Trying In Vein

, , , , , | Healthy | June 19, 2018

(My mom has notoriously small veins, which I have inherited. This happens while I’m getting my blood drawn. My dad is there with me.)

Nurse: *seems to be having trouble finding a vein, tries looking in many different places* “Okay, I think we’re going to end up taking from your hand rather than your arm, because that might be the only place that it will work.”

Dad: “[My Name], do you have really small veins like Mom?”

Nurse: “No, she doesn’t have any veins at all!”

Stupidity That Nets Out

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2018

(I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Cashier: “Okay, your change is 96 cents.”

Me: “Wait, if I give you a dollar, will you give me a dollar back?”

Cashier: “…”

Me: *turning red after sudden realization* “Oh, my God, never mind. Ignore me.”

Cashier: *laughs* “It’s okay. I thought that was supposed to be a trick question.”

Third Time Afortunado

, , , , , , , | Working | June 12, 2018

(I am working in a department store around the holidays. In the days leading to Christmas, we are slammed with customers every day. Although my name is uncommon, I somehow end up working with two other girls who have the same name. I work registers, one works stock in the back, and another is a shift manager, and we all look very different from each other. I’m checking out customers when my coworker tugs my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: *gestures towards customers in front of her* “Can you explain the return policy to them?”

Me: “Why? You’ve been here longer than me.”

Coworker: “But I don’t speak Spanish.”

(I’m Native American, so it’s a pet peeve of mine when people assume I’m Mexican because it leads to other insults. So, naturally, I get offended.)

Me: “And what? Because I have dark skin, I must speak Spanish?”

Coworker: “What? No!” [Store Manager]—” *who is not working that day* “—told me you spoke Spanish.”

Me: “No. I don’t. Are you sure you have the right [My Name]?”

Coworker: “Hmm.” *speaks into walkie* “Hey, [Assistant Manager], which [My Name] speaks Spanish?”

Assistant Manager: “Uh… Honestly, I don’t know. Page [My Name #2] up. She’s on the floor right now.”

(We page [My Name #2] to come to the register.)

My Name #2: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Do you speak Spanish?”

My Name #2: “No. Why? Who told you that?”

(It turns out that the store manager told the other managers that [My Name] could speak Spanish, but failed to mention which of the three could. Of course, it ended up being the one who worked stock in the back and didn’t have a walkie.)

Wish You Could Restore Customers To Factory Settings

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(I work in the bakery department of a grocery store. To meet with supply and demand, all of our dough is made at a factory and sent to us. I often have to explain to customers that we are not a scratch bakery. This customer just isn’t getting it.)

Customer: “Can you make me a bread without [ingredient]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the dough comes to us from a factory.”

Customer: “Tell the people in the back that I want one special.”

Me: “All of our dough is made in a factory and shipped to us.”

Customer: “Can you contact them and tell them that there’s a customer who wants one that’s specially made?”

Me: “I can’t. The dough is made in a factory.”

Customer: “No. Just tell them that I want one that doesn’t have [certain ingredient].”

Me: “They are not able to do that.”

Customer: “Call them and tell them that I want one specially made.”

Me: “It’s made in a big container in a factory. Not by hand. All of our dough is made in a big factory.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s made in a factory. Never mind.”

(Face, meet palm. Palm, meet face.)

The Law Doesn’t Take Breaks So You Can

, , , , , | | Legal | June 9, 2018

(I’m scheduled as a supervisor for a future evening. Anyone scheduled to work that evening that is going to be working different hours than they are scheduled needs to get my approval first. I’ve also been short-tempered lately.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, can minors work double shifts?”

Me: “Legally you can work more than four hours if there is a break between them, I believe.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, because [Coworker #2] wants me to work his afternoon shift but I’m already working the shift immediately after it.”

Me: “So it wouldn’t work without having a break in between. Why doesn’t [Coworker #2] just swap with you?”

Coworker #1: “I don’t know, but I’ll be fine. As long as I can get something to eat I think I’ll be fine.”

Me: “I didn’t ask if you’ll be fine. Frankly, I like staying out of jail far more than I care about anything to do with you.”

Coworker #1: “Well, then… sorry for giving you trouble.”

Me: “It’s the whole legal bit I was mentioning earlier.”

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