U Gotta Be Kidding

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I am the customer in this one. I go up to a garden center employee looking for garden staples, but can’t remember what they are called.)

Me: “Excuse me. Could you help me real quick? I am looking for an L-shaped thing—” *makes a U shape with my hand* “—to hold something down in my garden.”

Employee: *looks at me strangely* “You mean like a stake? We have some with a head on them to make them kind of L shaped.” *hands me a flat-headed stake*

Me: “No, that’s not what I am looking for. I know I got them here before. They’re L-shaped…” *makes U shape with hands again* “…and are used to hold things down like soft fences and things.”

Employee: “This is the only L-shaped thing we have for that purpose. What did you need it for again?”

Me: *getting frustrated that I can’t think what they’re called* “It’s an L-shaped piece of metal.” *makes U shape with hands* “That you can push into the ground to hold something down, like a garden lining. I need it to secure a piece of fencing!”

Employee: *gives me a long look, then picks something else out from the shelves* “Is this what you’re looking for?” *holds out garden staples that are a full U-shape*

Me: “YES! That is exactly what I am looking for! I just could not think of staples! Thank you!”

Employee: “Oh, good. You really threw me off with the L-shaped thing.”

Me: “What? These are L-shape… OH!”

Nothing Tastes Better Than “Free”

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I am a cashier at a small cafe bakery, which has no line at the moment. A customer rushes in, phone in hand, and points at an online ad for our free bagel promotion.)

Customer: “Is this legit?!”

Me: “Yes, if you use [Rewards Card].”

(The customer fumbles for his wallet, pulling out his rewards card and handing it to me.)

Me: *swipes card* “Okay, you are eligible for the free bagel. Which bagel would you like?”

(He orders his bagel, and, since it is free, he doesn’t have to pay.)

Customer: “Is that it?!”

Me: “Yup, it’s a free bagel!”

Customer: “Aww, yeah!”

(He took his bagel and walked out, beaming with joy. I never knew anyone could be so happy about a bagel.)

Not The Only Terrorists That Day

, , , , , , , | Working | October 5, 2018

(I work for a home office of a store chain in Virginia, before 9/11. When the planes hit, it is pandemonium in our office, and our boss is a real piece of work. One of our employees has a dentist appointment that morning. He calls in to say he will be spending the day with his family. My boss gives me his work and tells me to run the numbers for product being sold in the coming months. I scale them back 20%.)

Boss: “Why did you scale them back?”

Me: “We just had a terrorist attack. We’re going to war. People are going to have other things on their minds than buying a new [Expensive Toy Product Line].”

Boss: “Run them again, as normal. There is no excuse… none… for our employees to fail to sell products at the normal rates.”

(I just stare at him. This is so cartoonishly disconnected from reality that I can’t believe he said that. He just gives me that dismissive hand wave. Several women have husbands who work for the Pentagon; they keep trying to get a hold of their loved ones, and aren’t getting through. A lot of tissues are being used.)

Boss: *yelling at them* “Get off the phone and get back to work!”

(He is ignored, which makes him angry. During lunch break, he goes through the whole office and takes away everyone’s Internet cables.)

Boss: “This is so that people will stop playing around on the Internet and get some actual work done!”

(When employees found out that they couldn’t get online to check for updates, the entire office turned on him. The boss kept bellowing that they were here to work, and that they needed to put their personal lives on hold while on the clock. He told them that their work ethic needed to improve, and since they couldn’t do anything, anyway, they might as well make themselves useful. I had never seen an entire office turn their backs and walk out like they did that day. He tried to discipline everyone who walked out, but a higher-up intervened. He was quietly retired a short time later.)

Self-Defeating Storage

, , , | Right | October 5, 2018

(A woman calls in a few days after her storage unit has come due. There are only three employees that work in this office: me, my best friend, and my fiancé. My best friend answers the phone.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Self Storage]. This is [Coworker]; how can I help you? Okay, what’s the last name on your account? You handed it to a guy? And you made a payment here? All right, I’m going to look over the account for a moment and give you a call back in around ten minutes.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “This lady said she vacated at the end of July and gave a vacate form to ‘a guy in the office.’ Was [Fiancé] even in last week?”

(My fiancé has been in and out of the office for the past month due to a surgery on his ankle.)

Me: “No, he was still on bed rest that week.”

Coworker: “Okay, so that’s a lie. She says she sent in a payment to our facility but she meant to send it to [Sister Storage Company] where she apparently moved her things to. How do I fix that?”

Me: “Um, let me go and check her unit to make sure she actually vacated before we do anything.”

(I go out to her storage unit and find the door open with the tenant’s items still in the unit. As she came due three days ago, her only option is to stay for an additional month and make sure her things are taken out by the end of August. I relay this information to my friend who calls the tenant back while I leave the room to make lunch. I overhear this from the other room.)

Coworker: “No, I cannot refund the entire payment… Because you already came due for this month and didn’t vacate the unit… Ma’am, when you vacate your unit, your things have to vacate with you.”

(I walk back into the room, laughing into my ravioli.)

Coworker: “She hung up on me!”

Unfiltered Story #122350

, , , , | Unfiltered | October 5, 2018

(I am doing an online/web-call training with my manager and supervisor.  Supervisor is manning the desk and has to leave to answer the front desk phone)

Supervisor:  OMG I just got the dumbest question ever.

Manager:  What Happened?

Supervisor:  Guest is due to checkout and wanted to know if she needed to extend another night if she had to pay for it.

Me:  Let me get this straight, she wants to stay an extra night for free just because she doesn’t want to drive due to the snow that we all knew was coming over 4 days ago.

Supervisor:  Yes, and she got irate when I told her that she had to pay, since she is saying she doesn’t have any extra money.

Manager and Me:  She should have planned ahead better.

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