Living Under A Pride Rock

, , , , , | Friendly | December 10, 2017

(Jazz band class has let out early, so a bunch of us are gathered in the instrument closet, hanging out. The conversation turns to movies.)

Trombone: “The saddest movie moment when I was a little kid was when Mufasa died.”

Me: “Wait, who?”

Trombone: “Mufasa, from The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh. Never seen it.”

Everyone: “What?!”

Trombone: “No way! That movie was my childhood! You must’ve been living under a rock!”

Alto Sax: “Under a rock, under another rock, under the world, under the universe…”

(While he’s talking, one of the vocalists enters the closet and hears our conversation.)

Vocalist: “Why’re you making fun of [My Name)?”

Alto Sax: “Well, we were talking about movies, and–“

Vocalist: “So? Just because she hasn’t seen some movie—”

Alto Sax: “—she hasn’t seen The Lion King.”

Vocalist: *jaw drops* “Under a rock, under another rock…”

(It’s been a year, and they still joke about me living under lots of rocks. And in case anyone is wondering, no, I still haven’t seen “The Lion King.”)

Nope. Wrong. Please Tai Again.

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2017

(Overheard while waiting in line to order Chinese food:)

Customer: *at counter* “…and then I’ll have the spring rolls.” *pulling out his credit card* “So, how long ago did you move here from China?”

Employee: “Oh, I’ve been here for 11 years. But I’m actually not from China; I’m from Taiwan.”

Customer: “Really? Then why aren’t you working at a Thai restaurant?”

I Know Which Parent Gets A Black Mark

, , , | Friendly | December 7, 2017

(I am a 13-year-old girl. My family goes to a small, very relaxed church. They actually advertise that you can wear anything to church; it doesn’t matter. Being a teenager, I wear mostly band shirts and black everything. I’ve heard some grumblings behind my back about what I wear, but I don’t mind too much. There is a couple and their little girl who are fairly new to our church, are obviously well off, and always show up in expensive suits and dresses. They have been nothing but nice to me so far. I help out a lot with the children services during the sermons. It is Easter and everyone is taking pictures, so I have dressed up with a fancy black skirt and light green blouse and done my hair and makeup. I’ve received a lot of compliments about how I look. After pictures, I am in the children’s room playing with the younger ones. The well-off couple’s little girl, who is about four, comes over and touches my hair.)

Little Girl: “Your hair is so soft and pretty!”

Me: “Thank you! I love your hair, too!”

Little Girl: “Yeah, you actually look nice for once!”

(With that, the little girl ran off to play with someone else. I know she was trying to compliment me, and I also know who she heard that from. Don’t underestimate what you say around your kids!)

Not Insured Against Bad Attitudes

, , , | Healthy | December 4, 2017

(I am currently working front desk at a private practice doctor’s office. I answer phones, schedule patients, do referrals, etc. This exchange occurs over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Doctor]’s office. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Patient: *with a snarky attitude* ”My name is [Patient] and I need to know if my medication has been approved by my insurance.”

(Sometimes certain medications need a prior authorization in order for the pharmacy to dispense the med. I tell the woman no problem and get her info so I can pull up her chart.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, it looks like it’s still being processed right now.”

Patient: *with even nastier attitude* “This is ridiculous. I need my medication.”

(I then look to see what medication she is talking about and it turns out it’s Zantac. This is an over-the-counter medicine that you can buy at any grocery or drug store.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am, but PAs can take anywhere from one to six weeks. Sometimes medications that can be purchased over-the-counter take longer.”

Patient: *yelling* “I KNOW IT’S OVER THE COUNTER BUT I WILL NOT SPEND MONEY WHEN I CAN GET MY INSURANCE TO PAY FOR IT! I NEED MY MEDICATION NOW AND YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.”

(I then forwarded the call to the doctor’s nurse who informed her that she would get to it as soon as possible, but since the patient’s medication was available over-the-counter, she has to work on the others that aren’t. She also gave her a list of stores and other medications that will help her problem if she needs it immediately. Seriously, just go to the store and get some.)

Smaller Text Gets Bigger Chances

, , , , , , | Learning | December 1, 2017

(My freshman biology teacher allows us to bring a single 3×5 card of notes to our final exam. She warns us that she will measure the card, so it had better not be any larger than three inches by five inches. Some of us are more creative than others.)

Student #1: *hands over his card for inspection*

Teacher: *whips out her own 3×5, plops it down in the middle of the student’s, frowns* “As I thought, yours is too big. Thought I was joking?”

(She traces around her card, pulls out her shears, and cuts off all four sides, leaving him with a notecard that is exactly 3×5, but is missing huge chunks of information. She then stamps the card, hands it back to the horrified student, and turns to the next kid.)

Student #2: *smugly* “Here you are!”

(The card looks a mess, with cramped red ink in one direction overlaid by equally small blue writing going perpendicular to the red.)

Teacher: *lays her card over his, and it’s exactly the right size, so she stamps it and hands it back* “Just curious, but how exactly do you plan to read that?”

Student #2: *pulls out an old set of 3D glasses, the kind with one blue lens, and one red lens* “With these! When I look through this side, I can only see the red ink. And when I look through the other, I only see the blue!”

Teacher: “Huh. Well, all right, then. Good luck.” *turns to me* “And your card?”

(I pull out a 3×5 card onto which I have glued meticulously sized printer paper, covered in size one font.)

Me: “I couldn’t get it to print straight onto the card, so I had to print it out and glue it on. But I promise, it’s only one layer, and you can even tape down the edges, if you want.”

Teacher: *checks the size, prises up an edge to see that I’m telling the truth, and gives it her stamp of approval* “You’re good. But it’s going to be awfully hard to read something that small.”

Me: “I should be fine. But, just in case…” *I reach into my pocket and pull out a toy magnifying glass* “It’s only ten times magnification, but that’s plenty.”

Teacher: *starts laughing* “What is with this class?”

(Sadly, most everyone else had fairly standard cards, and maybe two more got trimmed. I don’t know how the others did, but [Student #2] and I aced it.)

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