have your pepperoni and black olive pizza. That will be $10.44.”

The PFC is thumbing through a wad of cash, giving me $12 and telling me to keep the change. Behind him, I see a much older woman looking rather chagrined. I’m thinking she got picked up at a New Year’s Eve party and wasn’t too cognizant of who she was hooking up with.

A Trick For The Store, A Treat For The Customer

, , , , , , | Working | November 26, 2025

I work as a cashier and self-checkout attendant at a grocery store. Besides scanning items as a cashier and keeping an eye on people to make sure they don’t steal things as a self-checkout attendant, I also assist customers on the self-checkouts when they need it and fix errors that occur. Today, in the first week of November, I ran into an… interesting… problem.

I noticed that one of the self-checkouts had a customer who was seemingly perplexed about something with the large bag of Halloween candy that he had just scanned, so I walked over to see what he needed help with. The moment I looked at the screen, I realized something was very wrong: he had scanned two items, one of which was $3.99 (not the candy), and the total price before tax was… $1.00?

Looking at the candy price, I understood what had happened easily enough, though the fact that it happened at all was facepalm-worthy. You see, besides coupons, there are two types of discounts at my store. First, the [Store Discount Card] discount, which brings down the price from the “regular” price to the sales price (assuming the item is on sale). The other type is the “manager’s special” markdown, which takes the form of a yellow barcode sticker that lists the marked-down price in big print and the “was” price and “amount off” amounts in smaller print. The way the manager’s special markdown barcodes actually work is this: the barcode is scanned instead of the product’s original barcode, and the register scans it in at the normal price, then adds a negative value as a separate line item for the “amount off,” which brings the amount actually charged to the marked-down price.

What counts as the “normal” price? Well… if you’re not using a [Store Discount Card], that would be the non-sale price. But if you ARE using the discount card, that would be the sale price.

I’m sure the most astute readers have already realized where this is going.

The candy was Halloween candy in November, so it had a manager’s special markdown on it: it was $18.99, marked down to $6.00, for a discount of $12.99. (Post-holiday markdowns are crazy sometimes; this was fairly normal.) So, if all was well, the register should say $18.99 for the candy, then -$12.99 for the markdown.

But it didn’t. That was because the store had ALSO put a sales discount on the candy, which just lowers the “normal” price line to the sales amount. The candy was on sale (post-Halloween, remember) for $10.00. So the first line said the candy was $10.00, and the second line said the markdown was -$12.99.

That’s right: both discounts stacked, bringing the total price of the candy to -$2.99! When their second item, costing $3.99, was added, that made the total price for the entire order $1.00 (plus tax). It was easy enough to fix by going in and voiding it and entering the $6.00 it was supposed to be directly, but I was shaking my head and laughing that it had happened. Thankfully, the customer wasn’t upset about losing their negative cost candy purchase and just found it amusing.

But it doesn’t end there! I reported the incident to my supervisors, who told me to tell the person who puts those manager’s special stickers on. When I did, and told her she should check the other candy that was marked down just in case, she agreed that it was a good idea. There were only two bags left, and they both had the same issue, which she then had to figure out how to fix.

It was early afternoon, and the candy bags had been “sold” all day. I was the first employee to notice. I guess that’s what the store gets for refusing to pay people enough to proactively care about things.

Seeds Of Doubt

, , , | Right | October 3, 2025

A customer holds up a large watermelon and asks me:

Customer: “If I ate this whole watermelon, would I die?”

Me: “I mean… maybe if you tried to swallow a whole one…”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Sorry, just a joke. No, eating that much watermelon wouldn’t kill you. You might be uncomfortably full, though.”

Customer: “I just loooove watermelon, but I don’t want to risk eating too many seeds and becoming one.”

Me: “I… uh, what?”

Customer: *Walks away, humming and singing.* “♫ I love watermelons, I love watermelons… ♫”