My Printer Is Definitely On The Dark Side

, , , , , , | Working | February 10, 2021

I am in the waiting area of a small office. The office manager is changing the toner in the copier.

Office Manager: “We meet again, copier. Now, having changed your toner multiple times, I have become the master. Do not try to resist me. Feel the power of the printing-things-correctly side.”

I am trying desperately not to laugh, but as she closes the toner niche, I call out.

Me: “Use the Force; trust your feelings!”

Without even turning around, she makes the Jedi mind-trick gesture at the copier as she hits restart. As it buzzes back to life, she grins at me.

Office Manager: “I used to threaten it, but apparently, it speaks Jedi!”

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Being Sour Grapes, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2021

I’m a personal shopper. We have one customer who is never happy, no matter what we do. Unfortunately, corporate won’t let us ban her. She is the type who will say anything to get free stuff from us. To stay ahead of her, we have to have a manager check over her order every single time. She still tries occasionally to scam us, but no one believes her now if she says there was a problem. We usually can calm her down, but when she calls this time, she won’t listen.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you gave me mouldy grapes!”

Me: “Oh? Can I have your name, please?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer].”

Me: *Internally groans* “All right. You said the grapes were mouldy?”

She goes on a rant while I look up her order.

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. If you want, I can pull another bag of grapes for you, and you can come back any time to pick them up.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want that.”

Me: “Okay… Well, I can give you a credit for the grapes, then.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want that.”

Me: “Okay, please hold while I get a manager.”

I place her on hold before she can say anything. I track down a manager, who talks to her for almost twenty minutes.

Manager: “We’re going to replace her grapes and give her a $10 credit.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I offered her! She said she didn’t want either!”

Manager: “I don’t know.”

Me: “I doubt her grapes were even mouldy. Maybe one grape in the middle got crushed somewhere in transport, but no one would ever give a customer mouldy anything.”

Manager: “Yeah, I know. You guys are really good with your online customers. She’s crazy, but she hopefully won’t complain to corporate now.”

Me: “She just wanted free stuff.”

Being Sour Grapes

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You Disabled Your Service Yourself

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2021

I work as a personal shopper. We have this one customer who has lied and scammed us for nearly a year. She normally shops every other week, and she does this every time. We know she is doing it, too, but we cannot get her banned without corporate’s approval.

Our hours for pickup are between 10:00 am and 8:00 pm. When you place your order, you pick when you want to pick up your order. This customer purposefully comes in well after pickup hours — think 3:00 am — to try and pick up her order.

The store used to be a twenty-four-hour location. The official reason this stopped was that the cost of an overnight cashier was too much. Unofficially, our overnight stocking manager, who has no clue how our system works, was tired of dealing with this customer. Multiple times she has tried to pick her groceries up in the middle of the night, despite being told she has to come during the day when someone who knows how the system works is there.

If she does come during the day, she purposefully comes after our pickup window closes when all the shoppers are gone for the day. The customer service clerks may or may not know how to ring up an online shopping order, depending on how new they are. She does this so they have to ring everything up under the grocery key, which means she can use her EBT card to pay for everything. Almost half her order does not qualify for EBT and the shopping fee also does not qualify for EBT, but this way she can pay for everything with EBT.

She also waits days and days, sometimes more than a week, to pick her stuff up, meaning all the perishable fresh produce, fresh meats, and fresh-cut deli items go bad, and she demands replacements.

We have a policy that says if you do not come and pick your groceries up within twenty-four hours, we will put everything back on the shelves. The first time we enforce this policy, she complains to corporate and makes sure to mention how she is disabled and couldn’t pick her groceries up that day because, “I have a disability and I sleep all day and they’re just discriminating against me because I’m disabled.”

After that, we have to call her every day, and we cannot put her order back after twenty-four hours. Every day, she calls back hours later and swears up and down that she will be in to pick up her things before our department closes at 8:00. We sometimes call her before we shop to see if she will actually show up at her scheduled pickup time. Time and again, she swears she will be there on time. Half the time, she never shows up at all.

When the store stops operating twenty-four hours, she complains the first time she can’t get in, again claiming discrimination. Luckily, corporate tells her no, she can’t get in after closing. 

After months of begging and presenting evidence for our case, we finally get her banned from our location. We do not know she has been banned until she tries to place an order and can’t and she calls the store. Our lead shopper handles the call.

Customer: “Why can’t I place an order?”

Coworker: “It’s nothing personal, but because you never come to pick up your groceries on time, we lose money shopping for you. That’s why corporate put a block on your account.”

Customer: “But I love this service!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “It’s because I’m disabled, isn’t it?”

Coworker: “No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Don’t lie.”

Coworker: “I’m not lying. Because you’ve proven over and over how unreliable you are, we can’t trust you to pick your stuff up. When you don’t pick it up, half your items go bad and we have to throw them away instead of reselling them. Again, it’s not personal; it was corporate’s decision.”

Customer: “It’s discrimination! I’ll complain to corporate!”

Coworker: “Okay, but they’re the ones who put the block on your account to begin with.”

Customer: “You’re the only store that doesn’t require people to pay in advance, which is why I can use this!”

Coworker: “Well, honestly, in about a month, that’s going to change, and we will require people to pay online before they can submit an order.”

Customer: “That’s not fair.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but there’s nothing I can do.”

This circled around a few times, a manager had to get involved, and she did not like it when the manager backed us up and said we would no longer shop her orders. She did try to complain to corporate, but by this time, our regional manager was extremely familiar with her tricks and they did not back down.

We do not miss her as a customer.

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Not Having A Greet Day

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2021

I work as a personal shopper. One of my main job duties is calling customers. This is very hard when I get laryngitis. I’m still walking and feeling otherwise fine, so I go to work. All day long, I’m practically yelling over the phone so customers can hear me. Most customers hear me just fine or don’t answer so I just leave a voicemail. Then, I get this customer.

Me: “Hello, Ms. [Customer #1]?”

Customer #1: “Hello?”

Me: *Trying to speak louder* “Hi, Ms. [Customer #1], can you hear me?”

Customer #1: “Hello?”

Me: *Trying to speak even louder* “Hello, can you hear me?”


Me: “Hey, [Coworker], could you please call this customer for me?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

She calls the customer.

Coworker: “Hi, is this Ms. [Customer #1]?” *Pause* “[Store], online shopping.” *Pause* “No, [Store] online shopping. We finished picking your order and wanted to review it with you…” *Reviews the order and hangs up* “Yeah, she thought you were a scammer.”

Me: “Peachy.”

When customers come to pick up their order, they push the call button outside, and it connects to our phone directly. Whoever answers the phone will then deliver the groceries to the car. I have the phone currently. Again, so far, there haven’t been any problems with people not hearing me, despite the laryngitis. All the customers know that we ask for their last name when we answer, and even if there’s interference — like the car’s engine is running — and they can’t hear us ask, they still give us their names over the speaker. I am walking by the customer service desk when the phone rings.

Me: “Hi, can I have your last name, please?”


Me: “Hello?”

Customer #2: “Hello?”

Me: *Yelling* “Hi, can I have your last name, please?”

Customer #2: “Hello?”

I hand the phone over to the clerk, who has been watching me.

Clerk: “Last name, please… Be right out.”

Me: “Thanks. I mean, it’s not like they don’t know what to do by now.”

My coworkers understand that I have no voice and don’t force me to talk. Customers in the store, on the other hand, aren’t so sympathetic, even after hearing me speak. I try to greet everyone I see like I’m supposed to, but I don’t put in much effort to make myself heard. If they have a question, they will stop me.

Customer #3: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer #3: “It’s very rude to not greet customers in your store.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I did say hello, but I understand if you didn’t hear me. As you can tell, my voice is shot today. Did you need help finding something?”

Customer #3: “No, you were just so rude. You need to greet everyone!”

Me: “Okay.”

I walked away. That customer did try to complain to my manager, but the manager was like, “She has laryngitis!” Some people.

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Shut Up And Take My Money! Part 2

, , , , , | Working | January 26, 2021

My wife and I have separate accounts and use different banks for personal and business purposes. This is for businesses that she owns and that I own. For tax reasons, it’s easier if they are in different banks. 

The vast majority of our transactions are done online — credit card acceptance, direct deposits, etc.  

One fine day, I sell one of my work vehicles; it’s a business expense. I sell it online and the buyer pays cash. It’s not a lot of money, just $1200.

My wife and both have regular deposits of $1000 to $5000, often multiple times a month, into our business accounts, and then we transfer money to our personal accounts. The accounts are healthy, and there has never been an overdraft or any thoughts of “fraud” or anything. My wife and I BOTH have credit cards at her bank, but only she has a business checking, personal checking, and a savings account.

I decide to make the CASH deposit from the sale of the truck into my wife’s account. I have her debit card, PIN, and deposit slip signed by her, and we share the same last name and address. I am the beneficiary on her accounts, and she on mine.

The bank flatly refuses to accept the money.

Teller: “There might be money laundering going on.”

I leave the bank pissed off. I drive home, get my wife, and drive back to the bank. The same tellers are at the counter. They smile at her and make small talk. They ignore me. My wife asks about the attempted transaction. 

Teller: “We were worried about money laundering.”

Right in front of me. 

My wife smiles and nods.

Wife: “Can I please speak to the branch manager?

She came out and my wife produced her driver’s license and told her to close ALL the accounts: personal checking, personal savings, business checking, and credit cards. The cards were paid off anyway, and my wife wanted a certified check. Now. 

We’re not talking about a game-changer for the bank — less than $50,000 — but the backtracking that they did to try to keep the accounts was laughable! 

In the end, about ninety minutes later, we walked out of the bank with cashier’s checks in hand and a very red-in-the-face teller and manager!

We still get emails about reopening accounts now and then.

Shut Up And Take My Money!

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