His Presentation Is Going Under

, , , , | Learning | August 19, 2017

During my freshman year of college, another freshman on campus convinces everyone he is from Australia. He speaks with an accent and everything.

This goes on for almost about a month and a half. He is in Communications 101 that semester, and one of the first speeches you have to give in that class is an informative speech about yourself.

His, I was told later, started out like this: “Well, first of all, I’m not Australian…”

Totally Maki It Up

, , , , , , , | Working | August 17, 2017

(My family decides to visit my sister at college. The city has a few other colleges as well so we were excited to try what the heartland America version of international cuisines we regularly have authentic versions of in our home city would be like — because who doesn’t like to try new things? We decided to try out a hibachi restaurant at the lunch time.)

Server: “We have a lunch special sale on sushi and we are selling it for $2 each.”

Me: “$2? Isn’t that a little cheap?”

Server: “A little, but it’s just a small bundle of rice with a topping wrapped on top.”

Me: *thinking that’s a little expensive for something so small but I’m hoping it will be really interesting or tasty and worth it*

Server: “Here’s the ordering card for the sushi.”

(It has “sushi” written on the front, and “maki” written on the back.)

Me: “What about the back? Are those items for the sale price as well?”

Server: “Yes, like I said, it is all $2.” *she sounds very frustrated with me asking so many questions so I decide it is best to not ask any more questions*

(Deciding that it was technically on sale and this meal was kind of a family treat I decide to get fifteen rolls for what should be a total of $30. Everyone else’s food comes out and the chef does the whole hibachi presentation which is fairly entertaining. Finally, after everyone else’s food was made and eaten, a plate of sushi comes out to me. I start eating and then they start bringing over plate upon plate of food. I ask the girl who was my server what is going on and she just rolls her eyes and said I got what I ordered. I am a little surprised to get so much food but decide to accept my good fortune. Then the bill comes to the table — for over a $100 just for my food! Clearly they ordered too much food and charged me way too much. I try to talk to the waitress about it again, but she just rolls her eyes at me and walks away from the table. I finally get up and looked around the store until the manager comes up to us and scolds us for not paying our bill yet.)

Me: “We can’t pay our bill yet. We’ve been trying to find you. There’s a major problem with this bill.”

Manager: “I don’t see what’s wrong. You ordered a ton of food and you have a big bill. That’s how it works.”

(My dad just stares at him, and then I try to explain.)

Me: “I did not order this much food. I ordered 15 small ‘bundles of rice and toppings’ as explained by your server which the server assured us many times would only cost $2 each.”

Manager: “No, she told you that only the front of the ordering form was $2 each. The back of the form was for rolls and they cost full price.”

Dad: “We all heard her say absolutely everything on both sides of the form was only $2 each. We will not pay extra because she didn’t explain it well.”

Manager: “[Waitress], did you tell them all of this was only $2?”

Waitress: “No, I explained the specials to them and said only the front.”

Dad: “We literally have a whole table of people and everyone heard you say everything on the ordering card cost only the special price.”

Manager: “Well, I can see you think something was messed up, but this is your bill and you have to pay it. Really, did you think we would charge that little for so much food? I couldn’t run a business that way!”

Me: “Frankly, it’s not my job to understand how your business works and look out for your bottom line. It’s my job to follow information given by servers and order accordingly, and your server gave us inaccurate information. Now, are you going to fix this, or aren’t you?”

Manager: “I can see you are upset that you misunderstood what my server said, but I am not giving you a discount because you clearly can’t hear well. You are either paying for your food or we are calling the police for theft of products.”

Me: “You have to be kidding me. Your store outright lied and is now trying to extort us for money.”

Dad: “It’s not worth it. We’ll pay the bill this time but we’ll warn everyone that this store is dishonest.”

(In the end, since we had to pay for the food anyway, I brought the extra pieces of sushi home with me and ate sushi every day for a week. I got grounded by my parents because I didn’t know better to expect the server was lying and cost them so much money. I still am mad at that server for outright lying so many times to me and my parents and the manager to their faces!)

He Needs Your Clothes, Your Unwavering Faith, And Your Motorcycle

, , , | Related | August 16, 2017

(I live in a city that is the home of a very well known evangelical leader. I am driving home from church with my family when we spot a custom license plate and try to decipher it.)

Husband: “High school comeback?”

Me: “Oh! I bet it’s ‘He’s coming back.’”

Daughter: “Who’s coming back?”

Husband: “Jesus.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Or The Terminator.”

The Daily Grind

, , , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(I serve in a restaurant that offers a little of everything. On this Tuesday morning, I am physically and mentally exhausted as I’d gotten off the night shift Monday night at 10:30 pm. So, I am the one Not Always Working. This is my second table of the day, around noon.)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name] and I’ll be taking care of you this evening…”

(The three guests look confused but not angry so I quickly amend what I said.)

Me: “This morning…”

(More confusion with just a hint of grins all the way around.)

Me: “This afternoon…”

Guest #1: *with a smile* “Aw, sometime today, right?”

(Guests #2 and #3 start laughing and even I laugh at myself.)

Me: “Yeah, sometime today! I’m sorry, I worked the night shift last night and I’m still a little tired.”

Guest #2: “It’s okay, honey.”

Me: “Thank you. So, can I get you started with something to drink?”

Guest #1: “Will it be out today?”

Me: *grinning* “I promise it will.”

(The rest of my shift went off without a hitch. That particular group gave me a pretty good tip and were still joking with me even as they were leaving. One of my favorite groups of customers so far!)

A Naked Business Proposal

, , , , , | Learning | August 13, 2017

We are watching the most recent episode of a business show in my marketing class, where investors nicknamed after certain large marine predators hear business proposals and invest in them.

The class watches for the first few minutes as a company that does wine and art classes sets up a demo on portrait painting for the investors. All of the sudden, a guy in a bathrobe walks in on screen. It becomes clear to the class that this is going to be nude painting.

My marketing teacher SPRINTS to his computer and quickly changes the episode. I’ve never laughed so hard in his class.

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