That’s Probably What The Salesman Told Her

, , , , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(My family is at my grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. My uncle opens the freezer to get something, and finds a hot pad underneath a container of ice cream.)

Uncle: “What’s this?”

Grandmother: “It’s a hot pad.”

Uncle: “What’s it doing in the freezer?”

Grandmother: “Since it keeps the table from getting burned when you put hot things down on it, I keep it in the freezer so the ice cream won’t get freezer-burned.”

(My mother looked at my uncle and me with a death glare, and under her breath said, “Don’t you dare say a word”.)

The Doctor Must Have Been Sleeping On The Study

, , , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(My son stops breathing when he’s asleep, and has been seeing doctors regularly his whole life for it. They have no idea why it happens, but it definitely does, so we monitor it closely. The following happens with a doctor he’s seen at least every six months for years, when we go in to ask if there are more tests we could run.)

Doctor: “Why are you guys here today? It’s a little early for his next check-up.”

Me: “We want to know if there are more tests we can run. I know we talked about genetic testing last year, and we’re interested in going that route.”

Doctor: “Genetic testing? Who did you talk to about that? Why would you want to do it?”

Me: “Erm… You’re the one who suggested it last year. We got it all approved with insurance and had the paperwork ready to go, when you decided it wasn’t going to be worth it to do it, and to try something else.”

Doctor: “I don’t remember talking to you about genetic testing, and I don’t know why I’d suggest it. His last sleep study looked really good.”

Me & Husband: “WHAT?!”

Doctor: “I mean, there are still instances of the breathing issue happening, but they’re well within normal range.”

Husband: “Five months ago, you told us he wasn’t getting better, and that we couldn’t stop any treatment. You even sent us to another specialist then, too.”

Doctor: “Well, you can’t expect me to remember what I told you that long ago. Genetic testing is expensive, and a lot to do on someone so young, so let’s just run another sleep study and keep doing what we’ve been doing.”

(We left that appointment furious, and immediately called his pediatrician for a referral so we could get a second opinion. We still have no answers, but we like his new doctor a lot!)

You Need A Cough-Drop Doughnut

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2017

(I work in a small town bakery. Only two workers are present for the evening shift. Each time we hear the door chime, signifying a customer has entered, my coworker and I do rock/paper/scissors to see who has to help the customer. I lose this time.)

Me: “Welcome to [Bakery]! How may I help you?

Customer: *cough* “I’d like a dozen doughnuts.” *cough* “Six glazed, three chocolate cake, two apple fritters… no, no.” *cough* “Not that glazed doughnut! No, to the right. Down one more. Yes, that one.” *cough*  “Then I want that one. No, the other one.”

(There are about 60 doughnuts on a tray, and it’s very hard to see where she is tapping the glass from my side. She continues to be this picky about every single doughnut in the entire dozen, all while her coughing worsens.)

Me: “Will that be all for you?”

Customer: *begins coughing so hard, she can’t speak, she only nods*

Me: “That will be [total].”

(As she hands me the money, she coughs up a HUGE piece of mucus onto half the money and part of the countertop. I stand there, frozen and mortified.)

Customer: *very happily* “Keep the change!”

(She grabs the doughnuts and rushes out. I am still standing there, staring at the counter and money in my hand. My coworker and another customer have witnessed all of this.)

Me: “What do I do?”

Coworker: “She’s your customer. You clean it up.”

(I did. She became a regular and was always coughing like that. I refused to help her, rock/paper/scissors or not!)

Whipping Up The Fort

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(It is the night before Thanksgiving.)

Manager: *over intercom* “[Bagger #1] to the dairy.”

Bagger #2: “Calling him to fill the dairy? The whipping cream is low. I’ll fill the whipping cream.”

Manager: “Hey, [Bagger #1], can you fill the dairy again? It’s getting low.”

Bagger #2: “I’ll fill the whipping cream!”

Manager: “You really like doing that, huh?”



When The Bell Rings The Penny Drops

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

Coworker: “Out of curiosity, what is the really loud bell in the back room?”

Me: “You mean the doorbell?”

Coworker: “Doorbell? Doorbell! [Coworker #2] is trapped outside!”

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