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This… Is… Spyware!, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2022

I am designing a website for a client. His company provides a piece of software and I am creating a link page for it.

Client: “So, how do we maximize the number of people who can download the software?”

Me: “Well, we have it prominently featured on the main page, plus you have versions for both Windows and Mac. We could add a pop-up to—”

Client: “No, that’s still not a guaranteed download. I want a 100% conversion rate from site visitors to software download.”

Me: “That’s not possible. No one gets that conversion rate.”

Client: “I thought that was what I was paying you for?”

Me: “You’re paying me to design your website, not to guarantee you a certain number of downloads.”

Client: “Can’t we just bypass giving them an option and just have the software download in the background without them noticing?”

I take a moment.

Me: “Do you realize what you just asked?”

Client: “Can you do it or not?”

Me: “I won’t. What you’re asking me to do is essentially spyware and that’s illegal.”

Client: “Can’t we worry about that later?”

Me: “Sure, from prison!”

I finished the project without breaking any laws for this client. I still don’t think he understood.

Related:
This… Is… Spyware!

He Was Looking For The Extra-Happy Meal

, , , , , , | Right | September 23, 2022

I work for a fast food joint. We serve burgers and sandwiches. One popular “menu hack” is to order a cheeseburger without the patty to get a grilled cheese. We have the freedom to put extra cheese on these sandwiches, and the owner of the franchise encourages it.

We’re a bit short-staffed today, but it’s also an abnormally quiet day, so I’m holding down both the drive-thru and the lobby.

A guy comes through our drive-thru.

Customer: “Cheeseburger, hold the patty, with tomato, no onion, and extra lettuce.”

Simple, right? We prep it for him and serve it to him. The guy tips us $20. That’s a bit weird.

A little later he SLAMS his way into the lobby.

Customer: “Hey! Where are my drugs, man?!”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Customer: “My drugs! I put in the order correctly! You took my $20. Where are my drugs?!”

Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “Bulls***. Ryan said that if I ordered a cheeseburger, hold the patty, with tomato, no onions, and extra lettuce, you’d slip me a baggy of weed. I paid you $20 for that baggy of weed!”

Me: “No one named Ryan even works here! I don’t know anyone named Ryan! I don’t understand what you’re going on about!”

I start hyperventilating. I don’t know if the guy is armed or not, but I have a sinking feeling he probably is. This gives him pause. He looks around the restaurant suspiciously.

Customer: *Sheepishly* “Oh. Wrong place.”

There are a few moments while he stands there thinking then.

Customer: “I still want my $20 back, though, you hear?”

Me: “I need a manager to refund something like that, and you’d have to explain the whole story to him. Do you really want to do that? He might call the cops or something.”

“Hopefully,” I thought to myself, “he already has.”

The guy turned around and left. After he was out the door, I walked to the back and demanded someone come and take over the front for a bit, as I desperately needed to go on break.

The cops did show up later, I gave a short statement, and the manager showed them the video from our security feed. I never heard anything more about it.

I wonder what place he mistook us for?

No Tequila Sunrise For That Bottle

, , , , , , , | Right | September 22, 2022

I’m an assistant manager at a huge family-owned liquor store in Texas that has now been around for sixty years. I have to call out on a Saturday because of family issues, so I’m not there to deal with this issue firsthand. Since we legally have to be closed in my state on Sunday, I don’t hear about this until the following Monday.

Cashier: “So, what happened with the crotch goblin theft?”

Me: “The what now?!

Cashier: “Oh, didn’t [Store Manager] call you and let you know?”

Me: “Obviously not!”

Cashier: “Yeah, turns out we caught some lady that was shoplifting after the fact, but we couldn’t prove anything at the time because she shoved the bottle of [Expensive Tequila] under her dress and up herself and walked right out! We didn’t catch it until [Store Manager] saw it on camera!”

I can understand shoplifting food, medicine, baby formula, or something like that, but there’s no reason you need that tequila THAT badly.

An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 27

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2022

In 2021, our state imposed a mask requirement but later reduced its scope to the unvaccinated. When the state announced the complete repeal of the requirement, the city imposed a functionally identical order to replace it. This led to a lot of people attempting to enter the mall in violation of the order, because the state’s repeal got far more publicity than the city order, and because many patrons were not local (we’re on a major interstate and get a lot of visitors off the highway) and so wouldn’t have been aware of news in the city.

Some customer service people (not the actual security guards) moved to the entrances and began demanding the little CDC vaccine cards from anyone not wearing a mask. Since our mall location is fairly near an entrance, we got to hear a gazillion variations on the same conversation.

Employee #1: “You can’t enter the building without either showing proof of vaccination or putting on a mask.”

Customer #1: “No, the governor repealed that. I don’t carry a mask anymore!”

Employee #1: “[City] has a health order about it, separate from what the governor repealed. If you don’t have a mask and can’t show proof of vaccination, you must leave the property.”

Customer #1: “I don’t want the vaccine! It’s my choice, and you trying to coerce me into undergoing a medical procedure I don’t want is unethical!”

Employee #1: “One of the consequences of your choice is that you’re still subject to the mask requirement, then.”

Some of these people managed to track down masks, and others decided to leave. Employees at the individual shops in the mall tended to get an earful from the former group. It’s not as if we had any say in the health department order, or in the mall’s enforcement of it, but having our customers come in already annoyed did not make us huge fans of either. Just being a sympathetic ear was usually enough to mollify the customers.

And then, one afternoon, it just stopped. It seemed oddly quiet but took maybe half an hour to figure out that the door guards had abandoned their posts, and the arguments and shouty customers had ceased. The health order hadn’t been rescinded that we’d heard of, so it was something of a mystery as to why.

The next day, we heard from the manager, by way of mall management, the following exchange, which was blamed for the end of the enforcement procedure.

Customer #2: “I don’t want the vaccine! It’s my choice.”

Employee #2: “One of the consequences of your choice is that you’re still subject—”

Customer #2: “I’m going shopping one way or another, but I brought this with me.”

The customer shows the handle of a pistol.

Customer #2: “You can choose to try and stop me, but remember that your choices have consequences, too.”

The employee decided that discretion was the better part of valor and did not try to stop the customer. The actual security forces were alerted, but with the description being “white guy in a tan jacket and jeans,” they didn’t have any luck locating him.

The police weren’t interested as no direct threats were uttered, menacing is a fairly low-grade misdemeanor that doesn’t usually merit much investigative effort, and displaying the handle of the weapon didn’t constitute brandishing. Mall management made the decision to scrap their hard-nosed enforcement policy as a direct result of the comment and replaced the doorkeepers’ stations with simple signage.

Related:
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 26
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 25
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 24
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 23
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 22

STOP. TOUCHING. THE EMPLOYEES.

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Cas1425 | September 21, 2022

I’m a seventeen-year-old girl working for a chain craft store. I’m on my lunch break shopping as a normal customer, with no uniform or identification that says I work there. This man comes running up to me.

Man #1: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, but technically not right now, since I’m on my lunch and not being paid.”

He proceeds to ignore my entire sentence. He grabs me by the arm. This man is probably in his early thirties, and as I stated before, I am seventeen and I’m a very small female. He begins to drag me to the register.

Man #1: “Your cashier needs help, and I’ve been waiting for my change for five minutes now!”

Me: “Please remove your hand from me before I drop these candles.”

To his benefit, he does. We make it up to the front, and there is a long line with one cashier working. I proceed to just page over the PA system for backup and go back to my lunch break.

The next thing I know, the man’s friend comes up to me and also grabs me by the arm to drag me to the registers.

Me: “What is with you and your friend and your need to put your hands on me?! Now please remove them before I get someone to escort you out!”

My manager then approaches me.

Manager: “Can you please hop on a register for just a couple of minutes? You’ll get an extra five for your lunch.”

Annoyed, I do what they ask and hop on a register. I start ringing up the guy who grabbed me. He has a $3,000 basket of sewing lights and Visa gift cards, and he pulls out a wad of cash. I take the cash from him, and it definitely doesn’t feel right, so I put it through our bill readers and mark the bills with the counterfeit marker. Both indicate that these are fake bills.

I hand back all the money he gave me.

Me: “This money is fake. You need to leave the store, and you are not welcome back. I will be informing my manager, and they will decide whether a police report needs to be filed.”

The guy fast-walked out the door. l told my manager everything and told them I’d be needing fifteen minutes more lunch time since the guy took up eighteen minutes of my time and wasted them. I didn’t get the extra lunch time.