Hair-Curlingly Bad Behavior

, , , , | Friendly | February 15, 2018

(I’m just finishing checking out at a grocery store and I have my son with me. He’s just under two years old, loves everyone, and has very distinctive blonde curls in his hair. He is sitting happily in the seat of the shopping cart. I am in the process of paying when I hear an older woman’s voice behind me.)

Woman: “Oh, don’t you just have the most amazing curls?!”

(I turn around and see her with both of her hands in my son’s hair.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, please don’t touch my son.”

Woman: *not removing her hands or even looking at me* “But his curls are just so delicious!”

Me: “Thank you, but I’m not comfortable with strangers touching his hair.”

Woman: “He doesn’t mind! Do you? Do you? Can I have a curl? Can I?” *pinches one of his curls between her fingers*

Me: “He’s two. I’ve asked you nicely not to touch him. Please stop.”

(At this point she finally takes her hands off him.)

Woman: *huffy* “Well, there’s no need to be rude about it.”

You’re About To Get Sides-Eye

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(I’m cleaning up around the cashier station while the following transaction takes place with my coworker. Our premium sides — baked potatoes, loaded baked potatoes, side salads, and mac and cheese — are either 29 or 99 cents extra. A customer orders a meal that comes with two sides.)

Coworker: “Your sides, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll have green beans and a baked potato.”

Coworker: “The baked potato will be 29 cents extra; is that okay?”

Customer: “Since when?! I always come here, and I’m always allowed to switch out the fries with a baked potato, because I don’t want fries!”

Coworker: “Since forever, ma’am. You’re allowed to choose any two sides you want, but our premium sides have always been 29 cents extra.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, because whenever I come here I always get a baked potato in place of fries, and they never charge me for it! Get me your manager, now!”

(My coworker calls our manager to come up. Keep in mind that whenever someone asks for a premium side and it is rung up, it automatically charges 29 cents to the bill.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee is trying to charge me for something I have never paid for. I always get a baked potato in place of fries and have never been charged for it. This must be new or something.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we have always charged extra for premium sides. That is nothing new.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been coming here for 15 years, and I can assure you I’ve never paid extra for anything.”

Manager: “I’ve been working here for a little over a year now, and we’ve charged extra for those sides since before I was even here.”

Customer: “I want the number to corporate to complain, because this is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again, because you’re trying to cheat me out of my money.”

Manager: “Of course. Go ahead. I’ll write it down for you.”

(My manager writes it down and hands it to the customer, who then proceeds to call corporate right there at the counter. On her way out, she stops by me while I’m sweeping.)

Customer: “You! You took my order before, and you never charged me extra for it.”

(She finally walked out, and my manager asked what she said to me. I told her and went back to working. The customer was on the phone in her car for 30 minutes after she walked out. Just sitting in the parking lot. Who gets mad over 29 cents?)

Not Even Able To Volunteer An Excuse

, , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(My town has an annual fair that has games, rides, and shows, and runs largely due to the work of community volunteers. My friends and I are looking for a particular show and see someone who appears to be a worker.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Can you point us to where the next water show is setting up?”

Man: “Oh, my God. NO, I cannot help you, and here’s why: I DO NOT WORK HERE! People have been coming up to me all day and asking me questions, and I’m just trying to relax with my family. What is wrong with you people?”

(After about five more minutes of him yelling at us, he finally asks:)

Man: “WHY DID YOU THINK I, OF ALL PEOPLE, WOULD HAVE THE ANSWER?”

Me: “Well… You’re wearing a shirt that says ‘[Town]-Day Fair’ on the front, and ‘Volunteer’ on the back. The same one that all the other volunteers are wearing.”

Man: *blushing bright red* “Oh. I, uh, I volunteered last year and kept the shirt. I guess I didn’t realize that when I was getting dressed.”

(Later that day, my friend saw him waiting in a line and pointed him out to me. He’d turned his shirt inside out.)

Card And Barred

, , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(I am a supervisor in the customer service office for an amusement park. A guest would like her $15 for parking refunded, and my associate calls me over to handle the transaction.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do you need your parking refunded?”

Guest: “I have a card! You don’t have to pay with a card! I get free admission with this!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Please let me see your card for a moment.”

(The guest hands over a card that is very clearly not a company card.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is a United States National Parks senior pass, not a [amusement park] pass.”

(She paid that day.)

Allow Me To Illustrate The Point

, , , , , , | Healthy | February 1, 2018

I work as a medical illustrator, drawing injuries and surgeries for legal purposes — used as courtroom exhibits, mediation materials, etc. Most of the time, the cases that cross my desk are the same run-of-the-mill kinds over and over, but every once in a while, we get very interesting and challenging cases to illustrate.

My most memorable case involved a man with a tumor that had grown in almost the exact middle of his head, sort of at the very back of his throat, near the base of his skull. It had grown monstrously and required a surgery to remove it to improve quality of life. But the only way to get to it required some extreme measures, and I’ll never forget the surgeon’s notes in which he described the procedure. This is a bit gruesome, if you’re squeamish.

It required lifting away the bottom of the face from the skull and cutting the mandible — jaw bone — down the middle, then prying the jaw apart to either side. While the surgeon provided no sketches to help me visualize this, he made it clear enough when he mentioned it was commonly known as “the Predator cut.”

They also then removed half the jawbone. It was surprising to learn how they reconstruct the face afterwards; they simply carve up segments from your fibula — the small bone in your lower leg — and make a new L-shaped jaw out of it!

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